Greetings. I also have no specific advice for you, however I can tell that this is a huge ongoing disappointment for you. Very unfortunate for sure. I would like to offer several observations from my own experiences. It seems to me that this general attitude from your stepdaughter is not specifically related to your "Step" relationship with her, rather it is likely due to her poor attitudes and values/priorities towards life and family in general. This negative attitude could also be largely due to her own personality traits and the broad family dynamics that all families experience. I have seen this negative ignoring attitude situation with grown children directed towards their intact family biological parents, and certainly towards their siblings. Parenting is an inherently flawed process, and mature adult children will rise above the past, forgive their parents (step or not) and work to build good family relationships, if that is important to them. This ignoring behavior from the stepdaughter is probably not about you specifically, however you make a very convenient target. One thing I had to teach myself is that when I give a card or gift to someone, I would simply enjoy my internal feeling of love by giving the gift, and to not expect any loving response in return. A loving act in return would just be some unexpected and wonderful "icing on the cake," if you know what I mean. If you don't truly enjoy the giving of the gifts and cards to your stepdaughter, then there is no point in continuing to give them. You might leave this card/gift duty up to her other parents and just go on giving to the ones that will actively participate in life with you in a positive way. Leave the door open for your stepdaughter to mature, however life is short and I say enjoy the loving relationships you have with your other family and friends, and let stepdaughter chart her own course without your concern. Good luck! I hope that my comments help in some small way.

"Here's my confession... I used to wish I was driving the bus when it hit her!!!" You can't be driving the bus when I'M driving the bus, lonepiper!! :-) "It doesn't really matter if she hates you. It doesn't matter if she thinks you are evil incarnate and horrible. All that matters is what YOU think about yourself and whether or not y our stepkids are comfortable and happy with you as you are. Her opinion doesn't matter unless you let it bother you, and if you do, after a while , the anger and resentment that you feel over it WILL spill over to other people, and cause problems with your marriage , your family, and your self esteem." Kathline, you've hit my nail on the head as this is something I've truly struggled with. I have tried for years as the wife of the CP and the "primary motherer" (for lack of a better description) to have some form of a relationship with my SD's mom as I thought it would be best for SD if we were all unified in raising her. For every attempt I made to include her or involve her she met me with ugly words and hostility. I tried harder. She seemed to be warming toward the idea and even preferred communicating with me over her ex, but then it all went downhill again. I kept trying, thinking there was something I could do to help SD and mom's troubled relationship, help us all get along, make us one big Brady Bunch family. I would make myself sick over the things she said to my SD about her, me, dad, etc. It wasn't until pretty recently that what Kathline (and my DH, many times!) said really hit home. I couldn't change her. I couldn't change how she treated my SD, me, or anyone else. I could only change how I let it effect me. This doesn't mean I'm all over it, but I am learning to let it roll off. I think this is helped by the fact that my SD, now 12, is seeing in her mother what we have seen for a long time - a selfish, self absorbed, unhappy woman who will take down whomever she needs to bring herself up. I now have to worry a bit less about how SD will react, as she seems to be handling herself pretty well. I just have to live without the Brady Bunch theme song. Good post, Kathline. Well said.

All of the posts on this thread made my head ache. I am a step mom. But before I was a step mom, I raised three children (as a single parent for many years) and I was in my ex's three children's life for seven years. (we never married but their mom saw them, maybe once a year) So, I can see both sides as a step mom AND bio mom. My son also had a step mom and I have a step mom as well. First, I would say that if dad doesn't spend much time with his first child when you were just dating, then it should have been a clue before you married him and then had another child with him. He does not sound like an interested parent at all, regardless of how involved he says he was the first time. His actions in your presence when he was BF speak volumes about his desire to parent. Second, you have a choice to build a relationship with his daughter or not. There's no need to resent HER. She didn't choose to be born, she didn't choose to have a disinterested father, she has NO choice in her living situation. I would also disagree that you should resent your DH because you KNEW he didn't spend time with her, yet you still married him. YOUR BAD!! Not his. Third, if she has a problem with you, it is most likely due to her dad (which I'm sure she wishes he paid more attention to her) paying more attention to YOU and now the new baby. It's normal in an intact family when a new baby comes along that the older child might feel jealous. Befriending her and letting her "help" with the baby might make her feel a part of the family. If she is following you, she sounds interested. One thing that I have not seen addressed here (and I'm fairly new to this forum) is feelings toward the child based on the other parent. My SD looks & acts like her mom, which kinda makes it a little harder to get along sometimes. That is something you have to acknowledge if it's a problem and then work on separating it mentally. I do realize it shouldn't have anything to do with it and I do remind myself all the time that she's not a mini version of her mom. She acts like her mom because children model after their parents. And I guess if you dislike the other parent and that child reminds you (or your spouse) of the other parent, it can cause problems. And lastly, we all think our new babies are "perfect" and in a way, they are. That is, until we screw them up with our baggage and issues. If your child grows up with a mom that can resent a five year old for existing, then that WILL affect him. That is his sister whether you like it or not. He will resent you if you damage that relationship. Your husband may or may not care about his relationship with his daughter but if he does care and you are the reason she gets out of his life, HE may resent you too.

Olychick, since when is expecting adult children to check on an elderly parent such a burden to the children? When were they at one time not a "burden" to the parent, too? For many, many years! In fact, no mother on earth ever quits worrying about her children, regardless of their age. I am speechless. I'm not talking about coming daily to give meds or baths or other personal care (although I have had many friends who did do this for a parent in the past). A daily check-in phone call will take far less time than these same adult children undoubtedly spend on social media. It's a very strange world to me where children feel they should be relieved of all responsibility for an aging parent short of putting them in a home or hiring outside help. I am quite capable of taking my many meds, bathing myself and getting dressed. I also pay my bills - nothing wrong with my brain at all. But it would be nice to be checked on regularly to be sure I'm okay. Frankly, I'm far less worried about falling and dying than I am about how long it might be before it's realized I'm MIA and someone needs to check...for the sake of my TWO DOGS!