I would wear it with no second thoughts.

Each funeral is different. Many families like bright colors ( the deceased favorite colors) or I have even seen request for sports jersey’s. Some funerals are now termed Celebration’s of Life. Of course the living mourn but if the family and friends believe in an afterlife I believe remembering the vibrancy of there life is to be remembered. That said it may depend on your community. I think it is appropriate. You may want to go to the funeral homes website to see if they have general suggestions on appropriate attire; it really does differ by area and individual families. ( I have professional experience in this). You are going with a kind heart and that is what a grieving family most appreciates.

Nope...Pink is a very happy color.

Penny, nope don’t wear it or nope it’s not inappropriate?

Funeral home’s website says, in general not to wear bright colors. Darn. Back to black, I guess, although I still think this might be okay. I just don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb.

Anne, at one funeral I went to they requested that you wear a Phillies baseball cap, and we sang Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

It's a beautiful jacket and your outfit sounds perfect - especially since you mentioned in the other thread that your neighbor was only in his 50's. Since he has two teenagers I imagine many of their friends will attend so there will probably be a wide range of attire.

Good point, Maire cate. Also most summer clothing tends to be cheerier colors. I imagine there will be all kinds of outfits there, although as I mentioned this community is not the kind to go casual to a funeral. Also, the reception will follow at the church, not going to a club or restaurant.

I wore a medium blue for my mom's memorial. Blue was her favorite color and I didn't want to wear black. It was December in Texas and my original choice was a sweater in a deeper blue but it got warmer and a bit muggy so I would have sweltered and went with a lighter blue. I felt perfectly fine that day, but I stick out like a sore thumb in the photos. Death is sad, but I wanted to celebrate my mom. Just didn't expect to look like the only one who didn't get the memo in the photos. I think different groups of people and different circumstances can vary. I think it is far more common to wear bright colors or lively people are being remembered.

I think the jacket is perfectly acceptable and I am very conservative when it comes to funeral attire. If you want to tone it down a bit, which I’m not suggesting is needed, you might pair the jacket with a navy cami.

I don’t mind color at a funeral. What sets my teeth on edge is someone who looks like they are going clubbing immediately afterwards: short, short dress with a low-cut neckline, spaghetti straps, and some sort of stiletto sandal (if you don’t think this happens, I’ve just described an outfit I’ve seen worn at a funeral). At a funeral, I think a conservative RED dress with pumps is more respectful than a black cocktail dress with evening shoes.

I think it's lovely and feel it would bring a small touch of comfort to those who see you in it. I think the idea that only dark colors can be worn to a funeral is antiquated. Beautiful colors honor a life, acknowledge the joy that it gave, and provide the mourners with at least a small spot of hope that loveliness lives on.

Bbstx, I hear you about inappropriate attire. One person showed up at my friends funeral in t shirt with something written on it and wearing jeans. It seemed so disrespectful. At the very least he could have thrown on a sports coat.

Lascatx, I wore a mulberry colored suit to my sisters funeral. It was just fine and I had to stand up and say something. I’ll look for a navy cami but I do t think I have one. I could probably getaway with black, the navy is so dark. I’ve worn that jacket with black slacks, although the trim is actually dark navy.

Thanks, Ida. I guess I will be brave and wear it. I kind of like it.

Sorry, dedtired...I meant nope to a funeral...Totally disagree with Ida. I would not take any comfort in seeing someone dressed in a happy color at the funeral of a loved one. I feel it's disrespectful.

I prefer more sedate colors for funerals. It's a lovely jacket, but not for a funeral. I see no reason to wear black or navy or gray anymore, but I wouldn't wear a cheerful color...

You seem to have other options that would be better and safer. If it's hot, though, why not just a blouse and pants?

I think that's beautiful!

My mother wore a pink suit at my dad's funeral 30 years ago. Time changes things.

If you want to stand out less in the pictures if there are pictures just put a scarf of a dark color over your shoulders.

If I were not the type to have somber formal or fancy dress in my wardrobe I probably would make do with what I had but I would use a bit more somber colors and try to avoid jeans. That's just me though. I like to think that the deceased knew me as myself and would want me to come being my authentic self.

When DH's cousin died from cancer at age 39, her own mother wore a red suit to the funeral. Nobody thought twice. I don't think that your pink jacket is out of place, especially as you aren't family, so not "on stage", per se. It seems like there were lots of colors at my dad's funeral, too, although neither of these were tragically unexpected.

I won’t be in any pictures and I doubt anyone will be taking them. It’s much too sad.

Guess I’ll flip a coin when it’s time to get dressed.

We've lived in this community a very long time. We've been to many funerals. I honestly could not tell you what color anyone was wearing at any of them, although do notice that one particular church seems to warrant men dressing quite conservatively in dark or navy suits.

There was a time when we dressed to travel on a plane (I can remember being in junior high and wearing a low heel, cotton sheath and nylon stockings for my first flight to Hawaii!), and wore black or navy to funerals. Those times are long past - although I might caution you if you'd shown us something like a brightly printed tropical fabric that screamed vacation ;0)

OT but we went to a memorial lunch last month. The widow in her 70s was wearing leopard. OK, so I did notice ;0) I didn't ask but assume the dress had meaning to her/them, as a couple they had gone on safari many, many times.

Wear your pink. Quite certainly no one will critique the color of your jacket.

It really is different by area and family. My mother was buried in a fuschia suit because it was her color, I have seen women buried in ball gowns and what I would call stage makeup because that was their thing. There is nothing inappropriate in your choice as far as I am concerned.

we can mourn and continue to live . I am in my early 50s and I would love those that loved me to wear something with color

We took pictures after my grandfathers funeral. He was quite old when he died. All his children and grandchildren had not been together since probably ever. There are pictures of everyone together in the backyard. Sometimes you have to take advantage of the occasion. In the case of this funeral, I sincerely doubt the family will take pictures later. Too, too sad.

Dedtired, I have to vote no. Since it will be hot, do you have a simple black top?

I think most turn to black for a funeral. I will sometimes do navy.

To be honest, I've not yet been to a funeral where bright colors were worn.

I do get it if it is a request.

My vote is no.

I've been to two funerals the past two Saturdays, both in my church. The church is old and hot in the summer because there's no A/C. It's also California and we're probably less staid than other parts of the country.

The first funeral was a 34 yo man who died from a heroin overdose. The second was for a man in his late 90s who died peacefully of old age. So different situations and overall moods at each. At neither funeral was everyone clad in black or somber colors, but I don't remember seeing bright colors either. Lots of white, which is the liturgical color for Easter and funerals.

I would opt for something more neutral. It doesn't have to be dark.

Love the jacket but not for a funeral. Unless everyone else is dressed in bright colors you'll definitely stand out.

I wonder what the usual Sunday attire is like for that church. Customs can certainly vary by area and even by congregation. When my girlfriend's husband died several of her friends from our neighborhood in N. Jersey went to the Mass and funeral home. It was May and most of us were wearing spring pastels or prints, jackets or sweaters. The service was held at the Cathedral on Logan Square in Center City. I thought we were dressed appropriately until the limos pulled up to the church and all of the aunts and great aunts from S. Philly arrived dressed in black from hats and veils to shoes. But that was an older generation and their customs. The younger cousins and family members were dressed like we were.

Lovely jacket. I would be uncomfortable wearing it to a funeral and any shade of pink is my favorite color to wear. That doesn't mean I would fault someone else for wearing it.

Most churches are much more casual now than when we were young. There’s a Catholic Church a few blocks from me and I am always surprised at how casual the people are as they come out after Mass. They also have a Mass late on Saturday afternoon and people practically go in their gardening clothes! I guess more people are likely to attend if they can dress comfortably.

i have one black top that could work but I think it’s just too casual. Wish I were one of those slim people who can just slip into a dress, but nope.

My dad died last Dec and there were lots of people at viewing, funeral and luncheon. I was not checking out clothing but there were photos taken at the luncheon of family who had not been all together in one place for a long time. Everyone had dark, subdued clothing on in the photos. My dad's death was not unexpected, he was 75 and very sick. I would say if the death was unexpected and untimely I would wear dark clothing.

When my grandmother died at the age of 90 we had a memorial and my mom requested that people wear pink because if was GM favorite color. If no such request has been made - wear dark.

Another no vote here, especially where you live. It has been six years since I was there for a funeral, but I think people at home are more traditional when it comes to funeral attire. Disclaimer: I wear black. I wore a light blue dress to my dad's service because I didn't expect it and had only one dress with me when I was up there. It did not go over well.

As to the church near you, I think regular masses are are more casual now, but not the funerals so much, at least not the one I attended there.

Do you have a dark gray? Really any dark subdued color would do.

Even if your top is a black t shirt, coupled with the slacks I think it could work.

If you have a thin black cardigan, you can wear that with the a light top under it.

It's sad but I have a few articles of clothing for various seasons saved for just this reason. It's important to be prepared.

Elf, I saved a couple suits from when I was working “ just in case”. I pulled them out and they are so out of style ! Hugely wide legs on the pants.

Yes, I guess I’ll be safer in something dark. Since this is such a tragic loss, I guess it’s better not to look cheerful.

Everyone on our street turned off their front lights tonight in memory of our neighbor. You can’t believe what’s great guy he was and so well liked.

I hear you. I did a clean out a year ago.

I think that you've made a wise choice to not wear the jacket.

First of all...this family is grieving and in shock. I HIGHLY doubt they are at all in a mental place where they would even be able to judge the attire of the funeral guests! I am sure they are just thankful that so many in your community came out to support them in their grief. And frankly, if someone attending the funeral is inclined to judge your perfectly appropriate attire, well shame on them.

As far as photos...I have literally NEVER heard of that at a funeral! I can see family members who haven’t gotten together in a while taking a few snapshots after, but that wouldn’t apply to you at any rate. I personally wouldn’t want photos from a funeral...just the sad connotation.

I would not judge others for wearing a color at a funeral, and anyone who does is not worth worrying about. However, a bright color would not be my first choice. Like the jacket, tho.

Nini, that's exactly what the photos were -- a couple of snapshots taken with family groups that were not together often. Included the last photo of my dad taken with most of them.

Showing up is what is most important.

As for dressing for plane rides - I used to do that, and after a bad experience with my outfit clashing with the decor on an Alaskan Airlines flight from Seattle to San Francisco (I was wearing magenta, turquoise, and purple, whereas the plane was decorated in all extremely drab earth colors), I started calling the airlines to ask what color schemes their planes were decorated in so that I would not clash again. Sadly, they were unable to provide this information to me. I've made a point not to fly in or out of Seattle because it seems that I clash with most of that city. I did it once because it was cheaper than flying from Vancouver.

Personally, I try to dress like an Italian widow when going to a funeral, but I do not think that is really necessary. If you wear something cheerful, it might help raise someone else's spirits.

I'll be thinking of you this morning dedtired and the family too of course. It's such a difficult time for them. I hope they find some solace in knowing how much he meant to the community.

Maire

My new hobby it seems is going to funerals of relatives or friends parents. Here in the Midwest, attire is quite varied. Very few wear all black or even some black. If you are wearing dark pants I think that jacket would be fine. Too bad you don't have a navy top to match. I usually wear black to a funeral, but in the summer often pair it with a bright jacket or top. Very often I wear black and white. I wore all grey and black to my mother's funeral but a red rose pin (my mom loved roses) and matching red leather boots (it was a bitter cold Feb.). So I think a dark color accented by a bright one is not a bad idea as long as the whole outfit looks conservative and serious.

It would be fine here, but I don't know your area. I think as someone said, funeral attire is more casual now and very often what would be worn to church. I don't know that I have ever worn all black to a funeral. I have never been to a funeral where pictures were taken either. I agree with others that said the family will not even notice what you are wearing (and others shouldn't). I know you will be glad when today is over. So sorry for the loss of your friend.

I think Rory makes a good point about the circumstances of death and the "tone" of a funeral. My grandmother died at 100, peacefully and without suffering. Very different from a tragic, unexpected death. While a death is always sad, I do think some call for more somber attire.

Nini, I've never witnessed photos being taken at a funeral, either, until my grandmother's. After the wake, after everyone had left and it was just family milling about, my aunt asked me to take a photo of her and her kids in front of the casket. They all lined up in front of Grandma, and I took the photo, as requested. My aunt asked if I'd like one of my family and me. I politely declined and tried to hide my astonishment. Weird.

I'm always so thankful for those who choose cremation. I know there are myriad belief systems and reasons for why people opt for an open casket, but I find the memorial service where there is no dead body present to be so much more "comfortable" (if that's the right word -- it probably isn't). Just my $.02, relative to the slightly OT turn of photos with the deceased.

Let me clarify. The photos that were taken when my dad died were taken at the luncheon after the burial. Many relatives and friends were present from all over the country. It makes me so happy to see the photos as it shows how much my dad meant to so many people.

Home from the service and glad I asked for advice here. I wore the black jacket with light blue cami, black slacks and heels, and my pearls. There were no bright colors, just a few in shades of blue. The pink would have been all wrong although it would not have mattered.

Hundreds turned up for the service. No casket, so I believe he was cremated. It would have to be a closed casket anyway. His wife and daughter (18) spoke and it was very moving, especially the daughter, who wept through it all. I did not see her at the reception. I think she was too bereft.

No one took pictures. That would have been horribly out of place.

Thank you for the update, Dedtired. As you noted, it would not have mattered, but it's good you felt comfortable in what you wore.

So sorry, again, to read about this tragedy. What a very difficult time for your community.

Rory, my extended family would have taken photos as you describe, too--later, as everyone gathered after the formalities. What I shared above was simply my own odd experience with my aunt at the wake. I apologize if my questioning offended you.

Sounds like you made the right decision regarding what to wear. How lovely that so many people attended. I'm sure it was a very difficult day, and no doubt the family greatly appreciated the outpouring of love.

I'm sorry to hear of your friend's sudden passing, and am sure your chosen attire is/was perfectly acceptable. I have a funny (at least to us) anecdote about my mother's color preference for her own funeral. Being in the legal profession for most of her life, she was used to preparing things with minute detail. Mom had always told us where to find her instructions, regarding a separate bank account, specifically meant for all fees incurred upon her passing, from newspaper obituary, taxes, hospital, funeral, burial/gravestone, to post funeral luncheon for family and friends.

We come from a large Irish family, and Mom's generation usually had open casket funeral viewings and cemetery interment back then, rather than cremation. Thus as well as which music she preferred for her funeral mass, she also detailed the burial outfit she liked best, and even the color of satin lining for her casket!

Mom loved color and always wore either pastels or beautiful jewel tones. I don't recall ever seeing her wear white for any upper body clothing, unless she was in a choir or something that necessitated a uniform look. So we weren't surprised at her last request. "I would love it if you can find a casket with a soft pink satin lining, but at least not white. It's always made be look bland, and I know some family and friends will have come a long way to be here. I know I'm dead, but I don't want to look TOO dead!" with a big smiley face drawn beside it. We laughed so hard, and yes, she got a lovely pink satin lining.

Amicus, what a great story. How smart she was to write all her wishes down for you and give you a laugh, too. I have something I call the “death file” with information about my finances, passwords, etc. I’m sure it would be helpful to have funeral wishes, too, including favorite songs. I want to be cremated but maybe I should specify the urn!

My dad's godson took a bunch of photos at my mom's funeral. His wife apologized and was a little embarrassed by it, she said it was a "thing" in his family. Mom had a closed casket. He took photos of people in attendance and some of the memorial displays we had up. In the end, I was quite happy to have these photos as a record of the tributes and also the support from the community.

dedtired, funny you should ponder about specifying an urn! My father lived 12 years longer than my mother, and cremation had become more popular, so that is what he designated for his own passing. But he'd seen the movie 'Meet the Parents' and laughingly told us he wanted his ashes scattered, and NOT kept in an expensive cremains urn, on anyone's mantel. He was also practical, and suggested we have his ashes put into a zip lock bag, so it could be put into any container we liked, for the funeral parlor display.

So when the time came, my sister and I went to a Home Sense store to select a decorative container. We bought a beautiful blue and white Asian ginger jar. Many people at the service commented on how lovely it was. It's now in my sister's home, and is a sweet reminder of our Dad. But the ginger jar isn't set aside, and no harm or foul if it gets broken, as it contains no cremains. It's just an additional piece, sitting among the beautiful vase collection, in my sister's Asian decor living room.