Without getting sexist about the issue, now you have me thinking part of this might be a girl thing men don't understand. Men and women communicate differently, we all know that. And it starts young. Yeah, our sons and daughters both need verbal stimuli and physical stimuli. But there really is a difference in the equation. Girls and women generally need that verbal release of stress every day. Boys need a physical release of stress. I know mothers suddenly frustrated by their 10-12 y/o son's intense physical expression. Someone new to boys might be annoyed by the natural change level of aggression that comes on pre-puberty. Boys are more likely to naturally release their daily stress by wrestling with each other, hitting a ball as hard as they can, running for no reason. I've seen it with my boys. Girls have to tell stories to someone to get the feelings out. Sometimes the same story over and over again. But of course we don't make that an excuse to let our boys aggression or physical expressions run rampant. They have to learn to focus and release it in healthy ways, or without taking it out on other people. So I can see that girls need to do the same thing, learn to focus that need to release in words, without taking it out too much on the people around them. ;o) I don't think I'd get her a cell phone either. I'd get a journal. I can see that she would learn to use the talking to control you sometimes, hold you hostage just to test the limits of your patience or even if she's angry at your control over her as a parent so she flexes control where she can. I will admit to having done that a few times in my life. I remember my mother having conversations with me about how I was using words to control other people's feelings. So I think the trick would be to recognize when 1)she truly needs to be heard, 2)when she's manipulating you, and 3) when it's casual conversation that only seems manipulative b/c you're worn out from your own day before she even saw you. My 13 y/o is a boy and doesn't do the talking thing. But he does the physical bully thing to his siblings. I send him outside to release that energy in a better way. He is learning to recognize in himself the energy building in him that will either come out as anger or controlled with exercise. My 10 y/o is a boy, too, and is starting to feel that physical energy he doesn't know what to do with. DD is only 7, but talks a lot, especially in the car! Sometimes when the AC is running I really cannot hear what she is saying. I had to tell her the other day I can either listen to her or run the AC, "Is what you're saying important enough to let the car get hot?" It wasn't. LOL, she chose the AC. Sometimes at home I've sat and listened to her for 20 minutes. But then it's like it encouraged her and she doesn't stop, she follows me right to the bathroom door and keeps talking. I have to tell her "It's not your turn anymore." Or if I'm trying to get dinner going and can't pay attention to so many things at once, or the kitchen noises make it impossible to have conversation at the same time, I just tell her "Is this really more important that our family having some dinner?" She needs to learn when it can wait. I think this sounds like an issue of family dynamics. While you don't want to let one member's habit control the family dynamics, you can't let resentment of that person's habit control the family dynamics either. You have to be careful not to generalize and define that person by that one annoying habit.

Wow, I'm sorry about this. I'm afraid that if you let this girl make 'grown-up' decisions, your DH could become estranged from her - that will only let the gap widen. Do you have any reasons as to why she suddenly feels this way? I assume you were not the reason her parents divorced and that she has no reason (mother) to believe her parents would be together were it not for you? A couple of things I would recommend: 1. DH talks to his ex to see if she knows what's the problem. Is she using any divorce poisoning? Most kids don't take such a strong stance w/o some encouragement from their most influential person (mom, usually.) 2. DH must not allow her to disrespect you, as his wife, or you will grow resentful - of this I'm sure - been there. I would explore the help of a marriage/family counselor NOW. My DH and I waited til recently to seek counseling - my skids are grown, but we've never had an easy road. Many men are non-custodial parents and are afraid of 'losing' the kids even more. So, they back down when the little voice inside them tells them it's not the right path, they reward bad behavior out of guilt, etc. It really leads to problems in adulthood - for many of these kids' relationships. Have you and this girl gotten along rather well up until this point? I'm curious as to why you've only known her for six mos. Did you have a whirlwind romance? Or, did you give him and his DDs space on their weekends? How long have you both been divorced? What is the ex-wife like? If the ex is not bitter or angry or jealous, she will be the key to getting through this. If she is any of those things, I'm afraid you have a very tough uphill battle. But, if DH gives in to his DD, you can bet she will begin to work on her sister and that relationship will also deteriorate. Good luck - please fill in the blanks a little. My skids and I get along much better these days, but those early days were he!! for me. I still have issues, and the SS hasn't spoken to us in over 2 yrs. His sisters have their calls unanswered for months at a time. His mother hasn't heard from him in longer than us (he has issues: lifestyle, bad choices, etc.) Anyway, the ex in my case pinned me as a homewrecker - ironic since she had a long affair during their marriage. Later, like three years later, she found the Lord and confessed, but a lot of bad water had gone under the bridge - it's still a tough process to fix the damage. Some days I want to mend the fences, but others, I just am burned out. At least the girls are adults and fairly self-sufficient these days. All the best, Dana

It's a good idea this year NOT to buy gift cards to specific stores. There's really no way of knowing which ones will still be around in January. I don't think a gift card is really the right way to go for the kind of situation you describe, but if you do feel that's the best choice, get a MALL gift card--that way, it can be used in any store, for clothes, books, music, etc, and all the stores in any given mall are unlikely to go out of business. For kids that age--if you can get an idea of sizes, casual clothes are always good. A winter coat might be needed and appreciated. Girls--maybe a craft kit to make jewelry or something else sparkly, or any bath, body, nail, make-up stuff is generally up their alley. Boys--sporting goods. Books, if you think they'd enjoy them, although picking books for kids you don't know is a challenge. Would you be allowed to buy tickets to a play, concert or sporting event and take them yourself? That would be an awesome gift, but it might not be possible in the situation. Of course, if you can find out what each child's specifically interested in, you'll be home free--much easier, if you can get that info somehow. And thanks for taking an interest and helping someone who surely needs someone who cares.

My inclination would be to paint the walls bright white and let the rest of the accents be the color players. White is the backdrop I've often seen, or been drawn to, when I look up bohemian pictures. I'd also put a really large area rug in the room that only left a few inches of bare floor around the perimeter of the room. This way, no matter which way the room is arranged, the rug is always the right size. If your daughter is anything like I was, the room will be rearranged many times during her teen years! : ) You could still layer her little rug over the large rug for her reading nook. You might like to plug the room into homestyler.com for working on the layout. Your kitties might be disappointed, but muscles with thank you. : ) If you save a snapshot of the homestyler layout to your computer, you can upload it onto here using the photo link. That would allow us to see the plan overview, and will make it easier for us to help with the arrangement.