Help! Just got CAD of our slabs & don't quite understand
TJW
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
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Adults only and mothers don't understand that.
Comments (17)Oh boy, I have very strong feelings on this topic. First of all, let me preface this by saying that I have two kids, age 16 & 19, so I can speak to this from the viewpoint of the mother of children from infancy to teen. There is nothing wrong with having an adults only party. Let me say that again. There is nothing wrong with having an adults only party. I've done it multiple times. Including after my kids were born. And I put on the invitation "Adults only". Tacky or not I don't care. It's my party and I get to decide whom to invite. For some reason our society has begun to believe that kids belong everywhere adults do. They don't! They don't belong in fancy expensive restaurants, they don't belong at theatre (movie or live) until they have enough self-control to sit through the entire production with no disruption, the same way an adult is expected to. And they don't belong at an adult cocktail party. My theory is that since most families have both parents working, there is a lot of guilt about leaving the kids behind when the parents are not working. Thus the philosophy that kids should be taken everywhere the adults go. But this is so unfair both to other adults and to the kids themselves. It's no fun being a kid at an adult themed party. It's boring and uncomfortable and children who are exposed to this will inevitably make that clear to the parents. The kids are miserable, the parents are miserable and the other guests have to suffer too. The baby sitter in the other room idea simply doesn't work. To add to what carla35 pointed out, this set up usually ends up with the kids coming into the adult area to find their parents, the baby sitters seeking out parents for any minor crisis, or the parents spending their time in the kids room to make sure all is going well, or all of the above. Again, NONE of this makes for a fun adult party. I have an annual ADULT FEMALES only party where I make it crystal clear that kids are not welcome. And still, one year, I had an invited guest call me to ask if she could bring her son (he was maybe 18 months old at the time) because it was the only way she could come. Against my principals, for her sake, I said, ok, but ONLY if he could be put in a bedroom and would stay there without wondering out at all. Fortunately she said, no, he'd want to be where everyone else was, so I said I'm sorry. This is an adult party. If you bring him, he'll become the center of attention and will totally change the dynamic of the party. It won't be the same party and I just can't allow it. She understood and in fact, managed to find a babysitter after all!! When my kids were little, there were many times when I missed out something I would have liked to do and would have been able to do had I not had kids. That is a part of how it is to raise kids. You make sacrifices for them. You miss out on some things. That's life. Whoever can't make it to the party because they can't or won't get a babysitter, that's unfortuate but that's the way it goes. Thoughout by kids' lives, I've made the choice to do many things with them, but also to have a social life which did not include them. My older son once said to me that he really liked the fact that I had a life outside of my kids. Too many of his friends' moms were so wrapped up in their kids lives, it seemed to him, they had no life of their own. He felt that his mom was a person in her own right, and that enriched his life since I wasn't dependent on him for my whole personality. It also allowed him to grow up and eased the process of him gaining his independence from me. Bottom line, make it as clear as you can that adults only are welcome, that children of any age are not, and that you hope to see them without their kids, if not this year then next. As was noted above, if someone doesn't understand this and you lose a friendship over it, well, that's unfortunate but unavoidable, and in the long run, probably for the best. Good luck with your party!...See MoreI don't understand mental illness...
Comments (25)Lazypup thank you so much for sharing your story. So many people misunderstand what mental illness can do to people and those that live with them. My DH was diagnosed with BPD in the last decade. If only he had been diagnosed earlier how different our life might have been, especially financially. He has always been high functioning and a hard worker blah blah blah so it was easy to dismiss the erratic behavior. I can relate to the job walk-offs. One year he had nine different 1099s. He is stablized with a couple drugs that are pretty side effect free for him also. One of the "lucky" ones who hasn't needed lithium. It will never be perfect but it is so much better than before. I also agree with you on the over diagnosing that goes on with children. It is the boys that have it worse since the feminization of our society expects them to have the same behavioral characteristics that girls do. Our children's childhoods are being stolen. They are expected to learn more at an earlier age,have a lengthened school day with less recess,not given opportunity to blow off steam and burn off that excess energy and have every minute of their waking hours micro-managed. Yet at the same time many are still drinking out of those stupid sippy cups and being pushed around in strollers at age 5....See MoreI just don't understand it....long
Comments (27)Dottie, I can't imagine the past year that you and your family has endured, and again hope that this year is brighter. But I CAN understand the frustration you're feeling. I too think she may well have begun a relationship and is either embarrassed to tell you or not sure how to. I see this type of thing so often and I just don't understand it! To completely cut off communication is a terrible thing to do to someone without at least saying a reason. If you're angry with a person, tell them. If you don't feel comfortable with them, tell them. If you don't trust them anymore or whatever the reason, at least don't leave them hanging. It's a very cruel thing to do. It's natural for you to be concerned. If you're close to her mother, I think I WOULD call just to see if she's all right. If you're close to her mother she may share some info with you or at least give you a reason if there is one other than our suspicion. I can imagine your fear for her well-being. I have a cousin out state who cut off all communication suddenly for a couple years or more. I never understood it and it bugged me. I knew there were some marital issues and with such an abrupt cut off altogether, I was to the point I had a PI friend do a little checking to see if she was alive. I had a real bad feeling that something bad happened. Finally she got a hold of me and apologized and explained that she and her husband had been having rough times both marital and financial (which so often goes together) and she was too ashamed to tell me about it. There's been other times too and like I said, why can't people just open up a bit and say something? If you do contact either, I would suggest you not raise the grave issue. If there is a new person, there could be an issue with even going to the grave. Some people are strange. I imagine your first concern is her health and safety. I'm guessing she's just confused. Good luck and hope you find out something soon. And here's to a much brighter year for all!...See MoreI Don't Get Understand the Reaction
Comments (64)It seems to me wise for folks who are Christians to be careful about becoming too certain about the circumstances surrounding Christ's return. Let's not forget that the original people who believed in one God and were expecting His Being to come to earth saw the coming, but it was so different from what they were expecting that they said that this wasn't the right one ... ... and they're still expecting a Messiah. Sometimes I feel that the expectations which many Christians have for the Second Coming seem somewhat similar to what the Jews were expecting the first time. Further ... the Romans were a tough lot - you had to be, if you were going to subjugate a major portion of the world ... and keep it subjugated. But their representative in Jerusalem did not see Jesus as threat enough to merit death. Herod, who was a local exercising power under the Romans, and a bit of a skunk, wasn't in favour of killing Him, either. Who was it who insisted that He had to go? That there wasn't room enough in the world for their system and His ... and they knew whose had to be gotten rid of! It was the religious bunch. If Christ were to come in a quiet fashion, as He did before and walked our streets and talked with us ... ... perhaps His ideas and teaching would be so different from what we're used to and accept ... that we would reject Him, as the religious bunch did before. Or perhaps walk by and ignore Him, considering His message ineffectual and of little value in the real world. If Christ were in charge in our communities, nations and the world - they sure would be different places! ole joyful...See MoreTJW
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoTJW
5 years agoTJW
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoTJW
5 years agolast modified: 5 years ago
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