I was out watering the garden this morning and it was just unbearable. There are clouds of bugs just circling my head. However, I was thinking about what some people above mentioned, and as I was in the vegetable garden I did realize that while the flying gnats are torturous, I haven't really had any serious bug issues in the garden itself (well, other than the red lily leaf beetle, for which not much can be done). All my vegetables are relatively free of bug issues. The deer ate the entire garden except the squash a few weeks ago, but it is rebounding now, and I seem to have some fungal issues with my tomatoes (septoria, I think) but honestly, no bug issues to really speak of. Even in the perennial beds, the usual reign of terror by the oriental beetles, my arch nemesis, is not so bad this year. My echinacea look really good this year, and even my shasta daisies are relatively untouched by those foul fiends. I'm trying to decide if it's a good trade-off - being tortured constantly by flying gnats and mostquitoes in exchange for having nicer looking flowers and more productive veggies... but I can't decide! Yeah, things look good, but if I can't stand to be out there to enjoy it, or to get chores done, is it worth it? The jury is still out! :) Dee

What about SW Believable Buff. It's a great color and goes really well with greens

Happily, Your DH can't say no becuase he has guilt for breaking up his family, and "ruining" his kids lives. That is the perception they have of him. Actually, if he did leave his family for someone else, it's actually their reality. Not trying to be a jerk, just covering the facts. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me. Even if the marriage was over, and he didn't leave for another woman, men who leave relationships usually have guilt about it for a very long time, and in turn overcompensate with financial support, lavish gifts, etc. They feel they have to make it up to their children. Especially if they initiated the break up. I can't see that there's much that you can do to help this out. Kids of divorced parents learn very early on how to maniupulate the situation to get what they want. You really can't blame them. Life as they know it was ripped out from underneath them. They sometimes have deep resentments towared the parent who "left" because it changed their lives. I'm not saying it's OK; it's just how it is. Also, since their BM is out of control and they live with her, I wouldn't expect them to fall into line very easily with you or Dad. All they know is what's been modeled by their parents. If they are seriously awful to you when they visit, and your husband doesn't correct it, then I would suggest making yourself scarce when they are around, and let your husband know. Something like..."listen, if the kids are going to be awful to me, I expect you to get it under control. If you won't, then I will not be around while they are here. I won't take that abuse from them. I don't take it from you or my daughter, and I won't take if from them." I hope this helps.

BM told DH that SD is getting on her nerves & she doesn't think she can take it any/much longer (I may have not gotten the exact words from DH, I wasn't there). I don't know what BM has told SD, but it wouldn't surprise me if she says hurtful things to her. I don't even know if she's playing that angle anymore... saying she wants SD. It was pretty cold what she did/said at SD's birthday party. She showed up 40 minutes late, no gift & stayed in the corner with her BF & baby... then SD got my permission to spend an hour with BM after the party (I thought BM had agreed) and when SD asked her, BM said "no honey, I've got to get the baby home, it's such a long drive... I don't know how HE'S lasted THIS long!", like coming to her party was a major inconvenience. I mean the baby was sleeping the whole time... he was a month old. That was a HUGE eye opener for SD... BM did that right in front of me & MIL. mattie~ If someone had told me as a young adult, that I would witness so many mother's not parenting their own children, I would not have believed it. I had my first when I was still 17. I made a choice to be a parent. Abortion was legal, I could have chosen adoption (because I am pro-life), but my choice was to be a parent & take the responsibility for my actions, since my child was not planned. I NEVER imagined that dumping my child off on anyone else, including the father, was an option. I was flabbergasted when I met my exBF. HE had three children & their mother had walked out for a new boyfriend. She came to see the kids once or twice a year.. never called or saw them on holidays or birthdays, never bought them anything or paid support. But, then I got a job in social services & then I really saw how many kids are being raised by father's, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, siblings, etc. & foster care. and within my own family, I have a couple of female cousins & a sister that left the children to pursue their own life (with or without someone else) but they walked away too. I thought the bonding & love that developed between me & my children when I was pregnant & as they grew up, was something ALL women felt for their offspring. It is somewhat understandable if men don't have that same bonding experience, because they don't physically carry, give birth & nurse the baby. IMO, the maternal instinct is to nurture & protect your offspring & the paternal instinct is to protect & provide for the offspring. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to comprehend how a mother can not want to nurture her child, but put herself first & use her own child to further her own agenda. and I do think this affects me more because I have my own (deep) issues with my own mother. I was just telling my dad yesterday, that I am 41 years old & still have not given up completely that my mother would be different. I have accepted that we will never have a mother/daughter relationship where we go shopping, get our nails done & have lunch. I've grieved it as it is a loss & have accepted that she isn't that kind of mother, but then again it is something that I hope could happen... even though I know it isn't likely, which is what SD does with her mom.. she knows she isn't getting from her mom what she wants, she just hasn't gotten to the point of accepting that that's the way it is. I think she's getting there & it's a painful journey.. I know because I've been there. That is where all of my anger toward BM three years ago came from... I knew we'd get to this place and it made me angry that I could do nothing about it. I actually feel bad for BM & DIL because they might think they can make up for it later & have that relationship someday... the one my mom once talked about with me, but it never happened because those relationships take time & energy. Those kinds of mothers don't want to invest their time & energy into building it, then wonder what went wrong with it's not there later. I feel sad for BM & DIL that they are missing out on so much with their children... but it's not really about MY feelings.