Hubby passed this morning

5 years ago

Thank you, Thank you KT friends for all of the prayers, well wishes, good thoughts, advice, and the picture of my sweet Tom.

He was not in pain, he was relaxed and peaceful. Hospice is a wonderful place to be in.

Featured Answer

joyfulguy

5 years ago

last modified: 5 years ago

I'm sad that Tom can't be with you in the flesh any longer, Sherry ... but his spirit will be with you through the coming days.

I am thankful that the last time of your parting was fairly comfortable and peaceful, and not prolonged.

May you find a measure of peace in your heart, along with the grieving.

May your great memories help to sustain you through the next few difficult days - and through the months and years ahead.

I send my condolences ... best wishes ... and affection.

If there is something that I can do to help, let me know. Contact message on your "update" thread, as I'm sure you've seen ... so you can tell me where to go.

ole joyful

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (182)

raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio
5 years ago
May you be comforted.
Marilyn Sue McClintock
5 years ago
I am so sorry Sherry. Know I think of you.

Sue
Related Discussions
SIL passed away this morning.......
Q
Comments (42)
I am so sorry Phyllis, but also glad to hear he wasn't in any pain and your daughter is at peace with it, at least for a little while while she gets some much needed rest.
...See More
My hubby - need prayers..
Q
Comments (49)
Want to give an long over do update.. Hubby's last treatment (chemo & radiation) were 12/23. He was supposed to finish radiation 2 days sooner but had complications with neck burns; they had to get his pain under control. I asked the radiation oncologist for the morphine pops again; this time he gave it to us but it was a 3 day wait for it to get ordered. I'd called pharmacies in both NJ & Philly; no one stocked it, not even hospitals. He ended up using a Fentynol patch for a few days; he was only able to wear it for a few hours as the Fentynol made him sick. They are supposed to be a 24 hour patch. The pain problem was a dry neck - he couldn't have the antibiotic cream on his neck for radiation because he'd fry; which meant he had to go from the shower, we'd wrap his neck in wet gauze & baby wash cloths plus an ace bandage then he'd unwrap when we crossed the bridge. He lost over 20 pounds, which he couldn't afford to lose anything. Healing was very hard on him. He did so well at 1st but his autoimmune kicked in about 2 weeks out to where his blood counts were really low. I ended up taking him to a natural Dr where he had supplements & a vitamin C drip which seemed to work; unfortunately, he needed 2 drips per week but we couldn't fit 2 into our life (it was an all day thing with ride plus waiting for the bag to drip) plus he did not like the way the girls stuck him or pulled the IV out. His body was still sore from all the needles in Philly, he didn't need more pain. Yes, we complained... He got very depressed because he wasn't healing quick enough. I could not get his mood changed. Different antidepressants were tried but nothing worked. What ended up working was our old neighbors came up from Tennessee on Valentines day (he didn't know); so that cheered him. Then we made the decision to have the feeding tube removed. The feeding tube was a huge source of pain; his intestines always hurt; he was usually found doubled up in pain. It was thought he had gas but from what I researched it could have been spasms. Any puree's that I made, he basically shut down & wouldn't eat them, nor would he eat by mouth because he had no taste buds and no saliva. To someone that likes to eat, this is very depressing. He'd tell me that the puree would sit in his stomach & not digest. We saw the radiation nurse practitioner and I was able to speak to her alone.. she backed me up that the tube needed to come out & that he needed to be able to sink or swim. Had he not started eating, they would either feed him via nose or another feeding tube. On 2/22 we saw the ENT surgeon & lied about how much he was eating by mouth; they pulled the feeding tube out.. yes, held a towel over it and yanked & out it came. 5 months after it was put in, it was taken out & he's been doing well eating. His taste buds are better; he's not complaining about the saliva as he knows he's going to have to drink water with almost every bite just to swallow it. Most food will suck up his saliva like a sponge. We knew our health insurance was going to get canceled & it did. He was going to start physical therapy 2 weeks ago when they called to say it was denied for lack of coverage. We've been on this since December, asking for Cobra forms but they never came. Thankfully I know the rep; he told me when it was sent out & when it did not arrive the following Monday & Tuesday (last week) hubby & I made the 2 hour drive to Port Newark to do it in person. We split the driving because neither of us drive that far. The insurance cost us a pretty penny until we are approved; then they will either refund the money, if hubby gets back to work before we use up our large payment or they will deduct the lower amount from my large payment until he does work. He had a PET scan on 2/4 - we were not supposed to get the results until the following week but the nurse practitioner called us the same day because she knew how depressed he was. He told me a week or 2 before the scan that he was not fighting any more nor was he doing this again if treatment did not work; so I was a basket case as well; especially since it was right before my dad's 4 year anniversary of being gone because of cancer. Had we not had my inheritance from my dad I don't know what we would have done to survive. We were very fortunate that we did move to where we are so he had better treatment options. After making the drive to North Jersey the other day, there was no way he could get treated at my original choice, where my dad had treatment; but he was able to get treated at a very large place; which I'm not sure he would have chosen had we still lived in the old house. So, everything has worked out. The next scan will be in 5 months; so we'll see. I'm not sure when he'll be able to get back into his truck to deliver cars; but hopefully he'll be able to do the yard van to drive drivers to their cars. Hopefully physical therapy will help.
...See More
my uncle passed away this morning....
Q
Comments (18)
I am sorry for your loss. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease. My Mom didn't become agressive but she did lose her sense of modesty and my Mom was such a modest person. My Mom also lost her ability to speak except for the odd song lyric when I would sing to her and to say goodnight to a picture of George Clooney on her mirror. My Mom though did speak volumes with her dark eyes. Your uncle is at peace now but I am sure the loss to your family is great. Anne
...See More
My Hubby’s Violet of the Week
Q
Comments (27)
Irina, I have seen the same thing happening way too often - people seeing only whether colors/form match what they want, rather than whether a plant can do well in its projected environment - in the world of hostas. I worked in a nursery for a time. Can't tell you how many times people came in asking for hostas to plant in full sun, because their neighbors had some that they liked and that they wanted to imitate. 😳 For sure those plants ended up being totally sun-bleached and gasping. (I saw some hostas planted with southern exposures throughout an entire subdivision on my most recent excursion to an AirBnb in an urban suburb, late August. Sickly, pathetic, and eye-roll-worthy.) I look back on it now and wonder whether maybe those clients who wanted hostas to plant along the south sides of their decks had maybe seen hostas with sunlight on them only when they visited that particular garden, and didn't realize that for the rest of the day, that area had been shaded. Anyway, most often I couldn't convince these determined clients that this was a bad idea. While the nursery got some sales in spite of my subversion (I really did try to redirect toward more suitable perennials), it hurt my heart to see those healthy plants headed toward Sun Hell. Joanne, exactly. Once gifts leave our hands, they should be truly out of our hands. I've found that to be a very freeing principle, in so many ways. Woodsidetrader, very true, sigh. But at least that's on them, then.
...See More
ritamay91710
5 years ago
I'm so sorry. I know you're grateful he's not in pain anymore. Prayers to you and your family.
Dolly
5 years ago
So sorry for your loss.
susanwv
5 years ago
So sorry, Jas, love and peace to you and your family.
josephene_gw
5 years ago
I’m so sorry for your loss.

Brings tears to my eyes., long distant hugs.
4holly_on
5 years ago
Sending a hug. Thinking of you in the coming days.
2ManyDiversions
5 years ago
{{{Jasdip}}}, I just saw your post. I'm so, so sorry. I'm grateful for both of you he had good care and was in no pain, relaxed, and peaceful. You are in my thoughts dear lady.
phoggie
5 years ago
I am so sorry. May the God of Comfort and Strength wrap His arms around you and give you Peace. (((0)))
mare_wbpa
5 years ago
My sincerest condolences on your loss. Tom's at peace now. I hope and pray that you find peace and solace.
mama goose_gw zn6OH
5 years ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
carabubble
5 years ago
I'm so sorry. Take comfort in the peaceful passing and the beautiful life you had together and the memories that will always be with you.
Julie
5 years ago
I'm so sorry Jasdip. I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said....but will be thinking of you in the days ahead....may you find peace that you helped Tom through his illness and passing. He was a lucky man!
lisa_fla
5 years ago
I’m so sorry. I’m glad hospice was there to help both of you. I loved how the wonderful people on the KT fixed up the picture for you. It turned out great!
User
5 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss! My thoughts are with you today.
ladypat1
5 years ago
Praying for strength and peace in your heart.
JoanMN
5 years ago
My condolences, praying for strength for you.
happy2b…gw
5 years ago
Thinking of you, jasdip.
secsteve
5 years ago
jasdip, so sorry to hear about your loss.

Hospice is a wonderful organization. My husband, George, was with them for 8 years in Northern VA. He was part of the first team that was started and was proud of all they accomplished. I got to know all the nurses who worked with him and you couldn't ask for better professionals.

A big hug to you.
nekotish
5 years ago
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Tom. Please know that this fellow Canadian is holding you in her heart and wishing you courage and comfort as you navigate this path that none of us are ever fully preparted to go down,
ghoghunter
5 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss.
petalique
5 years ago
Dear Jasdip, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you comfort and solace.
lola8325 zone5KS
5 years ago
Sorry for your loss. Remembering you and your family in prayers.
golfergrrl
5 years ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
pkramer60
5 years ago
I am so sorry to read of your husbands passing. May you find comfort and joy in your memories of your life together.
kayjones
5 years ago
Jas, I'm just checking in on you - let us know how your doing.
Jasdip
Original Author
5 years ago
Hi all. You have no idea how much your condolences and sentiments mean to me. I treasure every single comment.

I have good days and bad days of course. It seems to be every-other day. The other day I heard Stevie Wonder's rendition of Blowin' in the Wind on the radio. Hubby knew that I don't care for SW, except for that song. I very seldom hear it on the radio, maybe once or twice in a couple of years. So when it played, that was a wee sign from my sweetie.

Today I brought his ashes home, and they're here on his little memorial table. I plan on scattering them. Right now I'm looking for a little keepsake urn or necklace of sorts to put a few of his ashes in.

In his obit I mentioned him being part of this year's Ride for Dad for prostate cancer, and they were very appreciative and touched that they were mentioned.

Of course, he's very much missed, but knowing that I'll never see him again is really killing me. This is going to take a while........

Huge hugs to you all.
skibby (zone 4 Vermont)
5 years ago
Hugs to you too (((Jasdip))). Thinking of you.
cooper8828
5 years ago
Big hugs to you.
gmatx zone 6
5 years ago
Thinking of you, Jasdip. Yes, getting use to being without Tom physically there will take a while. Please be kind to yourself and don't push yourself into trying to meet any set timeline in going through the stages of grief. You will complete each stage as your body, heart, and mind is ready to do so. Take care of yourself,
maggie200
5 years ago
You can continue your relationship with him. Talk to him. I had a rector tell me that. I was already doing it and never stopped. It's not so much a religious thing, it is a private choice. I'm never alone.
rob333 (zone 7b)
5 years ago
Huge hugs to you all.

Back-atcha dear one. My heart is with you today, more than usual.
kayjones
5 years ago
Jas. if you are near a craft store such as Hobby Lobby, they sell little vials that are used in necklace crafts. This link will show you what I'm talking about. People put all kinds of treasures in them. If you go this route and want to share your creation, we'd love to see it! I hope today is a better day - they can all be tough, but keeping engaged with others helps soothe the pain.

https://www.etsy.com/market/tiny_vial_necklace
yeonassky
5 years ago
Hugs right back to you Jas. We are here for you if you need to talk or not.
rob333 (zone 7b)
5 years ago
if you go kayjones' route, I found out, the hard way, that the cork needs some really strong glue to hold it on. What finally worked was exterior, clear, window caulk :)
kayjones
5 years ago
E6000 glue works well, also.
joyfulguy
5 years ago
Thinking of you, Sherry, and hope that things are going as well as can be expected.

You'll be so thankful that the wonderful people at Hospice were able to be of great help to you both at your time of great need, helping to make his passing into the great beyond gentle, peaceful and with minimal pain.

Get some rest and take it easy on yourself as you get used to this new life - as someone said, take some time to recharge your batteries.

I'd like to come for a visit, if and when it may be convenient ... let me know where to go.

(((((Sherry and family)))))

ole joyful
Ava
5 years ago
Joyful, that is so kind of you!
tami_ohio
5 years ago
The funeral home may have a small selection of necklaces for ashes, and I know they can be found on line, as my SIL got hers on line. She didn't like any the funeral home had, so they told her to go on line to see if she could find one she liked, and they would put the ashes in for her when she received it. She is very happy with hers. Hugs.
ravencajun Zone 8b TX
5 years ago
Jasdip I have been thinking about you. I always liked this picture of y'all. It would be a good choice for a locket and a tiny sealed packet of ashes tucked behind the picture.
ravencajun Zone 8b TX
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
Ashes lockets, do a Google search for that.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/598633991/cremation-necklace-urn-jewelry-ashes-urn

https://www.getnamenecklace.com/engravable-angel-wings-sterling-silver-heart-photo-locket-necklace
maire_cate
5 years ago
Thank you for taking the time to check in with all of us here at the Table. I've thought of you often. And you're so right that it takes a long time.
Jasdip
Original Author
5 years ago
I've decided on this one. It isn't the traditional heart and it doesn't have the cylinder pendant. It doesn't jump out as being a memorial necklace.

Necklace
User
5 years ago
Jas, I too was hoping you’d provide an update as to how you are doing. I think the necklace is beautiful. Etsy has some pretty options as well. (((Hugs)))
blfenton
5 years ago
Jasdip - I've been thinking of you everyday. Warm thoughts and big hugs to you.
ravencajun Zone 8b TX
5 years ago
Oh that's a beautiful one. Good choice.
User
5 years ago
Very nice.
cynic
5 years ago
Sherry, my dear friend, I haven't been around much for a while and checking in tonight to see this truly sad news. My sincerest condolences to you. I'm here if there's anything I can do. Send an email if you like. I know you're busy so don't feel any obligation. Take things at your own pace. My best wishes go to you.
happy2b…gw
5 years ago
The necklace you chose is beautiful. I like that the chain looks sturdy.

Hubby passed this morning

Comments (182)

Related Discussions

JasdipOriginal Author

JasdipOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Jasdip
Original Author

Jasdip
Original Author