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deegw

Would you wear this dress to a funeral?

deegw
4 years ago

No funerals on the horizon but I feel like I should be prepared. I look like death in all black and have really dry skin (flakes!) so I stay away from the color. I love this print but is it too whimsical for a funeral?

Comments (51)

  • MtnRdRedux
    4 years ago

    Just like weddings, I think that the rules are far more relaxed today, as it should be. That said, if I were buying a dress for this express purpose, I would not buy that one. Color to me is not as important as simplicity.

    deegw thanked MtnRdRedux
  • biondanonima (Zone 7a Hudson Valley)
    4 years ago

    Given the variety of attire I saw at the last funeral I attended, I would say this is fine. My mother, sister and I were pretty much the only women who dressed for the occasion, and my husband, father and brother were the only men in suits. I was surprised at how casually everyone else dressed, but apparently that's the way things are heading, at least in that part of the world (rural Midwest)

    deegw thanked biondanonima (Zone 7a Hudson Valley)
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  • tackykat
    4 years ago

    No, but it just is not my style. I guess it depends on the scene and the wearer.

    deegw thanked tackykat
  • Yayagal
    4 years ago

    No, I would only wear quiet colors.

    deegw thanked Yayagal
  • cattyles
    4 years ago

    I believe in being prepared for funerals, too. I have one solid black, one patterned black and a kelly green. They are three different sizes. A few years back, I was too fluffy for either of my funeral dresses and had to shop in the midst of a very sad and stressful sudden death in my best friend's family. I will be ready from now on, right down to the lingerie and shoes.

    d_gw, I would definitely wear that dress to a funeral with classic pumps and jewelry. I like the colors and it looks comfy. It's not "somber" but still fine for a funeral. If it suits you and you like pattern, I think it would be a good funeral dress.

    deegw thanked cattyles
  • deegw
    Original Author
    4 years ago

    Thanks for your input. I should have phrased my question differently. How about, "If you saw a 50+ year old woman wearing this dress at a funeral would you think it was appropriate?"

    It may be a moot point. Every time I try on something that looks "cute" to me, I end up looking like an old lady that grabbed a 20 year old thing from the back of her closet.

  • robo (z6a)
    4 years ago

    d_gw as an almost 40something, I have a passionate love for bright florals that are possibly pretty unflattering to me and meant for an older crowd. I relate!

    I personally love the dress but I think it's a bit "cheerful" for its intended purpose. But again personal preference only.

  • bossyvossy
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    Like robo, vote for any solid color vs the print you posted. But as more people have "celebration of life" events for their departed, the more cheerful, prob the better.

  • cawaps
    4 years ago

    I would not wear it to a funeral. I'm all about dressing appropriately, and would not want some 90 year old relative of the deceased thinking I looked frivolous.

    I also look like death warmed over in black, and have worn black and white or a black jacket with a solid blouse and black skirt to funerals.

  • joaniepoanie
    4 years ago

    I think it is too bold and busy for a funeral. I would stick to a darkish solid or small print.

  • yeonassky
    4 years ago

    I agree it looks busy, and cheerful. Maybe for a wake as suggested above? I love black but use a lighter coloured scarf around my neck so I don't look like a dead woman walking.

  • littlebug zone 5 Missouri
    4 years ago

    I agree with most. It's a nice dress, but perhaps a bit too bright and cheery for a funeral. If you want a print, a more subdued print would be much better.

  • eld6161
    4 years ago

    You don't have to wear black. Navy, brown, olive, charcoal gray, dark plum. The idea is to look somber, not cheerful. So, I agree that your example is not appropriate.

    This is timely. I just bought a black dress that was on sale at Loft to have in my closet. It's black but with a small band of white around the collar. (I actually had one I bought a while ago, but since I lost weight, that one is too big.)

    I also have black pants, blouses, and sweaters on hand. Again, if you don't want black go with a navy or another dark neutral.

    I don't know if there are actually rules. Many people wear black because it is the easiest and you can't go wrong. If it was a close family member, I would wear black.

  • sushipup1
    4 years ago

    It all depends on who the funeral is far. You can wear your gypsy dancing costume to my funeral (if I were to have a funeral). I don't want anyone to wear black!

  • just_terrilynn
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    It's a nice dress that covers all the right areas. It is a bit cheerful but not really offensively so (maybe black shoes?. Personally, that sort of print isn't something I can get away with though. I can't believe what some people wear to funerals...just because it's black doesn't mean I want to see most of a boob or a mini. So, I don't think it's just about a somber shade.

  • Jmc101
    4 years ago

    I think that dress is perfectly appropriate for a funeral. I have zero problem with it being floral.

  • Oakley
    4 years ago

    I wouldn't, it's too cheerful of a dress. I'd buy it though! Anything understated is fine. No bright colors or all white.

  • Sherry
    4 years ago

    The last funeral was for my FIL. Quite a bit of the family wore shorts, jeans, flip flops, and really bad T-shirts. One of the grandsons chose not to show up at all, (with no notice). (He was a pall bearer).( He knew way before.) (Had to pull in a step grandson for the honors. Since then, I have a VERY open view of what is correct.

  • neetsiepie
    4 years ago

    Another vote for no for a funeral. The only time I've worn black to a funeral was to my fathers, all others I've worn dark colors. The last funeral was my grandmothers and I wore dark slacks and a gray sweater and a long silver necklace.

    The dress is cute, but I think the bright prints on it take away from the solemnity of the occasion. A print dress in black and white or black with dark print would be more appropriate I feel.

  • sheesh
    4 years ago

    My mother's funeral was two weeks ago, near Chicago. No one, not even I, her only daughter, wore black. The women and girls dressed nicely in attractive, colorful, dressy summer clothing. My husband, sons and sons-in-law all wore suits and ties, my brothers did not, but everyone was appropriate

    The week before that I attended the funeral of my dear friend's 11 year old grandson. It was a huge funeral in a beautiful old church, again near Chicago. No one, not the boy's mother, two grandmothers, or great-grandmother, wore blackor somber colors. His father and grandfathers did not wear suits or ties, his mother wore a pretty pink dress and sandals.

    There are no more rules, thank goodness.

  • lizbeth-gardener
    4 years ago

    I think it's smart to always have a current outfit and accessories that also work for funerals. If it's someone close to you, shopping is not what you want to be doing. I prefer solid neutrals and black is good color for me , so not a problem. There are plenty of other neutrals that work and you can add a scarf or jewelry for a little understated finish.

  • nini804
    4 years ago

    Oh Sherry, that just makes me sad, and kind of hopeful that your MIL predeceased your FIL. Funerals are for the living, and especially if it is an older relative...I feel the family at least should make an effort to show respect for the deceased in their dress & behavior at the service. Particularly if there is an elderly widow/widower left behind!! Funerals mean a great deal to some elderly folks...I keep thinking about how heartsick my sweet MIL would be if something happened to dear FIL and no one could be bothered to throw on a suit or dress and DS skipped the service?!? Unimaginable!

    OP...I feel like if you are questioning the dress...you know it isn't right. A funeral dress should be simple, and something you can put on feeling 100% confident that it is appropriate. I don't like to second guess my clothes at occasions like that.

  • sheesh
    4 years ago

    Thank you, nini, but I didn't mean to sound disapproving. In 1988 my wonderful mom did not wear black to my beloved dad's funeral, or to her own mother's funeral a few years later. Everyone really was dressed appropriately at Mom's funeral, even if there was no black.

    The same was true at my friend's grandson's funeral.

    It's just different now, at least in Chicago and its northern suburbs, and has been for a long time. I am glad of that.


  • sheesh
    4 years ago

    Oh my gosh, nini, my name is Sherry, too, and I thought you were addressing me in your post! I am so sorry that my ego got in the way of your heartfelt response to Sherry's comment above.

    ~~Sheesh (Sherry also...Sheesh is my lifelong nickname, really, but today I guess it means sheesh!)

  • gardengal48 (PNW Z8/9)
    4 years ago

    What you wear - or what is deemed "appropriate attire" - depends a great deal on the type of funeral or memorial service one attends. My family does not have typical funeral services but we do have memorials and/or celebrations of life. These are informal, casual and festive affairs and informal, casual and festive clothing of any color or print is appropriate. One would be horribly overdressed if wearing a black dress or a dark suit to a 'funeral' with my family!!

  • Sherry
    4 years ago

    No, she is still here. She has Alzheimer's very bad and she didn't know what was going on even then, thank goodness. She knew everyone and she knew her husband, but she didn't know the "drama". It was really a blessing. We wear suits and black dresses, but I don't care now what anyone wears if they just show up. It was really odd to keep looking for a grandson ( and his parents were there) and he never showed up.

  • gigirambles
    4 years ago

    Personally, I wouldn't wear this particular dress to a funeral. If black doesn't suit, I'd look for something gray or navy.

  • nini804
    4 years ago

    No worries, Sheesh! :) And I think we all usually know what is the expected and the norm for whatever particular funeral we unfortunately have to attend. I was referring to the other Sherry's post which made me sad. I am sure your attire was absolutely perfect for your mom's service and probably something she would have loved to see you in. Heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mom. :(

  • nini804
    4 years ago

    Well, I guess that is somewhat of a "blessing" Sherry. I am sure she on some level knew you all were there and looked nice. So sorry for your loss.

  • PRO
    JudyG Designs
    4 years ago

    According to Boden, you would be wearing a work dress to a funeral.

    Guess the deceased only meant a drive by for you.

  • deegw
    Original Author
    4 years ago

    JudyG Designs posted "Guess the deceased only meant a drive by for you."

    hmmm?

  • Nothing Left to Say
    4 years ago

    I wouldn't wear it. It seems too "fun" to me. I have a plain sleeveless black dress and a black and cream 3/4 sleeve dress--both are below the knee length and not too much cleavage--I bought to be sure I am covered for funerals. (Both also,work for church, dinner out, etc). But if you look terrible in black, other colors seem just as appropriate to me--navy, dark brown, charcoal grey, eggplant. Anything more somber.

  • Funkyart
    4 years ago

    The last few funerals/memorial services I have been to, visitors were specifically requested to wear something other than black.. one, everyone was asked to wear something pink (the deceased favorite color). While it isn't appropriate for all services and all families, I think it's a lovely way to celebrate the life of the person.


  • Nothing Left to Say
    4 years ago

    Funkyart, yes. I have been to a service where people were asked to wear bright colors. I honored that request and would always do as asked. But in the absence of a request, I still think it is best to wear something somber and unobtrusive to a funeral m

  • just_terrilynn
    4 years ago

    Funkyart, how cool is that? I love that idea! I have never been to a funeral where people were asked to dress in a cheerful color...especially pink.

  • sheesh
    4 years ago

    Last week we closed my mother's service singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and releasing balloons. We were crying, laughing, celebrating her life just as she would have wanted us to. It was a perfect service for Mom, our family, and all of her friends.

    I'm not sure what the funeral directors thought.

  • aok27502
    4 years ago

    As to the dress in the OP, I think it might be a bit festive for a "just in case" dress. If you were shopping knowing that you were going to a celebration of life, it might be fine. I guess it would depend on the occasion.

    I went to a memorial service last week for an elderly relative. There were a few men in suits, mostly her immediate family. From there it went on down to slacks and golf shirts. But this was rural TN in August, in a senior retirement community. The widower has mobility issues, and he was in navy sweat pants and a black golf shirt. I'm sure that's what was easiest for him to put on, and it was fine.

    DH had a cousin who died at age 38 from cancer. Her own mother wore red to the funeral. She looked stunning.


  • arcy_gw
    4 years ago

    ABSOLUTELY. It is not immodest, it is appropriately respectful of the most conservative mourner. Color/cheerfulness are appreciated. Some of the more conservative opinions here are what PUSHED us into this era of "anything goes" --attire wise.

  • sheesh
    4 years ago

    I am wondering about a few things --wouldn't what one wears to a funeral depend quite a bit on whose funeral it is, and your relationship to the deceased? It seems to me that I'd wear something altogether different to a funeral for my own husband or child or mother than I would to the funeral of a friend or colleague, and also whether the friend or colleague was dear to me or an acquaintance. And is the funeral a celebration of the deceased's life, the result of a tragic occurrence, a welcome relief from terrible suffering? That all matters.

    I also think it matters what the deceased would have liked. My mother would have been horrified to see me in black at her funeral. I don't mean to be argumentative, but I guess I don't understand how one can be prepared for all eventualities. Just as I don't have garments specified for weddings or office parties or other occasions, I don't have garments specified for funerals. Or any type of event.

    If the op likes the dress, she should buy it to wear, not to save for an opportunity. If a funeral happens while the dress is still in fashion, she may or may not choose to wear the dress, depending on whose funeral and what kind of funeral it is.

  • robo (z6a)
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    I understand wanting a just in case all-purpose funeral outfit. Funerals can come up quite suddenly, perhaps at a time when one can't shop. To me this type of all purpose outfit could be for people like acquaintances, colleagues, friends of the family, etc. where your knowledge of their family context and wishes may not be enough to put together a personalized memorial tribute.

  • westsider40
    4 years ago

    Imo, the dress is fine. My dh always wears a suit. My family is traditional. I don't sweat the small stuff.. This is a sad occasion. Major mourning. I wouldn't be concerned in any way that there were bright colors in a conservative black dress. I don't know anyone, in these times, who might have a critical word. I always wear black anyway. Always prepared.

  • Olychick
    4 years ago

    I can't recall one outfit on any person at my husband's celebration of life, nor at the last funeral I attended.

    I remember the people who SHOWED UP, not what they wore, nor would I care.

  • eld6161
    4 years ago

    That's so true Oly. I think it is more about how we feel about ourselves and how we want to present ourselves.

    In the end, it's more important that you are there, not what you wear.

  • 1929Spanish-GW
    4 years ago

    It would never occur to me to have funeral attire on hand, so I'm no help. I just wear a suit or blazer out of my closet.

    But I would like to know where you found this dress. Cuz it's totally cute.

  • aktillery9
    4 years ago

    If I saw someone at a funeral wearing that dress, I wouldn't think twice. I think it is fine. I think most things are fine except for sweat pants and top or a bright hot pink tube top with daisy dukes.

  • deegw
    Original Author
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    1929Spanish-GW It's Boden. Here's a link - Dress.

    DH's mother was recently in the hospital with a serious illness. She's much better now but the incident made me think ahead to possible funeral preparations. I work from home and generally dress very casually. I have a few very dressy dresses which I know are not funeral appropriate.

    If I had to attend acquaintance's funeral I could probably get away with my usual black cropped pants and a blazer but for DH's family I know I will need a conservative dress. I'll keep looking but I'll probably order the dress because I think it is cute.

  • dedtired
    4 years ago

    Cute dress but it is a little too fun-loving for a funeral. I hear you about being prepared for a funeral. I just hope funerals fall in cool weather rather than summer, since at the moment I don't have a darn thing that would be appropriate. You are smart to plan ahead.


  • Bonnie
    4 years ago

    No I would not wear that dress to a funeral. It would be fine for a wake and for a memorial service. Otherwise stick to navy, black, and other dark colors.

  • eld6161
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    d_gw. Look for a simple black dress in a style that you know will suit you. Something with short sleeves can work for three seasons and if necessary you can add a blazer or cardi in the winter.

    Also, another pair of black pants to add to your cropped as cropped is good for one season.

    Something with short sleeves can work for three seasons and if necessary you can add a blazer or cardi in the winter.

    It's a good idea to be prepared.