First, I would call the guests that have not bothered to RSVP and ask them straight out if they are coming or not. You can be nice about it, just explain that you need a head count in order to plan your meal. It's incredibly rude to not respond to a Christmas dinner invitation, so I wouldn't worry about stepping on anybody's toes here.

Second, if I'm cooking then I'm going to cook what I want to eat and everyone else can have some if they want:) I wouldn't cook a second meat unless I knew that someone specifically hated what I was making or had an allergy issue. I don't make any specific accommodations for picky eaters. I usually have multiple side dishes, so I figure that even a picky eater ought to be able to find something they will eat. Don't make yourself crazy over this - Christmas is supposed to be fun for you too, remember?

Hi Lola,

I sympathise with you - as do many other "Forumers" who have posted similar concerns. I second stbonner, with the exception that I do make different dishes when I invite vegetarians - at least one more side & most likely another salad.

A thought - many kids are fairly picky & may not care for roast beef. You might get a roast for your husband & a small- to medium-size ham with the thought that kids will eat it.

Enjoy the holiday!

Kathleen

I'm also just a long-time lurker but felt compelled to respond to this.

First people who don't RSVP really bother me. I would call immediately and find out whether they actually plan to attend or not. You really do need a head count here.

Secondly, as the mother of 2 picky eaters, particularly DS #2 who is 11, I would not make anything special to accommodate them. I feel as long as you are providing several side dishes including maybe some rather plain-ish veggies, you've done your job as a wonderful hostess. If it would make you feel a bit better, you could provide extra rolls.

My kids have learned over the years to simply make do. There are times we're out with friends that all they will eat is a roll or two. So be it. That is their choice.

Lastly, if you and your husband want the beef wellington, I really think that's what you should have. It sounds wonderful!!!

Mandie
(Who has been snowed in for the last several days in the PNW which I guess is why I am now so brave as to finally post here) :-)

I'm with everyone else (particularly Mandie, since I'm another one in the PNW surrounded by snow for the last week and a half)...My dh's family also doesn't RSVP. If I'm doing munchies or something casual, I let it go, but with what you're planning, I'd certainly call...or have DH do it. Also, serve what you want with no excuses and no worries about picky eaters. It's fine to accommodate vegetarians or those with allergies/medical issues, but not just the finicky. There should be something they'll like, and if they choose not to eat, they can eat hearty the next day...it's their choice. There is no way to guess what each person might love or dislike. You are already planning something very special.

Ditto all of the above advice regarding taking the bull by the horns and calling to nail the invitees down as to whether they plan to attend your lovely dinner. You want to be generous, you want to have a special occasion and to that purpose it is not the least bit over the top to call and ask.

Armed with that information, you can plan your meal and be more confident - possibly even save yourself a lot of anxiety and work.

Welcome to the cooking forum.

seagrass

Here I am surrounded but snow in the upper Midwest but of course we are every winter.
Relax, take a deep breath. You have gotten some very good advice here and I hope you have made those phone calls by now. Please don't make anything special for those kids. They will not starve and if you are serving the Beef Wellington start them off with small portions. Just the thought of a good Beef Wellington having to share a table with a chicken breast makes me shudder.
Merry Christmas and good luck on your dinner.

Here is a link that might be useful: travelling and cooking with grandpa

I'd call and find out who's coming and make the ham, instead of wasting prime rib or Beef Wellington on a bunch of people who don't even know how to respond to an invitation.

Then make a smaller prime rib roast or filet for a romantic New Year's Eve dinner for your DH and yourself or invite a couple whose company you enjoy to share it with you.

I agree with the above--especially about having DH make the calls. Some families are really casual about these things and you just need to plan on calling every time. RSVPs are for acquaintances, they think.

I haven't been here for a while... just to busy. But I would like to chime in.

I "always" made a big pot of mac and cheese, when we had kids at home, as well as other kids over.

They always had something they liked, and we had everything else.

Our girls knew, they were supposed to try a bite of all new foods, but it was ok, if they filled up on mac and cheese.

Oh, and call those peeps that didn't rsvp. Just let the know, you need a head count for the grocery shopping. :)

Moni

"How do you handle serving special (holiday) meals while accommodating the slightly more picky eaters and those who yearn for something special?"

Dear so and so...

You're invited to dinner.

This is what we're having.

We'd LOVE to have you, but you have to let us know.

If you don't let us know you're coming, and you show up, you'd better stop at McDonald's for your meal BEFORE you show up at our house.

:-D

lola, I feel your pain! Guess we are more casual here, or I have just learned to roll with the punches. I never know if there will be 4 or 30 extras visiting that day. I'm having ham and turkey, not prime rib or beef wellinton!! so it's easier for me. I just never know with DH's family til they show up or not. It's like an all day graze. I don't stress anymore, they are always welcome and I make lots of food, but with all the families going to 2 or more houses that day I make my regular meal and if the kids don't get an extra roll or I run out of mashed potatoes I don't stress, they always have something good to eat.
This is a far cry from the meals we used to have but at least we are getting together and celebrating the season together.
Di

Ditto with the others on calling the folks that haven't bothered to rsvp.

However, in terms of dinner and the question as to whether or not you should make something different for finicky kids, while I agree with the general sentiment that kids need to learn to eat what is put in front of them, you also don't want your holiday table to become a battlefield, if they are ill mannered as well as picky. After all, it is not your responsibility to teach these children how to behave. Who wants to listen to children whining or parents admonishing whining children at a holiday table?

I had a friend who handled it well, as she had a big family, with many children who were raised in different ways.

So, she set a place at the table for the children, and set up a side table with hot dogs in a crock pot and all the fixin's in a sort of "hot dog bar" on one side of the room. The children could then either choose to eat "grown up food" or go build themselves a dog, quietly, without complaining or sulking about the dinner offerings.

If you make roast beef for the adults, allowing for enough in case the children decide they want it as well and it turns out that they eat hot dogs and you have leftovers, well, goodness knows that leftover roast beef has a hundred uses at least.

If you have left over hot dogs...well, they're pretty cheap, so if you don't have a dog who would appreciate them, or wild critters such as raccoons or crows about, you won't be wasting much if you just toss them.

Funny, my DH is also lusting after Beef Wellington. But it's too much trouble for a crowd, and I told him I'd make it for New Year's Eve. There are folks coming on Xmas I know would love it, but there are an equal number of guests who won't. So why go to the trouble for people who would rather have something else?

I agree with everyone, definitely call to follow up with non-responders. Have a wonderful party and enjoy yourself!

Thank you so much for all your good advice. There are many good ideas--- calling, as well as having a small ham and I also like the mac & cheese idea. Yes, I also agree that we'll have enough sides that everyone should find something they'll enjoy.

This has helped me get my head back on straight. I appreciate it. Happy Holidays.

lola1, you've been given great advice.

As an aside, I vote for mac 'n cheese too ... familiar neon orange in the blue box.

I've told my kids how my mother pinched me under the table one Christmas as I washed/gagged down green bean casserole with milk at my nana's house. It was touch and go! My kids are grateful for rolls.

Sad to say, I'm not surprised that others have experienced what I call "family dynamics" or lack of common courtesy.

Take care and enjoy your day!

Cathy in SWPA

rachelellen, I like the hotdog bar idea. I'll probably use that at some point for a family gathering.

Judi

Well, I guess the sensible thing would be to call the non-responders and ask if they are coming or not. But the passive-agressive in me is with kframe, I'd be soooooooo tempted to say, if they did show up, "Oh! what a lovely surprise! I wasn't expecting you. Sorry, since I didn't know you were coming I didn't cater for you, but you're most welcome to come in and watch us eat!" ;-)
Make the Beef Wellington. Your husband's house, he should get what he wants.

I like the mac and cheese idea. And Colleen, you crack me up! But isn't being rude and not responding also a passive aggressive/controlling act?