1) Your invitation was perfectly clear. What more could you have written, "We're paying"? Forget it. They will come or not as they choose.

2) All these people will just have eaten dinner with you, right? Including dessert? In that case, I would just serve light sweets, cheeses, and some fruit, not chips or other appetizer-y food. If the whole group were coming, I'd have a birthday cake, but if you're having a cake, I guess you'll have that at the restaurant. If you aren't, then stick a candle in whatever you serve back at the house.

Happy birthday to your husband. Have fun!

You were clear. I'd just drop it on principle. Even if they genuinely thought it was going to cost them a bundle which they couldn't afford the least they could have done is say they had previous plans rather than play games.

Nuts, cheese, cookies all sound good for after dinner. Chips don't.

Cookies, nuts, fruit. Put a couple bottles of Limoncello in the freezer and serve it judiciously. It's perfect after an Italian meal. And you don't want any drunks on the road.

People whoa re not accustomed to picking up a tab for a gang at a resteraunt can't conceive of anyone else doing just such a thing...
If you really want them there, I would give her a call and yammer on about how you seldom act as hosts and foot the bill for a gang bus since it's DH's 40th you are just biting the bullet....and you really hope you will be able to treat them to a meal too.

As for the "after party"...nuts, perhaps some grapes maybe a small wedge of Maytag blue and some Carrs water biscuits...and a small dish of tiny dark chocolate candies...
And lemoncello....and I love strega too!!
Linda C

I agree, you were perfectly clear. Maybe it's just me but it seems as though that couple/person is making excuses not to come. I'd let it go.

As for after dinner, I also agree that a few little sweets like cookies or chocolates would be nice, maybe cheese with a few crackers. The limoncello sounds like a really good idea, though....

Happy Birthday to your DH!

Annie

I think the invite was very well worded,I immediately understood that you were paying for the meal.I hope you and DH enjoy the celebration.

Shelley

I agree with the above responses. "Please be our guests for dinner" pretty much spells it out to me. Had you written "Please join us for dinner" or "Come celebrate at a dinner for..." I could see where you might be questioning your wording.

How nice of you to plan a party for DH. Hope you have a wonderful time! Limoncello, nuts, chocolate & cheese sound like a nice assortment to serve afterwards.

It never hurts to take the high road and it sounds like you did by clarifying the invitation to them. Perhaps they're really having money issues and couldn't chance getting stuck with a bill. In their defense it probably has happened that people have accepted an invitation such as yours and then been expected to pay their share of the meal.
I'll jump on the Limoncello bandwagon too. A No vote for the chips and nuts. Your sitter could set out the cheese platter ahead of time so the cheeses are at the right temp. Add some fruit, coffee and a nonalcoholic spritzer and you'd be set!

BTW, have you invited everyone back to the after party and only a few are coming? Otherwise, you know that people will be talking about it and it might be awkward for those who weren't invited.

Thanks for the advice. Sage, as usual. Yes, I had thought that it was worded clearly as well, but I thank you for confirming.

And Lindac, great point about people's mindset. Makes perfect sense with regard to this couple in particular.

Limoncello is in order for sure! With some coffee, cheese and crackers and chocolates. Easy.

Yes, we did invite everyone back verbally, but only about 3 or 4 of the couples will be joining us. The rest have a long drive home or babysitter/timing issues.

Thanks for the b-day wishes, I'll pass them along!

AM

Even a social clod like me understood your intent from the wording. Sounds like they are just trying to be contrary or find an excuse not to attend and have never learned to say, "Thanks, but we can't." Let it go. If they are still being contentious after you've explained it, they don't want to understand.

Well, just let me add my two cents worth.

How frustrating that you knew the evite was viewed and yet the wife tried to tell you she never got it! Perhaps her hubby got it and didn't tell her at first?

I thought your evite was very clear...HOWEVER, knowing at least one couple in our 'personal friends' group, if we received a "Please be our guests for dinner"--that means we might be paying for our own meals, and if it's a celebration, we might be expected to chip in for the birthday person too. That's just the way they are, and we know to ask "Will this be Dutch treat?" and "Will we all be chipping in for Lovey's meal?"

One way I word things, to be clear to our guests that it's our treat, is to say something like "This is OUR treat, so leave your wallets at home!" Since some of our friends *overlap* with the friends who sometimes invite us and expect us to pay, I find it clarifies things.

Your celebration sounds wonderful! Best birthday wishes, and have a blast!

Sooz

Just wanted to say hi and howdy stranger

....and happy to see your DH made it to his 40th....alive...grin

Your invite was perfectly clear, but one observation: for those that do not like a sweeter drink, have some beers and brandies on hand too.

Happy Birthday Mr. A.!

Sounds to me like the husband opened the evite, didn't mention it to wife, wife was embarrassed and got snitty with husband. Now, husband is defensive and unconsciously tries to make it your fault. Or, he's one of those people who actually deletes emails and vaguely remembered the evite but not the particulars.

In any case, your wording seemed clear enough for me. But, I also know from experience (over two decades in the restaurant biz) that it is fairly common for awkward situations to occur once the check comes to the table.

You never know what bad experiences people might have had or even what flea might have bitten their butts on the day you encounter them. I have learned in life that when people are rude, prickly, or difficult, it generally has more to do with what is going on in their lives than in anything personal.

I'll join the crowd and suggest some fruit, nuts, cheese, chocolates etc. Make it things you would have a reason to use as leftovers, since people probably won't eat much after a good meal. I don't think you have to offer too much in either the way of variety or quantity. If you had cocktails or wine with dinner, I would make sure to put out a tray with a pitcher of garnished ice water and nice tumblers so people who don't care to drink any more alcohol can have something that looks/feels "festive" in their hands. A restaurant where I dined recently served their water with slices of cucumber and strawberry in it. Very pretty, different, and surprisingly fresh tasting.

but one observation: for those that do not like a sweeter drink, have some beers and brandies on hand too.

I was just thinking the same thing. I enjoy pretty much any liquor or liqueur even straight out of the bottle, but I've never met a glass of limoncello that I could swallow to be polite. To keep with the Italian theme I'd offer Sambuca as well.

I will definitely spring for a bottle of limoncello, but the rest will have to be from our home bar. Since DH and a few of the other invitees work for various liquor and wine companies, I'm sure we will have no shortage of booze, but I don't think any of them have limoncello or sambuca in their portfolio. We have a large variety of single malt and blended scotch, a few different traditional after dinner liqueurs, and non-alcoholic stuff. I love the idea of water with cucumber or other garnish.

DH reminded me that this couple historically behave like social clods. We don't see them very often since they moved to LI and we ended up in CT. I guess I had just repressed the past incidents. At any rate, it's a childhood friend of DH's, they are still close and communicate frequently, but I knew in the back of my mind they would never show. I'm glad I invited them, despite the minor stress.

AM

(hi jessy! shana tova!)

Now that you mention that they are social clods....perhaps they don't want to come because they don't want to reciprocate.
few years back a group of women always went out to a certain place for dinner every Friday. That place did some remodeling and would be closed for a month. So I said...I'll just make a pot of soup, a bowl of salad, some bread and you can come here ( we were 5 women), and another woman said.."Oh and the next week you can come to my house.
When I called everyone to verify time, one woman said she wouldn't be coming...I asked why not....she said she didn't really want to come out..(she lives across the street from me!!) I said nonsense, just walk across the street...you hardly have to put on a coat!
Then she admitted that she didn't want to take her turn at having us all for a meal.
So their refusal to answer may have something along those lines too.
Linda C

I also think your wording was perfectly clear, but if your DH's friend thought they couldn't afford the evening and so didn't wish to attend, he should have replied with a polite "so sorry, have to decline".