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How to set boundaries without setting off Bio-mom?

5 years ago

So my husband and his ex-wife do not get along at all. 12 years of divorce have done nothing to improve their ability to get along at all. Their custody agreement is so detailed to try and prevent any interaction and confrontation that it is about 5 pages long. Recently we went back to court so that the SKs (now 12 and 14) could voice their wish of living with their dad and I full time (which was granted) so that has done little to improve bio-mom's attitude.

Up until that point kids did mostly 50/50 with mom as residential custodian so the kids have been going to school in her zoned schools. (we only live about 10 minutes apart but the way lines are drawn have zoned the kids for different schools at each house until high school). this means even though as of the beginning of February we have full custody we decided to get an exemption for them to finish out the school year at their current school and unfortunately bio-mom currently works as a teacher at the middle school they attend which means myself or my husband are picking them up and dropping them off. I usually have been doing pick up since I have more flexible hours and go to work early.

Bio-mom started haunting me down during pick up time to give me clothes, forgotten meds, books etc. I wasn't totally ok with this but did my best to be polite and take things. Recently though this has changed to her giving me advise or messages to pass along to my husband. I feel very uncomfortable doing especially recently when an argument between bio-dad and bio-mom was occurring over an asthma medication and she told me to tell my husband to stop giving the med to the 12yo until she talked to his doctor because over the weekend he was having trouble sleeping and it HAD to be this new med.

I feel like I should tell her this isn't my place to be this go between but lets just say this woman is a wee bit crazy and has said a lot of nasty stuff to my face and to the kids about me, tried to get a restraining order against me about 10 years ago for when it became clear I was becoming a permanent addition to her kids' lives, and she's tripped me while I was pregnant with my daughter at one of the SK's recitals.

How can I deal with this crazy? Should I try to work with the school so I don't have to go in to do pick up? Should I talk to her or my husband?

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