This is the cake I ordered. I told her it would either make her laugh or hurt her feelings. Luckily it was the former.

She didn't actually have a party. I just gave her the cake on the last shift of hers that I would see her. I expected her to share it, as it was pretty big. No one organized a party or anything. Which seems kind of sad in writing but that's why I was wondering what people expect. I would expect nothing.

I didn't get any of the cake. :( Darn diet.

We just d a going away for a lab manager who went to another lab. She got the works! Because we appreciate everything she did for us while she was here. Had nothing to do with her departure.

Most places I've worked at we would go out to dinner after work when someone left. We would pay for their dinner. The only time we had in work parties is if someone retired.

Hinting that you expect a sendoff is rude. If she had close friends at work that wanted to do something for her, like take her lunch, fine, but this idea that everyone is so special that every little life move they makes needs to be celebrated is downright silly.

If the cake was brought to the workplace then it's fair game for all. The assumption is anyone could have a slice or whatever.

I disagree about that. The cake was HERS. And I would have found it extremely tacky if people just showed up uninvited to get a piece because they heard there was cake. No one did that though. She offered it to who she wanted to offer it to, which was just about everyone. I found it rather rude that our supervisor asked to take some home for his kid but if she did not have a problem with it, I suppose I should not either.

I had to think about this for a while since I haven’t worked a regular office job since 1999. (contract work and then regular job but WFH since.) It would depend on the person and how socially involved they were. (I always had very social jobs, Friday nights were always extended happy hours, it’s how I ended up with my wife.) If they were part of the party group there’d be a happy hour. Or take them out to lunch. Or chip in for a cake. Some sort of acknowledgement beyond a card signed by all.

Buying her a cake was very kind of you. The $30 might not have been a big deal to you but I’d have probably asked others in the department if they wanted to chip in. And then have someone arrange a brief gather-around to say goodbye and get a slice of cake. That way ”the team” sent her off nicely nicely, not just you.

I realize work environments are different. But from where I’ve worked, that would have been a minimum.

I did ask if anyone wanted to chip in. I got a resounding NO. The only offer was from the other night minion, who offered me $1 so that he could say that it was from both of us. I declined his generosity. I got it for her mainly because I felt sorry for her. She so very much wanted people to mourn her leaving, and really no one cared.

When my supervisor heard that I was getting her the cake, he asked me if I was going to organize some sort of get together to say goodbye, which would involve coworkers coming in on their days off, or coming in early or staying late, as we work shifts. And the nature of our relationships with this woman are of such that it was not going to happen. No one was going to come in unpaid for a party for her, no one was going to stay late or come in early unpaid to do so either. And I was indignant at the idea of people coming in for a party during MY shift. I work ALONE and like it that way thank you. I did the best I was gonna do for her and that was it.

Again, I felt bad for her but really if I had not gotten her the cake I would not feel bad about it now. I did not like her and was not bothered at ALL by her leaving.

If you wanted to give a cake just to her, you should have given it to her somewhere other than at work.

When people leave a job for another job and not for retirement, it's not unusual for some to have feelings of disloyalty or that the leaving is a minimization of the value of the relationships built up there. Arguably, not always something everyone wants to celebrate.

Next time, when you wish to offer a private message, do so privately. When you do so in a public way, things happen as they will and it's not up to you to set rules.

It has been a while since I retired but other than retirements the only thing that was done at work was a card was placed where people checked in to be signed if you wanted to although some pressure was applied such as the card being placed on your desk repeatedly before the person left. Only celebration was done after work at a bar.

Cake and treats were kept for retirements and once a month potluck for anyone having a birthday that month.

Try to remember that you gave her the cake to do with what she wanted. She might have decided to take it home no matter how large it was. Although your boss should not have asked to take any home he could have just taken extra pieces and put them in his work area. Next time do a card and if no one wants to sign it make squiggles like signatures all over it in different colored pens.

I don't think Amylou was bothered by the cake being shared, more that her supervisor seemed grumpy at the (perceived) suggestion that he could have done more than eat the free cake and take some home for his child.

Most places I have worked at don't really have the kind of close knit team that would require a send off for those leaving, but one place where I did, had a cake and gave me a small gift when I left (a set of lasagne dishes in three sizes, very appropriate as I was a cook there). A lot of places have a card which is passed around for everyone to sign.

Huh.

I am not sure what "rules" you think I set. I asked a question of what others expect.

If you are referring to me saying that it is tacky for other people to expect to get a piece of cake that was for someone else, that was not a rule I set or attempted to set. Its an opinion I stand behind. I think it is rude to assume you can help yourself to anything that is not yours without being expressly invited to do so. Especially as no one else thought to do anything for her. But I did not say that it was a rule that they couldn't. Just that I find it rude. If I had bought her a sandwich for lunch as a goodbye instead of a cake would it have been free game for everyone who heard she has a sandwich to come get a bite? Some here might think so but I do not. That's not a RULE I am trying to enforce but an opinion that makes sense to me. Frankly if I were at a workplace and there was a huge cake in a common area, I would not just assume I could get a piece. Someone would have to offer it to me. But that's just how I was raised I guess.

I did not want to offer her a private message. I wanted her to feel like someone gave a rip about her leaving so she didn't feel like garbage. And she wanted attention and the cake offered her a chance to offer it to people that SHE wanted to share it with in order to garner such. (Key words: that SHE wanted to share it with) HER cake. To do with what SHE wanted. NOT my rules. Common sense.

I was absolutely not bothered that she shared the cake. It was HERS to share with whomever she wished to share it with. I am surprised at the idea that people are inferring that I am trying to gatekeep who she shared HER cake with here. I stated that I expected her to want to share it, it was a big cake, And I was not bothered that no one else did anything for her. I said that already. I was just wondering if anyone here would expect some sort of send off or cake or if that was a common thing where they have worked or work now. She certainly expected it. I would not have. And no one else thought to do anything, so they probably would not expect anything either. So I was wondering what other people did.

Forget about it.

You did a nice thing. I applaud you for it.

Jane

I don't remember getting any party or send off when I quit a job. People just said they will miss me and good luck etc.

Not a generic one size fits all question. It really depends on how long they worked there, how long the co-workers worked with the one leaving, how close you are to said person leaving, if they are retiring or just moving on....

There are so many variables, it's hard to say. If you gave her a cake, that was very nice of you. She was rude to hint about it, but once you gave it to her, it was hers to do whatever she wants with it. I've never seen or been to any kind of "send off" party at work for someone who was leaving, regardless of whether they'd retired or quit. I have had a couple of "meet for drinks after work to say goodbye" kinds of things with a few co-workers of the departing friend.

Never a party for someone moving on. Last day lunch was the norm with just closest co-workers.

I do think it is said that your co worker had to send out hints. However if this isn't the protocol I am not sure why she felt she should be the exception.

Your boss felt embarrassed by your generosity. I get feeling that you each do your job, but there isn't areas that you need to actually work a team. If this makes sense. As a result, workers don't become friends. When they do, this is where you might see parties and sendoffs

At very least, I would hope your boss shook her hand and bid her good luck.

Amylou did a nice thing and handled it well.

As to my experience of people leaving the workplace -- ANYTHING for a party! Generally, retirements mean an extra hour at lunch for the person and their immediate office, so time enough for the group to go to a local restaurant. Plus a card signed by anyone in the organization, and a cake (bought by a voluntary 'sunshine fund') for the larger organization to share while the big bosses say nice words, which means at least a half-hour away from your desk on excused time ;-) . Regular workers leaving for a new job don't get as much consideration -- typically a card signed by people they worked with. And if they were especially well regarded a coworker might organize a small potluck lunch, but no one would get any extra time off to attend.

I applaude you. That was very kind of you and you weren't even besties with this woman. I think you did the right thing....when no one else stepped up. It's a beautiful cake! Per your question: I think a cake is an appropriate send off.

"Now, typically this company and most I have worked at before do not provide any such thing for people who are quitting. They may or may not do something for someone retiring, but never for just leaving for another job."

At my old work place if someone was quitting we'd take them out to lunch, if someone was retiring we'd have a party. I don't recall in either case where someone would hint at getting special treatment for themselves.

I worked at an Air Force base and a going away lunch as well as a picture of the plane you worked on with people in the organization signing the mat and then having it framed and sometimes a gift certificate was pretty typical for someone moving on. For a while I ended up being the one who had to take care of getting the picture printed, buying the frame and putting it all together for our section of the organization. I didn't mind until a lady came to work with us for only a few months. She made it very clear that it wasn't where she wanted to be, she liked her old job better, and she was looking for someplace else to go. I really resented having to do a picture for her (and I bought the cheapest frame I could find at Hobby Lobby for her).

You're a kind person. It might have been better to simply give your co-worker a card wishing her well in the new job -- not present her with a whole cake AT WORK. Cakes are typically shared by others who *care* about the person, and who would have contributed to the purchase -- not the case here. I think this just confused everyone at work, including your supervisor. You may have thought he was grumpy. I think he feels that you over-stepped, but tried to make the best of it. (To consider another angle, how would have looked if all your co-workers and the supervisor shunned the cake?)

"Next time" I'd consider a low-key personal farewell, regardless if someone hints she expects more.

It's weird because I've worked for the same chain for 22+ years and who gets a celebratory send off and who never really made sense to me. Some people got a cake, a gift and and card, which we all pitched money in to. The company, nor the store owner (it's a franchise) donates money to such events. The store I presently work at, usually just does a card. One of our cashier/supervisors had her last day on Thursday. Our manager is off sick, and the assistant said, "we should do something for her". (not the manager, but the employee leaving). She and I just ordered 2 dozen doughnuts from Tim Hortons (they tasted day old and the icing melted off....) and she got a card signed by everyone but there was no "send off party". When our cosmetics manager left for another store (bigger and better pay), her staff from her department knew of something she really wanted and they pooled their money together to get her a gift. She cried.

But it's my personal belief, if you do something for one person you should do it for all of them. No one person is more special than another. If they've given proper notice then either do something for them or don't. But it has to be across the board.

I think it was very kind of you to get a cake and equally nice that she shared it. I see no con or downside to having done so. I have rarely regretted doing something nice.

In my previous companies, it really depended on the culture and person whether we had going away parties. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I was downsized when my department was eliminated by corporate HQ folks at a job about 8 years ago. The office I worked in threw me a big going away party. I hated it and had such mixed feelings - I mean, I was being terminated after 12 years, who cares if it was a position elimination. I would have preferred nothing. The folks in charge of that office felt bad about what happened and over compensated, I think.

If the company or a manager is paying then it should be consistent. I think it’s generally people chipping in for whatever it is.

I don’t know that it’s ”equally kind” that she shared it. It’s absolutely expected. Not sharing it would have been as gauche as her asking for it in the first place.

As for taking some home for the wife and kids, I’d wait for a specific invite to share leftovers before doing that.

I agree with chisue. While it was a kind gesture to step up and get this person a cake, as just another night minion, was that really your responsibility? Boss may not have appreciated being overstepped. It looks like it made it awkward - whose cake is it - the departing person? Is it a group send-off? If the cake was solely from you to the departing person it may have been better to give it to her outside of work. But as a night minion, it's probably best leave those things to the boss or management unless you're specifically asked, to avoid the awkwardness it looks like this created. Just because someone asks for something doesn't mean it's up to you to fulfill it. You took the bait while the other minions didn't.

About the departing person's hints for a cake. That's boorish behavior. If you're just a night minion, unless it's called out somewhere that it's your responsibility to buy cakes for departing people, just don't. Like chisue said, it's overstepping. If you didn't even want to buy this person a cake you shouldn't have.

It was a kind gesture. You saw this person's need to be acknowledged and did that.

We had an after hours party on a Friday for one of the employees (whom I had trained to take over the lighting department) left the company to start a new career as a flight attendant. Our offices were close to the airport, and so the part was held at a strip club that was between work and the airport - there are several of those close to LAX. I believe it was called Jet Strip Cabaret, and I don't know whose idea this was.

I went to the party, but I was not happy when a stripper tried to sit on my lap, and I told her to leave me alone. I took a friend with me to the party (who was not a co-worker), and he dressed in semi-drag, and so the strippers left him alone. I should have thought of something like that, but then I had not been to an airport strip club before.

I don't remember parties for people who quit because most who quit took jobs in the same industry, but it was different with Tony, and he was very well liked.

To be clear:

The overstepping comments.

My boss was fully aware that I was getting the cake. I said above, if anyone cares to read my full comments before scolding me, that everyone,including said boss,was asked if they wanted to chip in, I was told no thank you. And I was asked by said boss if I would organize a party for her. AND the deliciousness and humor of the cake was acknowledged by him to me afterward. He was very happy to let me do everything if anything was to be done. There was no awkwardness until I casually asked if he did anything for her. THAT was my fault for asking, but I was not taking him to task, I was just being nosy. My original post stated that I do not think he owed her any sort of gesture,no one did. And I told him that. If I did not want to make her feel better I would not have bought the cake. She wasn't gonna get jack otherwise, and as I said before, she clearly wanted someone to make a fuss. She is extremely insecure. AND,Its okay to do things that are not your "responsibility" in order to be nice. I mentioned that he took cake home because I thought it was kind of rude if someone offers you some of their cake, and you take that as an invitation to eat your share, and then take as much as you want home for your family. But it was an offhand observation, based on information I was given by the cakes recipient. She felt it important to mention, I found it to be rude, but that's just my opinion and doesn't matter.

To that end.

I am still surprised that despite above clarification in other, clearly unread yet again comments, some people are still confused. I in no way cared that she shared the cake. It was hers to share. Or eat on its entirely. Or throw away. I got a bigger cake so that she could call people over for cake and say goodbye and feel special. So I am still dumbfounded by the continued "if you didn't want her to share" . I never said that. Geez. Just because I made it clear that it was HER cake. Because it was.

Thanks to all who answered my question. I suppose thr overall answer is: it depends.