April, yes, I'm with you. There's a to be said for renting. When we bought our first house, we rented out our townhouse. The second family, we loved. They and the townhouse were perfect for one another, and they loved living there. They took good care of it!

Eventually, we decided to sell the townhouse, so of course we offered it to them at a really good price. They thought about it for a week or so, and their answer was, we love it here, and we are so sorry you are selling, but we just don't want to buy. We like renting, it frees us to take care of other things. If something breaks, we make one phone call, and we don't have to take a day off from work to let the repairman in.

So, they moved. I'm starting to appreciate their attitude. And I see people who decide to change jobs, or just change locale, and if they are renting they just move.

As I take care of two houses, I'm starting to appreciate renting. Or a chicken house!

My cousin and her husband have an apartment, but live most of the year in their 5th wheel that they travel around in. Staying in campgrounds, or at their kids' for weeks at a time, looking after the grandkids while the parents work. They've done that for about 10 years, and now at 70 they've decided it's time to settle down, so they are building a house near one of the kids. I expect they'll keep the 5th wheel, though. Sounds good to me!

Ha! So relatable, my friend. SO relatable. I must say though, you are much more imaginative than I with the chicken legs house idea. That's a genius idea. I'd adopt it except I'm not fond of bird legs. The elephant house idea appeals to me more. But then I couldn't fly and I love the idea of travel too much. I want to fly!!

I might love your dancing mops and brooms more though. Ugh. A house is so much work.

There isn't one room in my house that doesn't need a fair amount of TLC and $$$, you know? This year, the outside seems to be screaming louder than previous years. Everything screams "take care of me" at springtime. A lottery jackpot win would solve all my house woes, of course. Then I could hire this great group to help me build and furnish my dream home. It might be smaller. It would be a lot more functional and so easy to keep clean with your magic cleaning tools. :D

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling a bit (or a lot) ugh about home ownership, April. I suspect it's all quite normal. A feeling that ebbs and flows for all of us but this year has been so unusual. It takes a toll. Doesn't mean we're ungrateful for having our shelter(s). Just means we're tired. And that's all right.

DH was mad at me for months because I didn't want to buy his parent's beautiful but not particularly well-maintained 1880's Victorian mansion in the middle of a very small town in Northern New England.

I can totally relate.

I should have opened this thread months ago, but I was so very ashamed. And mad at myself. Thank you..

April, I wish my DH was where you are. As a side job, DH has acquired quite a few rental properties in the past 40 years. He is very serious and organized in how he runs them. That said, they are all old and some are cycling through a second renovation!

It is becoming a headache. He is hands on with everything so there is no just let the plumber go in etc. Most times he tells the contractors things that they don’t even know!

He is now 3 years past the age of when he said he would liquidate.

I definitely get you.

However, I am not on board with renting. Most landlords are not like DH w no is very lenient when it comes to raising rents. I don’t think I want to be in the position where a landlord can say they need the apartment and then you have to scramble. I also want to be able to paint and renovate the way I see fit.

Maybe a small condo could work for you?

I totally understand being tired and wanting freedom more than other good things. You need a majordomo!

PS No guilt over feeling overwhelmed because your problems are not the same as someone else's problems. Of course you are grateful for what you have. Of course you feel for those whose suffering is terrible. Those two fact do not eliminate your distress.

There's something else to be said for renting. Have you ever rented a place you were really happy and comfortable in and been served with a 60-days' notice because they either sold the house or decided they wanted to live there themselves? You've got a kid and four pets. It's a lousy experience.

I hear you and I want that magic tablecloth. I love houses. I love looking at them. I haunt Zillow just to look. I used to get an actual pull on my heart when I saw certain houses that I adored and wanted to live there. All mostly bigger, charming stone houses. Now I look at them and think how much I love it and how happy I am that I don’t have to be responsible for it.

My niece and her husband lived in a Jeep with a pop up tent on top for five years as they traveled the world. I like creature comforts too much to do that but they were happy as clams. Now they live off grid in New Mexico.

I hear ya. Somedays I love owning my house, somedays I feel like it owns me. the intention was to build a small(er) house and make life easier. Not sure exactly where that blew up.

I went through a 'moment' during a tough time in my life - my dad had recently passed away, my mom had been gone for 11 years, my oldest just started college and basically fell off the face of the earth and my youngest was in full blown rebellion. I hit a wall and wanted out of my life. Wanted to be responsible for nothing and no one. I wanted nothing around me that evoked a memory like a photo or a tchotchke, nothing personal beyond the clothes I needed to wear. Went to a hotel for a week. I think about that from time to time.

I owned a home for many years, then rented for a year, and am back to owning again. Renting was absolutely miserable. The landlord refused to fix things, everything was poorly constructed, and we got sick from carbon monoxide poisoning from a very very old heater. Oh and the landlord wouldn't replace it, just "fixed" it (so I bought a bunch of carbon monoxide detectors to feel safe).

But now that I'm in my own home again, and my husband is away most of the time for work, I feel exhausted being responsible for everything. Yard work. House work. Fixing leaking toilets. Dealing with wind damaged roof that may or may not be resolved by insurance. I can see how renting would be ideal if the landlord actually takes care of the property. I also wish I could own homes in multiple locations so that I could pick and choose where I feel like living (with my current remote work flexibility), but there's no way I can afford to do that.

Did I miss you saying why you own three houses? If I did, then why do you own three houses?? lol Unless it's rental income, I get that. If not, keep the one you like the best and sell the other two. Problem solved! :)

I can relate in part. I don't think we could ever become renters (by choice). We are homebodies and my home is my safe place, my get-away-from-the-world place, etc. I want to do what I want to do to our home, and no one tell me I can't hang something on the wall, paint a room, etc. I must have space around me, green space LOL. Grass and trees and dirt I can dig in . My flowers and gardening bring my joy. Just today we were talking about our garden (small, very small) and what to plant this year. But Zalco makes a good point. Our situations/problems, etc. are all different. It's me and my husband. So that's a good bit less to take care of than someone with children.

NOW THE REST OF THE STORY. We have a rental house. We've rented it out the past 5 years or so. We did this simply because the rental house is up the road from my dad's house. I wanted to control who lived near him. (It's a small neighborhood of 8 houses outside of the city.) Honestly, we have had good luck with our renters. One family that have been truly a joy. They wanted to move to a different city. Now that they are gone, I don't want to do it anymore. We've not had alot of repairs, etc. but just general upkeep and then a few months ago, new HVAC. Market is good, perfect time to sell. Also comes into play - my MIL's house. She becomes more and more "needy". She hires most things out, but she resents having to pay to have things done. So, you can guess who she calls. It's time to clean off our plate a bit, shall we say. Our home is enough for us to handle. My husband owns a business. He would like to work a couple more years. I want things to be easier for him. More time for us and what we want to do. Now who sounds selfish??? Sometimes you have to be selfish. I think especially now that my parents are both gone, my brother lives a bit away and my sister and BIL are moving to their "retirement" home out-of-state, I've decided it's time to think of "us" and what we want. And make that priority. So if you are selfish, I'm right there with you. You take care of YOU. Do what YOU what to do (of course I realize your husband figures into the equation! LOL). Life is too short to not be happy.

I hear ya'.

And sometimes the money to fix the repairs isn't the problem, finding a contractor who is willing to take on small repair jobs is.

That's what condos were made for! My friends did it when their kids flew the nest, downsized into a condo. I am kind of going in the opposite direction. I was a vagabond for so many years, I'm devoting myself to nesting now.

Just tonight I said to DH: "I wish I loved our yard." i was 9 years in my last house, pretty much loved it the whole time, but the last five years I really loved the back yard. It was pretty much perfect at the point we moved . . . But it was a small house, a row house, much like a condo . . . but with a wonderful full basement for storage . . .

I keep trying to get this much neglected house I inherited from my parents into shape, but it is an uphill battle . . . every time we go to fix something it involves tearing it almost all apart and starting from scratch. For example, it's drastically in need of new flooring, but that would entail moving everything out of rooms . . . I would hate to think that I won't get it in shape until I am too old to enjoy it for very many years . . . and have to move to assisted living . . . even if we fix one thing and it looks nice, seven other things that are terrible are staring me in the face . . .

Edited to add for Schoolhouse_gw: my solution to that problem was to marry someone like that! Now that he's retired, he actually enjoys the projects around the house . . .

I'll answer in a random order..first, I'm very overwhelmed with your kindness, and grateful for all the comments. So much grateful.

second, we rented for a long time, different situations..that's why I specified something "corporate-owned". More chance they won't get divorced, or will move and decide to sell..

Definitely so.

third, hotel.

you know, when I was in that crappy hotel for two months, during the first lockdown, I think only resident there too because technically they were closed but I moved ihn before the lockdown started...as crappy and lonely as it was, and stressful because I still had to do tons ogf things, and internet was constantly down..there was something good about it. Being a hotel. Even a crappy one..OK I had to learn how to restart their modem or whatever myself lol. But overall -it wasn't my responsibility..

So, if it could be some nice hotel..gosh, I'm good with nice hotel. I just don't have this kind of money. Even that crappy thing-absolutely the cheapest I found in Haifa, cheapest that any room for rental would be, I looked for several months-a long-term one too, it was, at least my room..that was a lot of money...

But I had this feeling later, in summer, when already in the apartment. I went crazy. I took a taxi, I booked a hotel in Jerusalem, and I just went there. They raised prices..to compensate over all the lockdown time. It was full to the brim. I didn't do much, I didn't even walk to the Old City, I couldn't walk that far. I just had to take a breath. Be someplace else. Get some sleep. Walk out-and see Jerusalem..

I was so anxious though to leave the apartment "alone" I closed off all the electricity, just the whole panel-I came back in 4 days after my "break" and had to throw out everything in the fridge..

I'm incredibly dumb I must say.

But I get it..this feeling of hitting the wall..Maybe I hit the wall then. I don't know. Maybe not yet.

Moment..

I also wish I could own homes in different locations..but I already do lol. i'd love to-if somebody else would be responsible for them...

Condo. condo would be nice.

Actually I was happy in our townhouse.

then it was the whole story of my MIL's husband suddenly dying within a month-and we couldn't leave her there..alone..(she's from St Petersburg)

so. we had to start to look for a different place. also it should be in a walking distance to stores etc. unlike our townhouse

that's how the whole story with this house and remodel/addition started. It was a great location. and it had 4 bedrooms. One spare for her..

And then it took too long, so she lived a year with us, and kids were together in one room. And then it was hard -for different reasons, she's an amazing person, it's just vastly different waking hours-her, and DH, they're night creatures, I'm a morning gal..nevermind, we decided together she wants a separate place for now, so long story short, we hunted a condo in a community very close to us. So she lives there. She can walk to us, to stores, to her favorite park (right now hesitant because of Covid, but in general-very modest condo, but nice location) But we're responsible for it. For the condo. The idea is she moves with us any moment it's needed. But for now-she likes her independency. she can listen to "Moscow's Echo" all night long and wake up whenever she wants to, and not when other people start their day. We can't sell this place. It's hers. She loves it.

The story about apartment in Israel, I told in a different thread. My Mom's sick. She lives in this small pastoral town an hour and a half drive from my brother. The town has very little in terms of medical care. One either needs to take a bus or drive to one of the cities around..

my Mom was very independent person until recently, She's a cancer survivor too. she worked until she was 79. She started having huge problems with walking. no bus nomore..

Her doctors are mostly in Haifa, where my brother and family are. Haifa is basically a mountain. Their apartment, albeit remodeled and cute-doesn't have enough space, doesn't have an elevator since old building...many steps down, then several stories up..

All the burden is on my brother. Work, three kids-and my Mom..who also is very stubborn and wants her independence..

I understand her very well by the way.

yes i come every year and I bring presents. What good my presents are,,,

This worked intil it worked, and I saw-it stops working..

So i went there..me and DH did, only he left within a week (thinking he'll come later)-and I stayed..to buy an apartment..so if impossible for now to convince her to move-at least she has a place to stay when she comes for medical procedures..no stairs, flat driveway..elevator in the building..also space for me/DH to be when we're there..

I can tell you now-with all the craziness it was the right move. She almost stopped walking. At all..

She wouldn't be able to take these steps to my brothers'. happenned in last couple months..

I wanted it to be by choice rather than neccessity..well I was late with choice. But on time with neccessity,

So no, i can't sell it. I just bought it. it needs to be there.

If it was for myself-believe me it wouldn't be Haifa. Jerusalem is hilly-but not as hilly as Haifa. I'm having trouble walking the streets there..

But my brother is in Haifa. 10 min in the car from this apartment. One can walk too, if he's into hiking. My SIL does it:)

So.

The only thing I can theoretically sell is the house we live in now:) But my DH is crazily attached to it. It, the yard. That's where kids come for vacations. That's where MIL will be when/if needed..

I chose them all, I furnished/or at least started all of them.

But all three-it wasn't "I want to have another house".

It's here, or on Redfin, or Zillow where I "oh I'd love to have this house":) I'm also like that.

in real life...I understand I'm very blessed we can even afford to do all that.

But I'm completely worn out.

PS I can see there's still tons of typos left. Is it okay if I just leave them? Can't catch them all.

I'm sorry for my long posts(as I usually am)

But I'm so grateful for your wisdom, and sharing, and..one just feels less crazy..

I'm sure you've been told before your posts aren't too long! Just wanted to say for all the years I've been reading it's been a pleasure reading about your life even the difficulties. Very engaging and I don't notice typos at all.

I am in a rental; don't love it! At my age I should be having some security but won't probably ever have home security.

I'm glad your mother can have that. Lucky woman to have you!

I wish it weren't such a burdensom thing for you. If I were you I might remind myself that it won't be forever. Nothing is.

I also might remind myself that what I say to myself counts.

What I try to say to myself when I am feeling stressed is that I have decided to call it stress. Why don't I call it something else like my body's just gearing for action.

I try different ways of thinking to keep my mind occupied. Also to put the stress in a different perspective and so I'm not so trapped by it at least for a moment.

Best to you and I hope you get some relief and rest.

April, I think you have to decide what will make things easier on you. Sell some of the properties? A condo? I think maybe to if would be good if there were some way to help you deal with the anxiety. I hope you find a way to destress and feel better about things. Life is too short.

Yeonassky has some good ideas. Wise woman.

April do you see yourself as Baba Yaga?

“The Russian Baba witch lives deep in the dark forest. She owns a hut that’s more like an animal than a house. It has skinny chicken legs that can run through the forest to avoid anyone looking for the witch. The bright windows are its eyes that keep a lookout for intruders, and the fence posts around her hut are made from old human bones. Atop each fence post sits a human skull to scare away those who come near. When her house moves, it spins and screeches to a halt and settles down into place with loud groans and creaks. When a visitor arrives, the shy house turns it back.”

That's what I'm scared of. Of that is nothing is forever..))

Actually, I'm scared as hell.

I agree with trying to reframe things for oneself. I do try to tell myself many things. It just doesn't always work.

My body obviously is gearing for action. It just ..tells me it can't handle it that well. Before, during, and afterwards:)

I can't do whatever's easier I guess, since it's not about me only, there are too many people involved..neither do I know what is easier anymore.

My Mom has her little house in that faraway town that she's used to..she doesn't really know the apartment is mainly for her.

She'd throw something at me, like a frying pan. and flat out refuse anything. It's hard even to describe what web I was weaving (well together with DH, and my brother),and for how long...

Nevermind. Wherever I am-I feel I betray somebody.

And if I do nothing-I betray myself. That's not fun either.

Robo:) My hut would have wings too. And no sculls.

But I was called a witch many times. I was very offended at first. I didn't understand why they'd call me that.

And then I thought: maybe they're right. Maybe I am a witch. I'm just trying really hard not to act on it.

You all are of very few people I can talk to about things, you know? ..

Thank you for that...

April, please don't be hard on yourself. You're acting out of love and concern for your family. Deep down, I'm sure your mother realizes this. She might want to throw a frying pan at you but it's on her to accept her vulnerability at this stage in life. And she needs a support network of some kind. You can't be everywhere at once and all things to everyone.

What's that prayer again? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." I have faith in your wisdom, April.

My father was diagnosed a few months ago with mild early Alzheimer’s. For years my mom has wanted to sell their large family home and downsize and my father dragged his feet. Suddenly in February he came into the kitchen and stated, “ we gotta get out of here, it is far too big for us.”

They have chosen an independent living facility with the option of memory care down the road. They are slowly downsizing now but their new living room furniture has arrived and they have their lunch in the new place everyday over looking water and I swear both seem so much lighter already and my dad seems more cognizant everyday. They have yet to move fully in, the movers will be on 4/6 and then the house will be prepped for market but it was like a great burden has been lifted. My mom has had fun choosing new furnishing and even some removable wallpaper and there is a spare bedroom for guests.

I totally understand your thoughts.

@roarah I’m sorry to hear about your dad, but glad they are transitioning well.

Roarah, I am also sorry to hear this about your father, but that seems like a good plan.

I have never had any desire for rental property. My parents were left with houses after my grandmother passed away, even though I was young, I remember what a nightmare it was for them. Laws heavily favor tenants, for good reason.

April, I always read and enjoy your posts. Somehow they are comforting, and always interesting. I don't know if it's your subjects or writing style, but please do not ever stop. I am sorry you are going through a tough spot. You've been given good advice from this family of friends. You wrote your mother does not know the apartment was mainly purchased for her. If she did know this, given her current walking situation, do you think she would be open to moving their full-time? Approach the subject delicately, or have her think it is her idea.

We have owned many houses, personal and rental, but never lived in a rented house. Only two apartments for the first four years we were married. It was nice not being responsible for landscaping and repairs with two small children. I have never liked owning more than one home, and we've had several out of state second homes. Heck, we have one now, since we just closed on the house in Florida. But hopefully, we will be single home owners again soon. Having a home of any size is a big responsibility, even if repairs are few and far between. I will admit it has been a little liberating seeing sold items go out the door. We are not getting any younger, and I think that has something to do with my new mindset. Maybe yours too.

Our DS just moved his family to an apartment and is putting his home on the market. He is not a house person and doesn't like cutting the grass or paying someone. He hates keeping it up, but it looks great now because he's had people over to do the things that should have been done all along. His plan is to sell high and buy low, when the market corrects. DH and I both suggested, just once, they either keep renting or find a townhome/condo with less upkeep. I believe the thought of keeping a house/yard causes him much stress.

I hope you are able to clear your mind and lessen your stress. Life is so short, it needs to be enjoyed as much as possible.

Roarah, I am sorry to hear about your father. It sounds like they are settling in their new place nicely, Even if slowly.

I can totally relate. Sunday, I was looking at the video tour of the apartment in another state that my son is moving to in a few weeks. This led me to look at the building in general, the amenities, the other apartments, I was struck by an intense yearning. The thought of living there seemed so unencumbered, freeing.

Sometimes houses and family responsibilities are too much.

We downsized less than 2 years ago, much less yard, much less stuff, I was good. But dh wanted a summer place on the water. It was his dream, so now I have that too. It is lovely, I am very lucky to be able to have. But it is more mental weight I am now responsible for.

Sometimes I feel like I must be pathetically weaker than everyone else. I work hard at my job all day, 10-12 hour days. I struggle to get motivated to take on house stuff, but it’s always there.

I understand your dilemma totally. I think as we get older, we want to unburden ourselves and have life easier, less stressful, less on our minds.

A couple of years ago, I was feeling that way. I'm glad DH was in agreement with selling 2 of our rental homes, our RV and a third car. I can tell you this for certain.....it was such a freeing experience! It felt wonderful not to have the responsibilities that come with owning "stuff".

I'm very much like you in that I'm always on top of bills, wanting to make sure I haven't missed payments etc.

It seems that most of your properties are tied into family situations...maybe that is why it feels like you have a lot on your shoulders. When the time is right, it will all work itself out. In the meantime, I wish you peace of mind.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful wonderful responses

I feel like I don't answer everybody enough-that's not because I don't want to, but because I'm afraid to occupy even more space I'm occupying already with my rumbling. Just know that I read every word and appreciate your thoughts, advices, and sharing. It feels so less lonely now, I can't even start to describe.

roarah I'm so sorry to hear about your father. But I'm glad the upcoming transition seems to be having a positive effect already, on everyone

My Grandma had Alzheimers'. Unfortunately I feel like I lost a couple of years not understanding the condition at all-not that anybody diagnosed her either, in the beginning..

Alison, thank you..you're very right about being delicate here, and I always am very delicate with my Mom, hence these circles around..:) My aim number one was: for her to see my place as a place to stay when in Haifa. Rather than my brother's.

That, I achieved...started talking to her half a year before we bought (at first she told me I need no apartment there and "have no understanding yet of what's important in life")...then, when the apartment was already there, she arrived to be with me, first time it was only two weeks. but second time, was a month already...now, when I'm not there, she already stayed there for another two weeks..of course she's sad and wanted to go home, but she knows next time she'll stay there as well when she comes..my brother does everything in his power to take a good care of her and for her to feel more at home ...

it's a very gradual process, she needs gloves of silk, as they say. She was always like that. Since I was a child. If anything, she softened since then.

The thing is also I understand her all too well. I'm also stubborn, albeit less stubborn, and I also want my independence..

By the way now she tells me I was smart to buy an apartment and am a wise kid:) Lol.

Aim number two..for her to move full time..well I hope it will come out of choice(that was my whole approach to situation: instead of "Mom, that's it, now you sell your place 'cause we're scared for you on a daily basis, and it's hard to drive back and forth", it's "You have your place, it has its pluses and its minuses now as life changed; the new place also has its minuses but it has its pluses, and its yours whenever"). I hope she'll magically feel better again. But if no..it'll just happen I guess, at some point. Then I'd come up with new explanations. Have them lined up already:) Already started paving the road with arguments when I was there..

Just a moment..need to break the post in half. it's like some huge loaf of bread...unbelieavable..

gsciencechick, we were renters for many years, and also landlords..sometimes one gets lucky..well we were more lucky as renters than as landlords..no desire to ever repeat it.

My DH wanted to rent our townhouse when we decided what to do back then when MIL was about to join us..I told him that seven years of being a landlord were enough for me, and it will be burden too hard to carry. Especially as I'm much more able to know our limitations..he as a man brought up in a certain way expects imself to be able to handle everything. Well it comes wit a heavy price-and I'm very scared about it too.

One can be extremely unappy as renter too, of course. We were blessed with an extremely kind and nice landlady whom I remember very fondly; but I shudder when I remember one of the landlords my parents had..I saw them many times when I came from uni ..just awful people. One of my friends also rented for years from a lady who didn't repair anything..don't ask. It heavily depends on people. That's why I wouldn't rent in private market if I could help it.

Good thing about US - here they have apartment buildings, In Israel, all the renting is private market only. I think that's the idea they should definitely adopt from here-apartment buildings managed by corporations. Of coure also can get better or worse; but private market only..it's a jungle..

localeater, I think I must be pathetically weaker than everybody else!? It seems this feeling is not always rooted in anything remotely real.. you work 10-12 hours work a day, gosh..I used to work like that but again I was so much younger and healthier and energetic, there's no comparison. I don't remember whether I thought myself weak then. I most probably did, but about something else.

Actually back then I also thought that the scale "weak/strong" is not important to me as it is to many others.

now it suddenly became a more important scale..:)

orchidrain, thank you..sometimes I secretly wish to get some omen telling me what's right and what to do..but I'm very supersitious and there are so many omens and auspices around that I get utterly confused. I hope it will work itself out, because I have only little control over all of it; I just wish to have it all-control, power, magic wand, flying hut..:)

tartan, unfortunately, I'm not so original-I just love fairytales:) They're full of all this magic stuff that does as you wish..and also faithful animals, that do per your command, and whatnot. Magic water that raises dead, apples that bring one his youth back again..lots of stuff that would be cool to have handy. Of course first one need oi be brave and slay some dragon..or at least be kind and industrious...

Thank you for having faith in my wisdom. I love the serenity prayer, and feel that the wisdom is definitely my weakest point:)

sushipap, I'm still thinking about your words. They ring very very true. They toll, actually. Like a bell.

I think I'll reread this thread times and times again.

Again, your kindness and sincerity is overwhelming and humbling and comforting to the point of me being in tears. since yesterday evening.

Rereading through this thread. I'm not sure this is a "first world" problem so much as a "modern life" problem. Back when no one hardly moved anywhere, kids just transitioned into their parents house, no need for sudden, dramatic downsizing. Now we're so much more mobile, we are transitioning into a more mobile culture as far as our possessions. I was talking about this to someone I met and they recommended the book "Boomer Burden." It's about how the material-intensive lifestyle our parents and grandparents and even great grandparents held is not working for current generations. In that old world, treasured possessions were passed down from generation to generation, just getting them in the first place was quite a labor intensive accomplishment. Now, we are inundated with cheap disposable "stuff" everywhere. And overflowing landfills, which is not good. I think our generation is the sandwich between the two lifestyles, trying to sort out what is worth saving for generations, and how best to do it. And the younger folks are trying to figure out what they should never accumulate in the first place . . . constant effort at "de-cluttering" and moving isn't any less stressful than maintaining a lot of stuff. De-cluttering as opposed to fleeing with whatever you can stuff into your coat IS a first world problem . . .

On the one hand. On the other hand, I cringe watching all the carp my grandkids are surrounded with, and the rate is is all discarded. I used to think my parents were mean by only getting us a few toys for birthdays and Christmas, and all the hand me down stuff. I now realize they were being good role models . . . but when you have so many families torn apart, there's no coordination and a lot of competition for who can shower the kids with the most "stuff." At some point, we must all realize "stuff" is a fool's love . . .

I quit my job to downsize. It is proving VERY difficult. For me it is a matter of time. If I've invested a lot of time in something, and if I ever want it again, it's not that I regret not having the thing if I throw it out, it is not being able to get back the time previously invested to get it in the first place . . . an ironic example is my yogurt strainer. Had it for nigh on 20 years, got it as a hand me down from my mother's downsizing, who probably had it as long, never having used it. So two years ago, off to the Goodwill it went. Now that he's retired and we got an Instapot, hubs is getting into making yogurt which benefits from straining . . . this is why we happily shop at Goodwill!!

Kind of a cheapie example to a serious topic, but on a serious note, I get so frustrated with my Dad not being able to let go of absolutely inanely useless and unproductive things cluttering up his home, (literally trash like envelopes and old boxes) and he's 89 so I continually wonder why he doesn't want to focus on happier items . . . A friend once remarked that as we lose control, we tend to focus on the banal things we could possibly control. One has to learn BEFORE one gets into a bad situation, what to let go and let God on . . .

Just saw a link on my FB feed to this article, a guy who actually implemented the nomad life as an alternative to having too much stability (and the emotional cost he paid for it). I on the other hand, have been a nomad most of my adult life so I fantasize about the opposite, living simply but having land to be a steward of . . . When I was younger, I fantasized about having this man's life . . . https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/feb/04/modern-nomads-nomadland-van-life-us-public-lands?utm_source=pdscl&CMP_TU=usmsp&utm_medium=sfbk&CMP_BUNIT=mem&utm_campaign=USgrowthmarketingcampaign_FBpromotion_launch&kwp_0=1884381&kwp_4=5468785&kwp_1=2345965&fbclid=IwAR1QEyX24ivd-2PqJ7t5rEgHoArrGnum6RJOW0VEGyoAPeflg7oHvTf3h4Q

Now this man's life is my ideal . . .
https://www.outsideonline.com/2411200/bello-ranch-california-sustainable-living

yes, I pink, I thought about many things that you mention..

I also thought:

all these people who boarded ships to somewhere-many many years ago -because they had to, or chose to, or chose to because they had to..and they knew their chance of seeing their families and their land again is close to nil...and even letters would take months to get if one is lucky...

Now we might think "how interesting how they all ended up in different places" or research it all, and the reasons for it..but we look from a distance...and I imagine them boarding these ships, taking these long roads..and it's like I can feel them better..they must have been sad..and uncertain..they must have felt guilty. or homesick...it was easier in a way that they couldn't return, most likely-so they looked forward. But did they, all the time?

I know it was easier to look forward when we moved from USSR. They cut your passport at the border-and you know your ticket is one-way. There's no coming back. and very soon after, there's no USSR either.

It was so much easier then -but I moved too many times after, and I'm tired. The moment I start nesting...it's kinda a sign I'm about to move soon..

Then, in our modern world, with people being indeed more mobile, one gets used to "oh I'll just fly there next year". But what happens when planes stop flying. When somebody gets too sick. When world changes once again. It's very fragile, what we have right now. We can still find ourselves on a shore...without a ship to board..

As for boxes and envelopes..our own garage is painful to enter...and my DH was like this since I've met him.

Recently I told him "you know if you asked me to get rid of two thirds things I own and love and use..I'll do it...and you don't use this stuff even, you know yourself it's junk that gets rotten, and you still can't get rid of it"

And he told me" Things, are not even the matter..but all the cardboard boxes and envelopes..they're really hard to part with..")))

I get you. We moved into our current house after selling the house we built and had lived in for 20+ years and loved. The idea was that we were far away from our kids and needed to be closer - well maybe we did and maybe we didn't - it's a tossup. Our current house is all I didn't want - two stories and a basement with laundry in the basement - no, small lot -no,(we have over an acre) etc. The best thing about it is a sunroom Otherwise the house is dark,rooms are smaller, the closets are a joke, the bathroom is the size of our starter home 45 yrs ago, the floors need replacing (DH can't see it) and we're here for a while. Also we have a super duper refrigerator and freezer - something called a Whirlpool sidekick which is a separate fridge and freezer connected together top and bottom and built into the wall - if one ever breaks it will cost a fortune to replace plus will destroy the floor getting it entire unit out. I love my house - can't you tell.

April, I read most of the responses. I have always been a homeowner but since my divorce I have lived in a small one bedroom apartment. I considered buying but like you, I do not have the energy or drive to keep up with so many expenses and things that might be a burden. I have lived here 2 1/2 years. It is crazy as I never thought I would rent for this long.

It is just me so I do not have to get anyone else on board but myself.

In all honesty, I think I might just keep renting. I live in an apartment complex. The managent is great. I do miss actually having a place that is all mine. However, at this age and time in my life I do not have the drive or energy to buy, move, decorate, remodel a home. Our property taxes are insane here as well. That is one of the biggest drawbacks for me.

I was looking pretty fervently at buying and I am sure glad I didn't bc I lost my job. I know something like that could happen at any time and I do not want to worry about a mortgage if the worst were to happen.

I used to have so much energy and a huge drive to decorate, paint etc my homes. I loved it and staying busy with one project to the next. Now, I just do not seem to care. I too have felt much guilt over this. I guess bc decorating and remodeling was always my passion and something I believed I was good at doing.

I just wanted to chime in and say I understand. I know your situation is far different but I still understand the underlying point of what you have said.

You should not feel guilty in telliing us or feeling the way you do. If it is how you feel and comparing it to anyone else's feelings (those who are less fortunate) does not make your feelings or emotions any less real than they are.

((((HUGS)))))