Without getting sexist about the issue, now you have me thinking part of this might be a girl thing men don't understand. Men and women communicate differently, we all know that. And it starts young. Yeah, our sons and daughters both need verbal stimuli and physical stimuli. But there really is a difference in the equation. Girls and women generally need that verbal release of stress every day. Boys need a physical release of stress. I know mothers suddenly frustrated by their 10-12 y/o son's intense physical expression. Someone new to boys might be annoyed by the natural change level of aggression that comes on pre-puberty. Boys are more likely to naturally release their daily stress by wrestling with each other, hitting a ball as hard as they can, running for no reason. I've seen it with my boys. Girls have to tell stories to someone to get the feelings out. Sometimes the same story over and over again. But of course we don't make that an excuse to let our boys aggression or physical expressions run rampant. They have to learn to focus and release it in healthy ways, or without taking it out on other people. So I can see that girls need to do the same thing, learn to focus that need to release in words, without taking it out too much on the people around them. ;o) I don't think I'd get her a cell phone either. I'd get a journal. I can see that she would learn to use the talking to control you sometimes, hold you hostage just to test the limits of your patience or even if she's angry at your control over her as a parent so she flexes control where she can. I will admit to having done that a few times in my life. I remember my mother having conversations with me about how I was using words to control other people's feelings. So I think the trick would be to recognize when 1)she truly needs to be heard, 2)when she's manipulating you, and 3) when it's casual conversation that only seems manipulative b/c you're worn out from your own day before she even saw you. My 13 y/o is a boy and doesn't do the talking thing. But he does the physical bully thing to his siblings. I send him outside to release that energy in a better way. He is learning to recognize in himself the energy building in him that will either come out as anger or controlled with exercise. My 10 y/o is a boy, too, and is starting to feel that physical energy he doesn't know what to do with. DD is only 7, but talks a lot, especially in the car! Sometimes when the AC is running I really cannot hear what she is saying. I had to tell her the other day I can either listen to her or run the AC, "Is what you're saying important enough to let the car get hot?" It wasn't. LOL, she chose the AC. Sometimes at home I've sat and listened to her for 20 minutes. But then it's like it encouraged her and she doesn't stop, she follows me right to the bathroom door and keeps talking. I have to tell her "It's not your turn anymore." Or if I'm trying to get dinner going and can't pay attention to so many things at once, or the kitchen noises make it impossible to have conversation at the same time, I just tell her "Is this really more important that our family having some dinner?" She needs to learn when it can wait. I think this sounds like an issue of family dynamics. While you don't want to let one member's habit control the family dynamics, you can't let resentment of that person's habit control the family dynamics either. You have to be careful not to generalize and define that person by that one annoying habit.

Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to.

I wonder if your ex is not putting your daughter up to the things that she is saying. She pretty much just gave me an ultimatum that if I don't end my relationship with "some girl" that her and my relationship is in jeopardy The "some girl" comment sounds very much like the "you look like you're 16" comment that my (30 year old) sisters (6 year old) step daughter made when she (sister) got serious with "dad". It was something that SDs mom had said (trying to imply that she was too young to be with him). There is a lot of poisoning that goes on (whether intentional or not) when people split up. It seems like sometimes, even if mom moves on, she's still not willing to see dad do the same. You need to (gently) find out if the ultimatum (end it or lose me) is coming from your daughter or your ex. When my DH's ex found out that I wasn't going anywhere, she cut off all contact between DH and his two children. He hasn't seen or spoken with them in three and a half years. Is there any chance your daughter believes something like this could happen? Is there any chance that mom is telling her things like, if your dad marries her, he won't have time for you, or he'll have a new family and won't want you anymore...or you're not going to go stay with him if that 'girl' is living with him...etc.? Good Luck!! Just one other thing I'd like to comment on... Dyans World...you say My father didnt want to take care of me and left my mother, my father married someone else and had other kids, my father sucked. BUT my step daddy was the best thing that ever happened to me to this day he will always be my daddy and the bio can jump in a lake. Please know that I am saying this in the most heart felt way, and I mean no disrespect to your mother or 'daddy'... I don't know how old you were when your parents separated...but I know that for the past three and a half years my husbands ex has been telling his children (and anyone else who will listen) that he "didn't want them", that he "abandoned" them, even that he abused them. She has told them so many lies that these children, who used to crawl up on his lap and yell "Daddy! Daddy!" whenever they saw him, are now afraid of him, even though they wouldn't recognize him now if they saw him. (They were 1.5 and 3.5 when they were last together.) Mommy has remarried. She has the children calling her husband "Daddy" and refering to my husband, their bio father, by his first name, or as "Bad Daddy" (told to a therapist by daughter a year ago). I am fairly certain that she also tells them that it is my fault that he doesn't want to be with them, because we have a baby (their little brother, that they have never met). I cannot express to you the pain and sorrow, the depth of mourning that my husband has gone through, and still goes through when he thinks of his two children. They are so close to us, only five minutes away, yet they could as easily be in another country. We do not even know what they look like. I have cried, both with my husband, and for him, for the pain that he faces every day, and because of the knowledge of what his children, whom he loves very much, are being raised to think of him. We have been fighting, through the lawyers, for three and a half years, with no success, because we cannot give up, but in my heart I know that if we don't get to reestablish the relationship in the next five years, they will be lost to us. They are being so thoroughly poisoned against their dad. He has been vilified... that if they reach the age where they can tell the courts whether or not they want to go (around 12 or 13) before they get to know the loving, wonderful man that their father really is, they will never get to know him, and we will lose them forever. I mean no disrespect to your mom. And I'm not trying to downplay the significant role of the Daddy who raised you along side your mother, but sometimes things aren't what they seem. If you haven't heard your bio dad's side, from him, then can I please encourage you to try to contact him? You may find that this stranger, who left so long ago, has loved you and thought of you and mourned the loss of your relationship all this time. If that's true, try not to feel that he gave up on you...the courts are so biased against fathers...I know that it is such an emotionally draining battle...every letter from the lawyer is like a knife in the heart, when they tell you that you cannot see your children, and many people say, "Just let go" "Move on" or tell them that if they keep fighting for access they're just causing more turmoil for their kids "they're better off, if you just leave it alone" "they've adjusted to their new life" "you'll only upset them more". My husbands ex took the children and left, got a new beau, married him, and is trying to make her new "perfect family" with him, and writing out the past...and my husband with it. If you go and find your dad, you will never have the relationship you could have had, if you'd grown up with him in your life...the memories of our childhoods impact our bonds...but you still have the option to build a relationship from this point on. Somewhere out there, there may be a man who loves you and misses you, to this day. Kind thoughts. Verena

I just loved the box car chilren when i was a kid. i know you asked for series, but Holes and how to eat fried worms are both great books to read. if she likes a mystery, 'The Cat who....' books might not be too far beyond her reach. I read the original Tarzan books at that age and was captivated. as well as nacy drew and the hardy boys. also the series about budding astronauts "Tom ???" after that i slid into Narnia, and then the lord of the rings. Horatio Hornblower would be great, (but O'brian's Master and Commander series was a heavy, but wonderful read for me this past year) I also remember a series about a boy named henry, he as always in trouble(or was it a Homer?) diggerb