The Polite House: Considerations for Hosting a Housewarming Party
At a move-in celebration, are invitations to new neighbors required and gifts expected?
Lizzie Post
December 2, 2016
Houzz Contributor. Lizzie Post is co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast http://www.infiniteguest.org/awesome-etiquette/, and an author and spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute. She is a co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette 18th edition, Emily Post’s Great Get-Togethers, The Etiquette Advantage in Business, and Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette 6th edition http://emilypost.com/books/.
Houzz Contributor. Lizzie Post is co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast ,... More
Dear Lizzie,
We’ve just moved into a new neighborhood, and I’m considering having a housewarming. I have a lot of family and close friends in the area, so it’s not like we’re trying to get to know new neighbors, although we certainly have done the usual introductions in the month that we’ve been in the house. My question is twofold: 1. Can I just invite friends and family or do I need to invite my new neighbors to this? 2. I’d like wording for how to say that we have registered for housewarming gifts. We didn’t have a big wedding, and we thought this would be a great way for guests to get us items we really need to fill our new house.
We’ve just moved into a new neighborhood, and I’m considering having a housewarming. I have a lot of family and close friends in the area, so it’s not like we’re trying to get to know new neighbors, although we certainly have done the usual introductions in the month that we’ve been in the house. My question is twofold: 1. Can I just invite friends and family or do I need to invite my new neighbors to this? 2. I’d like wording for how to say that we have registered for housewarming gifts. We didn’t have a big wedding, and we thought this would be a great way for guests to get us items we really need to fill our new house.
Congratulations! What a fun time for you and your partner as you settle into your new house and get to know your new neighborhood. I’m glad to hear that your first introductions to your new neighbors have gone well, and it’s so great as the new “kid” on the block to have the confidence to introduce yourself to more established neighbors.
In regard to your two questions, I have a few thoughts that may help clarify the nature of a housewarming party and help you to proceed.
A housewarming is supposed to be just that: a party to warm the house with friends and family so that a new place doesn’t seem, well, quite so new, unfamiliar and cold. It’s amazing how the “strangeness” of an environment is replaced with the feeling of “home” once we have spent a little time with our friends and family in our new space.
Naturally, it would make more sense to have your guest list for this party contain your closest friends and family in the area. Depending on how long you’ve lived in your area, this may be a very large group or a smaller, more intimate circle. This party is also a great way to invite new neighbors to get to know you a bit better and to establish yourself as a friendly and welcoming neighbor.
In regard to your two questions, I have a few thoughts that may help clarify the nature of a housewarming party and help you to proceed.
A housewarming is supposed to be just that: a party to warm the house with friends and family so that a new place doesn’t seem, well, quite so new, unfamiliar and cold. It’s amazing how the “strangeness” of an environment is replaced with the feeling of “home” once we have spent a little time with our friends and family in our new space.
Naturally, it would make more sense to have your guest list for this party contain your closest friends and family in the area. Depending on how long you’ve lived in your area, this may be a very large group or a smaller, more intimate circle. This party is also a great way to invite new neighbors to get to know you a bit better and to establish yourself as a friendly and welcoming neighbor.
Often housewarmings are drop-in events, so when inviting people, it’s best to give a clear starting and ending time for the party. Close friends and family will often linger, whereas newer acquaintances will most likely pop in, get the tour, have some refreshment and be on their way.
Close friends and family, and even new acquaintances, will often bring a small gift. A plate of homemade cookies, a houseplant or some bulbs for the garden, a serving dish, or some candles are all typical housewarming gifts.
Here is an example of an invitation:
Come Warm Our New House!
Saturday, July 15, 2 to 6 p.m.
1893 Blue Creek Circle
Waterville, Maine
RSVP by July 10, (999) 999-9999 or katie@newhomeowner.com
In regard to your second question about registries, we get asked this a lot. When it comes to getting married and having children, registries are a wonderful way for a couple or new parents to receive gifts that are useful and in line with their taste. For these events, we traditionally throw showers, specifically a party meant to shower the honorees with gifts for their new adventure in life. Wouldn’t it then make sense to register for housewarming gifts too? Not everyone gets married or has children, and if guests are going to bring gifts anyway, wouldn’t it be nice to get gifts that we actually want or need?
Close friends and family, and even new acquaintances, will often bring a small gift. A plate of homemade cookies, a houseplant or some bulbs for the garden, a serving dish, or some candles are all typical housewarming gifts.
Here is an example of an invitation:
Come Warm Our New House!
Saturday, July 15, 2 to 6 p.m.
1893 Blue Creek Circle
Waterville, Maine
RSVP by July 10, (999) 999-9999 or katie@newhomeowner.com
In regard to your second question about registries, we get asked this a lot. When it comes to getting married and having children, registries are a wonderful way for a couple or new parents to receive gifts that are useful and in line with their taste. For these events, we traditionally throw showers, specifically a party meant to shower the honorees with gifts for their new adventure in life. Wouldn’t it then make sense to register for housewarming gifts too? Not everyone gets married or has children, and if guests are going to bring gifts anyway, wouldn’t it be nice to get gifts that we actually want or need?
Yes, this is all true. However, the big difference is that getting married and having children are specific life events with very large and, in most cases, lifelong commitments. Although first-time home buyers may be quite committed to their house (and see this as a seminal moment), moving into a new place isn’t generally considered one of life’s milestones (many people, especially in their transient years, change residences regularly), so the party itself is about warming the space with presence, not presents.
It is also quite possible that you will be inviting new acquaintances (like neighbors to whom you may have only waved) to your housewarming, not just your nearest and dearest. You would never typically expect a new acquaintance to get you a gift, and if you register for gifts, you are essentially telling your guests that you expect them to bring one and that you have a list of what you want. Also, please avoid the idea of sending invitations with registry information to close friends and family, while sending invitations to new acquaintances without registry information.
It is also quite possible that you will be inviting new acquaintances (like neighbors to whom you may have only waved) to your housewarming, not just your nearest and dearest. You would never typically expect a new acquaintance to get you a gift, and if you register for gifts, you are essentially telling your guests that you expect them to bring one and that you have a list of what you want. Also, please avoid the idea of sending invitations with registry information to close friends and family, while sending invitations to new acquaintances without registry information.
This creates an imbalance in your guests’ expectations and could leave either type of guest feeling awkward. Although most guests will bring a gift to a housewarming, it’s likely to be something along the lines of a gift for a host or hostess — something simple.
Now if a relative or friend wants to give you something more substantial and asks you specifically what you would like, it’s fine to make a suggestion. “Cara, how kind of you! Jimmy and I could use a new coffee maker, as our old one is a relic from college, but honestly, anything you choose will be lovely!” Of course, if guests do bring gifts, be sure to thank them. If you don’t have a chance to open the presents in front of them, be sure to write a thank-you note.
All in all, it’s best to remember that a housewarming is not a shower, but it is the very best way to get to know some of your new neighbors and to make your new space feel more homey.
What’s your question? To submit a question on etiquette around the house for Lizzie Post, send an email with the subject line “The Polite House” to edit@houzz.com.
More from The Polite House: How to Set Limits With Overnight Houseguests | How to Handle Fences and Neighbors
Now if a relative or friend wants to give you something more substantial and asks you specifically what you would like, it’s fine to make a suggestion. “Cara, how kind of you! Jimmy and I could use a new coffee maker, as our old one is a relic from college, but honestly, anything you choose will be lovely!” Of course, if guests do bring gifts, be sure to thank them. If you don’t have a chance to open the presents in front of them, be sure to write a thank-you note.
All in all, it’s best to remember that a housewarming is not a shower, but it is the very best way to get to know some of your new neighbors and to make your new space feel more homey.
What’s your question? To submit a question on etiquette around the house for Lizzie Post, send an email with the subject line “The Polite House” to edit@houzz.com.
More from The Polite House: How to Set Limits With Overnight Houseguests | How to Handle Fences and Neighbors
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stock the bar (bring a bottle)
white elephant decorating (these get hilarious)
paint parties (host provides food and drinks)
bbqs (what we're doing)
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Keep them light hearted and fun, house warmings should be a way to bring in new memories to start life fresh.
Louise McCarthy, 30 years ago registries weren't all that big a thing even here in the US. I think they've become more of a phenomenon with the internet being such an integral part of life. Perhaps if we'd had a registry back when we got married nearly 37 years ago, we wouldn't have ended up with 6 slow cookers in addition to the 1 each we brought to the union.