I think I would have probably reacted the same way you did. I like to think I would be able to speak up and say what I thought, but the fact he's an older man who probably was raised with different guidelines for what's appropriate or not, I think I would have just let it go too.

I have found it makes me very uncomfortable to confront strangers. If my brother, Dad, son or hubby said or was telling an inappropriate story, I would have no problem telling them what I thought or how that's how we talk about other people.

A stranger, unless it was something they were doing that was dangerous or threatening, I think I'd just keep my mouth shut. Too many odd people out there and you don't know how they'll react to your criticism.

I usually let that sort of thing go and never call them again.

Since you have indicated the "phrase was meant to be rude" then obviously the person knew it was. If this is true, calling him out on it would probably only get you an insincere apology at the best, and an argument or defensiveness at the worst.

If it were me and I was truly offended, I'd be done with him and never use him again.

If I wanted to continue the relationship, I'd discuss it with him. I do cut older contractors slack when they call me "honey" and such things--it doesn't mean I approve of it, like it, or think it's professional.

I find calling people out on those sort of things just doesn't generally work--particularly when you're the customer. They'll find a way to get back. I usually become deadpan, change the subject to all business and walk away.

For me, life is too short.

I'd have said something. I'm a blurt-er, if there is such a thing

When someone says something really offensive I can't help myself. I just blurt out things like "excuse me?!" and "uh, what did you just say?"

I also end up with my foot in my mouth a lot of the time so don't take my lead

Good riddance

I would have let it slide but then I avoid most issues unless they are super important.
On another note, I am curious as to why the word oriental is offensive. I usually don't use it anymore but a quick google search didn't pull up any satisfying results.
I have wondered this for a long time, btw.

I appreciate the feedback. Bumblebeez, I wish I could answer your question, but I don't know why, I just know that I've heard/read that. I thought it simply referred to eastern vs. western (as in, european or occidental) and don't know why it offends, but have refrained from using it.

Demifloyd, I ignore honey or darlin' since I live in the south and that's so common, at least with older folks. Unfortunately, this particular comment was racist.

I've called other people on stuff like this before, but under different circumstances. When it was someone I wasn't going to be able to avoid, I've told them that they're insulting members of my own family and that my dad put his own life at risk to help people who fought those type of attitudes. At least then they know not to say those things around me again.

Unfortunately, this particular comment was racist.

I would definitely never hire them or have them in my home again AND I would give him a call and tell him why.

"Had his language simply been old fashioned, I would not have been offended (for example, saying oriental instead of asian.) This phrase was meant to be rude."

IMO, that makes ALL the diference. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have confronted him about it, since I'm very conflict-averse -- but I sure respect anyone who does correct offenders.

The only phrase I will correct on (almost every time) is the word 'retard' or 'retarded' used as a generic insult. I find that term very offensive since I have a son with special needs (though he's not retarded).

According to my son (who is half Asian, and who told me about the Asian vs. Oriental thing), the word Oriental is used for things, Asian for people.

Sweeby, thanks for explaining the usage for objects vs. people.

I talked about the situation with dh last night, and he agrees with my decision to not hire this company again. He also thinks that, in this case, it would do no good to confront the owner about his language. By the time we talked, I was feeling more disappointed than angry. I thought this person was a nice old gentleman with a good heart, and I was happy to be able to provide his crew with the work (for which they were very appreciative as business has been so slow.)

Now I'm annoyed with myself for having been such a poor judge of character. I also feel a bit naive for thinking that we'd gotten past such attitudes.

It always sort of stops me in my tracks when I hear racist stuff nowadays. I'm just so taken aback by it, I don't know how to react. Regardless of how this man thinks, it's just plain old bad business to make racist remarks to his customers. Our culture now is such that it's extremely common for multiple cultures to be mixed into one family. How does he know that the very group he's insulting isn't a part of your family (or friends)? It's a huge assumption on his part in this day and age that you would feel the same way he does.

So, I'm not sure how I'd react except probably my jaw would drop. And like you, I'd not hire him back.

I've dropped friendships due to finding out they were racist. I simply cannot abide it.

rockmanor don't beat yourself up for being a poor judge of character - there's no way to distinguish a racist from a non-racist till they talk the talk. In this case I don't think you're naive for thinking we'd gotten past such attitudes - maybe a bit more hopeful than some, but then I often live in that world, too.

I wouldn't have them back either. If it was really bad I'd probably have to say something, now that I'm older. When I was younger, I would have just been stunned. Still stunning but I'd probably say something these days.

Have to ask since you're not explicit. Is this the 'n' word? It's the only one I can think of. He must be quite old. I was calling people on that when I was 10, which was quite some time ago. I would definitely say something there though I guess confrontation could get pretty hot or ugly (at which point I'd immediately throw him out of my house and tell him he was never welcome back.) I'd do the same with the 'f' word. Or too much foul language of any kind. That is enough! Out, out, out!

Spitting is another one. Do *not* come around here and start spitting on my property.

I'm pretty accommodating to differences, but you really have to wonder where some of these people come from.

I have no tolerance for racism. If someone uses a racial slur in front of me, I would most likely have a reply. Sweeby - I agree with "retard". I hate that word.

tina

rock, you could not have known and you were acting in good faith; too bad he does not have the common sense to know he can be offensive to others.
Clueless really of him.

Spring-meadow, yes, it was, combined with an adjective to indicate, I suppose, something even worse. Like I mentioned before, had he used an old fashion term for a person of color, I would have cut him some slack because I know that folks his age sometimes revert to the speech patterns of their youth; at least that's been my experience with others in some small towns and rural areas. This word has never been anything other than derogatory. The man was insulting to my family, in more ways than one. He just had no clue.

There's a construction term, a verb that's still used all-too-widely to describe shoddy construction techniques -- basically, to 'duct tape' something that requires a proper repair. (To '- rig' something...) Is that what he said? I'll assume it is, given his age and the context --

If so, then I'm afraid it IS in good part age-related, though in this day and age, how *anyone* could miss the hateful and obvious racist aspects is beyond me.

Since he's done good work for you in the past, it would be a real kindness to write a short note telling him why you won't be using his company in the future...

Boy, that's a tough one. If it's the phrase Sweeby is referring to, I hear that more frequently than I care to admit, and I ALWAYS call the person who says it on that. They've learned to just say 'rigged up' instead. I'd have said to him 'Oh, you mean jury rigged right?'.

I know that the people I know who used that term would never use the word in any other vernacular...it's just that they're accustomed to that phrase. Not that it's right mind you!!

I'm not so sure it's an age thing...I know a lot of people my age who still use that derogatory term..but not with the intent of it being derogatory. If that makes sense what I'm trying to say. I'd say that older people, my parents generation for example, would be more apt to use it in a derogatory fashion, if they used it at all.

Unfortunately, my mother and father use(d) that word when I grew up and I hated it immensely. My mother and her husband will use it when describing a colored person, and it REALLY ticks me off...I call them on it if they ever use that term around me. I was used to my Dad saying things, but this man is very polite and seems the type to go out of his way to not offend. Then to hear the n-word fly out of his mouth is shocking. And my brother uses it, too. I can't understand why..he's my age, younger than me in fact, but I attribute it to his racist bent. I'm so not proud of being brought up in a racist household, and frankly, that is a big part of why I'm not as close to my siblings and parents as a lot of my friends are to theirs.

I have an elderly neighbor who is 'careful' in her racism, she uses PC terms, but always in a whisper, like just referencing a persons heritage or race is an integral part of them and is something to be ashamed of. I change the subject when she does this, I know I'll never enlighten her, but I also don't need to subject myself to her narrow minded views.

I think you did the right thing for how you feel. I probably would have asked him not to use that term (if that was the case), but if he'd been making pointed racist comments, then I'd have told him thank you for your service, but I'm afraid I can't abide by your way of thinking; and shown him the door.

My experience is that if I removed every contractor who ever said anything I personally found ignorant, offensive or racist from my potential list of contacts for projects, I would end up doing a lot of the work myself.

I don't tend to use them for my personal projects but so far none of my clients have been willing to pay the rates I pay mine.

Money talks. Mine would be saying "bye-bye!"

I wish I were one of those people who always had a quick zinger on the tip of my tongue, but, alas, I'm not. I might think of something appropriate two weeks later.

There's nothing wrong with how you handled the guy. You ended the interaction in the best way that you at the time, so don't beat yourself up about it.

We had an aquaintance do our plumbing. He was good and a lot cheaper than a company. I was always home alone with him and he constantly said, "G.D." while working, among other cuss words. It was the G.D. that really got to me though.

I'd be in the living room while he was working, and when he'd say that I always thought lightening would strike! lol

I just felt uncomfortable when he came here. I could never go into someone's home and cuss like that. So we ended up biting the bullet and hired a company and paid more money. But it was much less stressful doing so!

If someone made such a remark to me in my home I would say, "I don't allow anyone to use racist language in my home. Please leave." I've been fortunate not to have to do that in my own home, but I have spoken up when people make racist/misogynistic remarks or jokes in conversation. I will say either "I won't listen to racist remarks," or "I don't find racist remarks funny." If the response is anything but an apology, I repeat myself, excuse myself, and walk away. I will not be embarrassed or little ladied into accepting that kind of hatefulness.

I have an older friend (early 70s) who occasionally says things that while not hate-filled, are quite inappropriate. Her remarks reflect a life lived in a very narrow world. When something comes up I am direct with her, but gentle. I learn much from her, and in this instance, she is learning from me.