Oh, wow, you have stress coming at you from all directions. Hang in there!

Jen, wow what an icky morning.I hate to have to prioritize my stress.
some perspective in the kid stuff.- it does pass. stressing doesnt make it pass faster( I know)
my DS used to wet the bed- grew out of it.
DD had separation anxiety about going into school. She graduated this May from college, and is getting ready to move to an appt this year.
You will adjust to your new medication too.
So just breathe, drink your coffee, look out of the window to see that it is a beautiful day( any day is if you are alive) and plan your responses to your meeting.

You will find the strength to get through the day Jlc! You can do it , you can do it! Yes, you need to vent, there's so much going on. Take some deep breaths. Let the negativity out when you exhale. Focus on what YOU can do at work & don't obsess about what your boss might do. You can't control his decision-making. When the negative, downer thoughts come, say, "I can do it." Tell your brain your taking it down another track for a change.

I know it's hard...there is so much going on. Give yourself breaks, breathe, drink plenty of water (not too much coffee) and eat a healthy lunch. Eat your lunch with someone in your office who is positive and uplifting. Don't isolate yourself. When alone you will be tempted to occupy your mind with all your troubles.

Try to avoid the negative Nellies in your environment. Do all you can to bring positive energy into you life right now. It won't make your problems go away, but it will arm you with the strength you need to deal with whatever comes up. Best wishes.

Are the kids stressed because of what's going on with your relationship? When your hub goes hunting, if they calm down; it's possible it's related to that.

My daughter had separation issues; so I feel your pain with that. I was also having marriage issues at the time. She always had some sort of problem when he was around her.

Good luck at work today. My hub's been stressed because of his; not what we needed after the year we've had. We'll deal with whatever comes our way; which is all anyone can do.

~Hugs

I'll send you some positive vibes, as I am sending me some also , you certainly are having a rough patch. Possibly with your dh going away a few days, it will give both of you a time to reflect and simmer down, sometimes that helps.

good luck to you . I hope you get positive signs making you hopeful going forward.

Find the book The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. I used to read it the first day of school and it has a wonderful way of helping children deal with missing Mommy or Daddy when at school. I used to always have something ready for the child to do who didn't want Mommy to go. Pass out papers, have him/her help take attendance, lunchcount, just something to occupy his mind. If you drop him off at the car riders area, ask the office to have someone there who can help pry him away from you. Make a deal with him that if he goes in without tears, then you will come have lunch with him or have a special time together after school.

It is not uncommon for some kids to start this several weeks after school starts. Its the fact that they realize I have to go everyday and if its a full day, then some kids just get tired. Make sure he is getting enough sleep and ask his teacher if he is okay once the day gets started. Most of the time, the kids are fine once Mom is gone. If you think there may be a reason for his being unhappy, such as something going on in the classroom, then you may need a conference with the teacher.

Take the time while your hubs is gone to destress and think things through. Please don't let him leave without your at least saying goodbye to him and telling him to be safe.

Something I learned about working with others,, especially if you have to work as a team - you can't always make others do things the way you would like them to -BUT you can change the way you respond to what they do. Be proactive - not reactive. Don't know if that would apply to your work situation but it might help the stress.

Good luck and try to have a restful time this weekend.

Sending you positive thoughts. Remember what doesnt break you makes you stronger. Keep strong.

Hang in there, Jen!

I'm a bit late with this but I hope your day is going OK and that your meeting with the upper admins isn't as tough as you think it might be.

Last year was a tough one for DS being dropped off at pre-school once a week. He had a wonderful teacher, though, and she told me he was fine the minute I left. I bet once your DS gets involved in the classroom activities he does great, but I know how tough it is for you. By staying upbeat while you drop him off, you're doing EXACTLY the right thing and it'll get easier....it'll get easier.

I hope you get a good nights' sleep tonight and a day full of sunshine tomorrow! Hang in there!

I am sorry you are going through all these challenges at once. Hang in there and feel free to vent anytime. Sounds like you need an outlet! (((hugs)))

Such good advice from all. I second everything said. My ds had a classmate who did same as yours. The mom spent way too much time saying goodbye, it made it worse. I so wanted to say something to her but did not want to seem like I was medling. She is in 4th grade now and is better but I can see mom still has issues with this even though her dd is doing much better.

There is a movie you should rent while dh is away. It stars Kirk Cameron. It is called Fireproof. It is a little churchy but I really think you could benefit from this. Marriage is worth saving. Sometimes both parties are waiting for the other one to make the first move and they never do. Your children and dh will thank you for it. Plus I think you will start to feel more positive by doing more positive things. That would trickle down to all aspects of your family. Even the bed wetting.

Good luck and many, many good thoughts are being sent to you as you read.

I am sending strong positive thoughts to you too. I hope the meeting went better than you thought it would.

I had posted that we were / are going through the toughest time ever in our lives. It has been so hard and I am glad that DH and I are able to stay strong together. I hope it works out for you too....(( )) from me. c

Thanks for the good thoughts-- I so appreciate your words.

So, the plot thickens. My DS(5)was complaining that his hip/leg hurt last night. He mentioned it in the middle of the night when he wet the bed and we were getting things cleaned up. I didn't think much of it and just thought he wanted to be held/carried. By this morning he couldn't stand on it and was crying that it hurt. At first I thought it was more of not wanting to go to school. Now I think he just couldn't get up out of bed to get to the bathroom in the night, and he really was hurting.

We ended up taking him to InstaCare and going through exam, blood work, xrays. Turns out he has "transient synovitis" of his hip. They are not sure of the cause, but you just treat it with ibuprofen and rest and he should be ok in 3-4 days. Poor kid!

So I made it just in time for my big meeting, and DH took DS home. (DH isn't leaving for his trip till tomorrow now). My marriage is just a whole other ball of wax. We have had a tough time since our son was born. We went to counseling and it helped for a while. At this point we just kind of coexist like roommates and we just work together to keep the household running. Our relationship just sucks and I am so angry and frustrated with him so much of the time.

My meeting was just...unbelievable. I cannot believe the leadership of the agency I work for. It is a state position. The past year has included an extremely poorly handled HR investigation, interviews with the attorney general's office, dear friends being suspended pending termination, then being reinstated due since there was no merit to the charges. They were "reassigned" and I now supervise them, although they have supervised/mentored me for years. It has been a complete travesty. There is endless drama and politics and maneuvering. I am just so burned out and disillusioned. However, I have so much invested in my career at this point, I just cannot bear to give in to all this crap and leave.

This is one of those times of life where every area of my life seems difficult and depressing. I just keep thinking, stay strong and keep going, but I am WORN OUT.

So, I really appreciate all your kindness and a place to vent it out!! My goodness I sound like such a basket case!

Thanks,
Jen

Well, I'm glad tomorrow's Friday! Since DH will be gone hunting this weekend, can you and DS take it easy and get some movies and order in a pizza or two? It sounds like you need to take it easy, and with your DS's hip pain, maybe you can just have a nice quiet weekend while he's on the mend. Maybe watch Toy Story a dozen times or so. :)

As for the marriage difficulties, don't think you're alone! We've talked about that exact subject at some of our moms' meetings and I think many if not all families go through a tough transitional period like what you describe. I know my own marriage changed A LOT when DS was born. Hang in there and I hope everything gets easier as time goes by. Have a good, relaxing weekend, Jen!

No, you don't sound like a basket case. You sound like an incredibly strong woman who is facing a lot of challenges. I think you are doing an impressive job of juggling everything! Give yourself a break!

I'm with Folkvictorian...hope you have a relaxing weekend. Hope your DS feels better asap too!

Hi Jen-I've learned the meaning of that phrase "It won't last." It means that when things are awful, just breathe in and breathe out and keep putting one foot in front of the other because it won't last. Life will get better.

I so relate to your issues, both past and present. Past: now that my kids are grown I can say truthfully that those early years were by far the most difficult of my marriage so far. My husband, while a good and decent person, is a handful at the best of times. And those were far, far from the best of times. It's damn hard to keep it all going: work, parenting, running your home, and finally tending your marriage. I think many (most?) of us end up putting the marriage at the bottom of the list and it becomes another stress point in a stack that seems to reach to the sky.

As for work--oh lord. I work for a terrible, horrible, awful manager. He creates SUCH stress, aggravation, and genuine pain in the organization. It's been 3+ years and after counseling and medication and far, far too many nightmarish moments, the only thing that keeps me going and makes it possible to function is: focusing on the part of my work I love and trying to transcend the nightmare that is my boss. I find that if I frame my work life in terms of "I report to [nightmare] but I work for my customers" it truly helps.

Anyway, sorry to hear things are so rough. As others have suggested, try to have a weekend of as little stress as possible. If you and your little guy can cocoon, rest, and just turn off the world for a couple of days, it may give you some reserves to face next week. Just keep breathing in and breathing out...

Ann

Ugghhh! So sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It really, really sucks doesn't it?

I too have gone through many of the things that you are currently going through but at least they weren't all at the same time. I know if it were all at one shot I (all of us) would have made it through but man would I have felt wreaked and beat down.

Keep picking yourself up girl. When your feet feel like lead weights all you have to do is move one at a time. One at a time.

At times the one thing that always gets me through to the end of a day was a saying that I came up w/ during boot camp in the Marine Corps and later as the only woman in my field out in the fleet. There were days when I thought they would stop at nothing to break me and my determination. I've carried it w/ me in my heart ever since: 'Only God can stop the end of the day from coming.'. Whenever I feel like throwing my hands up and shouting 'I GIVE ALRIGHT! JUST MAKE IT STOP!' I repeat my saying and move forward.

A doctor that I once worked w/ asked me how I could possibly put up w/ the Dr. I worked for. I told him my saying and every now and then I'd catch him saying it to himself after an encounter w/ my boss.

(((Jen))), you do have a lot on your plate right now, so it's good for you to talk about it and vent and even rant a bit, if you like. I'm so sorry that your DH isn't your "port in the storm" right now. I can only imagine how much this adds to your stress. Is there anyone nearby, a parent, sibling, a close friend, relative, or a minister that you can go to? Having someone to sit down with you and listen can bring some added calm and , perhaps, a new perspective.

My thoughts and my prayers are with you. Please know that you do have friends here who care. Keep us posted.
Lynn

Jen, I agree with everything other folks have said. One hopeful thing I can add based on my experience: if your marriage was fine until your son was born, it's extremely possible that it can get back to where it was. That is, IF you just hang in there with him and trust that the childhood-induced stresses will eventually ease and you both can re-discover what was so wonderful about the other in the first place. My DH definitely changed after our daughter was born, and I sometimes didn't even recognize him from his weird, irritating behavior. I also changed, because of having to be major lead parent -- he just abdicated any parenting responsibility in the early years and I seriously resented it. This went on WAY longer than I would have liked and I began to despair that it would ever be different. I wanted my old DEARH back, not this weird guy acting out the issues from his childhood. I completely loved the old DH.

But as DD has gotten older (probably the original DH started showing back up when DD was around 10 or 11 [hate to tell you it took that long, though, but it did happen], when he could start doing things with her that he liked, e.g. running, nature volunteering, so as to bond with her over those things that were real and recognizable to him), he's relaxed again and it's like he's comfortable enough to let the old DH see the light of day once more. I give thanks to whatever forces allowed him to do that--our family is pretty wonderful now that he's somehow processed his issues or DD has grown to the point that he can relate to her better...

So it *can* get better, back to what it was, if it was just the issue maybe of having a little human around now and not knowing what to do with it--which never ends up being *just* issues about the little human, but leaks over into everything else too.

Just some thinking I hope might help, based on your narrative as posted...

Thank you... you bring tears to my eyes! What sweet friends you are out there in internet land!

I do have good friends and family. Sometimes I just can't add to the stress and worries they already have, and can't speak quite as bluntly as I can here.

So thanks from the bottom of my heart for a place to pour it out!! Who knew Home Decorating friends were also available for therapy? :) :) :)

My DH left on his trip, DS is feeling better, and I'm going to immerse myself in housework and laundry and some R&R this weekend. Because my inlaws are coming for a visit on Sunday! How is that for timing? ha ha ha

Life goes on. Hopefully next week will be better.

THANKS
Jen

Jen!

You are having company tomorrow?!! Are you crazy? I'd have thought of a great excuse to cancel and just be a total couch potato with your DS THIS entire weekend. Housework and laundry be damned! You need some 'you' time. I thought the movie rental idea was right up there with the best advice ever for your situation.

You need to take MUCH better care of yourself. You don't need to be super-human, you know.

Consider yourself scolded, my dear. You are putting yourself last on your list and everything around you will suffer because of it. I'm serious.

My DH is a sweetie but I swear, child rearing was not his forte'. We went head to head so many times during those years. At times, it seemed like he undermined me at every turn, without thinking!. We had many outside conversations in the day. At one point, I threatened to move out. Seriously! Now he is golden again.

Remember! You must teach people how to treat you. Don't be a doormat! (((Hugs, as the bell rings and you go back in the ring!)))