I did get a compliment on my home made pizza. Dinner for the grumps doesn't happen all the time, but boy it sure did tonight.

CS, the big thing in my family was and is, when I say "Dinner's on!" all of a sudden my Dad and hubs have all kinds of projects they decide to start, they disappear. Mom used to just sit down and eat . . . not go on a recon mission to find Dad and my brother . . . but then the complaint that it is cold and "Can you heat this up for me . . . "

Anyway, it's not always this bad, but tonight I just felt like I was cooking for Peter Boyle. Who BTW I read was actually a gem of a kind, well educated and refined person . . . and a heck of an actor!

OOOOOOH SO does that sometimes and it drives me batty. He will ask how long until the food is done. I will say, for example, 10 minutes.

Then he goes and starts something that I am certain he thought would only take ten minutes.... And he's fiddling with something for an hour....

Yeah, I put his food in the microwave for him to heat up when he is ready and go eat mine in front of the tv.

I've been binge watching Everybody Loves Raymond. We didn't have tv when it was being aired originally (I still don't but can stream it). It is so darn funny; it seems like it's all exaggerated, but based on some truths for some people and some relationships. You are way, WAY more patient and kind to your guys. I'd be letting both of them fend for themselves and cooking what I wanted and giving myself kudos for a job well done.

i would not cook for someone like that. I would cook for myself and he could eat TV dinners and watch me eat the good stuff.
I guess I have been blessed because every man I have cooked for loved my cooking. I live for that little quiet 'um" when they take the first bite! Even my super picky grand sons have come to like my cooking....well most of it. a couple are still not into salads.

"...it seems like it's all exaggerated but based on some truths for some people and some relationships."

I once heard Ray Romano mention the story lines were based on shared experiences from the cast and crew. Made it all that funnier for me. I was thinking of the time Debra opened the new pots and pans Ray gave her for Christmas. She carried them into the kitchen, and Marie followed her saying, "I better go help her. They're not magic pans." LOL, I would have smacked Marie with one of those pans. Loved every single episode of that show.

The beauty of having the "it's alright" folks eating a meal you prepared is that you don't need to try to please them. It can't be done. Just cook every meal exactly the way you like it and enjoy. It's alright!

DH is a meat & potatoes type of guy. If I make a salad or soup or something vegetarian or vegan, he says "Where's the food? That's not a meal." Grrrr! Aggravating!

I get bored of trying to figure out what to do with beef, pork or chicken.

I also can relate! My son's FIL will eat about 3 things. Anything else and he screws up his face at the first taste and proclaims "Well, it's OK for what it is." I have come to not much enjoy family gatherings with them. At least DH will eat one helping of whatever I make. If leftovers go uneaten I know not to make that particular dish again.

The problem with my husband is that he will eat just about anything, but his STRONG preference is to eat the same familiar foods over and over again. His repertoire is limited and that's the way he likes it. For example, he eats an apple every day, so never eats applesauce. Apples are to be eaten fresh, no apple pie, apple muffins, etc. Quick breads are date nut and banana, so no blueberry tea bread or apricot loaf. Prunes are a snack, not stewed or prune filling for cookies. And cookies are oatmeal raisin, not snickerdoodles, gingersnaps or chocolate chip. Salad dressing choices are ranch and Good Seasonings Italian. No chili lime, green goddess, raspberry vinaigrette, blue cheese. If you want a cake for a special occasion it must be cheesecake, no chocolate cake or orange chiffon. Pie is exclusively strawberry rhubarb, all the others are a waste. He doesn't like casseroles. He likes vegetables but plain. No artisan breads, bread should not be chewy and he likes oatmeal bread, everything bagels (not whole wheat, not egg, not plain and not an English muffin!!) and rye or whole wheat, commercial bakery type. Rice is plain, potatoes are plain. Sauce for meat is hickory smoked barbecue, and that's it . . . and on it goes.

So OK fine, I get it, he's totally entitled to his likes and dislikes. They are valid. But when he and my picky Dad stray into the territory where they imply that my making home made food other than what is on the "approved list" is a waste of time, frivolous . . . well that is not only hurtful, it's infuriating. I once described the process of home canning tomatoes to one of my college students, and her response was, "Why bother?!" So I certainly get the "It's not for me" sentiment, but the invalidating it as a worthwhile time investment, implying that I'm just goofing around in the kitchen and wasting time since they don't appreciate the outcomes . . . In times past I was able to spend more time with people who appreciated home made food of a large variety of types . . .There was a time when "store bought" was a status symbol, implying that you had money, and I think that's a lot of why my Dad prefers it, and my husband just didn't come from a family that valued home made foods or have a tradition of someone who invested in making them. It's like I come from a tradition like Deborah of the "Raymond" show and my men are the Barones. At least that's what I was thinking last night, this is like that episode of the comedy when Deborah's parents take the Barones out to a fancy restaurant and all they do is complain about how weird and expensive everything is . . .

This same thing recently happened to me. It was my son in-laws birthday a couple weeks ago. I love to cook, but due to my hip and leg problems, its quite an effort to move around getting ingredients. So this effort took a couple days to pit together. As I’ve known him and his likes and dislikes, I thought I’d make him a brownie layered cake with espresso cheesecake filling and frosted with espresso flavoured whipped cream. My husband, who isn’t even a big coffee Lover, deemed it absolutely to die for. Anyway, we took it over and it was served and finished without even so much as a thank you, or wow was that good.

Louiseab, I'm drooling over the description of that cheesecake! Sometimes people don't always realize a "thank you" is appreciated; especially since it was extra effort for you given recent health issues.

The problem with my husband is that he will eat just about anything...

Well there’s half the battle won. Relationships are about compromise, so alternating between cooking to his likes and to yours seems reasonable. Figure out some middle ground where you can. On the hickory meat night make a veggie side that you like. Load the plates up accordingly.

As for the quick breads, cookies, and other treats, no rule says you can only have one thing available at a given time.

Believe me, I totally empathize as my family is difficult to please as well. It’s not uncommon for me to cook three different dinners and there are times that I blow my lid when the just sit there picking at their plates. But the choice is to let it eat at you or find ways to work around it. Food brings some people more happiness than others, but it shouldn’t bring misery.

I’d concern myself less with your dad as you’ll never win with him. Find something you can stock in the freezer and have him nuke if he doesn’t want what you’re serving. Or show him the peanut butter and Ritz.

And Boo reminded me, I meant to comment on that brownie coffee cheesecake. Sounds amazing. If that’s a recipe printed out somewhere I’d love to see it!

Food, Marie!

I guess some folks don't think a thank you can really go a long way for those who receive the thanks! They're lucky you cook for them. LOL

This reminds me of some lessons learned:

Negative reinforcement (of hubs and dad, to you regarding the food you make) will <eventually> extinguish your behavior (of making their food).

Rewarding or pairing the wrong behavior with a reinforcer (food as a primary reinforcer for them) will not get your the results you desire, but will strengthen the "wrong" behavior.

Yes, I am fine with making the things they like and then the things I like separately. I've cooked for different tastes all my life, and in fact often advise folks here on simple hacks to please people with multiple food issues. When they drift into the territory of saying me making things for me that I like is a waste of time, well then it gets a little unpleasant . . . and sad when a perfectly good blueberry pie or casserole or salad goes to waste because it isn't on hubs approved food combination list. He's not picky, he's rigid and a creature of habit. Another way of saying that would be "disciplined" and he is in great shape physically because of his relatively strict eating habits--almost no junk food, for example. We mostly eat and cook separate as it is. Neither my Dad or husband consider cooking a hobby, strictly utilitarian, so me spending all that time making home made bread for just me to enjoy seems wasteful to them . . .As for reinforcing, I don't think they care all that much one way or the other. Without me my Dad would happily eat junk food all day and my husband would go back to preparing and eating the same meals over and over, he has a set rotation.

If anybody’s interested, here is a link to the cake I made. I forgot it was a frozen cake, but it has cream cheese in it.

https://www.lifeloveandsugar.com/mocha-brownie-ice-cream-cake/

Pink, I am married to your father. DH is quite happy to eat a ham sandwich or bologna with chips. He loves mac and cheese, but only the Kraft with the powdered cheese. Does not care for my home made pizza. Does not like my bread, says it upsets his stomach. I figure must be the preservatives in store bought bread coats his stomach. Fusses because my food is too salty, even though I do not add salt because he is "sensitive". he lives off chips, luncheon meats, pizza, etc. Prefers Campbells canned chicken noodle soup to what I make. That is usually ok, I like my cooking enough I don't mind eating it several days in a row! Thanks for letting me vent!

OMG Louise!! But yes, I have been there, done that with a nice dessert. TOO BAD that us Cooking Forum folks can beam our kitchen creations into each other's homes!! I would LOVE a piece of that cake right now!!

I think hubs realized he had crossed a line yesterday because he was extraordinarily helpful and complementary of my "clean out the fridge" salad that I made for dinner! He had been spending an extra amount of time around my Dad this week helping him with a project and I think some of dad's grumpiness had worn off on him yesterday. I feel for my Dad though, the project was him selling his beloved old truck. He hardly ever uses it, like a couple time a year at most, and almost no time this past year, so it was more trouble to keep it around than it was worth, but it was sad for Dad, end of an era. He has a nice 4 wheel drive SUV that he can load stuff into if he puts the seats down, but you know, guys and their trucks . . . so my Dad wasn't in a very good mood this week either.

I think part of the parent thing is that our parents (those of us that grew up in the 60-70s) really liked the new fangled "easy" foods such as mashed potatoes or au graten potatoes in a box, and got used to them.

We, then did a back to the land thing and started gardening and eating fresh/healthy foods in the 70s.

My parents passed away fairly early in our adulthood, but my in-laws lived long lives.

They were very accepting of our generation's cooking ways, but always reverted to the boxed stuff when we went home!

When my MIL passed away, I started cooking and bagging meals for my FIL to enjoy from time to time.

Though he enjoyed the many healthy soups and vege meals I made, he really loved the casseroles and pasta meals that he had enjoyed through the 60s-70s that his wife would make.

So, to keep him eating, I made them! And filled his freezer a couple of times a year.

He lived in a very posh retirement place that basically had a 3* restaurant 3 meals a day, but didn't always want to go to dinner.

Anyway, his final words to me was "I've always loved your cooking" Sigh.

I’ve always been lucky with my DH, he is the eldest of four and he and the youngest are adventurous eaters and the middle two are picky, one due to med issues and the other is just picky (she drives her partner who loves to cook crazy sometimes).

DH appreciates my cooking and always thanks me for our meals.

If I was you, lpink, I’d let the ingrates do their own dratted cooking.

And louiseab, not even a thank you is totally out of line! I’m appalled.

My family loved food and cooking...both sides. One grandmother pretty well fried everything but bread cakes and a roast or 2. But anyhow...we always had one or 2 grandparents living with us, and one great grandmother was a bit of a sour stingy old lady....who never had 2 pennies to rub together. she liked a supper of water crackers soaked in hot water. But my father said if she was going to live with us she was going to eat healthy....and she did and went from being at death's door at 70 to living to be 95. However when ever eating at the table, she would really relish certain things, and as she scraped the last of it off of her plate my mother would say "did you like that Grandma"....and her answer would always be "don't mind it". That was high compliments for her!

I’m curious about the truck!

Although a bit OT, after the first few times of hearing some of the comments noted above, I invented/developed this line of response... "I shopped for it, I prepared and cooked it and set it on the table without any help or ideas from you because that was your stated choice. If you don't like it or have suddenly decided that you want something totally different, there is a McDonalds about a half mile down that road you drove in on and they have an extensive drive up menu so you don't even have to get out of your car." And then I sit down and proceed to fill my plate... I certainly have never minded trying to prepare some dish(s) that I wouldn't typically prepare that someone likes and tells me about beforehand but if you decide to play the "well, I really wanted X" at mealtime then you better have brought it with you and that includes family. I DO allow the younger rug rats some leeway because that's just what you do.

As I've noted on occasion, I'm not a particularly creative cook but I nearly always try to prepare healthy, colorful meals with several food groups included. My wonderful wife who thinks that a full meal is a scoop of peanut butter on a spoon has never turned down anything I've made and always comments afterwards in a fashion that suggests she appreciates the effort. While I have on occasion prepared foods that she doesn't like, turnips as an example, I just make a mental note to either not prepare that item again OR perhaps just prepare enough for me which works out well for both of us. I also try to include items that SHE likes but that I don't particularly care for. Probably my biggest food failing is that I don't bake nor on the whole, fix a dessert that requires much more than following simple directions on the box or sliding a frozen pie into the oven.

Like many others, I cook because it's an activity I enjoy, particularly during all this quarantine business. My food bill typically isn't necessarily all that small or possibly even cost efficient to some, especially for just a two person household, but being confined to the house most days is boring a h*ll, especially when my "outside" movements are constrained by both health warnings (Covid 19 and being in that over 65 with extra health conditions category) and being attached by a 50' tether to an O2 concentrator 24 hours a day.

Cooking, as it were, is just a tastier form of exercise as far as I'm concerned... If you choose to exercise with me then pull up a chair. We'll have some good food and probably a pleasant conversation along the way. Might even work in a short nap after ;-)

I totally hear you TX!! I once cooked a lot at home because I bought my first house at 44 and after decades of living in small apartments, I finally had a (relatively) nice kitchen and space to entertain. That's actually when I joined the CF, back when it was just "Garden Web." I had previously stuck to the Trees forum because that was my field, but I ventured over here to ask for advice because I was hosting Thanksgiving for the first time for my family, and being mostly vegetarian all my life, had no idea how to cook a turkey so it didn't turn out tasteless and dry . . . From there on in, I was hooked and hung out here a lot, participating in virtual dinner parties, recipe challenges and "What's For Dinner." But then my life changed, I got really really busy with work because I changed jobs to one I had a long commute to, over an hour each way, so was tired when I came home. My having the energy to devote to my hobbies of canning, gardening and cooking dwindled. Plus, living alone I got tired of elaborate "cooking for one" and all the left overs.

In fact, it's not wanting left overs and wanting to use up stuff in my fridge that got my husband and I together initially. I watched yet another episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" last night and it was about how Ray and Deborah first met, and how she had to coax the relationship along at the beginning. She ended up arranging it so she would invite Ray over to her apartment for her "lemon chicken" which he raved about then, but at the start of the show he was less than enthusiastic about 15 years later . . . The same happened to hubs and I, we met online, then met in person for coffee, then were corresponding via e-mail and I was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to ask me out again. I made the coffee arrangements and initiated the online correspondence, so I figured if this relationship was going anywhere, the next move would have to be on him. Nothing. So eventually it got to be the middle of June and my yard was looking really nice and I had a fridge full of food that eating alone was going to be no fun, so I threw caution to the wind and said, "Oh to heck with it, I'm inviting him over for dinner, even if it is 'too forward' for a second date, at least he will be some company . . . " And the rest is history! ;) I always say I married my husband because he was a "good eater." We bonded over shared cooking and canning adventures. In his defense, hubs always says that he had been married previously for 27 years and was out of practice with dating. That's his excuse for being slow on the uptake with our courtship.

Hubs is becoming more and more like Frank Barone though, snarky and insulting, but part of that is probably due to some of the same issues Frank Barone was dealing with, retirement and loss of some of the things that gave him satisfaction and purpose. And then his frustration with the issues of the pandemic is adding insult to injury. And then hanging out with my Dad, who squeezed the life out of my Mother's enjoyment of cooking too . . . both my mother and I pursued our own passions without feeling the need to please the spouse, but still, sometimes . . . No sense in sniping back at them though, you'll end up with a home full of acrimony and fighting, and it won't necessarily all be funny . . .

As for the truck, my Dad had what is affectionately known around here as a "beater truck." A rusty old 2001 Ford F150 held together with bailing wire that you would no way see on the road in NY or PA with state vehicle inspections. Dad moved to a condo where he only had a one car garage for his nice GMC Terrain, and cannot park another car in the driveway, so it sat in our driveway 7 months out of the year and then in paid storage. We just weren't getting enough use out of it to justify the cost of keeping it. But my Dad always ran around in an old truck and he is of the mindset that his Terrain is only for certain "good" situations. The main issue is he used to drive the truck halfway to his godson's summer cottage and leave it at a Park and Ride and they would come and get him and take him the rest of the way. He didn't want to leave his "good" vehicle there for a week, so he used the truck. Now with the pandemic and his godson having cancer, those trips are no more. And it doesn't matter to him that both the godson, the grandgodson, me and my husband have all offered to drive him there whenever he wants, he is insistent on driving himself. I kind of looked the other way because it was a straight shot up a not too busy freeway for the one trip. My Dad is an OK driver, but it really is about energy. I have argued with my Dad, why use up all your energy driving somewhere and then have no energy left to enjoy the destination??!! But I think he actually enjoys the drive more than the fun destinations. Just like he enjoys processed junk foods more than home made special ones. He'll take an oreo over a home baked oatmeal cookie any day . . .

Condolences to your dad. I had a 2001 F150 also, first vehicle I ever bought new. When I bought a 2011 I kept the old one around, then gave it to my sister. She kept it for a couple years then gave it to my cousin. It’s still his work truck, although he’s losing the rust battle as well. He lives close, and it warms my heart seeing it around town. He’ll run it to the ground and I’ll be sad the day he gives up on it, but I’ve enjoyed seeing it stay in the family.

Photo of the truck circa 2014 with me channeling Granny Clampett on one of my many schleps between PA and MI with home goods. You certainly can relate to how we felt about the truck FOAS! My Dad was disappointed because he wanted my husband and I to keep the truck and use it, but he has an untreated anxiety disorder so it was almost impossible for us to use the truck. Every time we used it he went over it with a fine toothed comb and got anxious about something. The air valves in the tires had slow leaks and when my husband suggested he fix them, Dad had an anxiety attack that lasted almost a week! He took it as a personal insult. It's illogical, that's why it is an anxiety disorder, not a personality quirk. It's very sad. What he wants to do and what is possible with him are two different things. We used the truck as little as possible as a result. I've tried and tried to get him to take treatment for the anxiety, but he steadfastly refuses. That's why he was being so grumpy the other night at dinner. I think his mood improved after he deposited the check from selling the truck . . . Hubs and I plan on getting a new truck eventually for hauling a camper which we plan on using for what will be many trips back East to see his family.

There must have been some heavy karma in the air because not only has my husband been very thankful and complimentary of my cooking these past couple of days, but my Dad also told me how much he enjoyed coming over and visiting yesterday. This is almost totally unheard of for Dad to say anything appreciative to me, and totally out of character. So I think they both realized they needed to lighten up around me a bit. Also ironically, last night they were playing an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Deborah and Ray got in a fight about him not appreciating her, and then Frank and Marie got in the same fight about a jar of cooking fat and him appreciating her cooking, and then Frank said, "I don't have to appreciate you Marie, that's your job!" Ray and Deborah immediately apologized to each other and Marie gave Frank the stink eye and said, "We're leaving, we'll continue this at home . . . " and as he was going out the door Frank said, "What??!! I didn't say you were BAD at it!"

This morning I suggested ravioli with walnut sauce for dinner, one of the recipes left to me by my late mother, which of course she never would have been able to serve . . . and hubs says "WALNUT SAUCE?? It doesn't have lemons in it does it?!"