First step back. The only thing you have mentioned is reading her MySpace and seeing 4 letter words regarding you. Has she befriended you, or do you have her password? Why are you reading this? This isnt quite the same as calling these names to your face. He should be the one establsihing disclipline.

I think a lot of it depends on how you came across this on myspace, and on what your SD's intentions were. Did she intend for you to read it? Are you one of her friends on myspace?

I guess what I'm asking is---did she write this HOPING or KNOWING you would see it? Or did she write it thinking you would never know?

That aside---no matter what her reasons, I can completely understand your hurt feelings and your indignation over this.

I personally don't think your SD, at 13, should be allowed to use R-rated language on her myspace page period. Regardless of who she is "talking about," I think your DH needs to address this. If she were to write these nasty expletives about one of her friends, I am sure the friend's parents would be up in arms. It should not be okay for her to write these things about you either.

So--I think DH needs to address the bad language aspect overall and perhaps needs to monitor her myspace activity. At 13, she is too young by Myspace standards to have an account anyway.

Sorry this happened. Ironic you posted this tonight because I am having similar issues with feeling like my DH won't step up and parent his son.

KK...If a myspace account is set to private user then you would either have to be a friend to see the comments or have the password..otherwise it's open to public viewing.

mommaof6...A 13 year old no matter if she's a bio or step child will have these moments of complete disrespect. I don't agree that if this myspace is public that expletives should be on there for the world to read. If her friends are the only ones who can see this, then she's just venting her probably hormonal little head off to her friends. Can you sit down with her alone and speak with her about this matter? Fathers of little girls especially seem to have a great deal of difficulty wanting to step out of the Mr. nice guy role. I have had quite a bit of experience with a husband who never no matter what the incident diciplined his children, and I mean with stealing, swearing and some of the most horrific behavior I have ever witnessed. With that said, they are grown and turned out to be courteous, productive adults and we actually all get along. It took much time and patience...my experience was, he disciplined his and I disciplined mine. It isn't always reasonable but in the end, he paid the price for being lax, not me.

I am sure she never, ever thought I would see it!! A friend of my 11 year old, was on her friends list, and told my 11 year old verbatum, then cut and pasted it for me to see. These were the crudest of all of the expletive c--t being one of them, it angered me that my 11 year old read it, and then I had to expalin it to her! My step daughter is a straight A gorgeous girl. I have always treated her as my own, and was very , very hurt and surprised to see the note. I feel my relationship with her truthfully, is better, than my DH's is with her. Over all she has been a fairly easy kid, that hasn't required alot of discipline. There had been over the years alot of bashing about me by her mom (even though I was happily married when she was born,I was a widowed in 1998-she was born in 1995, and they broke up about 1 month into the pregnancy), and I have never felt DH has really stood up to the mom, or stood up for me-.he is a man of NO confrontation, out-of-site-out-of mind, get it over--but never really work it out----familiar to anyone???
I can honestly say I have not bashed her mom to her ==EVER! I have stayed out of their (DH and moms)fights but seem to be an easy scapegoat for her. I really have only spoken to her-SD,s mom--probably 3 times at length, 5 Hi's. 2 times were confrontations made by her that scared me to death.....I could write a dysfunctional book about all of the drugs, police reports, OD"s court dates, slurred phone calls, etc....all regarding SD,s mom. I guess I really thought that I had done my best with her, I felt I had to try harder, since her mom has so many problems--and this was a huge slap in the face!!! I know kids spout off about parent's--I could even handle the "B" word--but this was crude and mean, with little discipline! Thanks for listening :)

Have you tried to talking to her about it? Telling her how hurt you are, that you thought you had a good relationship, etc. Also explaining the inappropriateness of using those words to describe being unhappy with anyone? It's possible it was a fleeting thing she was upset about and she wrote it then, or that she thought she was being cool writing those things.

I don't have any advise for your regarding your husband. It seems like many parents just refuse to, well, parent. He's forgetting his first responsibility is to be her teacher, not to stay on her "good side".

I see a lot of disconnects here -- SD doesnt generally require disclipline, the thing that irritates you is what she said about you -- I think you should sepearte the issue of using profanity v. your hurt feelings. You cant make someone like you. You may feel she is being unfair, but that is her privilidge. You should accept that many children wan their divorced parents to get back togehtor. . I susgest you ask DH to talk to her re profanity etc. I think you also have to recognize that she willl be furious at the 11 YO, and unfriend her.

I personally wouldn't care what a 13 year old had to say about me. I mean, it's not exactly like I regard them as my "peer group". At the age of 13, my 2 SDs did say quite a few things to, and about me, and each other as well, while they were going through that "teenage angst" period. I just let it go in one ear and out the other. They did grow out of it.

But I could afford that luxury because I wasn't able to have children of my own, so I didn't have to consider the potential harm the disrespect and lack of discipline could have on other children in the household. For their protection, I don't believe I would be able to permit her behavior to go unchecked.

You may want to look up the Lori Drew MySpace case involving a woman was convicted for creating a phony "myspace" persona for the purpose of "cyberbullying" a 13 year old who committed suicide as a direct result. Drew escaped being convicted of the multiple felony charges she was indited of, ending up 3 misdemeaners instead, but all the $$$$$ in legal fees, many long months of anguish and torment in court, not to mention a lifetime of guilt (and eternity in hell?), well, there is a saying in the justice system regarding this type of outcome, that: "The process IS the punishment!"

This is believed to be a presidence setting case that has "opened the door" for the filing of charges and prosecution of not just "cyberbullies", but others as well who violate federal law regarding "terms of service" agreements of ANY internet website. If you read the "terms of service" agreement for "MySpace", you just might find it helpful in attempting to persuade your husband of the dangers of just letting his daughter do, and say, whatever she wants on the internet.

It's estimated there are hundreds, if not thousands of sexual predators roaming around on "Myspace". For this reason alone, I personally feel it's only prudent for parents to monitor their children's internet activities. There are some monitoring programs that will only provide parents with information regarding what sites their children visit, along with alerting them to key words and phrases that are used that could indicate their children are in danger.

For those who feel safety takes presidence over "invasion of privacy", there are keylogger programs, which can be invisibly installed to record and report every key stroke--user names and passwords too! In most places in the world, it is perfectly legal as long as you are the owner of the computer this software is installed on, but you might want to check the laws in your state, just to gain some assurance first.

If you do decide to go this route, be careful! Although there are many reputable companies that offer parental monitoring software, there are some who will take advantage of their customers--by hiding their own "spyware" on the program, that they then use to track YOUR activities as well! It's always a good idea to research any software on a reputable site such as "cnet" first.

Best of luck!

I certainly agree that parents have to have thick skins, and not be upset if their children don't like them on any given day. I suspect there are times when my DD has written of me, my Mom is the meanest mom on the face of the earth. In worse language. I think it best if stepparents live by this too. I ususally see this in Ima -- that she doesnt want to be a friend, and understands what comes with the territiory.

I think there is a vast gulf between the cyberbulling of Lori Drew (which involved Lori Drew, a supposedly adult woman impersonating a teenage boy for the purpose of taunting a teenage girl) and the normal name calling, which I suspect is rampant on Facebook, MySpace etc. To lump the two as the same is quite a stretch.

Its one thing to monitor a teens computer for his own safety; its quite another to monitor it to make certain an adult itsnt being called names. A child will understand the difference. Far better to take the high ground.

For what it's worth, there were several times in my teen years that for some dumb reason or another, in the midst of one argument/tantrum or another, I ended up screaming vile curse words at my own mother. As an adult, and really even back then, I adore my mother and she is one of my very best friends. It's part of growing up, and it's mostly hormonal. It's not even necessarily a reflection on the overall quality of your relationship. For all you know, it's because you didn't let her watch a certain movie that day...

That said, though, I do agree that kids need to really, REALLY be educated ---not scolded, but educated--- on the fact of just how public and often permanent the Internet can be in terms of what they put on it about themselves and other people. There is a real danger that they'll overstep limits or later wish they'd never posted certain things, or even get themselves or others in serious trouble. Because what kids, by nature, lack are the two most important things that should govern what anyone posts on the Internet: the ability to forsee long-term consequences to actions and the ability to modulate the effect they have on their environment (self-monitoring).

I would take it as an opportunity to have an 'educational' talk about being judicious on the Internet and keep the discussion mainly focused on that, like in a 'for your own good' way. Then maybe say "by the way, if there's anything you want to discuss or gripe about regarding me, I'd much rather do that face-to-face than see you embarass *yourself* publicly by spewing language that just makes you come off kinda crusty and not-so-easy to get along with."

think there is a vast gulf between the cyberbulling of Lori Drew (which involved Lori Drew, a supposedly adult woman impersonating a teenage boy for the purpose of taunting a teenage girl) and the normal name calling, which I suspect is rampant on Facebook, MySpace etc. To lump the two as the same is quite a stretch.

knny

I can see where you would think that, however the truth is that all Drew was convicted of was violating federal laws regarding MySpace's TOS (terms of service) agreement. This is the very type of case which raises the public awareness of the seriousness of this type of crime, and compells the public to take action.

This has outraged a lot of people who are now calling for far harsher laws to be enacted, and enforced, and lawmakers and prosecutors have been responding accordingly. 18 states have now passed anti-cyberstalking laws, including mine, and more are following suit.

In the state where Drew committed these crimes, with the resulting changes made in the statutes, prosecutors are now filing charges against offenders, even just for sending obnoxious text messages.

Some of my relatives who work for the NYPD were just recently telling me of a pending bill in their state to broaden the definition of the already existing cyberstalking laws there, to include as "cyberstalking" simply making yourself an "annoyance" as a class E felony.

Before mothers who's children had died as a result of drunk drivers banned together to form MADD, drunk drivers often got nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Now they lose their license and go to jail.

Disengaging,

I still think it will be pretty clear to the SD and the DH whether SM is acting out of the anger and hurt she expresses here or concern re SD. Even a dog knows the difference between being kicked and someone tripping over him.

Not that it is the be all and endall, but I pulled "cyberstalking" from willki -- do you really think name calling is what is being discussed.

A number of key factors have been identified:

False accusations. Many cyberstalkers try to damage the reputation of their victim and turn other people against them. They post false information about them on websites. They may set up their own websites, blogs or user pages for this purpose. They post allegations about the victim to newsgroups, chat rooms or other sites that allow public contributions, such as Wikipedia or Amazon.com.[4]
Attempts to gather information about the victim. Cyberstalkers may approach their victim's friends, family and work colleagues to obtain personal information. They may advertise for information on the Internet, or hire a private detective. They often will monitor the victim's online activities and attempt to trace their IP address in an effort to gather more information about their victims. [5]
Encouraging others to harass the victim. Many cyberstalkers try to involve third parties in the harassment. They may claim the victim has harmed the stalker or his/her family in some way, or may post the victim's name and telephone number in order to encourage others to join the pursuit.
False victimization. The cyberstalker will claim that the victim is harassing him/her. Bocij writes that this phenomenon has been noted in a number of well-known cases.
Attacks on data and equipment. They may try to damage the victim's computer by sending viruses.
Ordering goods and services. They order items or subscribe to magazines in the victim's name. These often involve subscriptions to pornography or ordering sex toys then having them delivered to the victim's workplace.
Arranging to meet. Young people face a particularly high risk of having cyberstalkers try to set up meetings between them

My first response, if this were me, would to be very hurt then angry and then disappointed. I would let the young lady know that if she feels that way about me then she should feel wrong in taking anything from me, whether it be money or anything else. I would stop doing things for her or buying things for her. I would treat her with kindness but when it came to those things I would let dad and mom take care of it.

She vented in a rather public way unless she posted it as private and you have her password. If you have her password then she knew you would read it eventually. I would certainly want to talk to her about it and see if I could get a better sense of what she is thinking.

I think dad should administer some type of punishment. At the very least addressing the disrespect to you. The same rules should apply to all of the kids in the house....according to their ages.

Like I said before basically, you bite the hand that feeds you and you don't get feed. I had to do that with my 1st SD33. When I figured out that I was just a "check book" to her I quit writing checks and she had to go mom and dad for everything. We sure did butt heads when she was in her teens but it passed.

SM thinks Dad wont discipline SD. Dad may think SD is bascially good (which SM admits to, in her second post) and does one little thing, which doesnt involve safety, but rather SM's feelings and SM goes nuts.

If SM wants Dads supports in rules, I think they should come up with rules togethor -- not SM writing them up and presenting them-- with same rules for 13SD and 11, almost 12 DD. Dad may think -- as SM admits to -- that his DD is doing fine without tough rules.

SM is obviously concerned with how a "do nothing" aproach will afffect her relationship with her DH.

Momma,

To me its very simple. If would have done that when I was her age my dad would have kicked my a**! Its called parenting. I know its a thing that parents used to do a long time ago but it does work.

How you found it does not matter. If you looked at her page, went into her account who CARES? At least someone is looking to see what she is doing online. It sounds like her parents are not.

About 20 years ago I got to be the "step mommy" of a 11 year old that mommy never came to get and daddy was unable to parent especially in the discpline area. Fast forward. I used to tell her dad all the time how she would turn out. Never in my wildest dreams did I know that she would not only prove me right but go over board with becoming an adult loser. Two kids two different fathers. Preg again-different daddy. Court cases involving landlords suing her for non payment of rent, stealing, Uttering and publishing (not sure if spelled correctly)a few times. How do I know this? Who cares. The internet is a public place where public information is at for anyone to view. How I saw this doesnt matter and how you saw it doesnt matter either.

Funny thing, her "daddy" found my on myspace and sent me a note asking me to call him. He is divorced now (lol again). Over my dead body. I do not deal with men that do not deal with their children and the "babies momma"

You are correct. It will take a toll on your marriage and you will end up with a 16 year old that does whatever she wants to you. Why do I say that? Because she does it now.

Happy,

I am sorry for the hurt in your life, but this seems like a different situation.

1. Mom has the Girl more than 50% of the time, and would evidently take her more.

2. SD is straight A student, generally good person -- per SM.

kkny

"Wikipedia" is FAR from authoritative. Anyone can write just about ANYTHING they want on it. However I do recommend you go back and examine that a little closely, in particular the part about false accusations.

Here's some real legislation that's being introduced to redefine "cyberstalking":

On Feb. 7, Illinois Rep. Jeffrey M. Schoenberg introduced House Bill 728, which would create the crime of cyberstalking. The measure defines cyberstalking as "on at least two separate occasions" harassing another person through the use of electronic communication.

On Feb. 28, Rhode Island Sen. Maryellen Goodwin introduced Senate Bill 813, which prohibits "computer harassment" and "cyberstalking." The measure would provide that whoever sends computer messages to another "repeatedly for the sole purpose of harassing, annoying or molesting" another "shall be guilty of cyberstalking.
The Rhode Island measure also would prohibit sending electronic mail to anyone "for the sole purpose of using threatening, vulglar, indecent or obscene language." The measure is currently before the judiciary committee

On March 6, Florida Sen. Steven A. Geller introduced Senate Bill 960, which amends the state's stalking statute to prohibit cyberstalking. The measure defines "cyberstalk" as: 'to communicate words, images or languages by or through the use of electronic mail or electronic communication, which communication is directed at a specific person, causes substantial emotional distress in such person, and does not serve a legitimate purpose."

On March 8, South Carolina Sen. Dick Elliott introduced Senate Bill 429, which amends a 1995 stalking law to apply to harassing computer communications. It would prohibit "cyberstalking and contact by electronic communication or electronic mail that is initiated, maintained or repeated after a person has been provided notice that the contact is unwanted."

I could go on, and on, but it's completely irrelevant. The issue I was addressing was: 1) safety, and 2) the criminalization of violating internet terms of service.

Aside from impersonation and providing false information, prohibited activities on "MySpace" according to their terms of service include any content that is:

"1. is patently offensive and promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual;

2. harasses or advocates harassment of another person:...

3. promotes information that you know is false or misleading or promotes illegal activities or conduct that is abusive, threatening, obscene, defamatory or libelous;

Now, if you really want to argue that use of the "c" word somehow isn't obscene, patently offensive, and promotes hatred? Well, you can give it your best shot.

Oh, and I love the way you've turned this around into somehow being the SMs fault. Her daughter brings home horrible, nasty things written about her mother, and SHE'S the "bad guy"?

In particular your statement about how it will "pretty clear to DH and SD..." Were you trying to say there that daddy and daughter will, or SHOULD band together AGAINST SM? Exactly what kind of responsible parenting would that be? Oh my God!

Teenagers in particular "test their limits," even A students, and responsible ADULTS know that for their own good, they should present a "United Front" with each other, not with the child.

My parents were divorced, but regardless. When any of my siblings or I stepped "out of line", my mom was right on the phone to our dad, who backed her up 100%. I can't stand my husband's X, but the same exact thing applied. Where it came to discipline, any disagreement between the adults was kept between the ADULTS.

To me its very simple. If would have done that when I was her age my dad would have kicked my a**! Its called parenting. I know its a thing that parents used to do a long time ago but it does work.

Happynewyear,

Yeah, I agree, and my dad would have done the same exact thing--but good! As far as "who did what"? Didn't matter! It was ALWAYS our fault! Did I think I was ever punished unfairly? Sure--at least at the time, but in retrospect, I now understand their point. It was our own fault for even getting ourselves in the situation in the first place.

I don't even think of them as having been divorced when we were children. It had very little effect on us because NOTHING CHANGED! They were both every bit as involved in our lives, and both always on the exact same page. We never tried playing one against the other--it wouldn't have worked!

The way your former SD turned out? Yup, sounds about right.

Disengaging, you talk alot about bills being introduced. I guess I didnt see where you said the bills had been signed into law. I suspect there will be a lot of First Amendment issues. But we'll see.

SM writing up rules and presenting them to DH isnt acting like a team either.

Disengaging, you talk alot about bills being introduced. I guess I didnt see where you said the bills had been signed into law. I suspect there will be a lot of First Amendment issues. But we'll see.

Do you really not know how long it takes a bill to pass? The case was only last year! First amendment, huh? There is no right to "free speech" when you're on someone ELSE'S website, any more than you have the right to do and say anything you want to in someone else's place of business. Just because MySpace allows individuals to set up accounts doesn't mean they give up their rights of ownership of their site. They have every right to make whatever rules they so desire, and anyone who doesn't like the rules, free to go some place else.

SM writing up rules and presenting them to DH isnt acting like a team either.

What part of "presenting a "united front" with each other", and "any disagreement between the adults should be kept between the ADULTS" do you not understand?

Do you not know the difference between that, and "acting like a team"? Seriously, is my writing style causing you some kind of comprehension problem here?

You know, my SDs weren't perfect angels, but calling me the "c" word? Oh, they never crossed that line! If they had, at least for a while, I just might have sent them packing home to their mother--and not only do I know my husband would have "backed me up", BM would have too! She didn't want her kids to grow up to be malicious, cruel, manipulative, or develop an overblown sense of entitlement any more than we did!

You have a problem with her writing up rules? Think his way of NO rules or punishment whatsoever is better? Do you allow your daughter use "emotional blackmail" on you to get out of punishment by threatening to go back to daddy? Well, do you?

My Space can deny service. YOU were talking about criminalization of comments. Now you are talking about what My Space wants to allow.

I think OP working with her DH togethor would be more productive, and also recognize age difference.

But go on, recommend the take no prisoners way. It sounds like Dad isnt going for that.

My Space can deny service. YOU were talking about criminalization of comments. Now you are talking about what My Space wants to allow.

It's ALREADY been criminalized--it's FEDERAL LAW! Doesn't matter whether or not MySpace enforces it's own TOS agreement by denying service, other people on that site have every right to expect these terms to be honored, and if MySpace doesn't enforce their own rules, the criminal justice system can step in and prosecute thoe offenders, to protect the PUBLIC GOOD--same as any other criminal case!

In discussing "ownership" I was addressing your comments regarding first amendment rights, which is a separate issue.

These concepts are fairly simple and straight-forward. How can you possibly be this confused?

Oh, and as far as claiming that you, "think OP working with her DH together would be more productive...." Well, that's sure not how it came across to me!

You've just contradicted your previous statement in which you stated that "I susgest you ask DH to talk to her re profanity etc" and that her husband, "should be the one establsihing disclipline" So where's that teamwork you were recommending in any of that?

And that's aside from the rather snide insuations of, " the thing that irritates you is what she said about you", "SM is acting out of the anger and hurt she expresses here", "SM goes nuts," and drawing your very own personal conclusion as to her real motivation being "SM is obviously concerned with how a "do nothing" aproach will afffect her relationship with her DH."

I'm sorry, but at least to me, none of that sounds REMOTELY like anything vaguely resembling a desire on your part to helpful or supportive, much less "productive."

And your nonsensical comment about "the take no prisoners way"? How on EARTH did you come up with that one? Please oh please, explain the logic there.

But first, I'd really like you to answer the last question, which was: Do you allow your daughter use "emotional blackmail" on you to get out of punishment by threatening to go back to daddy? Well, do you?

Well?

Disengaging -- if Myspace denied service or the federal law went after anyone who used profanity, I think My SPace would be out of business and there would be a lot of people in jail. I think you are taking the law and then insintuating it can be applied in a manner to suit your point. Its pretty to clear to me you are stretching.

Again.

You say "To me its very simple. If would have done that when I was her age my dad would have kicked my a**! Its called parenting " - thats what I mean by take no prisoners.

I dont see your "kick *ss" as being helpful because it is pretty clear Dad wont agree to this and all you are doing is making OP feel crummy becuase her options are limited. It is also IMHO unacceptable to use this type of language when recommending how to deal with children.

I dont know if this is emotinal blackmail or not. SD may just not like SM and would rather be at Moms -- especially if she thinks she is treated unfarily. She is getting very close to the age where a court will likley listen to where she wants to live, and Dad probably understands that.

AS to your "Well do you" phrase which you keep using, I am not your stepchild, and wont be intimidated by you and your phrasing arguments to suit you.

When my son was 13, he was mad at me for something trivial and drew a picture of me being burned at the stake! I complimented him on the great artwork -- it was so good there was no doubt who it was that was burning. ;-) The whole point being, 13 year olds are notoriously moody. One minute, everything's fine; the next minute, they could rip you apart bit by bit with their bare hands and feed you to the ants. So IMO, the MySpace thing is small potatoes. Adolescent venting. How she felt for the 10 seconds it took to post it.

But Dad's refusal to stand up and parent is the real issue. Sure, if he throws enough presents at her and lets her get away with enough stuff, he might get her to stay. But at what price? Kids, especially teenagers NEED limits. They NEED rules and parents who care enough to enforce them. And if your husband is too afraid of losing her to set and enforce limits, then he's acting like a LOUSY parent and his daughter and wife and other children will all pay the price.

Those who have been on this board a while know that I am a non-custodial BioMom in addition to a light-duty StepMom. (Adult SKids - I didn't raise them.) And I lost primary custody of my son to just this tactic. His father bought him everything, gave him everything, allowed him everything, and had NO rules. While I wavered with those same fears for a little while, I came to my senses and held firm to what I thought were appropriate limits. And it cost me primary custody of my son. That said -- Now that he's older (almost 18), he knows who the 'real parent' is, and recognizes his father's bribery for exactly what it was. And he doesn't respect his father. But thankfully, his StepMom has stepped up and instituted some reasonable rules, which my son accepts with 'typical teenage grace'... He knows if he pouts, stomps or wheedles to Daddy, that he can get StepMom's rule overturned "just this once" (like usual) -- but he has developed enough judgement not to do it often. He has actually admitted to me that StepMom's rules (similar to mine) actually give him an excuse to get out of situations he's not comfortable with (parties that get too wild) and keep him on the college-bound track he knows he needs to stay on.

But I digress --
The point is, your husband NEEDS to step up and parent. He can do it kindly and with love -- There are lots of books that can show him how to be firm yet kind -- But he needs to do it.

If he doesn't, he might not lose her, but he'll risk losing the rest of you.

Sweeby,

Good Job! Very well said at the end.

I dont see your "kick *ss" as being helpful because it is pretty clear Dad wont agree to this and all you are doing is making OP feel crummy becuase her options are limited. It is also IMHO unacceptable to use this type of language when recommending how to deal with children.

kkny,

Oh my GOD! You better go back and read this thread again, because I'M not the one who said that! That was a quote from ANOTHER poster. In my post, I was simply AGREEING with her, and validating her point! We are NOT our fathers, and neither one of us were even talking to you!

And as far as your "IMHO" goes regarding language? Who cares! My parents did a great job of rasing us, as evidences by the fact that all of my siblings and I are financially secure, married, college degreed professionals, with families, lovely homes, and we all love each other and worship the ground our parents walk on. I'd say they got it right!

And MySpace already DOES deny service for those who violate their TOS agreement, especially to teens. It's how they've managed to avoid the many lawsuits that have been filed against them! Their legal argument, which has prevailed in court thus far, is that someone has to register a COMPLAINT before they can investigate violations of the TOS agreements! MySpace is facing a whole slew of lawsuits right now on allegations they failed to protect minors, oh aside from one in Texas involving another minor who committed suicide after being raped by a Myspace predator. Oh no, MySpace doesn't pose any dangers for children!

And I never said that PROFANITY in and of itself that violates MySpace and other TOS agreements necessarily either. It's the purpose and intent for which they are used! Even obscenities can be used in ways which are reasonably nonoffensive--as Howard Stern more or less demonstrated many long years ago. Why don't you try going back and reading the actual portions of the MySPace TOS and see if you can comprehend what actually says, and WHY neither the words "obscenity" or "profanity" are used. After doing so, if you're still having comprehensive problems, please let me know and I'll try to provide further clarification. If I'm still in the general mood, that is. Have you ever given some consideration to taking some adult literacy classes? I mean, how do you manage to communicate with anyone?

Or DO you know better and are really the one here who's been "phrasing arguments to suit yourself?" Yeah, that's about what I thought.

Oh, and in case you're also not aware, record companies have been filing lawsuits for BILLIONS of dollars for copyright infringement directly against CHILD as young as 12 for converting music into MP3s and distributing it for free on internet sites such as "Napster", who was also sued and settled the suit for somewhere around the neighborhood of $400 million and agreeing never to do it again! There are still internet sites that engage in this practice in countries currently not under US jurisdiction--but under international treaties, the record companies are hard at work going after them as well, while kids in this country are still posting their MP3, never imagining that one day, they might get slapped with a lawsuit too! And when and if that day comes, guess who's going to get to pay?

So don't try telling me it's never going to happen--it already IS!

As far as "limited options" go, almost EVRERYONE's options are limited! Otherwise instead of getting up to go to work in the morning, we'd all live in mansions, while cruising the world, and sunning at the beach!

And just because her husband hasn't "stepped up to the plate" YET, don't go assuming he won't! I "chose my battles wisely" and ignored most things, but at one point, instigated by their psychotic mother's desire to get my husband back, their behavior became somewhat abusive. Before it even went that far, husband sat them both down and informed them in no uncertain terms that he never even knew he was capable of loving anyone as much as he loved me. That they would be starting their own lives soon, but him and I were FOREVER, so they better not even think of abusing "MY WIFE" again! It was a great speech, I was very proud of him!

Oh, and 2 days after he PRIVATELY told his X what would happen if she ever tried pulling that crap again, she ran off over 1,000 miles away to escape his wrath! Oh, she came back, always does. She's so predictable.

And as far as your snotty little insinuations regarding "intimidating" my SDs go? Yeah? I spent 2 hours on the phone with my youngest this morning, who's also coming over tonight for dinner with her BF, and his sister's been knocking herself out trying to get me to TALK to her again! She's currently banned from our home for attempting to con my husband into agreeing to "sneak" BM into HIS mother's funeral behind my back. That's when we got a lawyer to inform his X that if she tried showing up, not only would she be thrown out, but we would file legal action against her. He didn't talk to his daughter for quite a while after that either, and she's been sending me flowers and cards trying to apologize ever since. And I'll accept it--when I'm pretty sure I won't say anything to her I might regret later.

And it's not like I'm even that mad at her. We always kept our problems with her mother PRIVATE, so I'm not even positive if she's aware of her mother's true agenda, which never had anything to do with them anyway. Only reason I'm even on this board is because my husband's out-of-town, working with her and her husband, in the business we helped them start! But that's business, and my God! The money's phenomenal! Which is also the REAL reason loser bum BM wants MY husband back, and also what I'm afraid of letting slip to SD that I might regret later. She's already in counseling and several different medications, but that's because her husband finally got tired of her mother MOOCHING off them, and threw her out on her sorry rear.

Is this your real problem? Has your X moved on and is living a life of bliss with his new wife, and won't allow your bitterness to intrude on their happiness? Have they shut you out and won't listen to a single word you say, leaving you with the only "option" of taking out your frustrations on the SMs on this board instead? Tell me, how am I doing here?

Disengaging,

Yahoo to you! I love the story of the talk your husband had with them. That was great.

Dont let kkny or kkdy whatever the name is get to you. If you look at other threads not many pay any attention to her anyway. I think you hit the nail on the head.

Have a Happy New Year.

Oh boo hoo Happy, now I am going to cry.

Disengaging, I have just as must right to post here as you do. Now you adding Napster to your litany of issues that someone name calling can be compared to. OPs SD isnt copying anything. Just becuase it involves the internet, you cant compare it.

It really doesnt matter what I think. I suspect Dad may have recognized this as just name calling. No wonder he isnt overly concerned. Good for him.

happynewyear1,

Thanks! And don't worry, kkny isn't "getting" to me, and I've already looked at the other threads and fully realize that most of the other posters have simply elected to ignore her, which I've no doubt frustrates her even more.

But my husband's out of town, I'm a little bored and I don't know any other way to say this, but, well, ripping apart frivilous arguments and exposing them is kind of how I make my living. And it's not just my job--it's my passion.

Happy New Year to you too!

I wouldn't let a 13-yr-old have a myspace page or alone time with the internet. I also wouldn't let a 13-yr-old decide if she was going to visit or not. I don't understand your husband's parenting style. He's not on board with your ideas though, so I would stay out of the whole SD discipline thing. Ignore when she's bad. She'll turn out bad if her parents spoil her so much, but that's on them. If the whole situation is too much for you, then leave.