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tiwanna1

Married a great man, but terrible stepdad

tiwanna1
14 years ago

I really need to talk to someone about this situation that I've put my children in. I met my husband in 2002 and at the time I was 24 and he was 35. I already had 2 kids of my own, but he was childless. I waited a while before introducing him to my kids. I wanted to make sure that we were serious and had a desire to be together as a family.

After a year of being together i allowed him to meet my children and become part of their lives. However, my kids felt that he was too old and did not know how to be involve with them. I kind of overlook this complaint and thought that it was mainly due to them not wanting me to be with anyone other than their father.

Well we have now been married for 2 years, but together for 6 years. He is not involved in my 2 older kids lives, complains about every little thing they do, shows no enjoyment in their accomplishments, doesn't provide anything financially for them, and forbids me from communicating with their father. We had our son in 2005 and he is now 3. He is such the opposite with our son, so loving and supportive, engaged in everything he does, and shows such enthusiasm in everyone of his accomplishments. How is it so possible to be a great father but terrible stepfather.

Am I being selfish by staying with him because he is so good to me. He's a great provider by paying all the house bills, cooks and cleans the house, does all the laundry, takes care of my needs, and etc. Plus I am expecting my 4th and his 2nd.

Comments (41)

  • colleenoz
    14 years ago

    Sorry to sound harsh, but since he's been such a poor stepfather it's hard to understand why you married him in the first place, let alone had any children with him, great provider or not. What a slap in the face for your first two children, especially as he is so involved with his own child now. That must really hurt them.
    So, if your husband does not provide financially for your older children, who does? Presumably as you cannot communicate with their father, they don't either. So your husband not only does not want to fill the father role for them, he won't let anyone else do so either. How truly sad for them.
    Would your older children's father take custody of them if offered? Unless he is a bad person, I can't help feeling your older two would be better off with their natural father then to live with constant criticism and indifference.

  • sylviatexas1
    14 years ago

    "Am I being selfish by staying with him because he is so good to me."

    yes.

    You're also being a horrifyingly irresponsible poor excuse for a mother.

    You turned a blind eye to the way he treated your children even *before* the marriage, & now, even after you realized & admitted that he treats your kids badly, you still managed to get pregnant...

    as a way of not having to make a real decision?

    ("I caaan't take care of myself & all these children, I haaave to make the best of it.")

    He's not a great man, he's an abuser;
    he's treated your children badly, & he's isolated you from their father.

    Isolation is a powerful step in an abuser's campaign to take control of his victim(s), & *it doesn't stop there*.

    It doesn't stop until you have no life of your own, until you have no "you" to call your own.

    Get out of there, for your own sake as well as for your children.

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  • athlete2010
    14 years ago

    You didn't list the ages of your children, but they could not have been that old when you were just 24 in 2002.

    There were several troubling statements in your message.
    First, you waited a whole year before introducing him to your children? That's highly unusual. That tells me that you probably felt he wasn't right for them from the beginning. Also, what kind of man would agree to wait a year before meeting his girlfriend's kids?

    Second, when he did meet your kids, they felt that "he was
    too old and did not know how to be involved with them."
    How old were they when they made this observation - 6 and 4? Perhaps it was you who formed this opinion and it was reinforced when you saw that they didn't bond.

    Regardless, "kind of overlooking this complaint" was like overlooking the elephant in the room. You made a mistake by marrying someone who did not want to make an effort with your children. He failed your primary test of "having a desire to be together as a family." So, why did you marry him?

    Now you have compounded the mistake by having two children with him even though he treates your older children with disregard.

    I don't think you have any good options at this point. Getting a divorce would only make things worse for all of the children, and you have to make them the priority.

    Your best bet is to overcompensate for his disregard of the older children, by being extra nice and encouraging towards them. You also need to stand up to him (privately) when he gets out of line. It appears that he is walking all over you.

    If he ever gets verbally abusive towards the older children, then you need to send him packing. Be sure and get a good lawyer.

    Meanwhile, I would recommend investing in some good birth control and not getting pregnant again with this man.

  • sweeby
    14 years ago

    A 'terrible stepfather' is a terrible thing for a child to have. Truly. It's got to be absolutely devastating to your older children to feel how little their 'father' cares for them, and it will twist their emotional development in the cruelest, sickest ways. How could they possily turn out to be kind, loving, responsible and healthy adults with that kind of treatment? And the more damaged your children become, the worse their behavior will be, and the worse your husband will feel about them and treat them. It's ugly now -- and will only get worse if you don't take drastic action.

    If you want to salvage your marriage, then make an appointment for counselling NOW. A "Honey, you've got to do better" talk is like a bandaid on a chainsaw wound -- insultingly inadequate. StepDad needs to be shown and really understand how his behavior is hurting your children. And he needs to understand how emotionally cutting off your kids will result in his being cut off from his own when your marriage dissolves.

  • barefoot_diva
    14 years ago

    Ask your husband how he would feel if the two of you divorced and you married another man who treated HIS children the same way he treats YOURS.

    And you can justify this by saying that you have already proven you would allow another man to treat your children badly, so it's very likely that you will allow it again with someone else with HIS kids.

    I'm really sorry that you've allowed this to continue for so long. I'm sure it can't have been easy for you, and it must be very painful, but you are letting your children down very badly by allowing this to carry on for one more day.

    Talk to him, get help, go to counselling, leave if you have to ... but don't put your kids through any more of this.

  • nicksmom
    14 years ago

    athlete2010-
    I have to disagree that "getting a divorce would only make things worse for all the children". My guess is that for her 2 older children, things might be better not having to watch their "dad" treat them poorly, while doting on his own child.
    Divorce isn't pleasant, but sometimes it IS the lesser of two evils. And it sounds like the "prince charming" she married is the evil of two lessers.

  • kkny
    14 years ago

    This is a heartbeaking situation, Tiwannal, pls come back to us. I agree wiht the comments as to maybe your older children's father could take custody, or if not, take the children for longer time periods.

  • finedreams
    14 years ago

    Kids should come first in this kind of situation. If you are not leaving your DH and his attitude does not change, I agree that biodad has to keep the kids. i also believe that he has rights to know how his children are being treated in mom's house.

  • sue36
    14 years ago

    Do most of the men you know treat their stepchildren as they would treat (or are treating) their bio kids? Women, yes (and even then, isn't the wicked stepmom a common theme on here?). But men? I don't know too many. I'm not saying they are horrible to them, but there is a difference. Maybe because men are less nurturing (usually), I don't know. In this case he hadn't been a father until the steps came along. Maybe he just didn't really know how to do it and when his biokids came along he didn't undo his former bad behavior. There is a difference. When you are with a group of friends and there are a lot of kids, how many of the men make an effort to be nurturing to kids that aren't theirs? I'm not saying their SHOULD be a difference, but there is.

    "...doesn't provide anything financially for them..."

    AND

    "He's a great provider by paying all the house bills, cooks and cleans the house, does all the laundry..."

    He pays all the household bills? Then he is providing for them. Do you mean he doesn't pay for their clothes, etc.? Are they deprived or does the money for those things come from child support or your income? Maybe he feels a little used, paying all the bills, etc.

    I wouldn't assume divorce is necessary. I would try counseling.

  • nicksmom
    14 years ago

    Most of the men I know, who are stepdads, treat their stepkids GREAT! My husband being one of them. You cannot tell the biokids from the steps, by the way he acts with any of them. And I know several other stepdads who are exactly the same. These men have made a concious decision to be commited parents...to all of their kids!

    Problem that the original poster has is that she married someone who clearly was not committed to be a good parent to her children.

  • kkny
    14 years ago

    Sue,

    I am more concerned that OP says her current husband "forbids" her to talk to X (her children's father). Thats just not right in my book. Particularly if SD doesnt want to step up.

  • athlete2010
    14 years ago

    I think we need clarification on the comment, "He's not involved in my 2 older kids lives." Your first two kids can't be that old and they live in the same house with you. What is going on there? He pays the bills, cooks and cleans, and does all the laundry. Don't you sit down as a family and eat dinner together once and a while? Or do the older kids have to totally fend for themselves?

    It sounds like he is trying to make a contribution to the family, and that he is overly critical and insensitive to your older children. I agree that counseling is a good first option.

    In terms of your relationship, it sounds like he is unreasonable and controlling. Of course you need to speak to the bio dad about the older children. You must continue to do this because it is in their best interest.
    Counseling may help your husband understand this.

    If he ever became verbally or physically abusive to the older kids, of course you should then send him packing right away.

    Why would a divorce be the worst case right now under your present circumstances? Your older children have already experienced the trauma of one divorce. He is likely to never speak to them again if you divorce him, and they will feel an extremly painful rejection that will be worse than him not being involved in some of their activities.

    They might feel that they are to blame for the divorce and the unhappiness that occurs even though it's not their fault. How you are able to deal with that when you are going through the trauma as well is an important consideration.

    Based on his controlling history, he would probably give you a hard time with support and visitation. You might spend a lot of time in court fighting him. Meanwhile he might constantly be pulling stunts to keep you on the edge.
    I wouldn't doubt it if he fought you vigorously for custody. That is a harsh assessment, I know.

    There aren't any easy options or quick fixes here. You still married him and had children together after several years of witnessing his behavior.

    A divorce would split up the kids in a three way visitation scenario - the older kids with your first ex, the younger kids with him, and then the time they are with you. How would the children react to this?

    Hopefully the kids are bonding with one another right now. Children are a powerful influence and this is your trump card in the relationship. As they grow, the younger ones hopefully won't want their dad to be indifferent, insenstive, or critical of their siblings. I'm sure that he wouldn't want them to see him that way.

    Tell your husband that he needs show his bio kids that he is a caring dad to all his children. Then, set-up a meeting for the both of you with a counselor. You owe it to all your kids.

  • tiwanna1
    Original Author
    14 years ago

    Thank you guys for your help and opinions. I thought that waiting a while to introduce him to my kids will be the best option because I would've had time to learn more about him. Especially since he did not have any kids of his own. He knew that I already had 2 kids and that i wanted to wait a while and not pressure him into fatherhood.
    I take care of my 2 older kids wants and needs, but he does supply a roof over their heads, food to eat, and transportation to school. He thinks that this is enough. I also forgot to mention that their BF turned them against my husband and was very cruel to him for about 2 years. So I believe that this caused him to stray away from wanted to be involved with my 2 olderchildren.
    However, I feel like he should just get over the maltreatment he endured from my ex and move on. But no, he wants to punish him now by changing the phone number and not allowing any communication.
    I know that my kids can be a little disrespectful to him as well, but its because of being told by their BF to treat him that way. My husband is very stubborn and hold things against people for a long period of time.
    He's not abusive, I would never allow that. He does get loud very easily, but that's his only method of showing his anger.

  • nicksmom
    14 years ago

    If your husband only provided a roof over your head, and food on your table for you, would that be enough? If he wasn't a good companion, talker/listener, didn't share in your successes or support you in your failures, wasn't your friend as well as your mate, didn't show you love and affection, would that be enough for you? It wouldn't be for me. And it wouldn't be for my son (my husband's stepson).

    Don't make excuses for him. If you are committed to staying with this man, you need to have a serious discussion with him and with your older kids. Your children need to understand that disrespect to ANY adult will not be tolerated. And hubby needs to know that "just existing" with your chilren is not acceptable. Sounds like all of you need to go to family counseling, and you and dad need some guidance to living a good step-family life.

    There are some good books out there. One I remember is called "Living In Step". There are also other websites that focus more on educating people. One is called bonusfamilies.com

    Good luck

  • sylviatexas1
    14 years ago

    Now you're making excuses for him.
    Here are your own words:

    "He is not involved in my 2 older kids lives, complains about every little thing they do, shows no enjoyment in their accomplishments, doesn't provide anything financially for them, and forbids me from communicating with their father. We had our son in 2005 and he is now 3. He is such the opposite with our son, so loving and supportive, engaged in everything he does, and shows such enthusiasm in everyone of his accomplishments. How is it so possible to be a great father but terrible stepfather."

    Your older children are living with a man who, in your own words, treats them badly in contrast with the way he treats his biological child, who holds grudges, who has 'forbidden' you to speak to their father because he's angry at their father.

    & now do I understand that he's cut off communication between the children & their father???

    *This is abuse*.
    It's absolute control, it's punishment for something they didn't do, it's abuse.

    Abuse isn't necessarily hitting or sexual assault;
    control, punishment, intimidation, blame, yelling, name-calling, belittling, scaring, "you can't do anything right", etc are all abuse, & according to your own initial post, most of them go on in your house.

    He's making your children's lives miserable, & you're enabling him.

    What did you expect here?
    vindication?
    agreement?

    cooing over your husband who "pays the bills & does the housework"? (bet there's more to that than meets the eye,too; either he's a self-proclaimed perfectionist who refuses to accept anything less than perfection, or he's a martyr, both of which are ways to control other people & make them feel guilty & inadequate.)

    Please take a step back, gain a little perspective, & pay attention, not to what you think is going on & why it's happening, but to what is *actually happening*.

    He's angry & he holds a grudge?
    what actually happens:
    your kids pay for it every day of their lives.

    He doesn't like your ex?
    what actually happens:
    Your ex, the children's father, is cut off from the kids' daily lives.

    He does the housework & pays bills?
    what actually happens:
    you don't criticize anything else he does because you're so grateful & you would feel guilty.

    He's isolated you from your children's father, I'd hazard a guess you're isolated from other sources of support, he's hateful to your children, & you say you'd "never allow" abuse???

    Please get those kids away from that guy, back to their dad at least.

  • theotherside
    14 years ago

    I am curious as to why their father is allowing him to cut off contact with his children. If he went to court, there is no way that the judge would allow you to change your phone number and not allow him to have it, thus making it impossible for him to call his children. There is a good chance he could use behavior such as this to gain custody of his children, whether you wanted him to or not.

    I don't think that giving him custody of your children is necessarily the best course of action - I would worry that the children would view that as your choosing your husband and your younger children over them, and would believe that not only does he not want them around, but you don't either.

  • mom2emall
    14 years ago

    I am so sad for the children as I read this!

    The way I see it is two children are being emotionally neglected as they watch the man who does it dote over their sibling. I can not imagine it feels good to be disregarded by a man who obviously can show feelings of happiness and excitement towards his own child!

    And I can not believe your letting your husband cut off communication between your children and their father! How do you think they feel not hearing from their father?? The only other man in their lives shows no interest in them and now you don't allow them contact with the only man who does show love and interest in them??

    As a mother of 3 stepkids who are emotionally neglected by their biomom I see the pain it causes. They rarely hear from their mother and know that she now has other children that she does take care of! They used to visit her and be treated by her boyfriend much like your husband is treating your children. The result is that they dislike their moms boyfriend and my oldest stepdaughter thinks very little of her own mother! She does not understand how her mom can be with a man who clearly does not like her or her siblings and is not so good to their mom either! I imagine that in adulthood she will choose to cut off contact with her mother all together because of the resentment that is already forming.

    How are you going to feel when your two oldest children become adults and disregard you the same way your allowing your husband to disregard them? Can you accept when they move out of the house and cut off contact with you?

    How are you going to feel when your two children turn to drugs, alcohol, and sex to deal with the emotions they are facing with you and your husband? It is a definite possibility that they will grow to hate you and your husband and be out of control teens. Can you live with that?

  • tiwanna1
    Original Author
    14 years ago

    There are step children that are really being abused, my kids are not. Their BF was no more than a caregiver for them while I finished my degrees. After that I felt that he could not do enough for us,so I divorced him and told him to move on. It took him a while to get over it, and he turned from a nice gullible man to a crazy nut.
    I still allowed him to see his children at first though because he never treated them wrong. However, once he found out that I was in a relationship with the owner of the company in which I worked, he automatically began to mistreat and disrespect my him.
    This brought about a lot of division, anger and confusion. My husband thought that this would end if I stopped communication of all sort with the BF. Most of the problems did subside, except fo the kids blaming SD instead of their foolish BF.
    I tried to compensate for the BF not being around by explaining the circumstances in vague details. The oldest understood, but still didn't want to give SD a chance to show him love. However, my girl did not.
    Their BF has never done anything financially either for them and I did not want child support once he finally did get a job. He has no degree and wasn't making that much, so I felt it would've been harsh to have the judge force him to pay 20%. Plus he begged me not too.
    So with me doing him this big favor I felt that he would grow up and move on. Well now I dont think that's ever going to happen even though almost 6 years has passed.
    Also he's not all that smart and doesn't know too much about his rights as a father, and wouldn't be able to financially care for my kids if I allowed him to raise them. I provide for them.

  • tiwanna1
    Original Author
    14 years ago

    momtoemall

    If my kids turned to sex, drugs, or violence to deal with their foolish BF not being around then they will be on their own and would not get anymore support from me. I did not raise any failures and would not accept this from them. If their SD don't want to show them the type of love that he should, believe me he will pay in the end. As the saying goes "you reap what you sow".
    My parents have been married for 38 years and GOD knows my dad is a great man. However, he was not so loving to my mothers first son who was a delinquent like his BF, but wonderful to his 2 kids (my brother and I). I understand now why my mother stayed married to my dad even though he did not fully accept her oldest misfit.

  • mom2emall
    14 years ago

    They may turn to sex drugs and violence to fill the void that your husband helped create in their lives (and that you have allowed)! They are not misfits (I cant imagine any young child being called that!) and they do not deserve to be rejected by an adult who took on the role as their stepfather. Being a stepparent comes with responsibilities that obviously your husband is not taking on. So sad for you kids to be rejected.

  • nicksmom
    14 years ago

    tiwanna1-

    Here's a little something you may not know...your kids don't give 2 $hit$ about how much money your new hubby has, or how much their dad doesn't have. I am only speaking from personal experience.

    I am the stepmom to 2 great kids. Their mom thought it would be a swell idea to move them 1000 miles away when they were 8 & 5. She was marrying a new guy with lots of money. He took an optional transfer for an even bigger salary. They have a big, fancy house, and big expensive cars. But guess what? BOTH of the kids decided (at 13, or so) that they'd rather be back with dad...even though he's just a teacher, married to a nurse...both noble professions in my book, but civil servants nonetheless....Certainly with a significantly lower income than stepdad/mom. You know why? Cuz kids don't give a damn about incomes. They just want easy access to both of their parents. And the parent that is true to them, and honest and shows them unconditional love, and doesn't try to "buy" their love, is the one who "wins" in the end.

    Because, as you say, you reap what you sow.

  • sylviatexas1
    14 years ago

    Is this post for real?
    It's a joke, right?

    Assuming it's for real:

    You used your children's father to be "no more than a caregiver" (which would make you, at this point, uh, what??), you got your degree, you got a better offer, & you have the bells to say, glibly & with no sense of irony, "you reap what you sow"???

    It sounds to me like you & this humdinger of a man are a perfect match, & since he doesn't like your older children, & since their "foolish", "gullible" father does, why don't you just give 'em back to him?

    They'll do nothing but cause problems for you & your husband & your new life, cost the 2 of you money, & be a big ole hassle.

    & besides, having 2 children that both of you want will be so much more rewarding.

    If you simply remove the older two from your home, won't it be much nicer & more harmonious for you & your new husband & your new children & your new life?

  • mom2emall
    14 years ago

    "their foolish BF"
    "my mothers first son who was a delinquent like his BF"

    Funny, you and your mother chose those men. At some point they were exactly what you wanted!

    And now you have "a great man, but terrible stepdad". Seems like you both pick real winners! Hard to imagine someone being called great after hearing the things this man does to your poor children who never asked to be put in the situation!

    Obviously you knew thatou there was a problem with the way he treats your kids or you would have never posted on here.

    But I guess its too hard for you to do something about it, so just sacrifice your children instead!

  • theotherside
    14 years ago

    "After that I felt that he could not do enough for us,so I divorced him"

    What the heck does this mean? That he could not earn enough money to keep you in the lifestyle to which you wished to become accustomed?

    "I still allowed him to see his children at first though"

    The courts, not you, get to make this decision - and the courts only very, very rarely eliminate visitation.

  • pseudo_mom
    14 years ago

    I can't believe you(tiwanna1) have nerve to say watch out for a SD on the other thread... guess he should just shun the child then you would feel better about it ...afterall children are better off having someone who shuns them at every turn rather than actually pay attention to a child living with him.

    As long as mom is happy who gives a Sh1t what the kids have to deal with!!

    Wouldn't want mommy to be without a man and have to deal with her own children.

    I think we have a new nominee for "mother of the year"

  • sue36
    14 years ago

    You are what is called "mercenary". You got what you asked for. You dumped the "mere caregiver" for a man who pays 100% of the household bills, takes care of you, etc., but doesn't love your kids like his own (not a "caregiver").

  • sweeby
    14 years ago

    And what's to become of your two little 'misfits'? (You know - like the one you and your brother had to put up with?)

    Hopefully your new Hubby is rich enough to send them away to boarding school. Or wait a few years and do boot camp school instead. Or 'therapeutic (psych) school'. Because with an abusive SD and such a self-centered calculating witch of a 'mother' they're going to need it.

    Of course, if this hubby isn't rich enough, you'll have to marry 'up' again so the next one will be... And you'd better do it quickly, because by the time a woman reaches her mid thirty's a part of her character usually becomes visible her face, and by then OP, you're gonna have some big, big problems...

    Or you could try to grow a heart between now and then.

  • tiwanna1
    Original Author
    14 years ago

    I guess you all didn't read my statement well. My kids are not abused, and they're not misfits. My older brother is the misfit; which is why my father doesn't deal with him. I didn't raise failures and my kids do well in school and sports. Education is the key to success and as long as they continue to succeed academically they will be provided for. All their BF was able to do was babysit and play games with them. Fun doesn't pay the bills.
    I guess I was overreacting when I initially posted. Because the conclusions you all are coming up with totally doesn't describe my household or my children. I now see that things much be better than I felt at first because it's not at all like most of you are describing.
    Oh and another thing, these kids of today do care about how much money you have. It's the biggest thing on most of their minds, unfortunately. So in order to keep mines responsible they have chores and assignments that must be done well prior to receiving money or going shopping.

  • nicksmom
    14 years ago

    Quote:
    "Oh and another thing, these kids of today do care about how much money you have."

    No, honey...THEY don't. You might, but trust me, they don't. I'm livin' it. Two teens who gave up living in the big, 3 story fancy house, riding in Cadillac Escalades, no chores cuz they had a maid, to come live with Dad & me, who are middle America, working people, with a good life and reliable (not fancy) cars. And guess what? They have chores, too! And still, they preferred to be here. And their mom AND stepdad are both good people...oh yeah, and THEIR stepdad loves them to death!!!! Very, very involved and caring and interactive. But the money doesn't matter one bit to them. Having easy access to both parents was far more important, and especially as adolescents and teens, they clearly felt like they needed their Dad...despite having a GREAT stepdad, which your kids clearly do not. Because just providing for them does not make him a great stepdad. It's MUCH more than that.

    It's the biggest thing on most of their minds, unfortunately. So in order to keep mines responsible they have chores and assignments that must be done well prior to receiving money or going shopping.

    Good luck...you are DEFINITELY gonna need it!!!

  • theotherside
    14 years ago

    I am beginning to seriously doubt that the OP is for real. It's hard to believe any mother could really be that money-grubbing, or that anyone would not realize how awful she is coming across as.

    "All their BF was able to do was babysit and play games with them."

    Parents do not "babysit." They raise their children. I can't think of too much that is more valuable than playing with, talking with, and reading to your children. Merely paying the bills doesn't make your children feel loved and secure.

    "Education is the key to success and as long as they continue to succeed academically they will be provided for."

    So you are going to kick them to the curb when they flunk algebra?

    "I didn't raise failures"

    Unless you had your kids when you were 12, you haven't finished raising anybody yet. They have plenty of time for them to become "failures," - a scenario that is all too likely given the lack of love and affection they are receiving.

  • justnotmartha
    14 years ago

    as on this day I completely agree with everything TOS just wrote.

  • colleenoz
    14 years ago

    Holy cow! This must be the first time everyone is in agreement! And one of those rare occasions I totally agree with TOS.
    You know, I once worked with someone who sounded just like you ("Oh, well *I* had my *Masters* and my ex, *he* was just a *plumber*...") Everyone thought she was a b!tch too. Education, or lack thereof, does not make a successful person. Education helps, but there are plenty of homeless people out there with degrees and broken spirits.
    So, like a vampire, you let your ex support you and look after your children while you studied for your degree. Then having sucked all the goodness out of him, you tossed him away like an empty soda can. How magnanimous of you. What a surprise that he should be bitter.
    How soul-destroying it must be for your two older children to be merely tolerated, fed and clothed but ignored, while they watch the "golden children" played with, loved and praised. Their self-esteem must be in the toilet. Since this is what seems to have happened to your older brother, no wonder he is a "misfit". You're just repeating history, honey.
    Your older children may not be physically abused, but they are certainly emotionally abused. With that attitude I wouldn't let you raise a puppy, let alone a human being.
    Give them to their BF. They may be poor as dirt but at least they'll be with someone who loves them, wants to spend time and play with them. And you and your wonderful husband won't have to tolerate the two misfits (because that's what they will be- they already are to your husband) any more.

  • eandhl
    14 years ago

    This is one of saddest posts. I am so sorry for the your two older children. They are being raised to believe money is more important than love. They deserve better, much, much better and their BF should certainly allowed to be involved with them. Yes, that would be the parent that supported & took care of them while you pursued schooling. It appears that he is/was the only nurturing adult in their lives.

  • sylviatexas1
    14 years ago

    She just registered, her story is full of contradictions & inflammatory "teases"...

    troll troll troll.

  • sweeby
    14 years ago

    I sure hope she's not for real... But sadly, there are people out there like her, and some of them breed like cats.

    Kids are inconvenient Tiwanna1, and they'll wreck your figure and give you worry lines and prematurely gray hair. Not to mention the damage they do to your education and career prospects, and making it so much harder to attract rich husbands. I wouldn't have any more if I were you.

  • mom2emall
    14 years ago

    "So in order to keep mines responsible they have chores and assignments that must be done well prior to receiving money or going shopping. "

    MINES??? Sounds like an education sure did not do much for you. You can't speak very well obviously. Guess any fool can use someone to help them get through college and still have no common sense.

    Money does pay the bills, but is not all a child needs to succeed. Sounds like your ex was much better of a person that you or your current husband! So sad that a golddigger like you is keeping his kids away from him. Seems to me like he was the caring person in the situation.

  • organic_maria
    14 years ago

    "Their BF was no more than a caregiver for them while I finished my degrees. After that I felt that he could not do enough for us,so I divorced him and told him to move on. It took him a while to get over it, and he turned from a nice gullible man to a crazy nut. "

    You know i was going to defend you for your household but after reading more carefully i fully understand now why people are so pist off at you. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS LINE I JUST READ.
    So you basically used this man, your ex, while you finished your degrees and then tossed him! WOW> You are a lowlife troll. I dont care if you pregnant. GOOD for you to marry a rich person. BUt HECK, for a moral perspective, your a leach. Hope your current husband made you sign a prenup to prevent you from dumping him and taking half his business.
    Yes, you provide for your kids. But they will hate you when they get older when they truly realize why you left their BF. ANd yes, they will have low self esteem while their stepfather caudles their new brother.
    So he didn't give any money to your kids. He still was a stayat home father while your got your degrees. You would be nothing right now, with no degrees if it weren't for him! If you didn't think your ex was worth anything then why did you have kids in the first place with him.?
    Why didn't you just use birth control , get on with your studies, and get married to a rich person in the first place?????
    oh and degrees mean nothing. I have a friend who dropped out in high school..he's a billionaire! and he still hates school...lol...
    You said it, your ex turned from a gullable man to a crazy nut.
    YOU USED A GULLABLE PERSON TO MEET YOUR ENDS , TOSSED HIM AND MADE HIM CRAZY. Who's the bad person here???? Take a good look at yourself!
    you know what? dont cry wolf. you made your bed, now ly in it!
    Don't complain that your new husband is a terrible stepparent. He is not terrible. You are a terrible person for dumping your ex the way you did and now you are complaining your rich husband doesn't look at your other kids the same way? WHY SHOULD HE?

  • sylviatexas1
    14 years ago

    well said, maria.

    but I still think the whole story is phony & she's a troll.

    a person who's smart enough to get "degrees", plural, would be able to spell better, would be more articulate, & would surely not brainlessly post something that made her look so bad.

    It's summer, school's out, & a lot of kids are going online & playing.

  • ashley1979
    14 years ago

    The sad thing is that I know someone that acts like her. FSD's BM did something very similar. Except that the step-father is very involvedf with FSD. She started making more and more money and, eventually, my FDH just wasn't making enough for her to continue to live like she wanted. So she cheated, divorced him, leaving him nothing and married a man in her same profession who makes about what she does. Basically doubling her salary. Then she tries to push FDH out of FSD's life so SF can be her father and she can have her perfect rich family. Now SF treats his own bio-daughter better than FSD and everyone wonders why.

    I'm so sad to hear this post. I, too, was giving OP the benefit of the doubt that maybe her homelife isn't as bad as she portrayed it. UNTIL I heard the part about the kids BD being only a babysitter and would not be able to do enough for them. I felt justified, before my son, God and my family in my divorce because the reasons were strong enough. I cannot imagine the guilt I would've felt if my reason was that all he did was play with my babies. How does someone explain that to children or family?

  • monoral75
    14 years ago

    I do have to say though guys, Its because of Shatty parents like this that kick their kids to the curb, sign away their rights and choose money over their kids that I have my twin girls.
    But shame on you all the Same!

  • kkny
    14 years ago

    Mono, I do have respect for you, but I honestly think that when a young girl puts a child up for adoption that can be the noblest path. I am not saying that is the only answer, but I know 3 sets of adoptive parents, and they are providing warm, loving homes. There should be no shame in putting a child up for adoption. What is worse, to me, is NOT putting the child up for adoption, and then raising them in a less than loving environment.

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