I was surprised to see this thread come up again. I see why, now. I am so sorry to hear about your Mother, Meriaux. I know it's small comfort at the time, but the thing that helped me get through it was knowing that people have done this before. A lot of us here have been through it. I absolutely understand how you feel, I lost my Mom in 2002. I have no brothers or sisters and not much other family so I understand feeling alone. The fact that you were so close makes it all the harder to go on without her, but you have her memory to guide you. The torch is passed. You know she would want you to do your best. At least you got to know your Mom, and she loved you. Some don't even have that much. I know your Mom would tell you should in NO way feel guilty about your premonition. Premonitions don't cause things to happen, any more than the weather forecast causes it to rain. Death is just a part of life. It will happen to us all one day. Your Mother was close to my age, and I hope you don't think it irreverent to talk about, but if I had to pick a way to go I'd want to go quick. It would be a shock to the survivors, though I guess, with no time to adjust. But it's heart breaking to have to watch a loved one suffer, sometimes for years. Mother's Day wasn't that long ago. Things are still really fresh for you. Trust me, it will ease with time. There have been many words of sympathy and comfort that have been written. I kindof liked this one.I hope y'all don't mind if I include the poem I picked for my Mother's holy card (or whatever they call them these days). (I knew she'd want one for the funeral as that's what she believed in) I chose a more modern picture of a kindly Jesus embracing someone who has just "come home"... Don't think of her as gone away Her journey's just begun Life holds so many facets This earth is only one Just think of her as resting From the sorrows and the tears In a place of warmth and comfort Where there are no days and years Think how she must be wishing That we could know, today Now nothing but our sadness Can really pass away And think of her as living In the hearts of those she touched For nothing loved is ever lost And she is loved so very much. -Anonymous

Thank you all for your kind thoughts! Our modem on the computer wasn't working on Tuesday night. It started out fine but completely died around 8:00 p.m. I tried rebooting the computer and turning the DSL box off and on. Nothing worked. When I looked at the computer settings, the modem wasn't being recognized so I figured it croaked. I watched TV the rest of the night and sulked. The computer worked just fine for Bob later Tuesday night after I went to bed. On Wednesday, it worked just fine too. I was finally able to look at my Facebook page and saw a post from my brother with a link to the eulogy he wrote for Mary's memorial on Tuesday night! I totally missed her memorial/wake! I was so hurt that no one told me about it. Then I checked my cell phone and called my voicemail. My sister left a message on Monday telling me about the wake. I never saw anything on my cell phone saying I had a message. I am convinced that Mary was haunting me on Tuesday night and made the modem on my computer stop working. I think she was telling me she was a little upset that I didn't make her memorial and wasn't able to say my formal good-bye. I feel so hurt and upset that no one made sure I knew when it was! I check my email and Facebook every day so they could have contacted me that way. I feel so awful that I am embarrassed to go to Mary's daughter's wedding in a couple of weeks. They will think I'm an awful person for missing her memorial. I don't have any of their phone numbers or email addresses. *sigh* As if her death wasn't bad enough. At least I know she cares enough to haunt me.

I haven't lost either of my parents yet, but the time is coming and seems to be advancing faster and faster. My father has had several close calls with death since November of last year and my mother's health is going downhill rapidly. Both have different health issues but the one thing they have in common is that we lost my sister to cancer this February at the age of 47, and then lost my son suddenly July 18 at the age of 30. My son lived with them and helped me take care of them. I have been their cook, errand runner, doctor visit taker, medicine getter, everything for years. I do not live in the house with them but saw them twice a day everyday until my son passed. I have been trying to heal myself so I can begin taking care of them again. Since my son's death both have been in the hospital for at least a few days each. We've had high points and low points in our lives and relationships but now we are closer than we have ever been. I know it's inevitable that they are going to pass, the question is when and will I be able to handle it? Having gone through the death of my sister who suffered horribly for several months before her death and then when I felt like I was beginning to process her death, my son choked to death. That threw me into a tailspin and I am learning to get through each day, one day at a time. I have learned that everybody grieves differently and at a different pace. If I feel the need to cry, I cry. If I feel that I can't get up and go, I don't. I do try to get some exercise everyday, walking the dogs is a good excuse for me to do it. I find that when I don't excercise I feel worse. Even stretches and yoga are enough to release endorphines to make you feel better. I want my son's pictures and things around me. I wear his sunglasses and have his pillow so I can smell him. My parents have my sister's ashes in their living room and Daddy puts his glasses on the box they are in every night. I do believe that when my parents pass, I will have the tools I need to cope. I will miss them more than anything but it won't be a new experience for me, other than it will be my parents passing instead of my sister and son. I spoke with my doctor and she gave me anti-anxiety meds to try for a month to see if I can get through the day without a breakdown, they seem to help but if they stop working I will consider antidepressants to help me cope. My thoughts are with you all who have lost your parents and I know I will be in your shoes way too soon. I just know that as bad as I will miss them, they are not happy being unable to care for themselves and be independent like they were their entire lives. It has to be hard for them to turn to their children to do all the things they used to do for us, even though we try to give them all the dignity we can. I will soothe myself by knowing they were not happy or healthy in their last few years and they will no longer be in pain or struggling to breathe.

Even when a loved one has some health issues and we have it in the back of our mind that there may be life-limitations ... it is so hurtful when death comes, especially when the loved one is a house-mate. I send my condolences, with prayers offered that you and family may remember the good times together and that they may help you find peace in your hearts during these next stressful days. (((((Kitty and family))))) ole joyful