Your friend has an awesome inspiring life story and I am so glad you shared it.

Your friend sounds like an amazing person. I'm glad you had the opportunity to get to know him. He has an interesting story and his drive to go forward through hardships is admirable. Thank you for telling his story.

Good story, how interesting it must be to work with him.

Your friend sounds like a wonderful person, AND SO DO YOU! True friendship, for sure.

Emncarspam, I checked with him and he gave permission for you to share his story.

Thank you. Tell him he is an inspiration, as are you for being an advocate and ally.

Good for you and double-good for him. A nice story.

Thank you for sharing this story. It is also a good reminder that we should never judge a person by their speech. I am late deafened and I have lost my ability to say many words correctly. A person's intelligence, knowledge or education should never be judged by how they speak. I was rather disturbed by some of the comments on the other thread and chose not to comment there.

It's often very easy to perceive physical or medical disabilities from speaking to someone. But not always. But what's usually much more straight forward and quite different is to use the nature and CONTENT of what someone says (with however much ease or difficulty is involved in doing so, no matter) as an indication of their intelligence, knowledge and personal views.

What I call the "J word", various forms of judging, judgmental, etc., is a red herring, used by too many as a wannabe scornful and ultimately meaningless sentiment to attempt to criticize for legitimate efforts of objective assessments or readings of others with reference to their words or conduct. Sometimes opinions too, also legitimate when labeled as such. It's exactly what is done, no more and no less, when interviewing people for a job or interviewing alternative trade or professional providers for goods or services. To think otherwise is naive.

Donna, thank you for sharing your friend's story. I, too, was born with a couple of disabilities, both of which have made my life a challenge. Dyslexia is one of them.

I cringe whenever a criticism thread is posted, usually deciding to avoid them entirely.

I applaud your friend for defying the odds and rising to the top. I applaud you, too.

Your friend not only has an awesome story, he has an awesome friend! Thanks for sharing. It was very inspiring.

rhizo, I am with you. If I read those topics about grammar, I am always thinking..... what do they think about me?! I am not good with grammar, never have been and at 60 years old I am not going to be changed.

I have a genuine question. It's not coming from a place of snark, it's genuine curiosity..

Because some can't or won't do something correctly, does that mean no one should try? Does "correct" go out the window?

I can't sew worth a darn. I'm also not a good cook. I could probably master both if I tried but maybe not. It doesn't matter because I won't put the effort in to try. In my life I don't personally value learning those skills. However that doesn't mean they are not good skills to have, nor that the people who do them well shouldn't be praised and appreciated for them.

We are all good at different things. Appreciating someone's particular skill or ability and trying to learn from it doesn't automatically diminish your own self worth. To me, that's the message of this fabulous story. Life is what you make of it, and playing to one's strengths is a smart thing to do.

" I am always thinking..... what do they think about me?! I am not good with grammar, never have been and at 60 years old I am not going to be changed."

patriceny has it just right. You can't brush it away because you think it doesn't matter. Here's another situation:

Your kid is engaged and their fiance(e)'s parents live far away. They're in town and coming to dinner at your house tonight, where you will be meeting them for the first time. Do you clean and straighten the house to make it look more presentable than a normal day? Comb your hair? Put on clean clothes? Put some effort into the meal? Or, do you say- "I'm not that neat and I don't like to clean. My old clothes are good enough, they're comfortable. I can't cook well and I'm not going to learn anything more now so they can have what I usually make on Friday nights and they'll either like it or not".

Most people in this situation will make an effort to make a good impression, or at a more basic level, to avoid making a poor impression.

Using poor grammar and wrong words make a poor impression on others you're communicating with. Yes, wildchild, that's what happens, it's human nature.

For folks who are employed, how you speak is as important as how you look as far as the impression you'll make on others, good or bad, customers and colleagues. Those who think it doesn't matter are fooling themselves. If your spoken and written language are subpar, the fix isn't that hard and the consequences can be pretty dramatic.

Elmer, some people have learning disabilities. If you know that and continue to always correct them on a word that they cannot remember and obviously are not able to remember the correct pronunciation of a word...that just makes you seem like you are picking and belittling them. After a while, you have to figure out that they just do not have the mental capacity to remember some things.

I agree to a point, ark g. There are disabilities of all kinds and most folks that have one or more devote effort to minimize their effects, so that the disabilities don't limit their lives or define who they are. I don't think people who encounter those with obvious disabilities mention them or allow the disability to color their impressions of such people.

Yes, there are people who are dim-witted, not very smart. But there are also people who say "I'm not very good at grammar (or English) and that isn't going to change", pretending it doesn't matter. My comment before was, it does matter.

I don't intentionally pick on or belittle anyone.

Learning disorders and mental capacity are two entirely different things.

How do I know? AFTER college I tested with an 11th grade reading level and a 130+/- IQ. Dyslexia is real and affects people differently.

We have to work even harder on work-arounds for things we cannot always get right. I am a walking thesaurus because my ability to spell is compromised. Sometimes I meander through my thoughts out loud because I don't process in the same linear way others might. I cannot pronounce or read words that I might use regularly in my spoken word.

But, I'm a successful salesperson calling on top 10 institutions in my area of specialty.

ETA: You can correct me and I will gladly mansplain dyslexia to you while trying to remember to word you corrected me on for the 99999999999999th time.

Ha! No, wasn't intending to just respond to you. And I had to look up the word "misandrist" before answering!

Got it. I rarely use the term, but think of it as similar to "Karen". I have a choice whether to be offended or not and have decided to let that one go.

Oh my, it looks like I'm being ostracized.

Very observant, but by definition, not correct.

I did not thank you for your second response, or any thereafter, because honestly, I apparently do not have the intelligence to fully understand the response. I had no idea if you were negatively or positively critiquing. Please forgive my ignorance.

Funny, those who most often fall into mansplaining are the most offended by the term.

Along comes another woman with limited brainpower.

That's offensive, isn't it. I say it intentionally and without intended malice to demonstrate a point. It isn't up to the speaker to decide if the listener is offended by a phrase or term that's used. It's obvious and in your case, olychick, you're a repeat offender who must feel normally marginalized by others but empowered somehow by anonymously trolling with insults. Too bad for you.

If it's your former slouse ("spouse" intended) offering the suggestions, would one consider it appropriate to refer to it as "ex-plaining"?

o j

I find it very, very annoying when people tell me: Oh, I just love/like your accent.... where are you from?

Most of those, do not know how to speak in another language, and some have never been to another country.

I am from Oklahoma... cause, that is where I live.

Moni

Added: Donna, that is a lovely story, and shows so much compassion on your side. Thanks for sharing.

"Most of those, do not know how to speak in another language, and some have never been to another country"

I did want to jump back to the topic and share a couple links about the advantages of dyslexia. It helps to make sense of the original story. I find many of these to be true for myself, but not all. And when I’m tired or stressed, the challenges are greater.

Here’s an excerpt from the last link:

“People with dyslexia possess many strengths thanks to the unique way in which their brains process stimuli, including language.

Many individuals with dyslexia are right-brain dominant.

The right and left hemispheres of the brain are organized in a slightly different way. On the right, cells are more evenly distributed (vs. in clusters).

This means connections have to cross larger distances, which helps dyslexics with big-picture thinking, spotting patterns, and taking a more open and creative approach to problem-solving.

Dyslexics are often holistic rather than linear thinkers.“

http://dyslexiahelp.umich.edu/dyslexics/learn-about-dyslexia/what-is-dyslexia/the-many-strengths-of-dyslexics

https://www.nessy.com/us/parents/dyslexia-information/9-strengths-dyslexia/

https://www.readandspell.com/us/dyslexia-strengths

1929Spanish, thank you for the links. Very interesting. Those will be my lunchtime reading.

This thread is full of twists and turns... now people who "do not know how to speak in another language, and have never been to another country" are maligned.

Simple thought, be kind

"now people who "do not know how to speak in another language, and have never been to another country" are maligned".
"

I think you're missing a nuance, I think the discussion has been about accepting and understanding people who are different, without singling them out. To me, moni was sharing her annoyance with encountering the provincialism of a narrow-minded people uninterested and unaware of the world that exists past the end of the street corner they live near. If she has an accent, so what?

Imagine encountering someone in public and say - Oooo, you're Asian (an improper word some still use). What's your favorite kind of rice to eat?

or

Oh my, you're African American. Say something in jive for me.

I remember my mother telling me when I was a child something like
"Don't think people who speak English poorly with an accent are stupid.
It's the opposite, they know at least one more language than you do".

I don't really get being offended because someone thinks a German accent is cool or neat. I was raised in the SOUTH and I now live in Ohio where people have pretty much no accent at all (sound like the news anchor)...I get "where are you from" almost every single time I talk to someone new! I also get "OH I love your accent, it's so cute" and I take it as a compliment. Seriously, people could say something a whole lot worse!

She said annoying, not offensive. If that's how moni finds it, that's enough. If you feel differently in a different context (your having a regional American accent, rather than facing an indirect insinuation of "hey, you're a foreigner") , then your reaction is as proper for you as hers is for her.

She's obviously encountering provincial people and that's why she says she's from Oklahoma, to throw it back at them.

You know what they say about "assuming".

Wow. I posted this thread here instead of the just adding it to the "Floof" post in hopes that it would not devolve as so many posts do. Sadly, it has. I've been sharing your responses with my friend and some of them have made him tear up (in a good way). I won't be sharing any more with him for obvious reasons. However,, I do thank those of you who have offered your words of encouragement for him.

To get back to your original thought donna, I think you have an awesome friend indeed and I think your friend should feel the same way about you.

I never correct people who are speaking to me in person (or on the phone) and consider however they speak to be part of their personality. I do, however, criticize newscasters and instructors on TV, as I hold them to a higher standard, and there is nothing personal between us.

My grandmother was an English professor, and she was very bad about correcting everyone's grammar. I doubt any of her students liked her, and she had a reputation for being very strict.

Growing up in Texas, I was also forced into seeking a career/education that was considered more masculine than I really liked, but once I finished my first B.A. (which was in German/English literature), I decided to do instead what I really wanted and started designing and making clothes, even though I had on formal teaching. Basically, I learned from reading instructions on patterns, and then I started making my own patterns, once I understood clothing construction and how to use a sewing machine.

My youngest brother was interested in drawing from the time he could first hold a pencil, and some of his earliest drawing are really amazing. However, our father told him that he should not pursue a career in art, but it was not what men were supposed to do. I don't know where he got that idea, but my brother listened to him and studied electrical engineering for four years before changing his major to art, and then he had to spend another four years to finish a degree in art. After that, he went to graduate school and got his MFA.

I went back to university to get a design degree when I was almost 35 and was older than some of my instructors. Most professors liked having older students in the classes, however.

Thank-you for sharing your friends story.

My DIL is dyslexic and went to a specialized school for dyslexics from grade 3-8. Then went onto a high school that catered to gifted athletes and onto a US university on an athletic scholarship. She wound up a CPA with a masters in US tax. When she came home she had to do all her Canadian tax courses. Dyslexics are not stupid, they do see things differently and they do learn differently. Her parents never tried to ignore the problem but they had the funds to pay for the schooling and extra tutoring required. And she is also quite artistic.

And me - I can't tell my left from my right and people seem to think that it's okay to laugh about that. I look at my hands and it's just confusion. I've been told all the tricks for remembering and none of them make sense.

bifenton, my DH often confuses right and left. He has a small wart on his left hand which reminds him which hand is which. Perhaps you could wear a particular ring on one hand all the time or have a small tattoo (flower, butterfly etc) on one hand as an aid to remembering.