Younger Woman Married Older Widower

17 years ago

I am a young woman, (10 years younger than my husband) who has 2 adult children who are 12 to 15 years younger than myself. The older child has two young children. Both children are very spoiled and have lived a very financially privileged life.

The married daughter (34 years old) recently asked her father to purchase $11,000 breast implants for her. He paid for them and the whole experience has been really upsetting to me. She had us babysit her (very sickly one-year old son) who was quite sick and passed his upper respiratory infection to me (making me sick for 1 1/2 months with a sever sinus infection that would not go away. She was constantly calling her father saying she was in terrible pain and could he babysit her children while she went to numerous dr.'s appointments re: her new breat implants.

Since this event, her son has passed his infections onto me everytime I am around him. He is highly contageous and even if I do not touch him, I get sick. My husband, who is not careful with handwashing, etc., holds him, kisses him, etc. and passes his germs to me.

I have been sick almost on a monthly basis with terrible illnesses, bronchitis for 2 weeks and so on. I have refused to be around the family because of this and feel that I cannot be with them until the child's health improves. The parents expect my husband to babysit frequently and I have been sharing in this role. I have no children and cannot tolerate the screaming, destroying the house, etc. that go with young children. The parents say they will be out for an hour and return 3 1/2 hours later. I am a frazzled wreck at that point. I feel that I should not have to babysit my husband's children which I don't anymore but fear when the child's health improves, they will expect me to help with babysitting.

I have also found the daughter and husband to be very inconsiderate and obnoxious when over at our house. I dread being with them which will happen at some point in the future. Extensive counseling has not helped me.

I would like to share my experiences with a woman with similar problems marrying a widower with adult children and grandchildren that has never been married before and does not have children. My husband will never have a child with me because of admittedly selfish reasons. I accepted this fate because I do not want children either, but on the other hand, do not want to deal with his.

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Comments (4)

helpwiththis
17 years ago
Well I am not in your situation, but my stepgrandmother is so I feel I have a little advice to give. My grandfather is much older than she is, and in fact my stepgrandmother is only a few years older than my father. My uncle is older than she is!

Anyways, she never had any children of her own and she married my grandfather past childbearing age. I was still around 10 when they married. She never really liked children (I realize this more as I am older). What she would do is plan activities for us kids and invite my parents along too. A day at the zoo, an afternoon at the movies, etc. Then she would plan dinner parties that were "adult only". Now that I am older and married with children she does the same with me and my children. She has never mader herself and my grandfather available as babysitters, but they did live an hour away from us so it was not easy for my parents to just drop me or my siblings off to run errands.

I do have to say that it is normal for grandparents to babysit though, I always found my grandparents situation a little odd. If you feel your dh is babysitting too much tnen talk to him about it. But, you did marry a grandfather and do need to let him be a grandfather. Seperating him from his children or grandchildren will not be productive to a healthy relationship.
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finedreams
17 years ago
you married a man with grandkids so I don't think you have any options here. My parents always liked to babysit grandchildren, sick or not. They would ask me and my brother for it: can we have them for a weekend? Of course if your SD is taking advantage of your DH then it has to be addressed. But if he likes to babysit, then he should be able. At the same time paying for SD's breast implanrtts was unaccaptable. fathers don't pay for breast implants. It is kind of creepy.
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Jonesy
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I was not in your situation either, my situation was the opposite. When I had to baby sit with a new baby my husband found something else to do. He worked and the weekends were his free time. He had hobbies, places to go, things to do, which I call "a life". I considered his grandchildren my grand children because I married him a week after the first grand baby was born. But after a while I had to put a stop to the baby sitting. At one time I had 9 grandkids living nearby and the parents wanted me to be a day care for all of them. I would have been closer to my grandkids if I had done that, but I opted to be closer to my husband. We were on the go all the time. It took some adjustment, but am very glad I opted to do that.
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hecallsmemom
17 years ago
My family is similar with a 15 year difference between my parents and they've got 5 of us kids, the youngest being 14, and myself as the oldest. The two of us that have kids (skids and bio's) total 7 grandkids. My sister's kids have always got some kind of virus, bug, or cold and my parents absolutely refuse to babysit if they're sick. They use the excuse that "they are getting on in years and their health isn't what it used to be." They're healthy as horses but they don't want the bug of the week as Dad likes to call it. They do the same with my kids. If the kids are sick, my parents aren't going to babysit. Mum said once that she did her time with runny noses and sick tummies and that it's my turn as a mum.
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Younger Woman Married Older Widower

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helpwiththis

finedreams

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