I've been MIA since my sweetie passed

5 years ago

Hi all,

I'm still here, but not participating. My hubby/sweetie passed away last week, and I'm still a wreck. I've been eating, snacking, picking. I'll make something and eat leftovers or something simple all week. Nothing picture-worthy.

Keep up the good work, good meals, and camaraderie. I'll post again when my heart is a little more healed and have something worth eating and sharing. Hugs.

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Jasdip
Original Author

5 years ago

last modified: 5 years ago

We were together for 16 years. Inseparable. We did everything together, something as simple as grocery shopping, getting the car washed, scouting out cheap grocery and gas prices, was always more fun doing it together. We were each other's best friend, after each having a couple of failed marriages.

The Coles Notes version: His prostate cancer (prostate removed 5 years ago) had come back into his bones, and it was on his spine. In July he fell, getting off the couch, the MRI showed a large spot on his spine that sends signals to his lower body. Radiation cleared it up.

He was in physical re-hab trying to get his leg strength back, and walking with a walker. He came home in a wheelchair, and was wheelchair bound.

He was getting weaker at home. On Mon the 29th of Oct we met with the oncologist and had another MRI done. The oncologist took a look at Tom and said "the cancer meds aren't working.....you'll have weeks, maybe a month or two."

I was in shock hearing those words and I know hubby was. I believe with all my heart that he and his body just gave up, after that.

He was going downhill more and more, we were having a nurse come in daily and assess him and give him any pain injections. On Friday, she said that she's shocked at how he's doing, did he have any trauma recently? I told her what the dr said, and she said "that would do it."

Sat a.m. he went into hospice and passed on Wed a.m. I was with him day and night......they let spouses spend the night beside their loved ones. I was home when he passed, but I told him it's okay to go toward the light, when I left. I and friends had said out good-byes and I didn't want him hanging on for weeks.

I truly lost my best friend.

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Comments (38)

cookebook
5 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for your heart to heal.
writersblock (9b/10a)
5 years ago
I'm so sorry, Jasdip.
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5 years ago
It's only been a week. You need to heal on your time, not anyone else's. I'm so sorry for your loss. Know that you have people here who do care and will look forward to you joining in again when the time is right.
fawnridge (Ricky)
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
Jasdip - if you need someone to speak to, please reach out to me. Send me an email - ricky at fawnridge dot com and I will reply with my phone number.

I am going through the same thing as you right now, I understand your grief, and I've been through this once before, eight years ago. I can help.
party_music50
5 years ago
oh no! I'm so sorry. Hugs...........
carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
5 years ago
So sorry to learn of your sweetie's passing. Were you together a long time?

I believe when we love someone, they feel like a part of ourselves - which they truly are.
CA Kate z9
5 years ago
So sorry to hear of your sweetie's passing. Take care of yourself and don't have "expectations". You will heal in your own good time.
malabacat
5 years ago
I'm so sorry. Losing someone so close is so painful. Hugs to you.
John Liu
5 years ago
I am so sorry to hear this.
agmss15
5 years ago
My condolences! Take care of yourself.

My dad went through a similar path. He had a few very important good years after diagnosis where chemo helped mitigate his symptoms. He died very quickly after the drs told him the second chemo medicine wasn’t going to work. With time we realized it was a blessing.
dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
5 years ago
God's unfair mistake.

Men always go first, leaving the women to suffer and to take care the mess.

I hope you some how soon will manage.

dcarch
neely
5 years ago
So sorry to hear this Jasdip. My sincere condolences to you. Very sad indeed.
l pinkmountain
5 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. You've been here for so long Jasdip! I hardly post anymore because like you, I've been through a lot of changes and loss, and I just don't cook as much anymore. Also, I've got years worth of recipes in my "to try" folders as it is!

Feel free to post here with any help you need. After we lost my mom suddenly, I really found it helpful to be with friends. A lot of them helped me go through some of mom's things and distribute them. Still not done though. Two things helped me, reminiscing about good times and carrying on with things mom and I had done together, in her memory. And then the total opposite, doing things that did not remind me of her, to distract me. Don't be afraid to seek out a grief group. They helped my dad a lot. I think it helps to create new patterns for yourself, rather than stick to the old ones without a partner. It's not moving on from the person you loved, you can never do that, but moving forward helps ease your mind with tasks instead of just ruminating on the sadness. Your husband wouldn't want you to do that!

Feel free to vent on here, who's going to notice or care other than us old timey CF folks!
bragu_DSM 5
5 years ago
thinking of you ...
PRO
Anglophilia
5 years ago
I'm so sorry. I lost my husband to prostate cancer 13 1/2 years ago. When it is the aggressive kind, it's a nasty disease. He was 64 and I was 61.

It's not easy and I still miss him so very, very much. He was a teacher so we had a lot of time with one another. He was just such a huge part of my life.

My children and grandchildren and I still talk about him a lot. There is never a day I don't think of him. You will get to the point where you can talk about him without crying - I don't remember when that was for me but sometime in the first 18 months.

Cooking for one is pretty boring, though.
lizbeth-gardener
5 years ago
I'm so sorry, Jasdip. Sending a hug your way.
annie1992
5 years ago
Oh, Jasdip, I'm so very, very sorry. I didn't see you on the "What's For Dinner" thread and was just hoping against odds that your sweetheart was going to pull out of this last bad spot. I can't even imagine the huge whole in your life with him gone.

You will certainly be in my prayers for strength and healing, and if you need us, and when you are ready, we will be here.

Annie
Islay Corbel
5 years ago
Jadsip, my heart goes out to you at this terrible time. I'm so sorry to hear this.
sooz
5 years ago
I am so very very sorry, Jasdip. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you...
plllog
5 years ago
((((((Jasdip))))))
Solsthumper
5 years ago
Jasdip, I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved. Please tell us how we can help you through this journey.

Sol ♥
ci_lantro
5 years ago
I'm so sorry, Jasdip. Keeping you in my thoughts as you try to sort this out and heal as best you can.
User
5 years ago
Jasdip, I'm so sorry. We are all here for you.
doucanoe
5 years ago
So sorry for your loss Jasdip. Sending hugs and healing to you from MN.

Linda
Nancy 6b
5 years ago
So sorry to hear of your loss. I am mostly a lurker here, but still feel I know many of you.
Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
5 years ago
I am so sorry Jasdip. So awful.
User
5 years ago
Jasdip, I am so sorry for your incredible loss. I have so enjoyed your contributions over the years . It was obvious you and your husband were very close.

Hugs to you, please use this place you have enjoyed and shared to be a comfort to you......we care
Compumom
5 years ago
My heart is aching for you. Cancer sucks and is so cruel. Please use the CF as a support system. There are so many here to lend you a shoulder to cry on and to lift you up. Hugs...
sheesh
5 years ago
I'm sorry, Jasdip.
sleevendog (5a NY 6aNYC NL CA)
5 years ago
So so sorry.

I think I've been prepping for thirty years. We also do everything together.

When our best friend passed twenty years ago I never let go of his humor, his laugh, his annoyances. I talk to him all the time. His presence in spirit will always be with me. The physical presence and void just sucks.
2ManyDiversions
5 years ago
{{{{{Jasdip}}}}}
stir_fryi SE Mich
5 years ago
I am so sorry for you. My father died of cancer six months ago. I have never experienced anyone dieing, let a alone from cancer and I still feel like I have PTSD from it. It just amazes me how much they have to fight it (chemo, immunotherapy, radiation) but if it is too far advanced when you find it -- it seems to be all for nothing.
cloudy_christine
5 years ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
Jasdip
Original Author
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
It's only been 2 weeks, and I'm having a hard time. I feel like a knife has been stuck in me and ripped me to shreds. The smallest thing can set me on a crying binge.

LOL, I don't care for Stevie Wonder, except for 1 song........Blowing in the Wind, a duet. It's amazing. A couple of days after Tom "left", I heard that song on the radio, which is hardly ever on the radio. I knew it was a sign from hubby. I bawled for ages.

Here's my sweetie. He was cremated wearing his Ride for Dad long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans as he wanted. He said "that way it will be easy for us to find each other when we meet again."
annie1992
5 years ago
Jasdip, I remember your motorcycle "Ride for Dad" post just back in June, only 5 months or so ago. It seems like things just happened so fast for you.

I'm not surprised that he wanted that shirt, I know that was a cause that was dear to both of you.

I've been thinking of you, and I know this is a very hard time for you. I know several members here who have lost family members to cancer or who have survived it themselves, it's a horrible disease.

I am glad to see you here again, though, and will keep you in my prayers.

Annie
sherri1058
5 years ago
Jasdip, I'm so very sorry for your loss.
KatieC
5 years ago
Jasdip, I haven't been here much lately, but I'm glad I checked in today to add my condolences. Peace and strength to you.

I've been MIA since my sweetie passed

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