sorry the bordering letters were clipped but you get the gist.

During class one day, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: "Joe, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Joe said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee." The teacher responded, "That would be rude and impolite." "What about you, Mark? How would you say it?" Mark said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better," said the teacher, "but it's still not very nice to say the word 'bathroom' at the dinner table." "And you, Little Johnny... can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner." The teacher fainted.

A 5-year-old girl spent every day watching the construction workers building a house next door. The workers liked her so much that they gave her little jobs and, at the end of the week, paid her $10. The next day, her mother took her to the bank to open a savings account. The teller smiled and asked, "And where did you earn this money?" The little girl proudly replied, "I worked with the construction crew next door." The teller laughed and asked, "Will you be working there again this week?" The little girl answered, "I will if those a$$hOl€s at Lowe's ever deliver the f**king sheetrock!"

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s OK because I can stop at any time.