Has anyone else seen this? House gift request - no party

last year

A relative, who recently bought a home, sent a group email requesting gifts for their new home. It wasn’t a party invitation; it just was just a gift request that was sent to all their relatives and friends. It seems rude, but I am wondering whether my perception is wrong. Any suggestions on how to respond to the email?

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scout

last year

Honestly, that email is outragous. Maybe reply that you are celebrating your cat’s bithday and are also accepting gifts.

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MDLN
last year
Laurie H thanked MDLN
Jen K (7b, 8a)
last year
last modified: last year
I'm with @Donald - send something or don't. Why come here to validate your disdain? They're probably busy trying to get situated and didn't want the trouble to have a party. Do you need a party to justify giving a gift? Seems to be a weird requirement.
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Laurie H
Original Author
last year
MDLN LOL - great suggestions!
CA Kate z9
last year
I know I’m from the ”Old School” but, it’s one thing to get an unasked-for gift, it is entirely another to boldly ask. However, this is not the worst I’ve heard lately.
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
last modified: last year
(For context...The below response was due to an offensive JenK message, which I believe Houzz moderators deleted.)

Jen K (7b, 8a) It has never been about disdain or the party. I asked the question because I thought there might be a new trend. I have found the responses informative and humorous, which I hope others have found too. I love her, but I believe this request was inconsiderate. Many in our family are struggling financially, and to ask for another gift without hosting something is inconsiderate. Yes, we can all choose to get her a blender or no gift, but guilt runs thick in this family. So, most will buy her something. Donald and you have assumed the worst in me, and frankly, you are both being unfair.

Also, if norms aren't followed for gift giving, what stops someone from asking for a gift for any occasion?
function_first
last year
last modified: last year
The request is so far out there that I would probably question whether the relative’s account had been hacked. I would be careful not to click on any links in the email.
Laurie H thanked function_first
mxk3 z5b_MI
last year
"They're probably busy trying to get situated and didn't want the trouble to have a party. Do you need a party to justify giving a gift? Seems to be a weird requirement."

Of course you don't need a party to justify giving a gift -- it's the asking for a gift that's outrageous. It's in poor taste to ask for a gift for yourself. Period. Even if you're throwing a party yourself it's bad manners to ask for a gift -- you send the invitation and hope people bring you something and if they don't oh well.
Laurie H thanked mxk3 z5b_MI
jayapple21
last year
Jen, only young children visiting Santa get to ask for gifts.

Laurie, just sigh, shake your head, and send them a $25 gift card to the local plant nursery.
Laurie H thanked jayapple21
scout
last year
@Jen K (7b, 8a) The author is merely asking a question! She wants to know if this is a trend she might not be aware of. The selfish one isn’t the the posters on this board, it’s the niece. She bought a house, she didnt graduate from college, or have a new baby, or finish medical school. She didn’t even build the house. She is clearly financially secure as she BOUGHT a house. If you have a new house and want gifts, have a party, show off the house, but don’t send emails soliciting for gifts. That’s just crazy!
Laurie H thanked scout
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
last modified: last year
Thank you so much scout, mxk3 z5b_MI and jayapple21!
Mama Cita
last year
A nice airbnb home we rented years ago had a list of rules posted in the kitchen. The last “rule” was to “feel free to purchase a gift for the house if you want to be part of this special place. Thank you, Jason.” To this day when we come across something spectacularly tacky we joke about buying it for Jason.
Laurie H thanked Mama Cita
floral_uk z.8/9 SW UK
last year
Even requesting wedding gifts is going out of fashion over here among thoughtful couples. Putting people under moral pressure to spend their money on you is an imposition. Recent weddings in our family have stipulated no gifts. The invitations have given a list of the couple’s favourite charities if people wish to donate to mark the marriage. Hence my suggestion. Send a ‘congratulations on your new home card‘ and tell them you’ve donated to a homeless charity in their name.
bry911
last year
last modified: last year
Just for some perspective... we have always bought gifts for friends and family members when they buy their first home and many of my friends do the same thing. We attempt to buy thoughtful gifts that we believe will be enjoyed by the person/couple and will help make it a home, so we are more likely to send a candle gift set than a small appliance.

I see nothing wrong with a tasteful letter directing gifts a little bit. Something like...

So many people have asked about getting a housewarming present and we are so grateful, please know that your presence at some future date is all that is required to make our new house a home. However, if you feel obligated to provide a small housewarming gift, John likes... Joan likes... and, of course, wine is always a welcome gift! We hope to have everyone over in the future to create the most cherished gift, memories.
Mama Cita
last year
Well, if any of you Houzzers feel moved to give on account of I finally finished the dang bathroom, Mama likes Frette linens. And she ain’t got none.

https://www.frette.com/en_US/links-embroidered-pure-linens-sheet-set.html
Mama Cita
last year
I wouldn’t mention it, but so many of you have asked :)
mxk3 z5b_MI
last year
LOL Mama Cita!!
bry911
last year
last modified: last year
We feel obligated to keep gifts, we were married more than thirty years ago and we have every single wedding gift (sans cash and broken China). Some few of my relatives decided to gift me Friendly Village dinnerware, even though they were not on my registry (apparently it was my grandmother's favorite). So I have like 5 place settings of dishware that is still in the box 30 years later that I have moved from Pennsylvania to California to Paris and back to the U.S. My unboxed dishware has seen more of the world than most people.

I guess I am less offended by people asking for useful gifts today than I was before paying to send useless gifts all over the world.

@Mama Cita - If we were friends and you asked for those sheets for a housewarming present, I would happily buy sheets for myself in remembrance of my ex-friend.
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
I like the idea of listing a group of favorite charities shared by floral_uk z.8/9 SW UK. It is what we did for our wedding, and it helps those in real need. I hope this trend continues.
Mama Cita
last year
@bry911 hold up, we’re not friends??? Not even in a Houzzy kinda way? Fine, maybe I can cancel your Friendly Village hostess set before it ships then. YOUR LOSS BRY911.

I too have trouble getting rid of things that were gifts. All I can say is be very, very careful what your family thinks you’ve started collecting…..
stellarceline
last year
last modified: last year
It's rude and weird and I would not answer the email. Just ignore it.

"Over the last year, this relative has graduated from college, her spouse also graduated, and they got engaged and married." -- the only one for which it is typical to "ask" for gifts is a wedding. This relative is pretty out of line and hopefully their parents will set them straight since they seem to be quite young and clueless!
Laurie H thanked stellarceline
worthyvess
last year
Hysterical comments!!
It seems good manners have been lost by many.
NEVER ask for gifts.
Bridal and baby registries are acceptable with a shower or wedding invite. That’s it.
Where is Miss Manners when you need her??
Please no guilt Laurie. And no gift either. Hopefully you won’t be the only one.
Laurie H thanked worthyvess
Caroline Hamilton
last year
I am the type of person who will always bring something when invited, even for a last minute casual stopover at a friend's. Dictating or directing any type of gift, whether there is a party or not, is in extremely poor taste. Even for a wedding, where a gift is expected when receiving an invitation, putting registry information in invitations is tacky!

I would not send anything right now. When you visit the couple I would bring a housewarming gift.
Laurie H thanked Caroline Hamilton
scout
last year
Hi houzzers, I wanted to let everyone know that since I have finished my remodel, I now consider this a new house. Please message me for an address to send housewarming gifts. I am also happy to offer suggestions. Thanks!
Laurie H thanked scout
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
last modified: last year
scout LMAO!
Mama Cita
last year
Scout, I never got a thank you note from you for the gift I sent when you chose your backsplash, so hard pass.
Laurie H thanked Mama Cita
Toronto Veterinarian
last year
You're not wrong; it's rude to ask for "gifts" - they should at least be honest about it and ask for donations, since they feel they are in need of charity.
Laurie H thanked Toronto Veterinarian
worthyvess
last year
This thread is my entertainment of the day!
Now please all chime in on my half- backsplash question! (Or is that rude to beg for responses?)
🙏🙏🙏
Laurie H thanked worthyvess
scout
last year
@Mama Cita LOL Nobody sends thank you notes anymore! Didnt you know that?

Seriously, the backsplash is the one thing I havent finished! I can't choose a color!!
L P
last year
Things change but goodness I hope we haven’t sunk to this level of crassness. An etiquette book can be a useful addition to any household as it covers so many subjects such as when to wear black tie, how to set a formal table, how to write a bereavement card, etc. That’s the gift I’d give.
Laurie H thanked L P
elcieg
last year
Respond by asking for their 501-C3 number, so you can claim your donation on your income tax return.
Laurie H thanked elcieg
sushipup2
last year
I'd send this gift.

https://emilypost.com/shop/books/emily-posts-etiquette-19th-edition
Laurie H thanked sushipup2
Kate
last year
Now you can send handwritten notes from your computer so no excuse, thehandwrittencard.com
Laurie H thanked Kate
cpartist
last year
The pearl-clutching is real with this group

So is the holier than thou attitude of you and Donald with your response to everyone.
Laurie H thanked cpartist
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
last modified: last year
For context...The below response was due to an offensive Donald message, which I believe Houzz moderators deleted.

Donald Oh...Don. You and Jen have resorted to name-calling instead of learning from this post, laughing a little, and changing your perspective. If I had known I was right and I thought my relative would listen, I would have told her.

However, since I know your and Jen's position on gift-giving, I'd like you both to know that we're about to buy a Sprinter Van and would like to send you a list of gift suggestions to celebrate our new occasional home. From the other posts, several others have had recent remodels and kitten birthdays they are celebrating. I'm sure they would appreciate gifts too. So, please post your email and home address to add to our gift mailing list. (Don...for clarity...this paragraph is passive-aggressive.)
Suzieque
last year
Well done, Laurie! Bravo.
Laurie H thanked Suzieque
barncatz
last year
Wait, there was a kitten birthday and I missed it??
Laurie H thanked barncatz
littlebug zone 5 Missouri
last year
I have examined this post with care and see only one post by Donald. It’s entirely possible that he/she made more posts here, but the Houzz admins may have hidden them from public view.

Why? I don’t know.
Laurie H thanked littlebug zone 5 Missouri
Emily R.
last year
Friendly Village plates!!! DYING!!!! And I so relate, as the reluctant recipient of several boxes of Decorative Norman Rockwell Plates (TM) that my great-aunt gifted me after years of (her) questionable purchasing choices. I carted those suckers around with me for years, because I felt too guilty to unload them.

My husband, on the other hand? He had zero problems returning all the Bed Bath and Beyond towels we got for our wedding and using store credit to buy cleaning products and toilet paper. We continued using the old hand-me-down towels from our respective childhood homes. I was so mad.

By the way – we just bought a house! I need new cabinets because the listing agent's subs did a crappy paint job; anyone want to contribute? Anyone?? Hellooooo???? I can give BBB cleaning products in exchange. :D
Laurie H thanked Emily R.
bry911
last year
@Mama Cita - Of course we are friends...

Just let me know where to send your gift...
Laurie H thanked bry911
Mama Cita
last year
last modified: last year
LOL Bry911, LOL! You caught me off guard with that, I really needed that belly laugh so thank you for that!
Laurie H thanked Mama Cita
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
last modified: last year
littlebug zone 5 Missouri - Thank you so much for confirming that you no longer see Don’s post. It was so kind of you to confirm what my feed shows too. I would have thought they would have deleted it off his feed too, but it is good to know that they deleted it off the public feed. He may just have a computer cookie issue. Again, thank you so much!
pat1250
last year
Disparaging trolls, are we? 😂🤣😆 Following …….
Jen K (7b, 8a)
last year
My gift to you, that doesn't require an invite to an event, is that you find peace in the gift giving world.

I hope that you're always invited and you find the perfect gift for each occasion.

I hope that everyone you bring a gift to is deserving of the time and effort you put into that object d'art.

May your wrapping paper fold and crease as you intend. May your tape be secure. May your gift card never separate.

Whoever asks for a gift, without a requisite event instantly and profusely apologizes for their faux pas of offending your moral compass.

Have a beautiful Hallmark day.
Mama Cita
last year
Shoot Jen, did you have to wish a “Hallmark Day”? I REALLY don’t have time to be chatting with lonely-but-self-sufficient retired veterinarians driving pickup trucks and they are gonna be everywhere.
Laurie H thanked Mama Cita
nancylouise5me
last year
If I received that email I would have thought it a joke of some sort and not taken it seriously and responded in kind. Pretty nervey if you ask me. Telling their family and friends to get them a gift just because they bought a house. Granted, we purchase gifts for family when they have a house warming, but to just do a gift grab? Ill mannered are the nicest words I can think of.
Laurie H thanked nancylouise5me
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
last modified: last year
scout, littlebug zone 5 Missouri, Suzieque, jayapple21, Little Bug, nancylouise5me, Mama Cita, pat1250, bry911, Emily R., barncatz, cpartist, Kate, sushipup2, judianna20, L P, worthyvess, Toronto Veterinarian, Caroline Hamilton, worthyvess, stellarceline, mxk3 z5b_MI, floral_uk z.8/9 SW UK, mxk3 z5b_MI, function_first, CA Kate z9, MDLN, ShadyWillowFarm, rrah, beesneeds, Lorraine Leroux, functionthenlook

Thank you all for contributing to this post. I'm so glad I posted the question. Not only did you share your knowledge, wittiness, humor, and kindness, but you also gave me hope.

There were far more of you than the two trolls, which gives me hope that the world has far more kind, intelligent, thoughtful, humorous, honest, and witty people than angry, mean, and obstinate ones. I’m grateful for all of you and your posts. I especially loved the funny ones! Some of them made me laugh so hard. Thank you so much!

(I apologize if I accidently left anyone out.)
Emily R.
last year
@Laurie H It was an honest question and I appreciate the almost 100% hilarious thread that ensued -- I definitely needed the laughs yesterday! And to show my gratefulness to you for starting it, here are 4 (FOUR!!!) Decorative Norman Rockwell Plates for you. You can regift them to your niece. Or sell them on eBay for twenty-five whole dollars. :D
Laurie H thanked Emily R.
Emily R.
last year
Also -- OMG did anyone read this thread? I've been crying laughing. https://www.houzz.com/discussions/1117534/most-hideous-gift-you-ve-received-for-your-house
Laurie H thanked Emily R.
Laurie H
Original Author
last year
Emily R. Hilarious! Thank you so much for both posts! I love those plates, but I think @Mama Cita might love them more. :)
lkloes
last year
I would buy them an etiquette book to place on the coffee table in their new home. 😂

Has anyone else seen this? House gift request - no party

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