I would make your Mom's favorite dishes. (I think the cookie idea is great.) Maybe your friend's Mom's favorite dish. Ask if anyone is allergic to anything and go from there.

What a nice idea you have.

I’ve tired of trying to create a menu for everybody’s tastes and sensitivites. I choose recipes that are gluten-free, nut-free and shellfish-free because those allergens tend to be real and have painful, even life threatening, consequences, but I don’t worry about taste/lifestyle preferences. I’m not feeding people with no resources. If they leave my house hungry, they can feed themselves afterwards.

@l pinkmountain, for one wedding shower, I did a champagne bar which would also work with prosecco. I set up some carafes of orange juice, peach nectar and something else I don’t remember along with bottles of champagne and champagne flutes. Guests could then mix their own to their own level of sweetness or have the champagne plain. The idea was a big hit.

Well, the gluten would be in the dessert mostly, and the optional rye bread. I know shrimp would be gilding the lily. It's just such and old-school party menu item . . . I love shrimp but it's not healthy, even shellfish allergies aside. It is high in cholesterol and who knows about potential toxins from the environment. Also, shrimping no longer very good for the environment, given the level of consumption. I can easily omit that, and maybe put out a fruit board instead. I was at a party yesterday with a fruit and cheese board. It was lovely but what got eaten was mostly the fruit! The assortment included fresh out of season blackberries, they were actually delicious!

I once did a "make your own sangria" bar and that was fun and popular. Sounds similar. A champagne bar would also be easy peasy, and yes, with the addition of some sparkling soda water, probably something to please everyone. If you liked the bubbly a little drier like me, you could just drink that. And if you were a tee totaler you could just have flavored soda water.

Chicken salad or a chicken casserole should be bland enough for picky eaters. Instead of mustard and grape jelly, try using banana ketchup and pepper jelly with kielbasa or meatballs..

I arranged and planned the funeral lunches for out church for amny years....and also other meals, for visiting chorusmembers,wedding celebrations etc.

My picky eater menu was chicken salad....just poached white meat chicken, diced not shredded, with mayonaise,sparingly< lemon and celery....if I was thinking some may like to be more adventurous, I would add drained crushed pineapple, some slivered almonds and a bit of curry powder....NEVER onion nor garlic!

A side of a mixed bean salad with a lime, olive oil dressing and a bowl of mostly seasonal cut up fruit.....no dressing on the fruit....Winter the fruit would be apples, pears, citrus and some fresh strawberries which are always available.....summer mighrt be melons and berries or peaches and apricots and different berries.

And a basket of good bread!

No need to offer many options...

The thing most often picked out and left was peas....not peppers nor mushrooms...not water chesnuts

What are your picky eaters picky about? What won't they eat?

OK, revamp based on another memory. Instead of the meatballs with the sweet and sour type coating, maybe I'll do old school Swedish meatballs in the chafing dish. I remember my Mom making those, now that I think of it.

Then store bought cookies and fresh fruit.

Now just wondering about the kale salad or coleslaw. Should I do an antipasta salad instead? Something less fruity than the kale salad or coleslaw, considering I'm going to do fresh fruit for dessert. I could make some version of pasta salad . . . Too many cultures?

Kale or coleslaw is totally Dutch though. Another option would be to serve braised kale with carrots and onions with cut up kilebasa on top, vegetarian ones thrown in for me. That doesn't really jibe with salmon mousse though . . . Or a potato salad or pasta salad with cut up ham . . . Does not thrill me personally, but my Mom would have liked it and probably the guests. Another thought, oven fries with a couple of different sauces for dipping. Pommes frites are Belgian, not Dutch but close and my Mom had a minor in French, so she bridged the gap . . .

I am absolutely set on the salmon mousse though, it's something I had once at a party and have always wanted to try. Mom loved salmon anything.

I have no idea what the picky eaters won't eat. That's what bothers me so much, one never knows. I could put something on the invitation about letting the host know if you have aversions or allergies to certain foods, but I'm planning on inviting at least eight people, maybe more . . .

Yesterday I went to a pot luck and brought macaroni salad, one of the most ubiquitous and plain foods I could think of, and everyone went for the spicy instead . . . go figure. I once made a lovely two tiered chocolate cake with coconut frosting for a party and no one ate it. I can't remember if I had another dessert or not.

Something that got devoured was croissants wrapped around a bacon and cheese filling but I am not fussing with those again. I saw a recipe for a ring like that which you can then cut, less wrapping, but I thought something like that would compete with the salmon mousse. I am set on the mousse, it is a big part of the fun factor for me. And set on using the chafing dish but that could be for a lot of different ideas . . .

At one party I gave I bought filo cups and filled them with store bought spinach dip and topped with a halved water chestnut. They were devoured, all kinds of compliments and they took all of maybe ten minutes to make.

Interesting comment on the peas, I always thought of them as one of the least offensive vegetables, but what do I know. My super, super picky Dad and brother will eat peas, I guess that's where I got my ideas from. I sure ate a lot of canned peas growing up as a kid . . .

Oy, now I'm thinking about maybe crepes Suzette for dessert. Not low maintenance but would be wowza in the chafing dish. Mom loved crepes, used to wax poetic about going to the Magic Pan when she lived in San Francisco back in the day . . . I could make them ahead but it is a lot of fussing to make crepes. I wish they sold them pre-made like they do with pie crust and phyllo dough and puff pastry. Not around where I live at least.

L, even here in the North I can get premade crepes from Meijer, right in the case next to the biscuits and boxes of premade pie crust. I think maybe "Belgian Boy" or something like that, and little pancakes of some fancy type.

Since you are going to invite people anyway, I'd just ask them whether they like fish or are allergic to anything. That does, however, open the door to the "I'm doing Keto", "I'm avoiding gluten", "I'm on paleo", etc., things that have nothing to do with health and are simply dietary choices. It would give you the opportunity to know how many people would eat the cookies, though.

Annie

Well Annie that would be a game changer! I have to go to Meijers anyway today, I'll check.

I sort of have it sussed now, I'm imagining a buffet table, salmon mousse on one end, a "groaning board" in the middle with assorted cheeses, fruits and cold cuts, maybe some pickled condiments, cut up veggies and dip, etc and a big basket of assorted breads and crackers, including gluten free. Folks can assemble the assortment of foods they like and I can use up a lot of cute serving trays and boards I have. Not much advance prep but I will have to take time to shop for all the stuff and set it up.

Then either Swedish meatballs in the chafing dish or crepes Suzette if I can find premade crepes. I know crepes are not that hard to make but I'm wanting to minimize prep time so I can focus on doing the salmon mousse ahead of time.

Then a tray of store bought cookies. Coffee and tea.

Oh, and yes, for sure a champagne/flavored soda water bar!

I wonder if there is such a thing as shrimp mousse? Some people don't eat finfish but eat shellfish. Not as a replacement for your salmon mousse, but a small amount as a mousse-y alternative for the finfish naysaers?

Do you have a good mousse recipe? I've always "winged" (or is it "wung") it.

Sigh. I had one saved but lost it. No, I don't have a good recipe. Most of the ones online are pretty standard. I might peruse some of my Mom's vintage cookbooks and see if I can find one. I saved a few of the more interesting looking cookbooks. If my luck is as usual, I might just have to put the mousse in a dish and call it "salmon dip." I have never made anything in a mold and had to unmold it . . . not even jello.

Here's a link to a picture of one in a mold like mine. The author of the web page suggests the "Silver Palate Cookbook" recipe. That sounds classic. Might have to check local library to see if they have that book.

http://eveningswithpeter.blogspot.com/2015/05/

pink, I have all of the Silver Palate girls’ cookbooks. Just posting this recipe from The Silver Palate Cookbook to make sure it matches the one in the link you posted (I’m sure it does). One thing’s for sure, those Silver Palate girls were ahead of their time and a great resource!

Do you want my mother's funeral salmon mold recipe for your mom's mold? I'm too out of it (lack of sleep) to process what's in and out, so some hints from the original post: If you can when you invite, it's okay to ask, is there anything you don't eat?

Kale's pretty popular, but some people really hate the texture of quinoa (even properly prepared) and won't touch it.

If you care this much about how people enjoy the food, please please please make your own crudité from the nicest, freshest vegetables you can get. Simple sticks is fine. Rosettes and all are very pretty, but wasteful of your time. The tray veg taste like crunchy socks compared to the real thing, and I hear comments like wow, this is good celery. Really. You can prep the evening, or even afternoon before. Store separately in individule zipper bags to retain the flavors. If you need some shortcuts the small bags of local organic tiny carrots (not the cut up full grown ”baby”) are really pretty good. And the packets of stringless sugarsnap peas (which do have vestigial strings) will save half an hour. Stuff like that. Oh, but if you use cauliflower, steam blanch them after cutting (or 90 seconds in the MW with a quarter tsp of water sprinkled) improves the texture and flavor of raw.

I think remembering your mom by serving the same box cookies is very sweet, like your hand and hers on the same thing. And people like them. And they're delicate and pretty.

Oh. I don't recommend the whole concept—Swedish sounds better for retro and you don't want so many sweet dishes (well, maybe there in the Midwest!)—but I have a friend's recipe for the grape jelly meatballs if you want it.

Among things disliked by many are kale and coconut. and jelled/molded things. I know salmon mousse is noway near a jello molded thing, but some may not see it that way.

How many will come to this shindig?

As I said, not too many dishes....I have family allergic to all fish, and a friend allergic to shrimp and a different friend who can eat shrimp but not crab.

Do you know if any are vegan? Or keep Kosher? gluten intolerant? Lactose intolerant?

I like the idea of the jazzed up coleslaw, but in case someone doesn’t care for fennel I’d leave that out.

I have one of those copper salmon molds, It belonged to my MIL and like you I have always wanted to make a salmon mousse that I can serve unmolded with thin sliced cucumber for scales. An absolute must to use both for your mother and yourself. Perhaps you could use the copper mold as part of the display / presentation on the table… maybe tucked near the bread and cracker basket if space allows. Perhaps a small bowl of some other bought dip in a pretty bowl might suffice those who could not eat the mousse.

“I like the idea of the jazzed up Cole slaw” as Colleen Oz says. I’m thinking that maybe the two ‘out there’ ingredients in your salad quinoa and kale might be pushing it for some people… but of course we don’t know any of this. I would nix the fennel and celery, it seems crunchy enough.

I love the idea of Swedish meatballs in the chaffing dish. Did your mother serve them with that delicious pale gravy.

I would think even pre-made Crepe Suzette’s would need a lot of last minute attention but perhaps that something you would like to do for your guests… a lovely personal touch to the end of the meal.

Though a remembrance of a sad occasion yet it all sounds delicious and I look forward to hearing what you have chosen and how it went.

You can make crepes several days ahead and stack with wax or parchment paper between. They keep nicely and taste as good as same day made.

https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/salmon_mousse/

I started reading recipes on salmon mousse in fish molds, like the above, and was shown this horrifying image

Some of these look positively terrifying and others look delighted to be on someone’s table…

I bought one of those molds from a white elephant stall oh, 35 years ago at least and have never used it. Maybe I should drag it out and make #3 for our next party…

The online picture that inspired me to use the mold, (other than just seeing it hanging on the wall every day) was not as weird as some of those posted. It was on a bed of spring greens with radish roses and sliced cherry tomatoes, etc. Nothing on the mousse, no weird facial expression . . . But I can't find it now, sigh.

Here are the two molds, one big, one small.

I perused some of Mom's old cookbooks that I saved, that was fun. I saved the ones from the 60s that were all about entertaining. Some really wild menus!! Lots of variations on molded dishes, including salmon mousse. One spring dinner party menu suggested "Chicken loaf, salmon mousse and individual aspics with lime mayonnaise and chiffon cake for dessert." Another was "Beef bouillon with raw mushrooms, salmon loaf, cucumber sauce and pears poached in port" as a menu. I don't think my friends would like pears poached in port, but there are many ways to poach pears and that's a favorite dessert of mine and also very Dutch. For sure I will add a cucumber sauce to my planned menu, Mom made that all the time, it was one of her specialties.

In another vein, looking for a retro recipe for the Swedish meatballs, I remembered my Mom's contribution to an old Jaycee Women's Auxiliary community cookbook, including a recipe for beef stroganoff. So I pop open the cookbook and instead of the meat dish section, it opens to the "Appetizer" section and right there at the top is my Mom's recipe for "smoky links in sauce" which was a combo of current jelly and mustard. I do not remember her making that dish for a party but we did have "smoky links" from time to time and I think my Mom may have made a dipping sauce out of currant jelly and mustard. Very faint memory since I have been more or less vegetarian for 45 years . . .

Now I'm torn between that and the meatballs. And should I go with the retro recipes using cream of mushroom soup? I know for sure that my Mom would have done that. The only time I remember her making a roux sauce was for home made macaroni and cheese. That's when I learned how to make roux, making that dish. My friends are not sauce snobs, the cream of mushroom flavor is what they know.

As fun as poached pears might be, I think that is for another day. I don't want to fuss with too many of the foods. I also decided to serve Asti Spumanti instread of a bellini bar. My Mom liked asti when it first came out, and the first time I tried it was when she gave me a sip at one of her parties. I'll include some non-alcoholic sparkling something or other for the tee totalers. That's pretty retro. The other option would be sangria made with Rose, my Mom loved Rose and it is coming back into fashion. https://www.barleyandsage.com/pink-sangria-with-rose-wine/ The Asti will be way easier . . .

I love pears poached in port. Not saying you should do it! Just that I've been served them several times and they were wonderful.

I think you could shed some stress by choosing only one perfection per dish. Mom made it, or friends will adore it or grand presentation. Let the other factors be a nice medium level. First rule of good manners is make people comfortable. First rule of entertaining is make sure they have a good time. First rule of food is make sure there's enough of each dish to have a portion and a half left over (proves you had enough). Make choices that make you happy, honor your mom, are good to eat, and make your guests feel happy, at ease and well fed. Those are all yes/no things. Go for the tens in one category each, and it will all be lovely.

I may come across as a curmudgeon, which perhaps I am becoming but I am sick to death of the anxiety over people's likes and dislikes and diets and plans... for heaven sake, if you are serving adults, they can either find something out of your offerings that they will eat or they can go without. I am not talking about anaphyactic allergies, just the whole gluten, paleo, keto whatever. I despise lamb, peas, kale and quinoa but if that is what is offered, I will either take a tiny bit or just say "no thank you, I don't care for lamb" which was what I was taught when I was about 6 years old!

Gluten can be an allergy, @nekotish

Since this is a buffet, one of my goals is just to have enough ubiquitous stuff that everyone likes so that picky eaters can at least find something to eat. And since the guests are going to be girlfriends I have known since most of us were toddlers together, I have a pretty good idea of their tastes. It's the small town rural WASP taste, and while I know there are plenty of exceptions (me being one) I've been around it enough to know the basics. Don't get on my case for stereotyping, I realize that not everyone fits that stereotype but like I said, I know these gals. So many people don't like fish, so I know the salmon mousse isn't going to be popular. Also anything marinated with herbs is going to be too spicy for some. Swedish meatballs will be a hit.

So I've pretty much settled on a menu. Some fancy schmanzy "exotic" things for my own entertainment, with enough other stuff for the picky eaters.

Asti spumanti and chilled small cans of diet and regular 7 Up and lemon lime soda water

Salmon mousse on a bed of spring salad greens with maybe a few radish or carrot roses for decoration, maybe different colored sliced cherry tomatoes.

Rye toasts

Crudite selection with cucumber dip. Mom has a nice glass tray with the different sections so it will be fun to use that.

Hummus, marinated feta and artichoke salad, home made pickled asparagus wrapped in proscuitto. Pita triangles Probably won't be the favorites but I will eat the leftovers.

A cheese, salami, ham and fruit board. This will be for the picky eaters and for me to use these cute cheese cutters I bought. Edam cheese, havarti swiss, apples, pears and either grapes or blackberries. Maybe something like colby jack just in case those other two cheeses are too "out there." Again, I know what sells locally, I'm not saying Edam cheese or havarti are actually all that weird. Folks around here find something they like and stick to it, my circle isn't adventurous. I am the outlier. So was my Mom. She loved Edam and havarti.

I think I will just go with something like sliced up farmhouse or Italian white bread brushed with butter and toasted to accompany the cheese board. I have a three section glass condiment tray so maybe put some pesto, mustard and mayo in that.

Swedish meatballs

Cookie tray

Possibly a store bought bundt cake or phyllo tarts with lemon curd and jam or berries.

Pink, I worked with people here in North Alabama that would not touch seafood. They would not even eat bass or bream caught in our lakes. The ONLY fish they would eat was catfish.

I can see where Swedish meatballs would be a hit. I cannot get my husband to even try them. I love them. I guess I need a different name, lol.

Yeah, especially since there is nothing particularly "Swedish" about them. Do you think your husband would like those sweet and sour meatballs with the grape jelly and mustard sauce? That was my other option . . . Or little smoky sausages in that kind of sauce . . .

Maybe just hot sausages and meatballs with a dip "on the side" (she says channeling her best Meg Ryan). I could throw in some tater tots . . .

Weird about fish haters eating catfish. That fish has one of the "fishiest" tastes to me. Although I have noticed that farm raised has a very different taste, much milder.

That menu sounds like it achieves all your goals, and like the pickiest of eaters could find something to like. Your challenges are pretty mainstream-adjacent, so might tempt a few toes into the exciting zone. Love the pairings with your mother's serving pieces. Well done!

Nope. His mother did not cook them in the 50’s and 60’s. I like them however. Of course I have not found a food I do not like except peanut butter, and it is fine if chunky, mixed with sugar and dipped in chocolate, lol.

I do like the little smokies rolled in the Pillsbury rolls and baked. The older he gets, the less he eats.

ETA: This is way off topic, but thank you. I found a frozen pizza he would eat and liked. Except the last time. He said it had green stuff that tasted like grass. It was the same pizza. Nothing had changed. He said it had. The green stuff was basil and/or thyme that was on the first ones I bought.

Rao Frozen pepperoni pizza. I give up,

Oh yes, my Dad is like that too. Likes something, and then you say "Great, finally something Dad will eat." Then next time you serve it, exact same, there's something wrong with it. One of my Dad's new favorites is to complain that something is "too bland" or he's bored with potatoes and chicken and hamburgers, when that's all he likes! Or he will complain he can't eat spicy foods because they upset his stomach, then pig out on a spicy food and then it upsets his stomach. I'd say it was old age, but he's always had food issues and some of it isn't food related, although a touchy digestive system runs in his family. Drove my wonderful grandmother crazy. I remember us going to visit my folks friends for dinner parties and Dad's food pickiness being the subject of conversation. My brother once said a loud "Yuck" at a dinner party and my poor mother was so embarrassed. We had that little talk about other options for handling stuff you didn't like at a party. Dad didn't get the memo . . . My brother has a lot of food sensitivities, gets a lot of mucus over certain foods. Some folks are sensitive to vinegar, which is why they don't like a lot of salads. My brother is one of them. His mold allergies are triggered by anything fermented. And soy, and a lot of commercial salad dressings are made with soy oil. As a result of trying to feed my skinny, picky brother, my mom was into crudities and other finger foods long before they became ubiquitous.

Pink, it would be fine if it stayed the same. It does not. What is okay ten times, is not okay the 11th. Your party sounds great.

Pink, I think your Dad may have been a cat in a previous life.

I actually came very close to this. Picked up a case of nutritional drink for my Dad, and got reamed out for it being the wrong brand (I got the more expensive one, we wouldn't want that!) and the wrong flavor. Not chocolate (even though that's the kind I had seen many times in his refrigerator) no, he liked strawberry. So next time, I make sure to get the preferred brand which I can only get at the grocery store I don't shop at, and the strawberry flavor. Then Dad says, "Well OK, it's just that I'm getting kind of sick of strawberry . . . " I even tried once getting a case of mixed flavors, but that wasn't right either, because there's always one flavor in there he doesn't want . . . but that changes each time . . . Someday I will miss these games . . . sigh.