reform temple dress etiquette

13 years ago

I've seen lots of great fashion advice given here and I've googled this one and can't seem to find the convention... I'd ask my MIL but she is really really not a fashion maven AT ALL so I am hoping someone around here might know the answer.

I am not a member of a temple myself nor is my husband, but my inlaws are and are having an aufruf for my BIL one weekend in August. We generally go to their temple during the high holy days (in the fall) and I always tend to wear slacks then, but I have had my eye on a denim skirt (it's not a hoochie denim skirt, it's a pencil skirt that comes below the knee in a very dark wash denim) and this event would send me over the edge in justifying the purchase.

BUT it's august and the hottest summer in recent memory (the skirt is kind of a light weight denim though) and I know that bare legs are "in" from a fashion sense... the way I envisioned wearing this skirt was bare legged and with sandals (to the other events I need to wear it to). Is that just TOTALLY inappropriate in a temple given that the skirt is a bit below the knee? Would I need to wear some kind of hose/tights and closed toed shoes even though it's August for the sake of decorum?

Thanks for any help. It's been like a decade since I've worn a skirt but I've lost a bunch of weight recently and am feeling the urge! But I'm still losing so I need to have enough things to wear this skirt I have my eye on to justify the purchase when I'm hoping it will be too big at some point!

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Comments (17)

Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
13 years ago
And what would be the outcome if you didn't wear hose?
Would your mil notice? Be offended?

I am conservative in dress and whenever I have an event that I think I need to pump up the conservatism, skirt instead of pants, etc, I usually find plenty of teenagers running around in what I used to call slips! And, wore under my dress so no one would see the outline of my limbs...
I'm glad those days are over, though. But you'd think I was eighty instead of 46.
Although I am not Jewish, I do know that there will be plenty of fashionably conservatively dressed ladies who wouldn't be caught dead in something as dated as hose in August.
lindac
13 years ago
You have been to that temple before....and know how formal it tends to be...
My only concern is the denim of the skirt....the bare legs are fine.
Will most men be wearing slacks and sport coats....or will there be lots of golf shirts?

Linda C
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golddust
13 years ago
I'm not sure about the temple thing but I'm here commenting on your skirt... Earlier in the season I purchased a dark wash, demin pencil skirt (Not Your Daughter's jeans) and I love it!
pammyfay
13 years ago
I've never been to a Reform temple; I usually go to Chabad or not-so-quite orthodox Conservative.

But if it's OK to wear slacks there during the High Holidays (I've never done that--I'm a bit jealous!), I'm thinking that the skirt length and material are OK for your BIL's celebration, and that the bare legs/sandals are OK, too. Or do you have a pair of flats to wear instead?

I guess I would try to dress it up, tho--the Torah will be out. You could always hit the restroom after the service and strip off the hose!

Am I correct in thinking that you don't have to wear long-sleeved tops in Reform synagogues? Just cover the shoulders?
kgwlisa
Original Author
13 years ago
No, I am pretty sure that there won't be a sport coat to be found in the place! Per my husband, Saturday services are pretty low key there in general and then in summer, SUPER low key (the Rabbi tends to be on vacation and it's run by others etc, although the rabbi will be there for this). I'm sure even my BIL won't be wearing anything beyond a golf shirt and chinos.

Tons of women, including my MIL, wear slacks during high holy days. I've been going for so long... I think when I first started going it was a skirt and tights but has been slacks for many many years. And yes, I wear short sleeves based on the weather (sometimes it's still super hot in september/october)... My MIL tends to wear a jacket but she is ALWAYS cold even if it's 85 degrees in a place... I'm always hot and no one has ever said anything to me about short sleeves either! Usually if it's warm I will wear a fine gauge knit shell and sometimes I will layer a cardigan on top that always ends up coming off. I think a lot of women wear short sleeves and yes, some of the teens are definitely much more casually dressed but I am not looking to mimic them!

I never paid THAT much attention to what other people wore to tell you the truth. My MIL would probably not notice one way or the other, she will be involved with her friends and her other son and showing off her grandson (our son is the only grandchild at the moment and only 2 and REALLY adorable)... I don't expect anyone to notice ME to tell you the truth! But just wondering what I can get away with without seeming disrespectful, which is the last thing I'd mean. I never cover my head in any way either (when the Torah comes out or otherwise) so I am guessing maybe I am making too big a deal out of this. Last time I wore a skirt hose were in!
moonshadow
13 years ago
I just wanted to jump in and mostly say "hey" Lisa, and that I miss seeing you around! (Haven't been here much myself this summer, tho.) I often wonder how you and baby are doing and ohmygosh he's a toddler already! How time flies. Show that lil man off to your friends here if you're agreeable to it! ;D

I'm never had the pleasure of being to a temple, only our church (sporadically in recent years) or family members'. Attire across the board has gotten very casual. Sure, there are still those that always dress up to some degree, but that's the minority. Went to my niece's Confirmation and wore a nice slack suit thinking it was appropriate. (Failed to check w/my sister first how her newer church is. Lutheran so in my mind kind of close to Catholic so I figured leaning a bit more toward formal for such an important occasion.) I was almost over dressed by comparison! I hope your wish comes true and you get to buy/wear the skirt, and congrats on the weight loss! Nothing feels better than getting into a smaller size, woohoo!
kgwlisa
Original Author
13 years ago
I forgot to say golddust, that I love this skirt! I'm really "hippy" (not in a cool and peace loving way, but have really wiiiiiiide hips) and for any kind of a structured skirt, a pencil skirt definitely looks best on me. Anything that starts at the hips and keeps straight down or out makes me look a mile wide. But the shape of a pencil skirt makes me look curvy instead of just wide. I might just get the stupid thing anyway even if I can't wear it to the temple (but I would like to!

Hey mooonshadow!!! Yes, life has been crazy with this kid and every spare minute I have it seems like I am spending at the gym! He started camp a few weeks ago and is going to preschool in the fall and we are both LOVING it... it's hard to tell who loves it more ;) I happen to have posted some brand new pics to fb just yesterday. Here is one.

{{gwi:1516508}}

And here he is at a friend's party a few weeks ago:

{{gwi:1516509}}
jerseygirl_1
13 years ago
Reform Temples are more relaxed than conservative or orthodox. Since Yamakahs are not required in a reform congreagation, I really don't think a pencil denim skirt would be a looked upon negatively. I would not hesitate to wear one and I'm jewish. Does that make you feel better? Go for it.
moonshadow
13 years ago
What a little cutie pie, he is adorable !! Easy to see why the GPs gush over him. ;) Sounds like he keeps you running pretty well, lol. He's at my favorite age, from then till about 5. Have the best memories of my nieces during those years, seeing the world through little people's eyes sure puts a whole new spin on things. It's nice to see how great things are going for you!
hhireno
13 years ago
I don't know anything about what is acceptable at a Temple but I say Temple visit or not, if that skirt works for you BUY IT. Treat yourself, it sounds great for you.

And your son is so cute! Everyone at the Temple will be staring at him & his cuteness. Only your DH's eyes will be on you and your curves in your new skirt.
jerseygirl_1
13 years ago
Okay, I think I spelled Yamakas wrong. I guess that makes me reformed or a poor speller. LOL
littledog
13 years ago
No fashion advice other than to say if the skirt style is flattering you, it should be fine. Just wanted to say what a fine looking little man, love the red/gold hair!
mitchdesj
13 years ago
He is adorable, he looks like he has a great personality. Those eyes and cheeks are amazing.
amysrq
13 years ago
EEGADS, that baby is two?!!! He is adorable. I just can't believe it's been that long and echo Moon's sentiments on missing seeing you around here.

I think it sounds like the skirt will be fine for the aufruf. Morning, right? No prob. Watch out for all those bubbes though...they're going to swarm you and that kiddo!
mrsmarv
13 years ago
Hey Lisa ~ It's good to "see" you ;o) We're going to a Bat Mitzvah in late September and I was just discussing our attire this past weekend with my cousin. She's the grandma of the Bat Mitzvah girl and is very "up" on what to do and what not to do (BTW, she's Conservative and keeps kosher). I was showing her the dress I had ordered for the event, which is sleeveless. I told her I would be getting a lightweight shrug to wear over the dress. She thought I was wearing a shrug because of the temple service, and she said that I didn't have to wear anything over the sleeveless dress because it was in a Reform temple. I told her that I was planning on wearing a shrug because I would feel more comfortable in a little cover-up because sleeveless might be pushing it because of my age and (ahem) arms LOL. We also discussed whether or not it would be a hose or no-hose day. She's even going to go bare-legged if it's hot, and believe me, if she can go bare-legged I know it's "correct". She knows her etiquette. You can certainly wear a casual skirt and no hose.
Enjoy! Your son has really grown and he is absolutely adorable!
lowspark
13 years ago
I belong to a Conservative synagogue and I say, wear the skirt.

Services are WAY more casual than they were years ago. Bare legs are in and almost no one wears hose anymore. Some of the older ladies maybe. Especially, as you mentioned, during summer, things are even more casual.

I see everything from super dressy to you-wore-THAT-to-synagogue? and everything in between. I think the skirt you describe will work fine.
runninginplace
13 years ago
We now interrupt your regularly scheduled temple dress etiquette conversation for this bulletin:

That is the cutest baby EVER!!!!!

We now return to your regularly scheduled temple dress etiquette conversation.

Ann

PS I suggest you enter by parading him in front of you, and nobody will notice what you're wearing mom :).

reform temple dress etiquette

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Bumblebeez SC Zone 7

lindac

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