I wonder if your ex is not putting your daughter up to the things that she is saying. She pretty much just gave me an ultimatum that if I don't end my relationship with "some girl" that her and my relationship is in jeopardy The "some girl" comment sounds very much like the "you look like you're 16" comment that my (30 year old) sisters (6 year old) step daughter made when she (sister) got serious with "dad". It was something that SDs mom had said (trying to imply that she was too young to be with him). There is a lot of poisoning that goes on (whether intentional or not) when people split up. It seems like sometimes, even if mom moves on, she's still not willing to see dad do the same. You need to (gently) find out if the ultimatum (end it or lose me) is coming from your daughter or your ex. When my DH's ex found out that I wasn't going anywhere, she cut off all contact between DH and his two children. He hasn't seen or spoken with them in three and a half years. Is there any chance your daughter believes something like this could happen? Is there any chance that mom is telling her things like, if your dad marries her, he won't have time for you, or he'll have a new family and won't want you anymore...or you're not going to go stay with him if that 'girl' is living with him...etc.? Good Luck!! Just one other thing I'd like to comment on... Dyans World...you say My father didnt want to take care of me and left my mother, my father married someone else and had other kids, my father sucked. BUT my step daddy was the best thing that ever happened to me to this day he will always be my daddy and the bio can jump in a lake. Please know that I am saying this in the most heart felt way, and I mean no disrespect to your mother or 'daddy'... I don't know how old you were when your parents separated...but I know that for the past three and a half years my husbands ex has been telling his children (and anyone else who will listen) that he "didn't want them", that he "abandoned" them, even that he abused them. She has told them so many lies that these children, who used to crawl up on his lap and yell "Daddy! Daddy!" whenever they saw him, are now afraid of him, even though they wouldn't recognize him now if they saw him. (They were 1.5 and 3.5 when they were last together.) Mommy has remarried. She has the children calling her husband "Daddy" and refering to my husband, their bio father, by his first name, or as "Bad Daddy" (told to a therapist by daughter a year ago). I am fairly certain that she also tells them that it is my fault that he doesn't want to be with them, because we have a baby (their little brother, that they have never met). I cannot express to you the pain and sorrow, the depth of mourning that my husband has gone through, and still goes through when he thinks of his two children. They are so close to us, only five minutes away, yet they could as easily be in another country. We do not even know what they look like. I have cried, both with my husband, and for him, for the pain that he faces every day, and because of the knowledge of what his children, whom he loves very much, are being raised to think of him. We have been fighting, through the lawyers, for three and a half years, with no success, because we cannot give up, but in my heart I know that if we don't get to reestablish the relationship in the next five years, they will be lost to us. They are being so thoroughly poisoned against their dad. He has been vilified... that if they reach the age where they can tell the courts whether or not they want to go (around 12 or 13) before they get to know the loving, wonderful man that their father really is, they will never get to know him, and we will lose them forever. I mean no disrespect to your mom. And I'm not trying to downplay the significant role of the Daddy who raised you along side your mother, but sometimes things aren't what they seem. If you haven't heard your bio dad's side, from him, then can I please encourage you to try to contact him? You may find that this stranger, who left so long ago, has loved you and thought of you and mourned the loss of your relationship all this time. If that's true, try not to feel that he gave up on you...the courts are so biased against fathers...I know that it is such an emotionally draining battle...every letter from the lawyer is like a knife in the heart, when they tell you that you cannot see your children, and many people say, "Just let go" "Move on" or tell them that if they keep fighting for access they're just causing more turmoil for their kids "they're better off, if you just leave it alone" "they've adjusted to their new life" "you'll only upset them more". My husbands ex took the children and left, got a new beau, married him, and is trying to make her new "perfect family" with him, and writing out the past...and my husband with it. If you go and find your dad, you will never have the relationship you could have had, if you'd grown up with him in your life...the memories of our childhoods impact our bonds...but you still have the option to build a relationship from this point on. Somewhere out there, there may be a man who loves you and misses you, to this day. Kind thoughts. Verena

It's a good idea this year NOT to buy gift cards to specific stores. There's really no way of knowing which ones will still be around in January. I don't think a gift card is really the right way to go for the kind of situation you describe, but if you do feel that's the best choice, get a MALL gift card--that way, it can be used in any store, for clothes, books, music, etc, and all the stores in any given mall are unlikely to go out of business. For kids that age--if you can get an idea of sizes, casual clothes are always good. A winter coat might be needed and appreciated. Girls--maybe a craft kit to make jewelry or something else sparkly, or any bath, body, nail, make-up stuff is generally up their alley. Boys--sporting goods. Books, if you think they'd enjoy them, although picking books for kids you don't know is a challenge. Would you be allowed to buy tickets to a play, concert or sporting event and take them yourself? That would be an awesome gift, but it might not be possible in the situation. Of course, if you can find out what each child's specifically interested in, you'll be home free--much easier, if you can get that info somehow. And thanks for taking an interest and helping someone who surely needs someone who cares.

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions. DG is a very talented athlete but i am afraid this injury/ surgery will probably end her gymnastic career. she was operated on her dominate arm and they did take cartilage from the knee. Good news is she will only be in a cast for 2 weeks but cannot lift anything heavier than a glass of milk for 6 weeks then Pt. Nicole thanks for the link great looking baskets. i now have a lot of ideas for dyi basket . maddie i need to check with her mother about the blue tooth speaker she probably already has one ! Funky great idea for a puzzel i think ill get ine here so when she comes to visit we can do it together. cyn unfortunatey she is not a big reader, unlike her twin brother who never without a book . Lake i think a special pillow is great idea. sueb what is it about fuzzy things she loves socks too and beading. yaya i actually have a lily pulitzer top i bought for her and may give it to her i know that will cheer her up. thank you all for your thoughtful ideas an suggestions. i wanted to send her something immediately after her surgery but now will wait untill i see her next weekend .

My son is a teacher for this age group and in an area I'm sure has many angel tree eligible students. I go down there one or two days a week it seems. I'm in Texas, but the things lakeaffect_gw raised for NY are pretty valid here too. Deodorant is something I've heard the girls needing, and you can make it ordinary or holiday special with something like Native's Candy Cane or Sugar Cookie scents. Period products are something these girls need and none of them can afford the special underwear -- a pretty zip pouch to carry products more discreetly would be nice. Lip balm, hand lotion, body wash, manicure tools are all good too. Even toothpaste and toothbrushes -- all my dentist ones go to the school nurse. I would try to balance practical and fun. Drawing, coloring, crafting items (self contained kits, not something where they would need to have or buy tools or other supplies) a deck of cards with a book that teaches card games, a fun pillow, stuffed animal, tassels or backpack charms -- the kids also wear them on their ID lanyards. A lanyard (with a breakaway release) or an ID pouch (clear on one side but might have a pocket on the other to hold another card or cash. Costume jewelry -- an adjustable ring or necklace, could be nice -- maybe a locket or one that holds a secret message. The snacks -- oh yes. We see signs of food insecurity at every event. This is a big challenge with no size or other info. My son has students wearing youth sizes all the way though Adult XXL or possibly XXXL. You can give gift receipts with any clothing -- pin them into the collar or put them in the pocket. It may be returned by the parent to buy other things, so I wouldn't make that the entire or nearly entire gift, I'm hoping the group has more info and will match up sizes and favorite colors as needed. I hope.