"To make a short story long :) my point is this thread has been to identify my personal responsibility in this situation. Have I contributed to the negativity? Was I showing condescension in the email without realizing it? What are my obligations to stay in contact with my sister? Have I been insensitive? Have I been TOO sensitive? In other words, is there any chance that changing myself would make it possible for me to have a harmonious relationship with her?" This implies that you still think her reactions are based substantially on your actions -- which, in a typical relationship, they would be. Normal people interact. So normally, there's reciprocity, a give and take. Kindness is met with kindness, hostility with hostility. Conversations meander down a natural path directed more or less equally by both people. But narcissists don't work that way. They have their own agendas and scripts based on their own needs, and if you don't follow their scripts, you are 'breaking their rules' and will always be punished - get a negative response. Narcissists use other people to meet their own needs, and the number one rule for dealing with a narcissist is this simple: If you aren't useful (as a source for whatever the narcissist needs), you are useless! (with all the scorn that word implies) "I accept that she is that way and try to refrain from making judgments. I simply separate myself from the situation since it serves no good purpose to remain engaged." Perfect! Just remove yourself emotionally from the interaction. Pleasant but superficial responses are generally safe. Some benign flattery every so often. But no soul-searching conversations, no striving for a deeper emotional connection, no revealing of sisterly secrets...

The angle of that last photo definitely shows the true size of the room....thanks for posting it! I like the blinds since they give a lighter, brighter feel. But hey, that's just my opinion. : ) And.........I have to agree with Caminnc's comment about the cushions re: color vs pattern. You have a lot going on with remodeling, so waiting on the window treatment may be wise at this point. Hanging some simple panels on each side of the window, along with the blinds, would change the whole feel of the room, but I understand you wanting to stay with the current WT. I think the white is 'glaring' at you because of all the other dark colors in the area and it appears to be the only white anywhere except for the flower stand. Finish the rest of the tear-out........and the white may grow on you!

I have an almost 200-year-old house with the original wide pine boards in most areas. Sag? They roll like the mighty Atlantic. And make almost as much noise as a flock of seagulls (the birds, not the band). But they are structurally sound. So I don't give it a second thought. That word "unfitted" from igloochic is key, and the advice from Jane to look at British magazines and Web sites, where the look and furniture are more common, are very good advice. Fired Earth, Plain English Design, the Kitchen Dresser Company, Thomas & Thomas are among the companies that make free-standing kitchen furniture you can view online. It's not necessarily Victorian in style, but it is definitely meant to be used by people who, like you, move into an essentially empty room labeled "kitchen", so it's worth looking at. I'm not an island person, so I may be biased, but I think a nice oak table would be the thing for your kitchen. Some have a shelf underneath and can store pots. You can pick them up for not too much money, particularly if the dealer wants a huge table out of the store fast! A big armoire can be a pantry or pot storage. Things don't have to be on wheels, but if the floor is soft pine, it's good to distribute the weight of table legs or armoire feet on padded blocks so they don't dent the floor. Looking at a lot of magazines/Web site photos actually helps. And taking a stack of favorites and looking for a single thing like "how do they do X?" helps. Something as odd as "How did they get that stove to vent without going back through the wall? Could I live with that?" Sometimes seeing that someone else has accepted an odd solution gives you the courage to stick with one yourself. Good luck. And do take your time. Your house has waited this long for you!

My post got long .. here's what I wanted to say. I believe that 30 , 3 minute videos, watched one after another . which means they would have to be downloaded together.. not picked and watched from youtube.. is the best way i've learned to understand new topics i want to learn about. With this in mind if someone can help , not by using a one at a time converter. but by a bulk , 30 video downloader for Youtube or google video, I will be glad to explain why it's the best way to learn. and I'm willing to make a nice donation, of $30 or more to a charity of the choice of the person helping with the method to bulk save about 30 or 40 videos at a time. I said i would explain why in detail if you want I'm glad to do it. And i'm willing to donate because it's a good time where people need donations and I have the money to donate. and it's something i'm asking for. Thanks for listening and reading. I spent hours trying to write something useful but it got confusing and so finally you got the gist of what I meant to say. : ) All with good intentions for me, the group, and people who could benefit by the assistance of a technical helper. I posted here because people in this thread were the type who were the type I think would benefit by the type of learning I've had success with using youtube and many downloads. But what I offer is too much to suggest . . to people with not much time. That's why I needed a helper to create the downloader routine. Yes there are some already but the ones I've used are 1 at a time and that's too slow and tedious in my experience. I wanted to help everyone and this group was one I thought i could help and explain why .. : ) Be well