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sweeby

OT - Awkward situation with BF's Hubby

sweeby
15 years ago

This is way off-topic, but I'd like the opinions of different women (and men?) here for the best way to handle this. (In this post, BF stands for Best Friend, and let's call her husband 'Jack'.)

This past Saturday night Hubby and I were at a Christmas party at BF's house. Hubby was outside with Jack and most of the other men, and I was chatting in the kitchen with BF and most of the other women when I feel someone give my backside a little squeeze in passing. Naturally, I assume it was my husband, and turn to give him a little smile -- but it wasn't my husband -- it was BF's! He then said jokingly something along the lines of "I don't know why I did that - just felt like it I guess." Of course, I was very surprised (and a bit cocktail-befuddled), and ended up doing nothing and simply carried on with the conversation.

Later on as we are getting ready to leave, about 8 of us (including BF and my husband) are standing by the door and Jack mentions to the whole group that he hoped my husband wouldn't "kick his @$$" because he had pinched my backside earlier in the evening and that I had a nice @$$. Again - all I could muster was a 'deer in the headlights' shocked look; Hubby too. But another guest helpfully adds "Well, she must have enjoyed it since I didn't hear her protest!" (Thanks a lot.) Well somebody less befuddled changed the subject and the evening ended on a fun note. I'm pretty easy-going and kind of dismissed it as an alcohol-induced act of stupidity, but my husband (who has a jealous streak) is now dwelling on it.

Some background: BF and I have been close friends for almost 20 years, and our friendship is very important to me. BF and I see each other individually, in all-women groups and in couple's parties, and she has been there for me in thick and thin. She and Jack have been married the entire time I've known her, and Hubby and I have been married for 15 years. Both marriages are solid and stable, but Hubby's and mine is unusually good. In case it wasn't obvious, Jack is 'not the sharpest knife in the drawer', is not terribly cultured and tends to run his mouth when he drinks -- which is whenever we socialize. But he's affable, and BF's an absolute gem -- the sparkling center of our social circle. To complicate things, last year at a different party, Jack made a remark to my husband (and others) about how if anything ever happened to his wife (BF) and to him (Hubby), that I would be the one he'd go for, adding something to the effect that he thought I'd be great in bed. I was able to honestly assure Hubby that Jack would not make my Hubby-replacement short-list and that he had nothing to worry about.

Hubby and I both agree that I dropped the ball in not giving Jack either the 'icy glare' or verbal 'slap in the face' after the butt-pinching incident and its 'for those who missed it recap'. (I was shocked and alcohol-befuddled.) Hubby says if Jack makes another dumb and disrespectful remark like that again, he will kick his @$$. (Hubby's a very physical guy -- He certainly could and actually might -- but come on! They're both in their 50's!) Knowing Jack, I suspect he actually does have a wee bit of a crush on me, and that sooner or later, he's going to make another clumsy remark along similar lines.

My question is what to do about it now. I'd like to have a better response than either my 'deer in the headlights' stupid look, or Hubby's 'kick his @$$' brute force. But Jack's not a subtle guy, and I really don't want to damage my friendship with BF or put a strain on our future couples' socializing.

Do I say something now?

To Jack or BF?

Does Hubby?

Do we wait until it happens again?

Hubby and I both agreed to ask you folks!

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