Annie, this is a monumental undertaking for you and Elery, but if anyone can pull it off, you all can.

I am just curious and have 2 questions. Do people actually eat in the sanctuary and is this common in your area? A new thing for me.

jude

Jude, it's not really common to eat in the sanctuary, although my church often has coffee and donuts before Sunday morning service, our little church has no other place to do it.

I'm not sure about this church, apparently they have a small "meeting hall" attached to the sanctuary, and we'll be serving in the meeting hall. It cost something like $100 to rent the meeting hall, but people can "over flow" into the sanctuary and then it will cost more in rent. There are no tables and chairs, so people are apparently just going to mill around and eat, so I'm trying to keep things not too messy and avoid the necessity of forks, etc.

We'll have to clean up afterwards too, so I'm sure not serving red punch or anything like that and we've definitely nixed the chicken in sauce idea!

They also have a large open courtyard and that is where they are having cake and desserts with coffee after the ceremony. I'm hoping they have a back-up in case of rain (or snow).

I'm also wondering how Elery and I are going to be able to clean up to go to the ceremony after cooking all day and serving, when the ceremony is immediately after...

Annie

Wow Annie! You guys are really going to be tired when it's over. That's all I can say!!

Wear really BIG aprons. :)

"If anyone gets booze, I'm telling you, it's ME!" LOL, Annie, you'll need it! You and Elery are saints. I'm with Barnmom on the hives - I get sick to my stomach just thinking about if it were me instead of you doing this.

Actually, Woodie, it's the logistics of the thing that's driving me nuts. It's 100 miles away from my place, more than that from Elery's, so it's not convenient to either of our homes. After the ceremony is the cake and dessert thing, and then a dinner for the immediate family and close friends but if Elery and I are cleaning up the hall, I don't know how we're going to make both of those "receptions" too, or maybe even neither of them.

Ah well, I'll cook, I'll serve and whatever happens, will happen.

Annie

Costco and catering is what I'm thinking! : ) I know, I know you want to cook everything but man you have some big challenges with this. I'm sure you will pull it off though. Having only one stove for that many people is really going to be hard. Like others mentioned I hope you have room and enough power for some roasters, crockpots, and toaster ovens. I did wings for Justin's party and was surprized how well they went over and really no mess or challenges eating them. I did get them at his favorite local joint and reheated in the oven. I know there is a hot wing dip recipe that has been posted here more than once. That might be an option? I've made it but can't find the recipe on this computer...might be at the office. I can post it if your interested. Keep us posted and I'll try to think of some things that might help/work.

Amanda, good to hear from you!! I'm guessing your little one is probably in school by now.....it's been a long time since Moe's.....

David

I'd never considered Brie a "stinky" cheese. It seems very mild to me. But anyway...
Annie, if you and Ellery are doing all the catering, then why the he// are you also doing the clean up? Can some other person be delegated to do the clean up? Could you hire it done? It seems astoundingly unfair to me that the two of you should be doing all the heavy work of catering and cleaning.

Colleen, I've had brie twice and didn't care for it either time, it seemed very strong to me both times. Of course, I don't care for goat cheese either, so maybe it's a similar flavor thing I don't like. I guess "stinky" is a matter of perspective. (grin) I won't eat blue cheese either and some people love it.

Regardless, no way can I wrap brie in pastry for 400 people, we have a budget of $1,000 and we'll spend it all and then some, it has to include punch too. That's only $2.50 a person if 400 people actually show up.

I don't know why we are cleaning up, but we are. I suggested hiring Ashley and a couple of friends to do it, but we're 100 miles away, so that's a 200 mile round trip for them to clean the kitchen. The wedding is not near either of our homes, so we don't know anyone, including the pastor or church members. If we don't clean the kitchen, the couple doesn't get their deposit back, plus we'll need to pack up all our roasters, coolers, utensils and miscellaneous stuff and take it back home with us, we have to have the place cleaned up that night on time for church services on Sunday morning.

My girls have only met Ben once, so they aren't going to go although they were invited. They won't be there to help. The siblings are all in the wedding, they can't clean up. Elery's sister says she'll help but she'll be babysitting their 85 year old Dad and Stepmother, so she'll have her hands full too. The bride's parents aren't doing anything and aren't contributing financially, apparently there's no help there. The mother of the groom is in charge of the "cake reception" afterward and so will not be available for clean up.

The whole thing is just strange to me, probably because I come from the family that has pot luck wedding receptions! I've been told that this is the current "trend", to have appetizers or cocktail hour before the ceremony and cake after, then dinner for close family in a restaurant or somewhere with a catered meal because dinners for that many people are too expensive. Still, that's three separate receptions or parties. OK, I think it's silly but who wants to tell the bride? Not me!

David, we don't have a Costco here, it'll have to be Sam's Club cheese and frozen cream puffs!

Annie

Hmm...I think I see the problem here. The bride needs to stop worrying so much about what the "trend" is and downsize her expectations to something that doesn't take advantage of others.

Give us her phone number, we'll tell her. LOL!

Could you just pack up your stuff, and hire a local person to do the rest? Perhaps the church has a ladies guild or something that does fundraising for the church?

Maybe, Colleen, I don't know anything about the church and no one has ever been there except the bride. I suggested to Elery that maybe there were some cousins or something that would help clean up, if they are having 400 people there has to be SOMEONE.

Renee, I think if the bride's mother was a bit more involved, there'd be input but Ben isn't saying anything, he's just letting the bride do the planning.

Since I'm only the "stepmother of the groom" and relatively new at that, I'm busy shutting up, I think it's up to Elery to say something to his son if something gets said.

Annie

I would just call the church myself and ask. To me it's not unreasonable to say something like, "I'm helping with a wedding there next month and I need some help with the catering/cleanup (well, they might also be willing to help with heating stuff up and passing it around, you never know unless you ask :-) ). Do you have a ladies' guild that might be interested in assisting or someone you can recommend?" They've probably had this question before :-)

You're right, of course, Annie. I was joking (and feeling bad for how tired you and Elery are going to be.)

Colleen, you're right. Elery will be here this weekend and I'll talk to him then, I don't want to do something without his input.

Renee, I'd love to say something, I really would, and I might yet, even if it's something like "that really won't work for us". I already told her "no" on the brie, and a couple of other things, so now it's someone else's turn!

Annie

Oh, poor Annie. If I was lucky enough to live in your part of the world I would sneak in to help you and then back out again. With a little 'taste testing' here and there, lol.

Good luck! I know you can do it.

T

You and Elery are saints for sure! But somehow with Elery being the father of the groom, it just doesn't seem right to have you both slaving away in the kitchen and not in the reception line or at least at all of the receptions. Talk to him this weekend and tell him that the CF --the wise people who told you to marry him-- think this is a crazy idea and needs to be reworked! Someone else should be doing the clean up and serving. You're being way too easy going on this one.

I completely agree with Compumom on this. You and Elery shoud absolutely be in the receiving line and at the reception. There must be other aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc who can clean up.

Alexa

Here is a "recipe" that Shaun posted that may work for the Brie.

"Brie Cups - Shaun

Servings

brie
phylo cups

Get those little miniature Phylo Cups in the frozen section.

Just put a chunk of Brie in the cup, put a dollop of apricot preserves (or whatever type you love) and put into the oven for about 10 mins."

Total yumminess on a serving plate; guests can just pick one up and go. No knives or crackers etc., needed

I'd absolutely nix the chicken wings and push the meatballs. I know it's their day and all and you what to please them but a reality check may be in order.

I'll throw my two cents in with the others......somehow you have to figure out this cleanup thing. There must be something you can do to make sure Elery and you are in the reception line. He is the father you aren't kitchen staff!

It's just plain wrong if you two are cleaning up during any part of the celebrations....bad enough you are in the kitchen during the appetizers.

I told you I'd come and I mean it!

This whole thing is unreasonable and I think the bride has no clue what she is asking of you. Sounds like you will be working the whole time, ceremony and all. She wants you to serve as well, is that right? Does the church have tables so you can just put stuff out instead (I think you said no room for that in the sanctuary).

I wouldn't trust family I don't know to help; who knows if they would come through.

I'd call the church myself to find out things like what time you can be there. I'd ask how other weddings like this have managed. They may have their own staff or church members/teens who would appreciate a couple hours of work. Maybe they can recommend a local restaurant who may have idle waiters/busboys also looking for work. Gee.....maybe that local restaurant could have some trays of appetizers ready for you to pick up.....Sams Club is looking better and better...

Quoting Sylviatexas: I wish you the best

(before you agree to premade phyllo or puff pastry cups, price 'em out)

Annie, I can't find the older post about this, when and where?

Jessica, I'd definitely agree on the premade phyllo or puff pastry cups, they are expensive and between that and the brie, would blow the budget I'm afraid. When the whole thing started Elery told Ben he'd give them $1,000 or do the appetizers. That's when there was 200 people, now that number has doubled.

Elery will be here tomorrow afternoon, so we're going to have to sit down and talk about how this is all going to work...

Annie

I'm a little curious, Annie.

Are they having a wedding cake designed by a professional, and if so, will he/she be serving the cake?

Will the music be provided by talented family members, or have they hired a band or a DJ?

Will there be a professional photographer, or has grandma volunteered to snap the wedding photos with her trusty 1975 Polaroid?

I'm asking because cake decorators, DJs and photographers demand a hefty fee for their services. So, if there are enough funds to cover those costs, both the groom and bride's family should be able to hire a local catering service.

Since we're talking about serving hundreds of guests, you and Elery will be too exhausted to enjoy what ought to be a very special event in your lives.
And I'm certain the wedding couple would prefer to have you both partake in the celebration, as opposed to being stuck in a kitchen all night, and carried out on a stretcher when it's all over.

You have my sympathy, friend.

Sol

Sol, there will be a small wedding cake to cut, and then cupcakes, they didn't want to spend money for wedding cake for 400. I think Ben's mother is in charge of serving the desserts.

There will be no music at any of the "receptions", nor will there be any alcohol. I'm assuming the church has an organist for the wedding march, but I don't know.

I'm afraid to ask about photographers because I'm trying to figure out how the heck they're going to have time to get pictures taken if the appetizers are served at 4 pm, the ceremony starts at 6 pm, cake is served immediately after the ceremony and the dinner for family is at 8 pm. Maybe pictures will be taken before the ceremony?

Elery tells me that he does not believe the bride's family is contributing very much, financially or otherwise, that "the kids" are paying for everything themselves. So, no caterers, huge wedding cakes, music or dancing, etc. and that's why there's a dinner afterward for family members and close friends. They wanted to invite a lot of people, so it's appetizers and cake for the largest percentage of guests, no meal.

I've got my hands full enough with the appetizers, I didn't even ask about flowers or dresses or anything else, I suppose that would have been polite. Sigh. I didn't even think about it.

I've definitely got to figure out something else on the clean up, though, the timing is just not going to work. We did decide to get a motel for that Saturday night, so we won't have to drive back home, plus Elery's son is coming from California with his wife and sons, and I think the other son is getting a room at the same place, so if we all stay at the same place he can visit with them that evening too.

I'm going to do as much of this in advance as I can, and freeze whatever can be frozen, because Jeremy is coming in with his wife and the boys from California a couple of days ahead and I'd like Elery to be able to spend a little time visiting with them, instead of spending two days before making appetizers...

They are doing RSVPs, so I'll have a better grip on actual numbers, and Elery did tell them we had to know at least a month before the wedding, so that will help I think.

Annie

Boy Annie, I know you don't need to hear this again but I'm right on board with everyone else who thinks this is just too much to ask. In my opinion, making and transporting the appetizers is already a herculean task without the added responsibilities of serving AND clean up. And all this while everyone else is just "in attendance".

At a wedding of a friend that I attended years ago, I was given the "honor" of serving the punch. I was part of the "house party". This was something I'd never heard of before but it was a great idea. The bride had asked several friends and relatives to do all the jobs at the reception, and those jobs were considered an honor. I think I got a small corsage. So for a very minimal cost, she had all the reception jobs taken care of while at the same time making several people feel "included" even though they weren't a part of the official wedding party.

I know what you mean though about the situation where the bride has no real guidance. She's just doing things as she sees them but has no real experience on which to base her expectations and ideas. So she probably just doesn't realize that she's asking for the world. It's difficult because you aren't in the position to sit down with her and clarify things, and maybe Elery, especially as father of the groom (who is also not deeply involved in the planning) may not feel that comfortable either.

I think if I were in your position I'd sit down with Elery and go over exactly what IS doable and what help is needed and get all the logistics planned out asap. Then I'd ask Elery to lay it all out to the bride and groom. Here's what we can do, here's how it will be done, and here's what we need from you in order to make it happen.

I don't think it's a sin to ask for the world, I do it all the time! LOL But along with asking, I'm always prepared to take whatever ends up being reasonable in the end. In other words, if I don't ask I won't get, but asking doesn't guarantee I'll get. I'm ok with that. The bride might be in that same frame of mind, or at least might be able to be convinced of that. But if no one says "no" or explains to her that what she's asking for is just too much, how is she to know that?

If you attempt to work out a reasonable solution and she won't back down, that's one thing. But if you don't even ask, then I feel it's not really her fault.

In any case, as has been said above, I wish you and Elery all the best in working this all out!

What lowspark said. The more I think about this, Annie, the more angry I am on your behalf that _two_ people who should be at the centre of the celebrations (especially one) are being asked to feed _400_ people at minimal cost AND clean up as well! I think it's outrageous that instead of enjoying his son's wedding, Ellery will be working like a navvy and paying for the privilege to boot. I also think it's outrageous that you are being asked to work like navvy, though I understand your desire to support Ellery.
Frankly, if the bride's family won't/can't contribute financially, then they need to get off their duffs and help physically, not sit on their thumbs and expect you two to do it all. Ellery really needs to have a man-to-man talk with his son. Listing what you CAN achieve is useful because it lays it all right out on the table.

First, Colleen, I just gotta know. What the heck is a "navvy"?

You are right, Elery needs to sit down with his son and explain the realities of what can be done. We've already agreed that we're going to need help cleaning up, but I don't know who will be recruited or how much oversight they are going to require.

It's going to be an interesting couple of months, that much I'm sure of...

Now, as long as I've got you here, do you see any reason why small puff pastry type "wraps" could not be kept warm in one of those big Nesco roasters? Maybe a rack on the bottom to keep the things from burning, but they work much like an oven and they'd hold a lot, keeping them warm and crispy.

Whatcha think, would it work?

Annie

A navvy is a labourer- the term comes from "navigators", Irish labourers who were brought over to England to dig canals by hand (well, shovel). As you can guess a navvy works bloody hard.
Well, having never seen a Nesco roaster, if it is as you describe, I would think it would work. How warm do they get? You might want to sort of cycle different batches through so they don't get held too long.

I think an equitable division of labour would be:
You and Elery (I'm sorry, I keep misspelling this)- make all the appetisers and schlepp them to the church (how's that for cross-cultural ;-) ?) along with any needed equipment
Bride's family provides people to heat (if necessary) and serve said appetisers (you could provide written detailed instructions if you thought they needed it), preferably this should be a cousin or someone who isn't as close to the happy couple as immediate family
Hire the cleaning done, possibly with you to supervise at the beginning to ensure your stuff is properly treated and packed safely away. Bride's family oversees the remaining cleaning.
Watcha think?

I heartily endorse and encourage elopements for just this reason! I know this is a labor of love and familial connection but gosh.

barnmom, Dad offered me cash to elope the first time I got married, I was always sorry I didn't take that cash and run, LOL. It appears that it's not happening in this instance, though.

I agree, Colleen, the bride's family should get involved. Elery did say that we'd be meeting her parents at some point in the next couple of months, so I guess we'll see how that goes.

An electric roaster has a dial like an oven, they go from (I think) 150F to 500F, which is why I was thinking maybe on the lowest setting it could be a warming oven kind of thing, if I put a rack on the bottom so they weren't touching any part of the heated bottom or sides.

Feels like another experiment coming on.....

Annie

Hooo Boy. Hiring a mobil BBQ service is sounding better and better. They come, set up, cook, serve, clean up and take it all away at the end.

I know - money money money....... but gosh doesnt that sound easy!!!??

Good Luck Annie, I cant wait to hear how all this works out.

Yes, Shaun, it does sound easier and Amanda would go for BBQ, but this couple wants an "appetizer reception", they aren't having a real meal. Just as well, BBQ for 400 would be really expensive, I think!

Of course, in my family, pig IS an appetizer. (grin) it comes right before the main course, beer....

Annie

Of course, in my family, pig IS an appetizer. (grin) it comes right before the main course, beer....

LOL Annie. I'll be looking forward to how this develops. The fact that you have a sense of humor and are not freaking out is just so ANNIE.

Well, I'm glad someone asked what a navvy is because I was scratching my head, too.

I think I just realized why I hate weddings even more than I hate funerals. At least the expectations of the participants at a funeral are usually (and I say that guardedly) realistic.

LOL Annie!!

Well, I don't think anyone in Ben's family has ever peed on a DJ, so I'm figuring it's got to go at least as well as the Redneck Bonanza did!

Annie

I tried biting my tongue, but a reality check is needed by the bride, groom and Elery. I love you both, but.....someone needs to sit the bride and groom down and 'splain the logistics of this. Fifty people, ok, but 200 to 400 people, 3 receptions and no help? And he is the father of the groom, expected to be in attendance? in what, an apron?

Price a caterer, and have them cut the invitaitons down to $1000 cost. Oh, heck, order Popeyes chicken!

Annie, I know that Elery really wants to do this for the couple so you just need to find a way to make it all work and I know you can.

If the attendees are going to be close to 400 then cost and labour are of the utmost importance even if that means meatballs instead of brie. Also 400 is a huge number to serve and to even accommodate logistically. Frankly I can't imagine you can do it on $1000.

If the number is closer to 200 that opens up some different choices but it will still be tight. In any event the bride will have to understand what is doable and what isn't both from a cost and labour perspective. I'm sure she will understand, if not, then maybe she can top up the budget.

In any event you've discussed the cleanup with Elery and will find a solution to that I'm sure. So once you know the final number it's just a matter of what, how many and making them........just! LOL

PS: Would a giant CF "cookin" help!

Something else for Elery to mention, Annie, is how many people does the fire marshal approve for the church? 400 people in even a large church (which it doesn't sound like this is, with one stove and a small meeting hall), is a LOT of people. The hall at a local ethnic club is only allowed 250 people, and I think that holds a lot of people! I don't think the bride has any clue at all. They sure know a lot of people! Even counting several generations of cousins, it seems like a lot.

I'll keep you all in my prayers!

Tami

Tami, I didn't even think of that. The "cake reception" afterward is outside in the courtyard, but I don't even know how many people the church seats! I know there are no seats in the space we're using for the appetizers, people are apparently just going to mill about and eat. At least they won't stay and chat for a long time, I suppose...

Annie

It use to be that the bride's parents would foot the bill for everthing and they would take full responsibility. Of course, this was back in the dark ages - when I got married x 2 and took care of everything myself both times. Okay, I understand that now the couples do it themselves or expenses are shared by them and their families and there's nothing wrong with that. However, if this is going to be a do-it-yourself wedding, I don't get the part where the groom's family is expected to do everything but except being the normal part of a wedding. I know you want to do the appetizers and that's great, but someone needs to point out to the bride and groom that her family has to do their share and it doesn't sound like they will be. You should be free to enjoy as much of the festivities as the bride's parents. It should be up to the bride and groom to make sure there are people there to take over the clean up, not you, so you can be having some fun, too. You're not a catering service, you're not hired help, you're not chattels, you are the groom's family. Okay, I'm mean, but that is my two cents worth.

No, bcskye, you aren't mean, and you are right about the bride's parents, but they are apparently not going to participate and I have no control over that. I'm not sure I'd want to "press" them to help, because I don't want to depend on someone I've never met, who is not involving themselves and don't appear particularly happy with the entire process. Elery says we will meet them before the wedding but since they have not involved themselves yet, I'm not holding my breath.

As Jessica mentioned above "I wouldn't trust family I don't know to help; who knows if they would come through."

I did check on the church capacity. The church is on campus, so it can seat a couple of thousand people. This is a Christian college so many/most of the students attend services at the chapel. It appears that the space is not an issue, but the facilities and equipment may be. In addition, school will be out, so there will not be a full staff, there is no ladies aide society, no church committees, etc., it's all run by the school, which will be both on vacation and out for the year other than those attending summer semester.

I'm leaving the cleaning issue to Elery, it's his son's wedding and so it's his problem.

Annie

That's a bummer about the church not having a ladies' guild.
Also a bummer that the bride's family declines to assist. In my opinion this says one of two things, either the bride's family is not supportive of the marriage, or the bride's family are, for want of a more flattering term, lazy slugs. Either way I'd be concerned about my child marrying into that situation. :-( Poor Elery.

Colleen, I absolutely agree, and I've just been waiting for the bride's family to offer to do ANYTHING.

Of course, for all I know they are doing all kinds of things I don't know about...

Annie

Annie, how is the search for appatizers for the wedding going? Here's a couple more suggestions for you. How about tiny meatloaves made in mini muffin pans? Or Sauerkraut balls. This was my MIL's recipe for them.

Sauerkraut Balls

8 slices b acon
1/2 c. fineluy chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced (not in my house with my allergies!)
1 can (16-oz.) sauerkraut, drained (I use bagged)
1/2 c. mashed potatoes
1 T parsley
1 1/2 c finely crushed corn flakes
2 eggs beaten
Oil

Fry bacon in large skillet crisp, drain & crumble. Pour off all but 2 T. fat. Add onions & garlic to fat in skillet. Cook & stir until onion is tender. Remove from heat, stir in bacon, sauerkraut, mashed potatoes & parsley.
Drop by rounded teaspoonful onto waxed paper lined baking sheet. Gently form ball shapes. Cover with waxed paper or plastic wrap, refrigerate until firm or overnite.
Dip sauerkraut balls in eggs. Roll in cereal. Heat oil to 375° F., fry until golden brown about 1/2 min. Drain on paper toweling. Serve hot. Can be fried 24 hours in advance and reheat in 400°F. oven about 10 minutes.

We make a bunch and freeze them after they are fried. Just thaw and heat in an electric roaster. Don't ask how many the recipe makes! I have no idea!

Tami

Tami, the "menu" is in a constant state of flux, but I'm glad you posted those sauerkraut balls, I've been wanting that recipe myself!

Annie

You are welcome!

Annie, I feel for you. I admire Elery for his desire to do what he can for the bride and groom, but like others I'm thinking the bride has no idea whatsoever of the challenges inherent in this situation. I do hope Elery has a sit-down with the young couple to explain the issues. (Or maybe he has and they just aren't hearing it.)

I would do a careful double-check with the fire marshall. Serving food to 400 people from that tiny kitchen is very different from accomodating a larger group for a church service only. There may be separate limits/conditions for the cooking area and the hall when food is served there. There may even be insurance issues.

I do hope someone can be found to manage the cleanup. It's incredible to think Elery might be in the kitchen during his own son's wedding.

Carol