Hello everyone, I really need Your advice. I have a 15-year-old stepdaughter that’s been living with me and my husband since she was nine her mother couldn’t take her because of her behavior and my husband was given custody. When she first came to live with us I only had my two-year-old son And was a stay at home mom, I gave my husband all the support that he needed since I believe that his daughter needed him.He also has another daughter with the same woman but that one lives with her. Things were fine when mom was out of the picture she was very disengaged but when my step daughter turned 11 she tried to get back in our lives through my stepdaughter manipulating and causing drama for my husband and I. Things changed drastically, my stepdaughter‘s behavior turned disrespectful and vengeful to the point that one day she got physical between her and me she she bit me scratched me kicked me in front of my son I didn’t do anything, didn’t touch her at all because of mom’s and dad‘s history of a back-and-forth and police reports and blah blah blah. I didn’t know how to handle the situation and I moment I was very angry very mad and all I wanted to do was just yell and scream but I had nobody to do it with because my husband wasn’t home yet I was calling him constantly to come home and when he got there I just exploded but to my dismay his response was not what I was expecting his anger was not towards his daughter was towards me he told me that if I wanted to talk to him I needed to calm down and to me that was that was just it that after all of that he came to me and disciplined me instead of his daughter. I did not think it through and I just packed my things and left with my son and my daughter at the time. We spent almost 2 years separated I was leaving in another state with my two kids and he stayed at home with his daughter during this time his stepdaughter was by herself her mom disengaged again she did not care that her 11-year-old daughter was constantly by herself when my husband was working, She didn’t care that her daughter had no adult supervision for hours and hours. Time passed my children were OK but I know that they miss their dad I miss my husband terribly because even though he wasn’t acting the way that he was supposed to I still loved him and at the same time I felt bad for my stepdaughter because I knew that she was just a child and that she-was being manipulated by her mom. Eventually I move back we started working on a new business I was very time consuming the first year was OK second year was OK but now my step daughter is 15 going on 30 And things are much worse than what they were before now she Feels that she’s a woman that she doesn’t need to respect me if I speak to her or I tried to tell her something that it’s wrong she’ll talk back to me in front of my kids she’ll yell at me she’ll scream at me she’ll tell me to shut up to get out of her way and so on. I tried to talk to my husband about this situation many times but he just gets defensive and angry even though I told him that there’s nothing I could do that he’s the one that needs to set the boundaries to ask his daughter that she needs to respect me to make her understand that even though she lives in our house she needs to respect me and respect our household because at the same time she is doing this in front of my children and that’s my biggest fear I do not want to raise my kids thinking that it’s OK to disrespect me to walk all over me or to talk back to me that’s Not the way that I see myself raising my children starting to resent my husband for his behavior and for enabling his daughter at the same time sometimes I think that my best decision will be to move out again But that’s not really what I want. Sorry about any misspellings and typos I was writing this on my phone while in my car. Any advice would be appreciated thank you!
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