I agree with the others. Because drinking is so socially acceptable, it's possible she is unaware that her drinking has crept up to the point that it's gotten out of control. It will certainly be a difficult discussion, but if nobody ever says anything, how could a change ever begin to happen...? Seeking's point about keeping the conversation short, direct, and unambiguous is an excellent one. No doubt, any conversation that lasts longer than 60 seconds will come off sound like 'harping'. I'd respectfully disagree with Lowspark about the "I phrasing". Unless you happen to work a miracle and hit your timing perfectly (right when she is beginning to realize she has a serious problem and needs to change), you're going to be blamed anyway for being overprotective and unreasonable. Why plant the idea? It's just an excuse. I like Gibby's "too much alcohol being consumed on a daily basis" approach. It communicates clearly without accusing. Definitely talk to your 12 year old. Otherwise, you're missing a huge opportunity to point out what a drunk person looks like to others. Your DD is at a very impressionable age right now, and if she realizes what's going on before you explain it to her, you'll come off looking like a huge hypocrit -- condoning drunken behavior in others while presumably warning her about the evils of alcohol. She also needs to hear that a tendency towards alcoholism can run in the family, and that she needs to be extra careful... Good luck ---

No, he has been controlling in the past, I'm just starting to realize it now. He has always put me at a distance from my family and in his first marriage did the same thing, moved her across country from her family. We have been separated before. We are in what Forbes considers one of the most miserable cities in the country Stockton, CA. I have looked high and low for jobs NOTHING! I'd be willing to do just about anything at this point. Unemployment here is 20%! He agreed to help her with school provided we all come out here. She made a mistake and didn't take a full load her first semester and has a 6000.00 debt that finiancial aid won't pay for. It has to be paid in full before she goes back. She has taken responsibiliy for the mistake, found a job working only 12 hours a wk b/c that's all there is to find here. It will take forever at that rate for her to pay off. We agreed to help her but he recently said that he will not help her get back in school and she's on her own. He has never allowed me to let her learn how to drive in "his cars". My concern isn't only for my daughter getting back in school but I also have a mother who has just been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease who needs help but I can't help her, my daughter, myself or anyone at this point. Please give me some advice. I'm from the south, don't like to argue and stress, he's from NY and is very rude and aggressive, even at work.

His response... “I know I made your day yesterday but... you just made mine! Very thoughtful of you guys but definitely not necessary. I really do love helping people and your kind words make it all worth it. BTW, Morton’s happens to be one of my Favs! I also feel as lucky to have you guys have the trust and faith in me to build your dreams! Thank you again!” ...and then we had a 2.5 hour conversation about my kitchen and bathroom cabinets. I’m sure things will come up during the finishing stage we’ve entered, and I’m ready and willing to forgive him for mistakes that happen. At least I know the foundation and guts of this house are 100%. He’s slightly OCD so things are pretty meticulous on the job itself. As he said in the beginning, he’s likes things more perfect than most homeowners he works with, so not too worried!

You write you have lots of rain lately. Is the rain water sinking into the ground or staying on the surface of the soil for a prolonged period of time? I am trying to find out here if you have a drainage problem that could, to some degree, justify building raised beds. As for organic materials it is not only compost you can use. Mulching with grass clippings, straw, leaves, wood chips etc. for the summer keeps the soil moist and cool and provides food and shelter for the soil organisms. It is the soil organisms that make your soil fertile. https://www.nrcs.usda.gov/wps/portal/nrcs/detailfull/soils/health/biology/?cid=nrcs142p2_053868 http://pnwsteep.wsu.edu/DirectSeed/conf2k2/dscclapperton.htm You can incorporate the amendments into the soil before winter. BTY In hot summer climates raised beds are generally especially bad idea, the soil gets too hot in them for both plants and the soil organisms and dries up much too quickly after watering. There are exceptions though where raised beds are the only solution, like when the natural soil being contaminated or waterlogged.