I call my in-laws by their first names. they asked me if that would be OK when we got married, and I was very relieved. I would not even consider calling them mom or dad, because for me, it would feel like a betrayal to my parents in my heart. think if you were in a situation in which you were divorced and your husband remarried someone that you either couldn't stand or were jealous of. and your children started calling her mom. I would think that would be painful. so in that same thought process, I wonder how our parents feel to hear their adult children calling someone else mom or dad. Actually, I would like to hear from those whose adult children are married. Would it bother you to hear your adult son/daughter call someone else mom or dad?

I am sorry to hear that your going through so much with your mom. I KNOW what you are going through. My first husband died of an overdose. We were divorced about 5 years before he died. We were close even after divorce. We just couldnt live together because of his addiction. All I can tell you is that there is nothing you can do for her. She has to get help for herself. Until then you can continue to make sure she has groceries & etc. Because we love them we will always do things for them. But there is a fine line between helping and enableing. Sounds like you know this since you stated you dont give money to her. Alot of people will thell you to cut her off or use "tough love". I think thats right when it comes directly to the drug use. But I also know that addicts are human and have serious problems. I just wouldnt cut her off. When she does pass away one day (hopefully from old age)you will not have to feel guilt from everything. Believe me there will be guilt. I had to learn that even though I did the best I could and all the choices I made in regards to my husband wasnt always right I did the what I thought was best at the time. Took me a long time to not beat myself up. I still do over some things. Just let her know you love her and you are willing to help her get help when she asks for it and until then you can only see to it that she has the basics. Hang in there, its hard loving an addict.

I'm sold on calling cards for long distance, but I don't make that many LD calls anymore. I have a WalMart card that started with 500 minutes (at 5¢/min) and after at least 2 years I still have nearly 400 minutes left! Plus I have another card that I haven't used so I'll probably give it to a friend who does a lot of calling. Several options out there so look around. If I went with WorldXchange, I think it's still about 5¢/min and that was 1+ dialing. Qwest (my local phone company) is about that now too. So the good news is LD phone calls have come down tremendously from a few years back when MCI was ripping me off for 29¢/min! Some like Onesuite which has gone up from 1.9¢ to now 2.5¢ per minute but if you do a lot of calling, it can be worthwhile. With the internet and email, I just don't call as much. Plus I hate telephones! They're obnoxious. But that's another thread! Now go call or email someone! :)

Thanks for the replies. This has been extremely hard on both of us, not to mention the stress it's causing for my brother and his family. I do agree the play fighting thing is not a good idea anymore. We have considered filing charges back when this all settled because not only is she filing false reports, but she is also posting these accusations all over the internet (MySpace). The voice recorder has saved him before and work told him was a good idea since she lies so much. Everyone we work with does know that we love our children more than anything so hopefully that will help the detectives realize that we would never allow anyone to hurt them. As far as the things she has said about me to the kids, I did not "take their daddy from her". He left her 4 months before he and I ever went out and we kept our relationship a secret for another 5 months after that. So by the time she found out about me, they had been separated for almost 9 months. I think she really blames me because he never went back to her after he left (because I came into the picture). But he never cheated on her with me or anything like that. She really shouldn't still be bitter about that anymore because she is engaged to be married this year, but it seems like she's still a little hung up on my bf and wants to make his life as miserable and he apparently made hers by leaving her. I just really hate that his kids have to be caught in the middle. I have gotten pretty close to them in the past 2 years and I know this is going to damage the relationships we've developed.