Wow - you must be a very dedicated gardener, and very patient! Agastaches, Penstemon, and Salvia are plants that come to mind. They love dry and hot weather. Lupines, I think, would do well, too, and come in a variety of colors. All of the plants I've listed are very easy to grow from seed so you might want to see if places like Thompson & Morgan or Chiltern's will deliver to your area. Depending on how cold your winters get, you could have a great cactus garden, too. Try searching for plants that grow in Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico, and check out www.highcountrygardens.com - they specialize in xeric plants. If you like, e-mail me and I'll save you some seed this summer. I can't guarantee they'll get there with our current political climate, but it's worth a try. Lee Anna

Like Popi, I don't know if you want suggestions or just to vent. If you need to vent, my heart breaks for you in your situation. I haven't been in your situation, but I have had one family member with substance abuse issues, one family member with depression, and another family member with head trauma. In every one of those cases, the outcome for my family member either has turned out great or appears to be turning out great. Still, it was so very hard for both the family and the person with the issue. It's hard, and everyone in my family carries some scars and baggage from those times, but we grew and became better people as well, so there's hope. My first suggestion is that you find a chapter of NAMI near you, or whatever they have that's similar where you live. If they have any support programs for spouses, it would be great if your husband would go, and your kids, too. You shouldn't feel guilty for your mental illness or your breakdown. However, you and your family might need some help understanding the trauma that everyone went through and how to deal with it constructively. The next thing I'm going to say is in regards to him wanting to take the phone and you don't. I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who has sort of been in your husband's shoes. I was mom and dad both for awhile, responsible for keeping the family together during a horrible time. It's hard to put that toothpaste back in the bottle. It won't kill your daughter not to have a phone, and if your husband is this frustrated and stressed perhaps it would help him to be able to make this decision without argument. If you have come back from your breakdown and are doing fine, it's understandable and fair to you and your hard work that you slip back into your normal mom role. But they are not the same people they were before, and you may not be able to slip back into that role in the same way, even if you deserve to be able to do that and would be good at it. Another thing I would say, and only because it's an easy thing to address. It's certainly not the most important thing. Are you sure you want to fight that battle with a 14-year-old and the leggings? Is it something you hate or is it not allowed by the school? Pick your battles. There are family dynamics that change when a parent has a mental breakdown or an injury that changes (even temporarily) a parent's ability to reason. I say this with all the compassion in the world. You have no idea how much. As much as you can, use this situation to teach your children how to cope and overcome overwhelming circumstances. If you can keep from getting angry, getting overwhelmed with guilt, stay calm, etc., then do it. Remember that everything doesn't have to be addressed right then. Let's think about it and discuss it later is almost always an option. For example, if your daughter is going out with leggings. This is not a life-threatening and in my opinion morally threatening situation. If it's a tense time, you can always say nothing to your daughter at the time. Then later, privately, when you and your daughter are calm, you can discuss this with her calmly. Talk to her about why you think what you do, hear her out and give her a chance to talk to you about her thoughts. If you decide to continue holding this position, set consequences. Make sure your husband is on board. Then don't argue about it with either of them. When she sneaks out with leggings, enforce your consequences. When the family situation is tense and difficult and there are teens in the home, as much as you can stay calm, logical and consistent and deal with problems when things are calm, it's my experience that's best. If she's about to get in the car with a drunk kid, it can't wait. That CAN'T be decided later. But if she tends to go out with inappropriate clothing, then discuss that with your husband during a calm time, discuss it with her at a calm time, set your consequences and enforce them calmly. I know that it seems crazy when all about you is crumbling. And sometimes we moms just can't stay calm, no matter how hard we try. My thoughts are with you.

I don't know, in a space that's already so small that vases are in constant danger of getting knocked over, I think candles of any kind--especially ones in tall candlesticks--are a really bad idea. Even if the candles are only there for decoration, you never know when somebody will suddenly decide to light one--I'm assuming your boys have pals--and when you throw into this equation assorted flammables like towels & Kleenex, well, I'm afraid you're asking for trouble. Ask me how I know this. Of course, these days they make flameless battery-operated candles which look pretty realistic, but only from from a distance--not at eye level two feet away--so I'd ditch the candle thing completely & go with the big dough bowl, and--if scent is an issue in such close quarters--a big pile of long, golden-brown pine needles. They smell good & they're cheap--free, if you've got a few pine trees in your yard--so you can save the expense of the fancy soaps, which generally just gather dust while everybody uses whatever's on the sink, anyway. In a space this small, simpler is better. M.

New faucet - that is a builder-grade, nothing special faucet. There are so many better alternatives. The mirror doesn't look too bad, but if you get a new light fixture you may want to change the mirror to be complementary. You don't show the light fixture, but if that's as old as the faucet it probably needs an update. Then a new piece of art and even without painting it will look refreshed.