Pesky, I can imagine how shocked and off balance you must feel. This sounds like it must be so hurtful.

Of course, I don't know the people involved, but I do think talking about others maliciously is always an indicator of insecurity, pettiness, and often jealousy.

While you may have considered some of these people to be friends, & people of good character, unfortunately people can surprise us! Even those of us who are older & wiser with "finely tuned radar" for reading people, can be blind-sighted every now & then.

You know that you can't trust these particular people now. Whenever you have to be around them, hold your head high, smile, get busy with something else and keep your distance. They'll wonder why you aren't chatting with them, but let them wonder.

I don't know who said it, but there is a quote I like that goes: "Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about others."

Also, Fannie Flagg, in Fried Green Tomatoes wrote,

"Remember if people talk behind your back, it only means you are two steps ahead."

Sorry this happened, Pesky. Sending you hugs. You're a great lady. Obviously "those people" don't know what they are talking about!

My MIL is a very cruel gossip of people. To me, speaking or gossiping cruelly about people is a "poor mans" form of conversation, which means that they have nothing intelligent to discuss. I also find that people who gossip about others are usually trying to make themselves better in the eyes of the listener. Hold your head up high and simply smile as you walk by them.

It's possible that not all of your former co workers feel negatively about you. It could be one individual who has made unflattering comments and since the others are all still working together they might just keep quiet rather than start a disagreement in the office.

You and your trusted source were also having a conversation about former, toxic workers and I'm not sure why your friend would bring this up now. I think you should try and forget it.

stinky wrote: "Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about others." - That is so spot on.

I can imagine that this is very upsetting to since you felt these people were friends at one point. If I read your post correctly, you don't currently work with them, only see them in passing? My best advice is to expend zero energy on this information. You can't change the thoughts and actions of others, but you can change how you think and act/react.

Also, why in the world would your "friend" bring this up with you? Sadly, if it were me, I would question whether my friend wasn't a bit more involved with the involved group she is speaking to you about. Be careful not to spend too much time with someone who is toxic.

Hold your head high when you run into these people and be civil. My biggest concern in your post is the fact that this person who shared the information with you. What did she have to gain by telling you this stuff? She hurt you, and I don't buy that she was just telling you this stuff as an FYI chat. Just my gut feeling reading your post.

Let it go, or it will keep eating at you.

I agree with maire_cate. It's entirely possible the whole group doesn't feel that way. It could be one person talking and others staying silent.

I am amazed by the similarity between junior high school and adult life (for women especially). One would think that petty talk would be outgrown, but that is not always the case, as your story shows. I accept that I will not be liked by everyone, because everyone is different. At the same time, I know that I will not like everyone I encounter. Rather that talking poorly about those people I just choose to not spend time with them. It is not worth the energy. It is hard to hear that someone is talking poorly about you, but hopefully those who really know you can see the truth. So, if you are happy with yourself then don't give it a second thought. Move on and enjoy life!

amj0517, I too am consistently amazed by how petty adults can be and how quickly some rush to malign others with hurtful gossip. You're so right - nothing has changed since junior high. Nothing except our ability to consider the source of such hurtful words and make the conscious choice not to internalize them. I think that's just a bit easier to do as an adult than as a child, simply because we have so much more life experience.

Pesky, I too have been the subject of the same kind of "trash talk" as you, and I have to admit that my tendency is to really want to shock people who have said such things about me. I know that's playing into their hands, but there's a part of me that wants to rebel and my rebellion does not take the form of bowing to their "good girl/boy" images.

And really, what is "white trash"? Usually a very inaccurate perception of someone who doesn't go along with a traditional, mainstream lifestyle. Usually a judgment call about someone else based upon their outward appearance, material possessions, or socioeconomic status. People who set themselves up in a position to judge that way are not people I want in my life.

Hold your head high and continue to be exactly who and what you are. You can't control the thoughts, talk or actions of others, and although it does hurt to feel that you've been on the receiving end of their small-mindedness, just keep being who you are and carry on. Just based upon the person I know you to be here, I think you are pretty damned terrific.

Very good advice here! I've always wondered why people (some people) have to be so mean- you know, can't we all just get along?

Thank you all for your kind and wise words. The friend who mentioned it had included herself in the description. She and I were kindred spirits in an environment of uptight, judgemental, misogynistic tendencies masked as a progressive outfit.

I grew up in a solidly middle class (tending toward upward middle class) traditional upbringing. I am cultured and educated. My DH grew up poor, raised by teenaged parents and a communal, essentially hill-billy environment. Total opposites! But he is smart, educated and hard working. I fought a lot of opposition from my immediate family, but DH was eventually accepted. However I still get a vibe from people that they dont think we're 'good enough' . Also since I tend to be a jeans & sneakers and no make up kind of gal (who is usually covered in dog hair!) and I like rock & roll and muscle cars and getting dirty, it tends to go against tradition

I won't let it bother me, but what she mentioned does go a long way in explaining some things that I'd suspected and that I face to this day in my current workplace. I just march to a different drummer!

And like you Jen, I have a tendency to want to throw it in their faces. Now that I'm 50, I feel like I've earned that right. Haha!

Well, since your friend included herself in the 'trash' category, I guess she's exempted from the 'Why did she tell you that?' suspicion -- but still... Ouch!

Sounds like you used to work with some small-minded, petty, nasty and judgmental people! Or at least one of them who queen bee'd things over the others and dubbed herself 'head mean girl'. What can you say? There are people like that, and I'm guessing her mean-spirited criticism of you was really a reflection of her own insecurity.

Oh well... At least you *know* there's absolutely no truth to it in substance. Hopefully, knowing those statements say much more about the speakers than they do of you may be some comfort.