Congrats on finding land you love! Below is a link to an old Gardenweb thread you might want to read before closing on the land purchase. If there are things mentioned that you haven't done before you close, they should definitely be at the top of your list to take care of ASAP. As for doing part of work on the house yourselves, it is certainly possible but how successful you'll be depends in large part on just how 'handy' you really are and on how much time and energy you have to devote. You don't mention having any children yet but, since you mentioned wanting 3 or 4 bedrooms and that you're in your late 20's, I'm guessing that you may plan on having a child or two eventually. A pregnancy WHILE you are in the midst of building can severely cut into your time/energy for devoting to the build while simultaneously putting a sense of pressure on you to 'just get the darned house finished!' LOL! So, my advice is be careful not to bite off more than you can chew. But, if you have some actual building experience already... like maybe having volunteered extensively with Habitat for Humanity or having done some major renovations on a previous home... and can accurately judge both your skill level and the time you'll have available to devote - then go for it. Nobody else will ever put as much CARE into building your home as you will! Getting a contractor who is in charge of finishing the entire house to agree to let you do certain portions of the work yourself MAY prove difficult. Contractors are much more likely to prefer to hire 'professionals' under the claim that they can rely on professionals to get in and get the job done and that having the homeowner do part of the work could delay the overall progress. It also puts you and the general contractor in a rather odd relationship in that, the general contractor works for you but, to the extent you are acting as subcontractor for some portion of the work, you work for him. It kind of blurs the lines of authority. It is also possible to enter into a contract with a builder to him do the foundation, framing, rough plumbing, roofing, and finish the shell (up to dried-in stage or to the sheetrocked stage or to whatever point you decide) and, once he has completed all the work he was hired to do, he gets paid and steps out of the picture leaving you to finish the rest of it yourselves...either by directly hiring subcontractors or by doing the hands on work yourselves. Getting a bank on board with this kind of plan can be a bit difficult though. Banks typically want the house to be finished and ready to be lived in when the last of the construction loan money is drawn down. Plus, if there are any warranty issues once the house is fully complete, it can be difficult to nail down responsibility. Another option would be to go the owner-builder route so that your are your own general contractor for the entire build. That way you hire can subcontractors or do specific jobs yourself, as you desire. You're in total charge. There are consulting companies that, for a fee (which is much less than a general contractor's typical percentage) will guide and assist you as you owner-build. They lead you thru the applicable laws so that you get all the necessary permits and inspections, advise you on the order in which to do various jobs...including how far in advance one usually needs to order certain materials, provide you with lists of pre-vetted subcontractors which you can choose to hire, etc. They'll even help you find banks that will give construction loans to owner-builders. Working with such a consulting company can give you the same clout with subcontractors that a volume builder would have because the subcontractors know that, if they don't do a good job for you, they lose all future business that might come their way via the owner-builder consultant. (And owner-builders tend to pay subcontractors ON TIME so, once they've worked for an OB, many subcontractors actually wind up preferring it.) Be aware that, as an owner-builder, YOU are responsible for any state mandated warranties if you sell the house to someone else before the warranty periods have expired. My sense, from being on this board for more than 5 years now, is that owner-building is MUCH more common (and much more accepted) in the south than in the north...maybe because we tend to have fewer laws that protect homeowners from being victimized by unscrupulous builders here in the south so, to protect themselves, more southerners decide to owner-build. Or, maybe it is simply because having warmer weather most of the year just makes owner-building seem more attractive. Let's face it, most of us know that we don't want to be freezing our buns off hanging sheetrock or installing tile in an unfinished unheated shell in the middle of the winter! We don't even want to have to be closely inspecting a sub-contractor's work when it's 20 degrees outside. LOL! I know at least a dozen different people who have owner-built custom homes (with guidance from one of several different owner-builder consulting companies) and every single one of them says that they saved money, got a nicer home, and would owner-build again in a heartbeat. As for plans... you have several options for finding a plan and there are pros and cons to each: 1) If you want a custom design, hire an architect and have them create one just for you. Expect to pay anywhere from about $5/sq foot to 15% or more of your build price for architectural services. Price depends how detailed you want the plans and specs to be and what services, if any, you want the architect to provide beyond just rendering basic plans. If you want the architect to oversee the build process (i.e., ride head on the general contractor) expect to pay quite a bit more than if you just want them to render plans for you. At a minimum, if I hired an architect, I would want them to provide plans and complete specifications and then agree to be available (perhaps for an hourly fee) to settle any disputes regarding interpretation of the plans. And I would also expect them to provide, for free, any additional architectural services that proved necessary due to any flaws/omissions in the original plans. 2) Find a design online or in a house plan book that you generally like, purchase it along with a CAD version, and have it modified as needed to meet local codes. Some of the online plan sources now ask where you plan to build. I assume they do so so that they can advise you on whether the plan you have chosen already meets the building codes in your jurisdiction or can be modified easily to meet codes. Unless you find a plan that needs very very little modification to suit you perfectly though, you may wind up wasting significant time and money going this route. And apparently a lot of architects really don't like being asked to modify a pre-existing plan. You may have more luck if you hire a younger architect who is hungry for work. Alternatively, take the CAD to a draftsman to revise then have it the revised plan reviewed by a structural engineer with knowledge of local code requirements. Note that, in this case, if there are any flaws/omissions in the final plans, you're on your own hook to work out an acceptable solution with the builder. 3) Find a house built locally that you like, track down the architect and find out if he/she will license the plan to you. Be aware that if the house was fully custom, the architect may have contracted with the homeowner NOT to re-license the same work within a certain distance from the original build. (Folks who have paid for a truly custom design may not want another home exactly like theirs being built a block away!) Building a house from a plan that has already been successfully built minimizes that chances that there are undiscovered flaws/omissions in the plan. 4) Hire a design/build company that has an architect/draftsman on board. The really major potential problem with going this route is that, once you have a satisfactory plan, you can't put the design out for competitive bids. You are locked into either accepting the price the design/build company gives you for building the house or starting back over at square one. And, if midway thru the build, you find you have to fire your builder (it happens) or he goes bankrupt (it also happens), I'm not at all sure what legal right you would have to use the plans to finish the build. 5) Hire a volume builder and just choose one of their designs. Typically the only customizing that a volume builder will allow is in the finish work. I.e., you can choose paint colors, carpet colors, and choose from among the a limited palette of tiles, hardwoods, plumbing fixtures, and lighting fixtures. Don't go in thinking you can ask them to move walls or add in a window or two. Probably won't happen! 6) Design your own home. This takes an immense amount of time and study. It is definitely NOT for the faint of heart or those who are unwilling to learn one heck of a lot about architectural design and building codes AND be willing to learn to use a reasonably good CAD program. It also probably helps to have a good knowledge of basic physics and, even then, you'll probably eventually want to have your design carefully reviewed by a structural engineer. And of course, if there are any flaws/omissions in the design, coming up with a way to fix them is all on you. Here is a link that might be useful: What do you need to do/know if buying raw land

Existing floor is actually laminate. Cannot afford to replace it. The two rooms don't join next to each other and are on different floors (split level home). I measured the "boards" on the laminate and they are about 3 1/4" to 3 1/2" but you cannot really see the divisions as no real spaces between the pseudo-boards. I do think the 3 1/4" would look more rustic, and for what it is worth they would match the existing laminate the best I suppose (although I could get away with 2 1/4" as well in that regard). Any other thoughts/feedback, anyone?

Lovemykids Too, I'm so sorry you are going through this. There are a lot of parents who have been through similar things, so don't feel like you are the only one. We went through some difficult times with one of my kids, so I sympathize with you and I have advice. First, nurture and take care of your marriage. For a lot of couples these kinds of problems take a toll on a marriage. Next, even if your son won't go to counseling, you can go. Particularly if he has anxiety and/or depression you may want to get some tips on how to handle this from a professional. If you haven't been to counseling before then keep in mind you may have to try more than one to find someone you can relate to. My husband and I found a wonderful counselor who had been through a lot of the same things our child had been through, but the first counselor we tried was a useless waste of time. If it were my child, I would consider paying for a cell phone for my son. It would be worth it to me to be able to call him directly if he went back to live at his girlfriend's house. But you don't owe him a cell phone and don't pay for one if you don't want to. In my opinion you are doing the right thing about the car. If the car becomes a major point of contention then I might even sell it or keep it and store it somewhere else. Since I'm not familiar with the situation I am just guessing, but perhaps the situation might partially resolve itself as time goes on? I can't imagine your son's girlfriend's parents like having an unemployed 19 year old man around who can't help pay for food and has no car. Hmmm, sleeping on the couch, sharing a car, burden on girlfriend's family....betcha there's more to that story than he's telling. Maybe girlfriend will lose interest after a few months if he has no more money. I would talk to the counselor about what to do when your son swears at you and says he hates you. Our daughter never did that and I have no idea what to do but I would be very reluctant to allow a grown man (or woman), even my own child, swear at me and say he hates me while he was standing in my own house. I would sit down with my husband and my son and work out a formal agreement between adults who live in the same house. I would go to a neutral location, like a local McDonald's, sit down with a cup of coffee and a notepad and tell him that you respect the fact that he is an adult. Ask him to tell you what he thinks parents should expect from an adult son living in their house and what adult sons should expect from their parents. Hear him out. Stay calm. Although he is sort of an adult, he's a very young adult, so model the behavior you wish he would use. If he starts getting angry or if you start getting angry, you can always stop the session with "I'm glad we sat down and talked together, it has been very helpful to hear what you think, let us think about it and we'll talk again tomorrow". If he is talking without swearing or yelling then be sure to end the session before he gets tired or overwhelmed and the situation deteriorates. Resist the urge to keep pushing through because he's been *good*. At this point you want to start a pattern of reasonable communication more than you want the agreement, although you do want the agreement. Another tool in your toolbox is "convince me". Instead of convincing HIM that you are right, ask him to convince you. I think I would find something that you think you could compromise on and let him convince you before I started on something bigger. Another great phrase is "you are an adult and I know you will figure this out". Also excellent is "what is your plan", a very versatile phrase. Also good is "you are an adult, adults contribute to the household they live in, how do you plan to contribute to this household". Adults living in a household pay their way, either rent, chores, or both. My daughter asked to discuss our issues by email and I was reluctant to do that, but it worked out much better for her and surprisingly also for her dad. We handled some in person but some in email. Work out consequences for infractions, yours and his. Don't agree to consequences that you won't follow through on. Don't tell him he can't live there if he doesn't mow the grass unless you're prepared to make him move out if he doesn't mow the grass. Not all consequences have to be negative. Maybe one of his consequences has to be finding a joke that makes the whole family laugh, maybe he has to figure out how to make ganache for the family or you get to wake him up with a silly song in the morning. Maybe the family has to eat dinner and talk to one another only through sock puppets, or he has to learn to say a phrase of your choice in Italian. Or give him a choice out of 3 things. I picked something that my daughter could not do without laughing and that worked like magic. She couldn't wallow in her role as martyred victim if she was laughing. Stay calm. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page. If your son starts swearing, yelling, saying hateful things or if you start getting angry you can always tell him that you are stepping away for now until you can all talk like reasonable adults. Your theme is reasonable, calm, adult. It may take some time to change the dynamic and don't expect overnight change. Since your son has anxiety and depression, it would probably be very helpful if there is some kind of exercise or outdoor activity he would do with your husband, you, or a sibling. Kayaking? Rock climbing or bouldering? Disc golf? Geocaching? That phone Pokemon thing together? I doubt you will accomplish anything positive by criticizing the girlfriend. Just try not to dwell on the girlfriend in your head. I tried very hard to remember that I taught my daughter to do the right thing, and if she wasn't doing it that was on her, not her boyfriend. Your best hope is that you taught your son well and hopefully he will recognize the flaws in his girlfriend over time and they will either both grow up and be better people or he will end that relationship. Having 5K, blowing it all because his girlfriend wanted him to and ending up with no job, no car, and no money to do fun things with that girlfriend is a priceless lesson that could save him untold amounts of grief later in life. Don't be manipulated, it won't help your son. Have confidence in yourself and remember that what you want is a responsible, reasonable, self-supporting son in the long run. My once-difficult daughter is now a kind, thoughtful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is as lovely on the inside as she is on the outside, which is saying a lot because she's very pretty. I could not ask for a better daughter. And her bratty boyfriend is now a wonderful, responsible, hard-working, delightful adult who is a much-loved and wanted member of our family (they married last year). But in the thick of our difficult times all I could do was try to do the right thing, hang on and hope for the best. Best of everything to you and your family and hang in there.

I was thinking was socal said. You mention wanting "land for the kids", but often what kids want is access to other kids. I'm in an older suburb with smaller lots (e.g., 65-80' wide on average) and bands of little kids are always out and about in each other's yards, and mine. I love that! The trade off with having smaller yards is that my kids grew up in a great school district where they walked or biked to school, town, pool, parks, etc. - part of their lifestyle rather than being driven everywhere. It's nice for the parents, too, to have that neighborly support system when something comes up and the kids need watching. You may feel differently, but I'd caution that you make sure the land you want is for you and your spouse. Hopefully your kids will feel the same way, but if they don't at least you and your wife will enjoy the land.