There are battered women's shelters. Check the phone book and look up someone for help. Do you have any family members you can call for help? You and your son are being abused. Please get some help. Don't allow anymore abuse to go on. keep us posted.

That poor little boy.

Get him out of there, pronto.

So you're sacrificing your 10-year old for $600 a month? You need to protect him Cylince!

I understand he's a difficult child. But surely you can see why he's acting out this way? Your husband doesn't want him around and is abusing him. You need to change things now and learn how to parent that boy more effectively. If he's in this much trouble at age 10, just imagine where he's going to be at age 14? at 18?

Get some help Cylince. Talk to his teachers, the school counselor, Social Services. And don't stop until you get that boy the help he needs. Are the boy's father or grandparents in the picture?

Where is your child's Dad? If I were him, I'd make sure I got custody of my boy and I would beat your husband the way he had beat my child. What kind of coward are you married to?

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get your children out of that situation. It will only get worse for your son, and if your husband treats your DS like this, what makes you think your younger children will not be targets for this abuse in the future. You ARE married to a coward, and this type of man can only feel good by mistreating others.

You've been given some good advice on this forum, I hope you take it, for the sake of your children.

In response to Sweeby, I'm not sacrificing $600, thats all I get from welfare. His school is no help at all. The only time they care to be in contact with me is when he is causing trouble at school.He is finally getting couceling,but thats all. I have tried 2 leave plenty of times but like I said before,I have no where to go. At the shelter,I told them that at the time,my son wasn't being abused,so they said I wasn't important enough 2 get a room. They were just all around very rude. I'm still gonna try 2 go there,but things will be very tough without a phone or a job. His father is nowhere 2 be found otherwise,he would stay with him. And his grandma is no help at all. Theres not really anything she can do. Her place isn't big enough 4 him 2 stay in,plus,she won't have a sitter 4 him when she's working outside school hours. And he did act just as bad BEFORE I met my husband. He wouldn't treat his own kids like he does 2 my son because they r biologically his. He hates my son cuz he's not his & b/c he's mixed with black. Believe me,I don't want 2 stay here, I'm trying 2 leave. He has been 2 jail b-4,but gets out with an even bigger temper.

You *can* call the police & tell them that your son is being beaten/assaulted/abused.

Then the authorities *have* to get involved;
they have no choice, they can't tell you that your situation isn't important enough.

They'll have to get you & your son & your other children out of a dangerous environment.

What *you* have to do, once you've escaped & you're safe from him, is *stay* safe.

Never never never go back to that insect.
Never speak to him, never tell him where you are, never give him a phone number.

Get help to divorce him & get child support for the 3 that are his biologically.
I don't know what state you are in, but here, if the non-custodial parent seems likely to not pay voluntarily, the judge can have child support withheld from a his/her paycheck (assuming he isn't in jail!).

Once you are out of there & in a safe place, get your social worker/attorney/counsellor to help you get your eldest son into a supportive school, to get him medically evaluated, & to get him into therapy or counselling.

Whatever the cause of his behavior, whenever it started, he needs help *now* to keep from becoming a tragic statistic.

I wish you the best.

You are your sons mother and it is your responsiblity to take control of the situation and get out of there. Why don't you have a job? I know that public assistance will help you with childcare/healthcare, while you get on your feet with a job. Using the public system as a crutch is good while you are trying to find a job, but many people become dependent on it, in fear of losing benefits and also out of fear of not being able to make it on their own.
Your son doesn't even have his own room and is made to sit on the bathroom floor. He doesn't go to school. You are destroying this boys life right now and his future. It sounds like his life is hell and what do you expect him to be? A happy well adjusted child, with no bio father and a step dad that hates him and siblings that are treated better than him.
Call the shelter back up and tell them that your son is being abused and let them help you get on your feet and get a job.
And why do you keep having children? It doens't sound like you are in a position mentally/financially to do this.
It is very difficult to leave, but you are on the path of having your 10 year old dead and putting him in the path of becoming a criminal with no hope, no future. Is that what you wanted for him when he was in your womb. I implore you to get it together and do not allow your husband to abuse your child/children. Stand in his way, do what you have to, let him hit you if you must, you have to fiercely protect your kin. This isn't right. Call the police on this man. You are only breeding ignorance and you have handicapped in a no win situation for yourself and your kids. Get out. Be a woman. Stand up and fight for yourself and your kid. If you don't, you deserve to lose your kids for good and go to jail as far as I am concerned.

Cylince, please don't take the previous post to heart;
another person's judgmental attitude *does not matter*.

What matters is getting yourself & your children into a safe place.

No one can do it alone;
please call the police & work with them & with social services to get some help.

I'm holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.

I am not being judgemental. There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to STOP being a victim. If you are the mother of this child that is being abused and YOU married him, then it is up to YOU to get your son and yourself and other kids out of harm's way.
I see it time and time again the woman allowing her new mate abuse her kids and it's not right. Kids are dying everyday because of women making excuses for these monsters, thinking "oh it's going to get better, or oh, my son deserved it". Bull! You and all of your kids deserve a better life than this and it is only a matter of time before he abuses you or his own kids! Your 10 year old already has permanent damage from this situation from the way he is behaving already. We have to use every option available to us when it comes to surviving in this world and protecting our kin.

cylince, just take a deep breath, gather all your courage & your wits about you, & make that phone call.

Take one step at a time, & keep on taking one step after another.

In response to 'Chastity' my son IS going 2 school. He just got kicked off the bus 4 the rest of the school year-again, & I don't have the gas 2 take him back & forth so he misses alot of days until I get money. And he doesn't have his own room because we live in a 28ft travel trailer. No one has a room. If he did,he would get sent 2 his room like other kids instead of the bathroom. As for public assistance-thats bull. First of all, welfare won't pay 4 my childcare because I'm exempt,my time expired so I only get money for my kids. And there is free childcare & a program that will help pay,but there is a long waiting list that I have been on awhile already. I'm still waiting. I did finally find childcare that will work with me. On the days I can afford it,they can go for a few hours. I can pay enough for her 2 watch them so I can find a job. And you mentioned having the shelter help me,well if I go there,they don't help. There are no phones there to use,no childcare & no help. Just a place 2 stay. If I go there,which I might,I'll have 2 start all over with finding a childcare, & a job. Then I would have 2 work & save up over $1,000 2 get an apartment,even a studio. I can't afford the deposit,or the credit check even. Its really hard 2 start at the VERY bottom. But I know I have 2 & I will. Its just gonna take some time,I can't just leave. My kids need clothes & stuff & if I just leave,I won't be able 2 get them,cuz he'll ask me what I'm doing & won't let me leave. Its more difficult than u think,but I'm working on it.

I think a lot of people don't have a clue what it is like to be poor. I know I am a lot more fortunate than some, because I have a good credit history. I was able to buy a home (the mortgage on which consumes almost my entire paycheck) because of that. Otherwise the children and I would have been homeless. I tried to apply for low income housing, but the waiting list was so long they weren't even taking any more names. I couldn't even go to the food pantry because the wait is a couple of hours long, and I can't be there and at work at the same time. Many of the people who work with these agencies treat their clients with scorn and derision. When my kids were on Medicaid, they were forced to go to a dentist with Parkinson's disease. Luckily the hygenist did the cleaning and they didn't have any cavities because I wouldn't have let him get near them with a drill.

Cylince

Please prevent yourself from having further children.

I think you know the right thing to do in your situation, its obviously very difficult for you.

Please listen to Sylviatexas who has given you good advice.

Your children will grow up like the father, because he is teaching them how to deal with problems, (this is bad), keep that in mind.

All the best to you, keep posting it is a way for you to cope in your difficult situation.

P

Consider also the message your 10 year old is getting -- if he misbehaves on the bus, he doesn't have to go to school. Call the school and see what you can do to get him back on the bus. If the school knows you're unable to get him there any other way, I'll bet they will work with you.

The only thing that would be sitting on the bathroom floor would be his head after I knocked him out. There's no excuse for ill treatment of a child, especially because of his race or who his daddy is. Like he didn't know these things before he went into a relationship with you? And did he not treat your child this way before you married him and had two, almost three, children with him? Regardless of these things and regardless of the fact that you'll "only get $600", which, by the way, that's more than a lot of working mom's bring home after day care, don't use that for an excuse to ruin your son's life or to make your own easier because you're too afraid of the unknown. Your reasons for not leaving were all based on other people's unwillingness to help you--"his dad's nowhere to be found", "his grandma doesn't have time/space", etc. I'd shovel you-know-what 12 hours a day, and believe me I came close to doing so at a low point in my life for the sake of my children. I know this sounds harsh, but pick yourself up by the bootstraps. You're the one emotionally more equipped to handle the situation you put yourself into. That 10 year old was just brought along for the ride and if I may say so, it was probably reluctantly and doesn't seem to have been much fun. It's just as much abusive for your other children to witness as it is for the 10 year old. Everyone in that house is suffering. If you want him to behave, show him how to be a self-respecting person. Kids learn by example. He's acting out because he can't tell you how much pain he's in. That should break your heart. It breaks mine and I don't even know him.
Good luck to you, but I don't think you're going to find your answers on a computer. You need to log off and find some serious help. In person.

If one shelter will not help you, find another, and another....there are people out there who will help you if you are trying to help yourself. Maybe you should consider putting your children in a foster home until you can get on your feet? People have done that. I know it would be hard, but much better than what you can offer them right now. It is your responsibility to fix this, no one else.

Hi hope you read this cylince

I too face a similar situation my bf is very critical of my 4yo son, calls him names to his face and to me behind his back. loses his temper with him easily and has no time for him when his children are with us. I don't really know how to deal with it btw. I try talking to him but the change is erratic and doesn't last long. the most recent was two saturdays ago when I told him i was leaving if things don't seriously and realistically start to change, last weekend was just horrid for other reasons ( see my post 'favouritism of our children') I am now thinking of going to my mums at weekends to get away from the issue other than that I think my relationship is heading down the pan.

All you can do is your best I struggle with the idea of leaving I am too not in a financial position to just up and leave but I can't ask my bf to be responsbile for his childrens destiny if I am not willing to do that for mine either.

If you have not spoken to your hub/bf then try starting there, try explaining how you feel when he behaves the way he does to your son and try explaining that he behaviour has a direct influence on your son negatively leading to them eventually talking and setting grounds between them they their can work too. firstly try working with him to conbat his frustration with your son. I have tried this with mine bf i'm not saying it works but the more people tell to leave the more you determine yourself to make it work!

If this is the case, then work hard work is the only option. however hard it maybe to hear the greiveance your hub has with your son, let him vent to you instead of your son and then try and work at a solution. it is only when you (like me) have tried every path to change this unwanted behaviour will you be ready and willing to leave no matter what the consequences. feel free to talk to me anytime, hugs and strength x

Uh...no you are wrong sarahm. This man is physically abusive to her son! There is no talking, only walking. You cannot ration with an abusive person. You should not tell her to get in front of him and her take the abuse...neither should be taking the abuse. Do you live that way? If your BF is not hitting your son now, most likely it is a matter of time.

listen girl....abuse is against the law!!I is about Control!!He is doing it to your son now but he WILL go on to the other kids and YOU!! Abuse DOES Not get better,it does not go away..it progresses!! My ex started on my daughter,when he got her out at 15 he started on my son! when he was out I thought it was over..noooo,now it was my turn! When he started the verbal and physical abuse on "our"girl at 12 I walked in the snow to a shelter and had the cops make him leave!! I was new in nc, no car,phone,job,friends,or money but I realized it was better to be alone and poor than putting up with this bully!! If DSS gets involved and sees that you are Not doing anything to get the child away from the abuse..they will charge you for abuse,too and you may loose all the kids! Leaving an abusive relationship is soooo hard to do,you gave all the reasons not to but let me ask you what they asked me at my 4th shelter "When is enough going to be Enough???" Get out!!it doesn't change, don't look back, don't have ANY contact with him(or he will suck you right back in)If you find the right shelter they will help you get the boy to school(they did me), they will help you with the many things an abused woman(YOU)can get..a job,grants, school with daycare,a car(me again),utility bills,and an apt(hud puts you first if you are in a shelter)..You are married 3 yrs,I did it for 15!!!Do you really want to see him HURT this boy or the others for another 12 yrs??? I hope this helped..I do not mean to be so forward but it is Life and Death!!!! It doesn't get better!!! GIN

If THAT doesn't convince her, I don't know what will!!

My husband decided 2 let my son take the city bus 2 school since he happened 2 have a couiple bucks. My son now owes him $6.00. The other day however,he decided 2 go 2 a friends house instead & missed the bus. The next bus wasn't for another 2 hours,so e waited. When he got home by husband whooped his ass hard & yelled at him alot. My son stood up 4 himself & talked back which made it worse. (I tried 2 get in the bathroom but he wouldn't let me) He ended up just sending my son 2 bed early. The next morning,(which is today) he decide my son was gonna stay home & be punished instead of going 2 school.We got into an argument about this of course, & I told him about the shelter. I tried 2 leave but he took the phone,my keys, & some money he had just given 2 me,plus my food stamps card. He ended up saying sorry & asked if we could start over today. Him & my 2 year old Gary,took Anthony,my 10 year old 2 school. While he was gone,a cop showed up. I told them my story & now they r looking 4 him. When they find him,he will go 2 jail 4 a few hours so I can get 2 the shelter. He's not back yet & a cop hasn't shown back up. so I don't know if he's hiding or if he got arrested.Now I'm really worried about where my 2 year old is & whats going on.

OMG! I'am scared for you. This is a horrible situation.I really hope you can find the strength and get away from this guy as soon as possible.
he was gonna have your son miss school??? To be punished??? You know that is just wrong,right? Along with beating him.
men like this are a disgrace.Shouldnt even be called men.Have to belittle children and women to feel big. Hope someone does the same to him in JAIL!

Went through the same type of situation for 20 years. Ended it 14 years ago. I had some of the same fears you have, but it can be done. These last 14 years have been the best of my life!

Well everyone guess what? The cop came back 2 my house along with a CPS worker who offered 2 take me 2 the shelter since he still had my car. I went 2 the school 2 get my older son & while I was there,he showed up 2 give my son a dollar 2 take the bus home. I got my food stamp card from him & he said as long as he has the car,he'll watch my 2 year old. I wasn't going 2 argue with him cuz it would have made things worse. The cops r still going 2 arrest him if he's driving & bring me my car & my 2 year old. So,my 10 year old & my 1 year old r at the shelter with me. Its been ok so far,altho I have 2 share a room with someone. I'm not used 2 other people or having 2 confine my kids 2 one side of the room. But we'll all get the hang of it. Thanks 4 all your comments. I'll keep u posted.

Hugs and best wishes for you. I'll be thinking of you a lot. Glad you took this giant step. It's scary but you are SO doing the right thing for you and your precious kids. Glad also you had the help of the police and CPS. Stay strong, girl.

cylince, Please stay strong and DON'T go back to the bf. Your children need you and you need to start your new life. It is hard starting from scratch, but you can do it. Many mothers have had to and I know firsthand that things will get better. Stay focused and strong. You took the first and probably the hardest step that you had to take, but now YOU can decide how to live your life and make things so much better for yourself and your wonderful children. One thing that helped open my eyes was going to a Womens Resource Center. If there is one in your area, see what they can do to help you (legal advise, counseling, information on the cycle of abuse, support groups, childrens counseling)You CAN do this. You and your children deserve to live a happy and peaceful life. Please let us know how you and the children are doing.

Well,good news. I did another civel standby today & got my car & my 2 year old. Now all I have 2 do is try 2 keep my toddlers quiet b/c my roomate HATES me already(my son screams alot).

cylince- I am so happy to hear that you and your children are all together again! Let us know what the next step is for you. Please stay strong and DON'T go back to him. Best of luck and hope to hear more good news soon.

Well,the shelter thing didn't work out at all. They were going 2 give me a section 8 voucher(housing)but because my kids were disobediant, they told me nevermind. I also found out at the last minute that your only allowed to stay there for 28 days. My time was up since I was there for 2 months, and they made me leave. I went to my husband & asked if he could watch our 2 year old until I find a place to live. I had to live with him for about a week. He was actually nice to me & my 10 year old. But because he lives with his boss, it caused problems. My baby woke his boss up so his boss made me leave that day. I let my 2 year old stay with him, & the 10 year old, & 1 year old slept in the car that night. I'm now at my mom's house but she just got married & its causing ALOT of problems between her & her new husband cuz theres no room here at all & they don't have enough money to help me. I have to leave here by the 3rd. I have no place to go at all & not enough money to do anything. I might have a chance in Southern California(I'm in Northern)cuz its cheaper there,but I don't know if my car will make it. Maybe I should have just stayed with him,then we would have a place to live. I need to find a place soon before my baby is born!(September) Any ideas??????

Try a church or something. I'm jumping in late here, but I do feel for you. You're in a terrible situation, but rather than look back, let's look to the future and begin making good decisions now.

I'm Catholic and we have the Archbishops Charity Drive each year to support the Archbishop's charities, many of which are shelters. We also, at our church, give food coupons to the local grocery stores for anyone who asks - something I didn't know much about until I became a Sunday School teacher. No questions asked, the gift certificates are given out to anyone who comes to the church office.

Here, we have something affiliated w/ the church that runs the boys' school, which is Methodist. It's called "The Shepherd's Way" and it's for homeless families (all have small kids - and I know of very few small kids who are 'obedient' so don't take what the shelter said to heart.) They have several small individual houses, counseling for the parents and children, etc.

Finally, can you confide in your OB? I'm sure he/she would have a few clues as to where you could go.

Is there anyone in the family who is traveling and would let you house sit. It's a stretch to find someone who'd allow young kids in the house, but worth asking. Some people don't want to leave the house alone...neighbors of your mom's.

Is your dad in the picture? An aunt, g-parent, anyone?

I'm so sorry you have to deal w/ this, but make no mistake - you did do the right thing by leaving.

You shouldn't have this on your plate w/ the pg'cy and all. But, your kids need you to stay strong. Could you take a babysitting position to earn some money and keep your kids there, too?

Is your oldest in counseling? Keep disciplining him/them to the best of your ability. Say what you mean and mean what you say w/ kids.

Call Dr. Phil or Oprah, email them, too - worth a shot for some advice or to get your story heard.

I will pray for you.
Dana

So sorry to hear about the rough time you've had, especially since you're pregnant. I agree that you should try churches or the Salvation Army. Best wishes and warm hugs.

My family are pastors in San Clemente California of a good size church. Are you near that area?