Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells? . . . Because D shells were too big!

Did you hear that somebody spiked the punch at a roof designer convention? . . . The next day, everybody had a terrible overhang.

I have to work late tonight at the museum. We’re moving suits of armor. Uggghh! I hate knight shifts!

During class one day, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: "Joe, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Joe said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee." The teacher responded, "That would be rude and impolite." "What about you, Mark? How would you say it?" Mark said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better," said the teacher, "but it's still not very nice to say the word 'bathroom' at the dinner table." "And you, Little Johnny... can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner." The teacher fainted.