Grooming can be a form of dominance. The dominant cat grooms the nondominant cat. It is a mother and child thing. Elsewise I can say I would do everything I could to avoid letting my cat outside. Not good for the cat and not good for what ever the cat interacts with.

My experience is that my cat just doesn't think like I do.

Therefore, my sincere recommendation is that you DO NOT allow the cat outside. Such a big thing to convince that mind that it is better inside the house.

If you are worried about the ticks you need to understand that you can bring them inside when you pass close to vegetation they are hanging from. Having seen them crawl though a small area under a screen window if they want to get in they will. I am not one of the cats should always be inside people because I like being outside. Is there any way that when you go outside Rocky can go with you. I have a rescue that I will allow outside. He goes to the neighbors, soon to be mine, yard and eats grass. Returns to mine, does a circuit, then lays on the cat/dog house until either he or I want him in. From this last trip to the vet I know his time is limited. I only wish he was a hunter and would take care of things. This area has so many predators both on four feet and wing that the cats are the smallest amount of predation that is happening. He is smart when the hawks start circling he asks to be let in.

I would add that you might want to have him checked for urinary problems. One of my old cats would spray when his urinary crystals started building up. They hurt when he assumed the normal position.

The vet checked Rocky for urinary problems. We had a cat with that issue years ago. He had to be fed special food.

I'm not outside nearly as much as I used to be, and ticks are one of the reasons. When I mow the lawn I practically wear a hazmat suit--and everything goes right in the wash when I come inside (including me!). I love to sit on the porch, but when the cats were outdoors I didn't encourage them to sit with me--again, because of ticks.

I would try keeping them inside but apart for a while and see if Scruffy loses interest in Rocky playing. And if she hasn't, then discourage her from bothering Rocky when he's playing, perhaps a squirt bottle will help with this.

Would you consider medication for Rocky? Prozac or xanax might help him.

Has he been desexed? I would not be putting him outside as that is a safety issue for him and a safety issue for you (ticks)

Scruffy is the cat who chooses not to play and accepts limited affection. Rocky craves your affection and liked to play and snuggle with you but Scruffy was allowed to end that for him. So I would start by putting Scruffy in another room she likes for her own alone time while you lavish affection on Rocky and try to engage him into playing again elsewhere. Seems like the issue is her dominance over him. Give him his safe place to be himself. With you. It may take some time to regain his confidence even with her out of sight but it's worth a try.

Although I have never medicated a cat, that might be an answer for you. But I'd never let a cat outdoors. I'd be a nervous wreck. There are so many bad situations they can encounter, ticks being the least of these. Poisons, cars, fights with other animals, eating a diseased rodent. I know how frustrating spraying can be. Thankfully my present three are good using the litter boxes and the male doesn't spray. Your cats are very pretty. Is Scruffy part Maine Coon?

I had two cats they were named unfortunately Romeo and Juliette. They hated each other or rather Romeo hated her and was jealous of her and drove her away constantly. Finally she went downstairs to be with our son in his space instead. Romeo settled in and became a lot less aggressive and Juliette had all the attention she needed with our son.

I suggest different rooms to separate the cats.

Outdoors has meant death for cats at least in this area for years now as the coyotes get more aggressive and hunt during the day as well. That plus the cat potentially being run over by a car, eating birds and messing in other people's properties are good reasons not to have an outdoor cat.

I would build a catio! Make it interesting for him. best of both indoor and outdoor.

I have had great success over the years with several cats using a product called Feliway. It's a cat appeasement pheromone; I call it kitty prozac. I use the plug in ones in the house and more recently a spray for the inside of the cat carrier before I have to take Maisie to the vet. The plug in ones (you don't smell anything but the cats do) helped two cats get along, calmed a fearful cat, and quieted an enraged cat.

It's miraculous stuff.

I know I'll be excoriated for it, but both of my girls are indoor/outdoor. We only let them out when we're home to watch them and between 9am and 5pm. They both hang very close to the house, and they come when they are called in for dinner. I am aware of all the risks of doing so, but they enjoy it as do we. Misty follows me around outdoors like puppy and it's a pleasure to hang with the cats outside as well as in. They've not had any injuries or issues as a result of doing so. My prior two cats were indoor/outdoor as well, one lived to 16 years and the other to 18.

But each person's circumstance is different and each environment presents risks which must be assessed when making that decision.

Just be aware that outdoor cats do need the feline leukemia shot which indoor only cats may not receive.

Rescues come with their own set of problems. Separation in the house would be my solution. My cat Aspen licks her plastic tunnel. She licks my empty yogurt containers I give her...to lick. :0) If you pet her legs, she'll give your hand a quick lick or two. I was talking to Ivan and petting him this morning, while we lay in bed....he/Aspen bit me ....not hard...on my shoulder. Aspen also unrolls toilet paper, shredding it....but only once in a blue moon. Ivan is a bundle of energy....he bites if you get your hand in front of his face....and I mean "hard"....fang to the bone biting. So I'm just quicker than he is. Usually. Both cats are very loving. Greet us at the door happy! Sleep with us. Plop, drop and roll at our feet for attention. Some days Ivan is so wound up, he eats too fast, then vomits, then he's starving. He screams like he's just seen a vampire. (he had voice issues when we got him. Now he's fine he seems to like the sound of his own voice) Some days....I leave the house just to not listen to the screaming....some days he/Ivan chortles and talks like a normal cat. It hasn't been a year yet.....they're a LOT of work!

There are days "I" want to let my cats outside......if I hang outside with them....it might go well. It's up to you. I understand. No one expects you to put up with spraying.

I'm a real stickler for keeps all pets indoors. Well, if you have a dog it needs to do it's business outside, but other than that, stay inside unless you're on a farm. But then farms have coyotes and there goes the neighbourhood... I've had three cats, none of which were allowed outside except for in their cat run. My last cat, Frank, has a large dog kennel cage that sits on the deck beside the front door. When we open the door he walks straight into it and will lay there for hours in nice weather and watches all the birds. I belong to a community FB group and people are CONSTANTLY posting their missing cats. A few have been angry that theirs have been run over. A LOT automatically believe the cats are "missing" and take them to a vet who turns them in to animal services. It's actually against our citys bylaw to let your cats outside. A lot of people say, "but it's an animal! It belongs outside!" So is a budgie, but you don't open your door to them either, right? ;)

That being said, for the safety and well being of your animal, keep it inside. It'll live a longer healthier life, even if he doesn't believe it. :)

Unfortunately, the average lifespan of an outdoor cat is 3 years (Of course depending upon location, circumstances, traffic, wild animals, etc.). I would not risk it for all the teachers

Can you get him some sort of catio where you could keep him protected, but outside? You could treat the outer boundaries to keep ticks and fleas away.

All of my cats have been indoor/outdoor cats. I've always had a cat door into the house. If they felt threatened they would run into the house. Of course I have never lived on a busy or semi busy road. All of my cats have been strays. IMO once a cat gets a taste of the outdoors they don't want to be inside all the time.

If you see him spraying in the house does it look like he is straining. Then it might be UTI. Males are most likely than females. We only feed our cats urinary health cat food.

I've seen Suzieque's stat in a number of locations, but it is so far out of the realm of my experience...my two latest are already 7 years old, twice as long as that stat suggests. I can't help but think that refers to feral or outdoor only cats who clearly have a much rougher go than my girls do.

Misty's latest adventure is making friends with the geese in the pond. She ambles along and they follow her around.

Thanks, everyone! I, too, think separation in the house is the best solution. However, there's a glitch I didn't mention, and her name is Peachy. From the start, Rocky was ready to make friends with the existing house cats, but the females had other ideas. Peachy never actually got in a fight with him the way Annie the Mean did, but her interactions with Rocky were never promising. And the hostility escalated. Plus when Rocky and Scruffy were outdoors Peachy would do battle with Scruffy through the window glass.

So when Rocky & Scruffy came inside permanently, Peachy went upstairs. She's always been a loner cat, and the attic has always been her favorite place to hang out. Now she has it all to herself. I give her attention, and food, and toys that she has little interest in.

This makes it hard to sequester Scruffy, as the downstairs has an open floor plan. The only room with a door is the bathroom. I could scoop her up and stash her in there for a period of time during the day, and I might try that. But it took her awhile to learn to trust me, and if I try this I hope it won't damage that trust.

When Scruffy arrived here she was such a mess we thought she might be terminally ill. She was emaciated, and we couldn't even tell she was a longhaired cat, I don't know what she went through, but I suspect she was abused. She wasn't exactly feral, but she wasn't eager to be close either. Now she will lie down on top of me, and most of the time she doesn't cringe when I reach out to stroke her head.

Some questions I haven't answered:

I don't know what Scruffy's DNA is, but I'm guessing she's way too small to have any Maine Coon genes.

Rocky is neutered.

I would consider medicating him. Of course, then I'd have to stop ranting about antidepressants being overprescribed in this country. :-)

Annie, Rocky & Scruffy were outdoors for six years.

Yeonassky, I'm glad you reminded me about coyotes. We have them too.

Laceyvail, I'm thinking I should try using the Feliway more than I do.

I looked up Catios--what a neat idea! My money is pretty well allocated for this year, but I'll keep it in mind.

Thanks again!

There used to be a house that I passed that had runways for their cats including enclosing tree branches so the cats could lounge in them. A catio does not need to be large but best if it has reinforcing if coyotes are active in your area. I know they are here but except during pupping season they are seldom active during the main part of the day. If I had one I would also have a cat door that could be locked when I was away doing things so the cats could not go outside. I have more of a concern about the various things that fly in this area than any other thing happening to my cats.

I have been mulling this and it seems to me that you could try sequestering just during play time. Play will get his energy out and help relax him and give him confidence. Vets do have pills for anxious cats though. It would be kinder than outside. Our neighbor has outdoor cats. They think our property is theirs too so they come over here-till they dont. A revolving door of very well fed cats that disappear. Maybe its the coyotes, or the racoons, or the bobcat, or the Eagles or maybe the Owls. I have never seen one dead on the road.

I have had a lot of rescues over the years and I have had three that had no desire what so ever to go outside. You could leave the door open and they would not go out-giving up that warm safe place with plenty of food. One of them is lying on my lap now. They had been outside and didn't like it.

My two females adopted from the Humane Society almost two years ago had different stories. One was from a hoarder house and the other one a domestic abuse home. So I don't know if they ever were outside but Bernie the Maine Coon lived outside for months before I scooped him up. He has zero desire to go back to that life. He never tries to go near an outside door.

Give him a cardboard box.

I, too, have always had indoor/outdoor cats. Four in my adult lifetime, 2 pair. The shortest life was 16 years, the longest nearly 20. All were brought in at night. Some were more cooperative than others about coming in - the females seemed to like to stay out at night to hunt; the males came in more easily. I hate that they hunt birds and never had bird feeders in the yard until I no longer had cats. I was stressed about them being taken by predators; I've lived in rural areas with them so it was even more of a worry (although coyotes and owls are found in even more urban areas now).

I put up a field fence in the woods around my house so that a cat could slip through but not a dog or coyote. I knew the cats would try to run for home if they got into trouble and some neighbors did not control their dogs. I also put a 2x4 with cross hatches like little steps on it up to the lowest part of our roof. There are plenty of trees here, but if the cats ran for home there is nothing right close for them to climb, so this gave them a way up from the ground. Unfortunately, the raccoons loved it, too.

I think if you decide to let your cat be outside, you have to be prepared that something could happen to him and to not beat yourself up, or have regrets, for making that decision.

"I DON'T WANT TO." Good decision, you are the "mom," the "adult," responsible for making decisions that are safe.

Would continue the Feliway, since it seems to help; make sure each is getting the attention & play they want; perhaps ask vet for medication to help during this time. May need to titrate med up to desired effect, and then can hopefully titrate down and eventually discontinue.

Good luck, feline motherhood is not easy.

Hearing you say that most of your conversations lately have been negative says a lot about how he is acting. They really do pick up on our emotions and your speaking more lovingly to him should go a long way. Good luck with your beautiful boy. I'm betting things will improve in a hurry.

I love those feet.

Good decision.

Boxes and cats no matter what the size. Gotta love them.