Me personally I would just buy a small gift off the registry or a box of diapers and some wipes. I would not put in the effort it takes to handmake something for someone who cannot say thank you. Also, people tend to get LOTS of unasked for blankets when they are expecting. Lots. So again, I wouldn't waste my effort on something that wont be properly acknowledged.

Also, I probably would not attend. OT, but I find showers of all kinds to be tacky gift grabs. Extra tacky when given for someone who does not thank people properly for said gifts that were grabbed.

@amylou321, that would be me too. No way would I put hours of effort into hand making something for a person I know would not say ”thank you”. When we were first married and not very financial, for Christmas for my baby nephew I handmade a smocked romper and a felt ball made of tiny pieces put together like a soccer ball or similar. Each piece had an appliqued and embroidered image on it and I put a llittle jingle bell in the middle of the stuffing. It was a lot of work but the cost was minimal because it came from accumulated craft scraps. No thank you from my brother or sister in law, which should have come as no surprise as we never had a thankyou for the wedding gift either. Never did that again, it was always something cheap from KMart.

I agree - minimum expenditure of money and effort seems appropriate - or simply decline...?

I would give a gift based on my affection for the recipient and family, in rejoicing with them.

The lack of a thank you card wouldn't bother me. Whether or not I go, and whether or not I take or send a gift, would be dependent on a lot of other factors (including my relationship to the expectant mom and the attendees), but on dependent on my expectation of thank you cards. I don't do wedding showers (or weddings), but I did go to baby showers when my friends were that age.

A true gift is not a "I gave you something and I expect something back".

This is about you not them. Do you. Do the best of you.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'll probably get something at Walmart for the baby

I think that's a good choice. I would not put attention, love and time into making a gift - but I would send a little something.

" I'm thinking of just buying yarn and making a blanket. " A gift that takes time/talent could never be considered "just". I see you have changed your mind but this statement has been in my head so circled back. Get a package of diapers and call it done.

Do what *you* want to do for them. Thank you card or not. Baby blankets are really thoughtful gifts. If you want to make a blanket, do so. If you don't want to put your time and effort toward it and them, then don't. It's all your choice.

My feeling is that it's not the baby's fault. I am a knitter, and I always give the same gift to everyone --a handmade baby's sweater. Part of it is that I love to knit, but that I love babies even more. Just my thing.

If you are friendly with this relative, just buy a fairly nice gift, write your good wishes in a card and call it done. Don’t over-think or overdo. Crib sheet, bibs, etc are always needed.

LOL...I love your answer Olychick!!!!!!

I might give thank you cards as long as I checked my attitude. There are some adorable thank you cards, perhaps you could find one that fits the shower theme.

I might give thank you cards as long as I checked my attitude. There are some adorable thank you cards, perhaps you could find one that fits the shower theme.

Please don't be passive-aggressive like this. It would make you look worse.

Do not do a baby blanket. As mentioned above, many are received by new parents and not used. Safe sleep guidelines say no blankets until at least 1, preferable 2 so that is a long time to have multiple gifts not being used. Only a few are needed for tummy time and then the baby is mobile.

Buy a gift and make your life easier.

I've been thinking a lot about this thread since I first read it yesterday. Personally, I hate most showers. If it is someone close to me, family or friend, I will probably attend. Others are a big 'maybe'. I agree with Amylou's description "tacky gift grab'.

A true gift is not a "I gave you something and I expect something back".

That is very true, but it doesn't excuse bad manners. A gift should always be acknowledged! Especially if the gift giver is not present when the gift is received. That is just good manners, plain and simple.

"I'm thinking of just buying yarn and making a blanket."

That would take a lot more time and effort than I'd be willing to put into something for someone who probably wouldn't appreciate it. And yarn is pretty expensive.

Rusty

If you enjoy the hand work make the blanket so it is a gift to you and a gift to the baby.

when my niece got married a few years ago, i spent a fortune on a very nice kitchen appliance that she listed on her bridal registry. no thank you note from her. when she had a baby last year, she sent me a shower invitation. i live 600 miles from them so obviously, i wouldn't be attending. i didn't send a gift. i had a text from her mom (my sister) asking me if i received the invitation. i told her yes, i did and as soon as i get a thank you for the wedding gift, i'll send a little something for the baby. 🙄

" A gift should always be acknowledged! Especially if the gift giver is not present when the gift is received. That is just good manners, plain and simple. "

But that's advice for the receiver, who isn't here.......Here, we're asked for advice for the giver.

i told her yes, i did and as soon as i get a thank you for the wedding gift, i'll send a little something for the baby.--So you put this on your sister who most likely is already embarrassed about her daughter's lack of manners. Not fair given mom can't send this daughter to her room until the notes are all written. If bitter and petty is the hill you want to die on--send your opinions to the daughter where they belong. These are the times its good to be Catholic. If I were miffed I could send a congratulations shower card with a note that I submitted mom's name to the Carmelites for prayers for mom and baby. Prayer bouquets are a good thing!!!

If you think of it as you're giving the gift to the baby and not the parents, the lack of a thank you won't matter. I bought my baby niece a ceramic rocking horse bank made in England, and she had it for her entire childhood. Maybe she still has it. My sister, however, asked why it wasn't pink instead of brown. I took that as disapproval. I've learned a lot about that sister in the intervening forty years.

Toronto, that’s why I said I would be sure to check my attitude, that is, give thank you cards as a gift because they are adorable or blank inside, so for any purpose. Who doesn’t love cute stationery!

If bitter and petty is the hill you want to die on

that's laughable. i was neither bitter nor petty, both of which would indicate i cared. i was simply being honest.

TV, that comment wasn't meant as advice to the receiver, it was a reaction to the comment from sushipup that I quoted. It also helps clarify my answer to the original question as to why and how I respond to shower invitations.

Rusty

I don't know if said to be ironic or not but of course sending a supply of Thank You cards would be tacky.

I don't expect to ALWAYS get a thank you for gifts but I'll admit that when we don't, it can be disappointing.

" Toronto, that’s why I said I would be sure to check my attitude, that is, give thank you cards as a gift because they are adorable or blank inside, so for any purpose. "

It's a passive aggressive move, whether you're willing to admit it or not. If you just wanted to give "cute stationary", you wouldn't choose "thank you cards", as you said, you'd choose writing paper or note pads.

I added ”or blank”, because ”thank you” is what someone else called them.

honestly, I would love to receive a little packet of cute blank cards. I suppose, thinking about this thread, that some (blank) stationery I have received is specifically because I am very bad and slow at writing thank you notes. I have one I owe from last month, I’d better go dig out my cute cards and get to writing.

" I added ”or blank”, because ”thank you” is what someone else called them. "

You're the one who called them thank you cards......you said " I might give thank you cards as long as I checked my attitude. ".

Actually, a gift of cute cards, whether 'thank you' or blank, could be a very welcomed gift, especially if stamps were included. It would save the recipient time, effort, and money, which is no small thing at today's postage prices.. :^)

Rusty

TO, fourth comment down called them thank you cards, that’s what I was picking up on.

Hey everyone thanks for all the great advice. I do appreciate it. Sadly though she had a miscarriage. Feel bad for them as they want children.

Sounds more like a still birth if they were already planning a shower. So sad for them.

That is so sad, I am sorry to hear that.

Aw, Karen, that is very sad, and I add my condolences. Thanks for letting us know.

Oh, that's tragic - obviously very late in the pregnancy.

I'm so sorry.

Well it was still early in her pregnancy. I just like to plan ahead. She wasn't due until September

Thanks for the kind thoughts