the silence is deafening. one serious issue is that while nc may not be responsible for man's promise to fiance, there is the potential issue of aids. this changes everything for me. someone's life could be at risk. of course the fiance needs to be told. when nurses are having unprotected sex, and they know all the dangers, it makes me wonder just how careful are most people? there's no way around the truth, even though it's inconvenient and ugly. you are treated by the world in the way you allow yourself to be treated. you must respect yourself and honor yourself. if you manipulate and lie and get "away" with it, as in, the unexpected pg wins you the man, guess what? you're not winning any prize. I wish this weren't true. But I would lay money on it. Be careful where you point your feet, because that's where you're gonna end up.

Thank you all for your responses. There is not much I can say for myself, other than I am truly sorry. Sylvia... yes I am devastated... I'm human. I've been in love very few times in my life. I feel stupid to admit this is one... My nights are sleepless and that's when I stay up conflicted about this situation. But be assured my days are spent struggling through the loss of my career opportunity. I play over my evals again and again in my head, but it is easier for me to deal with because it is black and white why I failed. I had a 90% avg going into those final days, but the program is set up to put the pressure on, and I choked. My field is one in which I can still find work but will likely have to resort to contract work and the process is painstakingly slow, but I have always been able to take care of myself, and job wise it's easy for me to sit and make a plan to dig myself out of a hole. Unfortunately when it comes to matters of the heart, it's much more difficult for me. I'm just... sad. Yes Popi I did think with my heart. It's very rare that I let people in, but when I do, I certainly have made mistakes and gotten hurt. (Though this is the only time I've ever fell for someone who was not single) Thank you for the advice. Sylvia the drug reference is good... you are certainly on to something, but I suppose for me it was that I'm a hopeless romantic... I kept picturing Swing Time scenarios... a fine romance indeed. I can't tell you why he pursued me, why I gave in, I can't tell you what it was that made it happen between him and me, I can only admit that it did happen, and that I'm guilty, shameful, and embarrassed. Not an excuse... there is no excuse, and please understand that I do know that... and that I truly am sorry. That's most likely why I feel like I'm struggling the most. That's why I asked, can one be sorry without regret? Meaning I am sorry, but my feelings for him are still there...I want him to be happy. I will always have questions as to why, what if, is he truly happy, etc. But I have blocked him since that last email and now that the wedding day has come and gone, my resolve is solidified. I know time is the only thing that will heal, but I have to say writing it all out the other night helped. And your responses... I needed it. Scarlett I can pretty much guarantee that lesson was learned.

I always enjoy the athleticism of some people gained by jumping to conclusions! Branding him a "loser" without any more info than he's unemployed. I guess I'll have to remember every time someone says they're out of a job here, to remind them that they're a "loser". And to be married and unemployed, sounds like we've had a few "winners" around here! I agree with much of what Wildchild says, but obviously not all. And nycefarm and paula_pa really hit the nail on the head. There are lines across which people cannot cross and be my friend so yes, I will put conditions on a friendship! You will not embezzle from me and remain my friend is one thing. You will not lie about me, damage my reputation and get me into trouble unjustly and remain my friend. There are certain things that are beyond acceptability. At the same time I can accept differences where it's not something major. Each person has their own level at which choose how major something is. Why would the wife stay with him? Could be a lot of reasons. Could be she doesn't want a divorce. Could be that she believes in her wedding vows and takes them seriously. Not everyone finds divorce as fashionable as do some. Could be she's waiting for him to go back to work to try and get more in a settlement. Could be she knows nothing about it. Could be she's a nutcase. Could be a lot of reasons and without knowing more it's pretty arrogant to condemn either one of them. Do we even *know* there *is* a wife??? LOL We don't even know if the guy is in agreement with the friend! I know how that goes from experience! A co-worker and I would get together quite often. We were good friends and nothing more. We shared a crazy work schedule and it wasn't compatible with other friends for various reasons so she'd get together, talk, go to flea markets, go out to eat, but certainly not a "date" by any means. It was clear I didn't want more with her, especially after getting to know her better. It didn't take long to figure out why she was divorced three times! Massive trouble handling money and other issues. But we were friends, would help each other out occasionally as friends do. But then the sideways comments about when we're getting married coming in from other co-workers and other friends. Well, she was telling them that we were getting married. Uh, not quite. So, it might be a good idea for some of you folks to remember what happens when you assume. AFAIC, if the husband and wife are on the same page that it's over and is an issue of time, I have no problem with someone seeing someone else. If it's a platonic relationship anyway, which it could be - we do not know, I have no problem with that either. I do think, as a friend, I would say something about how I feel about it, but especially on this topic, I'd give it some deep thought and decide if I'm a little too demanding. I realize there's many who subscribe to the if you an't say anything "nice"... I'd advise you simply proceed with caution. Make your feelings known. But to cut off the relationship at this point could certainly hurt you a lot more than them. Especially if you don't know the facts. And maybe when you think about it, there's a way you can work this out in your own mind. OJ, you can just open up a second window and switch back and forth when you need to reference something. I find it easier than scrolling up and down the page. Ctrl+alt+shift+N will duplicate the page, including the page history in Opera. And you can refresh the page and see if anything new has been added while you're typing if it should happen to get lengthy.

"Their BF was no more than a caregiver for them while I finished my degrees. After that I felt that he could not do enough for us,so I divorced him and told him to move on. It took him a while to get over it, and he turned from a nice gullible man to a crazy nut. " You know i was going to defend you for your household but after reading more carefully i fully understand now why people are so pist off at you. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS LINE I JUST READ. So you basically used this man, your ex, while you finished your degrees and then tossed him! WOW> You are a lowlife troll. I dont care if you pregnant. GOOD for you to marry a rich person. BUt HECK, for a moral perspective, your a leach. Hope your current husband made you sign a prenup to prevent you from dumping him and taking half his business. Yes, you provide for your kids. But they will hate you when they get older when they truly realize why you left their BF. ANd yes, they will have low self esteem while their stepfather caudles their new brother. So he didn't give any money to your kids. He still was a stayat home father while your got your degrees. You would be nothing right now, with no degrees if it weren't for him! If you didn't think your ex was worth anything then why did you have kids in the first place with him.? Why didn't you just use birth control , get on with your studies, and get married to a rich person in the first place????? oh and degrees mean nothing. I have a friend who dropped out in high school..he's a billionaire! and he still hates school...lol... You said it, your ex turned from a gullable man to a crazy nut. YOU USED A GULLABLE PERSON TO MEET YOUR ENDS , TOSSED HIM AND MADE HIM CRAZY. Who's the bad person here???? Take a good look at yourself! you know what? dont cry wolf. you made your bed, now ly in it! Don't complain that your new husband is a terrible stepparent. He is not terrible. You are a terrible person for dumping your ex the way you did and now you are complaining your rich husband doesn't look at your other kids the same way? WHY SHOULD HE?