Congrats on the job and the pick-up in your husband's work. What a great feeling both of those must be! You'll feel even better when you get those loans and the credit card paid off. We had to put a new roof on last summer, including tearing off sixty-plus years of old roof (with original cedar shakes) and re-decking, so it was a ridiculous amount of money. We set up a 12-month principal-only, no interest payment plan; we're determined to get the whole thing paid for in the 12 months before we have to pay any interest. Getting that done is one of my main financial goals for this year.

Want to give an long over do update.. Hubby's last treatment (chemo & radiation) were 12/23. He was supposed to finish radiation 2 days sooner but had complications with neck burns; they had to get his pain under control. I asked the radiation oncologist for the morphine pops again; this time he gave it to us but it was a 3 day wait for it to get ordered. I'd called pharmacies in both NJ & Philly; no one stocked it, not even hospitals. He ended up using a Fentynol patch for a few days; he was only able to wear it for a few hours as the Fentynol made him sick. They are supposed to be a 24 hour patch. The pain problem was a dry neck - he couldn't have the antibiotic cream on his neck for radiation because he'd fry; which meant he had to go from the shower, we'd wrap his neck in wet gauze & baby wash cloths plus an ace bandage then he'd unwrap when we crossed the bridge. He lost over 20 pounds, which he couldn't afford to lose anything. Healing was very hard on him. He did so well at 1st but his autoimmune kicked in about 2 weeks out to where his blood counts were really low. I ended up taking him to a natural Dr where he had supplements & a vitamin C drip which seemed to work; unfortunately, he needed 2 drips per week but we couldn't fit 2 into our life (it was an all day thing with ride plus waiting for the bag to drip) plus he did not like the way the girls stuck him or pulled the IV out. His body was still sore from all the needles in Philly, he didn't need more pain. Yes, we complained... He got very depressed because he wasn't healing quick enough. I could not get his mood changed. Different antidepressants were tried but nothing worked. What ended up working was our old neighbors came up from Tennessee on Valentines day (he didn't know); so that cheered him. Then we made the decision to have the feeding tube removed. The feeding tube was a huge source of pain; his intestines always hurt; he was usually found doubled up in pain. It was thought he had gas but from what I researched it could have been spasms. Any puree's that I made, he basically shut down & wouldn't eat them, nor would he eat by mouth because he had no taste buds and no saliva. To someone that likes to eat, this is very depressing. He'd tell me that the puree would sit in his stomach & not digest. We saw the radiation nurse practitioner and I was able to speak to her alone.. she backed me up that the tube needed to come out & that he needed to be able to sink or swim. Had he not started eating, they would either feed him via nose or another feeding tube. On 2/22 we saw the ENT surgeon & lied about how much he was eating by mouth; they pulled the feeding tube out.. yes, held a towel over it and yanked & out it came. 5 months after it was put in, it was taken out & he's been doing well eating. His taste buds are better; he's not complaining about the saliva as he knows he's going to have to drink water with almost every bite just to swallow it. Most food will suck up his saliva like a sponge. We knew our health insurance was going to get canceled & it did. He was going to start physical therapy 2 weeks ago when they called to say it was denied for lack of coverage. We've been on this since December, asking for Cobra forms but they never came. Thankfully I know the rep; he told me when it was sent out & when it did not arrive the following Monday & Tuesday (last week) hubby & I made the 2 hour drive to Port Newark to do it in person. We split the driving because neither of us drive that far. The insurance cost us a pretty penny until we are approved; then they will either refund the money, if hubby gets back to work before we use up our large payment or they will deduct the lower amount from my large payment until he does work. He had a PET scan on 2/4 - we were not supposed to get the results until the following week but the nurse practitioner called us the same day because she knew how depressed he was. He told me a week or 2 before the scan that he was not fighting any more nor was he doing this again if treatment did not work; so I was a basket case as well; especially since it was right before my dad's 4 year anniversary of being gone because of cancer. Had we not had my inheritance from my dad I don't know what we would have done to survive. We were very fortunate that we did move to where we are so he had better treatment options. After making the drive to North Jersey the other day, there was no way he could get treated at my original choice, where my dad had treatment; but he was able to get treated at a very large place; which I'm not sure he would have chosen had we still lived in the old house. So, everything has worked out. The next scan will be in 5 months; so we'll see. I'm not sure when he'll be able to get back into his truck to deliver cars; but hopefully he'll be able to do the yard van to drive drivers to their cars. Hopefully physical therapy will help.

Hi... i've posted my story on the stepfamily forum- am currently breaking up with BF after 13 months- came to realization that he is a controlling person. Just posting here to vent about his terrible gift giving. Some of this may be selfish of me: Birthday - his daughter's birthday was 2 weeks before mine. For her birthday, he told ex he would pay for the party ($300). Ex bought snacks for the kids (?$50)We went together to get her birthday presents- he picked out at least 5 or more outfits for her, wanted to make sure she had lots of gifts to open (his own words), spent $150? My birthday two weeks later: I got flowers sent to my work. Got home, he gave me a birthday card, handed me a small box & said "Sorry, I kinda ran out of money, but I wanted to make sure you had something to open". Inside the box was a decorative coin jar, the lid had a baker figurine, and the jar was titled "Extra Dough". I was very disappointed, but hid it. He explained that since cooking together was a thing that we liked to do together, he thought it would be cute. Then took me out to dinner at a really nice steakhouse (I don't eat meat except for seafood- which they had), and given his money comment, I was very budget conscious that night. I tried to let go of if, but it kept eating away at me so a few days later I brought it up that I felt he didn't place much importance on my birthday - compared it to how he basically spared no expense for his daughter (didn't ask ex to split cost), but then when it came to my birthday it was "sorry, i ran out of money". Wanted to make sure she had lots of presents to open, but got me a coin jar! He then told me I was wrong for making him feel bad about spending money on his daughter. He told me that he could have chosen not to take me out to an expensive dinner, and not to get me flowers. I just felt that he could have budgeted better - knowing he had two birthdays, he could have asked ex to split the party costs, but chose not to (another issue that always came up). 1st Anniversary - relationship was already on the rocks. The week before, I mentioned I was thinking of buying myself some jewelry (had some gift cards to use). He didn't want me to, said that he was thinking of doing something nice for our anniversary and buying me a necklace to match a ring that I have. I said he should do that if it's what he wants to do - me buying a necklace for myself would not be as meaningful as something from him, and that besides I hadn't bought anything with the gift cards yet, and might still choose to buy something else. I didn't have much enthusiasm when discussing the anniversary, but since he brought it up, after that i kept bringing it up - asking him what he would like - should we go out for dinner, cook a special meal, etc - he said we'll play it by ear & never made any definite plans although I kept bringing it up. Day of our anniversary, he said "happy anniversary" in the morning. We met up after work. I had my gifts and card laid out for him on the bed. He got me nothing. I was furious and hurt. Even afterwards, he didn't make it up by planning something for us, or even getting me a card or a gift. His reason - he didn't think I was very interested in celebrating b/c I didn't seem very excited about it so he didn't plan anything (true I wasn't all energetic & excited, but I did get him card & gift b/c I thought it was the right thing to do), and he didn't "want to be the jerk who shows up with a present" when the other person doesn't (so I was the jerk?), and that he never made it up afterwards because I made him feel so bad about it.

Some of these responses are hilarious! I've just finished wiping up the spewed coffee... Send me that lamp JNM! Serenity - I just don't think I could deliberately bring myself down to that level of making myself 'gross' on purpose. By accident - sure! But on purpose? Too many years spent trying NOT to do that... BF is very direct and never avoids a confrontation if there's a problem to be solved. If she was hurt by Jack's actions, rest assured Jack will definitely have heard about it already. And if she thinks I did anything wrong, I'll hear about it too! If I were to talk to her about it, she'd definitely chew Jack a new one and take care of the problem right away. But I don't want to give the issue that much credance with her, IYKWIM. Even though I suspect there is a bit of a crush going on, I'd never want to tell her that, and if I don't add that crucial bit of information, even mentioning it as "something that makes me uncomfortable" blows the whole incident out of proportion. (Her logical response would be "He was drunk - It didn't mean anything." To which I could say either "I know" or "Yes it did". Saying it bothers Hubby but I know Jack didn't mean anything by it could come back to Jack as "Sweeby was OK with it but her husband wasn't." As for saying how much of a 'one man woman' I am -- honestly, I think that would backfire. It's already very well known in our circle of friends how happy Hubby and I are together and that Hubby's the only man for me. (The special looks, smiles, hugs, honeymoon glow.) In fact, I think it's our mutual devotion that makes us each attractive to others, if you know what I mean. People who see that closeness want it for themselves -- and mistakenly assume that it comes with the person, not from a relationship that has been carefully nurtured. Hard to explain, but if you've felt it, you'll understand. The more I think of it, the more I think that may be the heart of it all -- so the more I show/say how committed I am to Hubby, the more attractive I would seem to Jack. Odd, huh? And FWIW, BF is very attractive, keeps herself in great shape and has a lot of energy and enthusiasm - so I think Jack would actually be disappointed! So what would make a man like Jack want to 'test the waters' when he absolutely knows what the answer would be? (Because I do think he was doing some of that.)