Well, thanks again to all of you who tried to help me. Anglo and mxk3, not sure how to respond. Obviously there are far more choices now and that doesn't mean what worked in the past can't work now. But we are living in a time of a great deal - too much - choice, and so when we have options, we try our best to find the best solution. Not sure how that is so "ridiculous." And I guess if it were me reading someone else's question about leaving a beloved custom home I might expect there are other reasons besides the bedroom situation. (And there are, just figured I wouldn't write a novel.) mxk3, really not sure how a mom trying to do the best for her family is so unrelatable, no matter how much money she has or doesn't.

Thanks again to those who offered your family situations and stories.

katrina: I haven't read all the responses (sorry if I'm repeating.) It might help to make a list of all the things you do love about your house, and then the things that don't work so well. That might help you narrow down a wish list for your next move. If you are downsizing, it might help to think about rooms that can be flexible - set up for big family dinners or parties, but used at other times for homework or whatever. (Having a DR open to a living room has helped me when I have more that a dozen for dinner - I set up extra tables in the LR and we all still feel together.)

For me and DH, location (great schools, walk-to school, town, train, church, etc.) and a family friendly neighborhood were the first considerations. When we did an addition/remodel, we added a bathroom so our 2 kids (one girl, one boy) could each have their own bathroom. That was hugely helpful when they were both getting ready for school at the same time. (Now they're both in college.) And of course a big kitchen is always nice because that's where you gather the most.

My house is only about half the size of yours, but now that my 2 are in college and I'm a widow, my house feels too big for me and the dog! So I think it's great that you're planning forward and thinking about trimming back.

Ridiculous is not planning for a future. Currently you are thinking of a new home but are you also thinking about your future after are the children are gone? If one of you or more develop a health problem that prevents the use of the stairs? Will you be one of those people who as rooms are no longer needed decide to no longer heat or cool those areas of the house only to find that there is no way to do that? Life if not an immediate "Now" but also a future that NEEDS to be considered especially when planning a living area. To do otherwise is wasting your time and money.

The problem is too many UNNECESSARY choices! People are complicating home building! I have no problem at all with a large house. If I were younger and had the money, I might well buy a "stately home" in the UK. But just look at the floor plans of those houses (Rightmove has the floorpans of nearly all the houses for sale - wonderful "extra"!). These floorplans work. Yes, there may be a "morning room" and a "billiards room", but other than that, there were the usual rooms and lots and lots of bedrooms. They worked...they just plain worked.

The average american moves 3 times. We are in our 3rd forever home. lol The first home (3/2) worked good for my husband, daughter and I until our son was born. Then our 14 year forever home became to small. Our second (4/3) home that we built was larger and the 4 of us were there 24 years until the kiddos flew the coop. Then there was rooms that we didn't use anymore, but the rooms that we did use were now to small. One thing we didn't take into consideration was yes the kids were gone but now our family expanded due to marriage and grand-kids. We went from a family of 4 to a family of 10. When we are all together (which is often) the living/dining area was too small for all of us. Our 3rd and present home is the largest sq ft we owned (4/2 1/2), less rooms but larger rooms. So in our retirement instead of downsizing we up-sized. Will we be here forever? Who knows. We could croak tomorrow. What would happen if we become handicapped? Simple we will just move again to a place that suits our needs at that time. Families dynamics change and each family is different in its needs/wants. Why be in a home that doesn't suit your family anymore just because other people think it should work. And no it wasn't a waste of time or money. We loved every house at the time and doubled our profit when we sold both houses. In fact the 2nd and present house we never had a mortgage.

So katrinayhh, build what you want that suits YOUR family now. It could be your forever home or maybe it wouldn't. Why be unhappy in a home just because it might fit your future needs, but not your present needs.

^^ The kicker for me is it was custom built; how on Earth can someone build a 7000 sq ft behemoth to accommodate a young family and now the layout "doesn't work"? I cannot comprehend this.

functionthenlook, I love how as your kids have grown you have still needed more space, that just says so much about how close your family must be to choose to gather together often. Bravo! I always thought we'd downsize when our kids leave home, but I hear lots of families in our area choose to keep their family homes for just that reason.

chicagoans, I love the DR/LR idea...we often entertain at the holidays and I have had fun setting a huge table. In a smaller home, I'd love to borrow your idea and use two adjoining rooms.

mxk3, yup. I made a mistake. I feel bad enough about it already, but I didn't expect to get shamed on Houzz for building a too-big house without enough bedrooms close together for a family I didn't yet have. Sheesh.

Don't stress. I just bought and moved into a 5,500 sq. ft house with an additional 1,000 sq. ft rental cottage. It's just DH, two dogs and a tenant. Now, how ridiculous is that?

(I am enjoying it.)

Like I said. Set a budget, identify the area, determine what you can get for your budget, make a list of your likes and dislikes, and go get a good realtor. The rest will take care of itself.

I just think some people are upset not that you have a large house, but that they don't. Could I afford a 7000 sq ft house, no. But if you can afford it why not. I never understood why people knock people better off than themselves. Most people aren't born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Most worked hard, smart and sacrificed for what they have and have earned every right to spend it anyway they want without ridicule.

I'm sad you are leaving a home you love. Not sure I have anything useful to add. We have master on one end of 2nd floor, and the three other bedrooms at the far end of a (literally) 30 foot hallway (yes its stupid design, we bought it that way). I worried about my little babies being so far away. We put a fence/gate at the top of the stairs. As they grew (remember that saying, "this too, shall pass") -- they are VERY capable of getting Mom/Dad's attention even when down at the end of the (very long) hall. Hollering, walking, running -- if they needed our attention, they got it. Now if said kids had special needs, or other issues that really would have benefited from someone literally in the room next door -- there were nights I spent in the bed with them, on the floor next to them. Knock on wood, thankfully, we haven't had too many of those episodes.

I guess I'm offering that there isn't one recipe that will answer all your needs. Frankly for us I think one of the best things has been the location -- we don't spend huge amounts of time going from practices, to school, to music, to the grocery, etc. -- for our area we are pretty centrally located, and that's been great. School is close by, and now they are older but not driving yet -- it feels like I'm driving laps every day (and only 2 kids). Can't imagine if we lived on some of the farther reaches of our town. I can get to grocery, do the shopping, and be back - in 30 minutes.

We looked further away (to get more for our $) but living relatively close to work -- we can be there for recitals, practices, games, etc. with less stress.

Depending on your location, sounds like Option 1 could easily expand to match the price of Option 2. And...also sounds like you may not have a place to live since your current home has sold -- if you go Option 1 you may need to live elsewhere (lead / abestos abatement?)...

Good luck!

I for one am not knocking her for having the big house or apparently having the money to have one. The planning should have started long ago and future considerations should have been taken into looked at before going under contract.

mxk3 - Life changes. And sometimes what you need (want) at that time changes. Some years ago I spent good money to design a custom house. We ended up not building it as we found an existing house for sale that we felt met our needs then. We sold the land we bought to build the house on. Looking back on it - I am glad I didn't build that house as I would have sold it when our needs changed. That existing house we bought and thought would be a forever house is now two houses ago. Stuff changes.

To the OP - I think it is hard to have a house that works forever. When we bought that existing house we had 6 people living there. We used every inch of the 4400 SF + guest house + two double garages. Our next house, though, was about 3000 SF (no guest house) and we used all of it as well (but only 4 of us lived there). And, now that is DH and I we've sold that 3000 SF house and are about to close on a 2300 SF house. All of those houses worked well for us for a certain period of time. But our needs changed over time and it made sense to move. Trying to pick one house that will work forever just never really worked for me.

Katrinavhh - I think you've gotten a lot of good advice. List the pros and cons of your current home and what works right now.

As far as bedrooms, my current home has all the bedrooms on the second level. I have 2 teenagers and I like that we're all on the same level. It makes it easier to enforce bedtime (and getting them off their iPads or phones) and when they're sick (yes, they still get me at their ages) I'm right there.

A friend has their master bedroom on the first floor with the kids' bedrooms upstairs. One of their kids fell down the stairs a few times coming down when she was sick, breaking her ankle once. Her kids are teenagers also and she feels like she can't trust them to unplug for bedtime and she's threatened to get baby monitors to keep an eye on them. She has also found that sometimes the kids lounge in her room because, believe it or not, they're too lazy to go upstairs. And her master bathroom gets used all the time.

I would think that your days of having kids wake you in the middle of the night are nowhere near over. If you do decide you want the privacy of a first floor master, I would look for a house that had a divided staircase, meaning have say 7 stairs up, a small landing, then another set of stairs vs one long run of stairs (my friend's daughter that fell was on one long run of stairs). But I'm a nervous nelly that works at a hospital so I see way too much.

As far as other features that work for us, we live in an area where the vast majority of people have finished basements, and that is "the" hangout place for teenagers. No one wants to be on the same level as their folks.

If I were to build or have the budget to completely remodel my home, I would make the kitchen twice as big as it is now. We technically have a dining room but it's never been used as one. We made it the kids' playroom when they were younger and now there are desks, computers and bookcases so it's become their study. My dream kitchen would be big enough for a large table since I can't fit one now, and since I don't have a dining room, it makes it really hard to entertain (plus I do not have seating at my island).

I think our biggest mistake though was not getting a 3 car garage. I live in an area with all 4 seasons and we keep our cars in the garage, so there's not a lot of room for bikes, the lawn mower, the snow blower and all their sports equipment.

I'd be bummed about moving from a dream home that I built, but if it doesn't fit your family's needs, it doesn't. Take mxk3's opinion with a grain of salt. In my area 7,000 sq ft homes are not the norm either; maybe in your area they are. My house is 2,500 sq ft, which is 1,000 sq ft bigger than the house I grew up in. People make it "work". Just be realistic about your "wants" vs your "needs" as no house out there is going to check everything on your list.

Best of luck!

Actually, the average American moves 11.4 times in their lifetime.

So don't worry that you didn't get it "right" the first time!

(I'm in my 24th move since joining the full-time working world and can't wait for the next few moves before the final feet-first exit!)

The reality is that what you want changes over time - and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

DH and I have no kids and are on home number 6 (not counting rentals) which have ranged from 1700 SF to 4500 SF. More than one was what we thought was our "DREAM HOME" at the time. Guess what? Dreams change. No biggie. Move on. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would love living in an attached condo with no yard, no garage, etc. But we are almost 5 years in and we LOVE IT!

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You could choose something perfect for you now and it may not be in the future.

Yes, ask the questions about what you do and don't like in the current home to help guide your next choice but I think you should stop with the pressure.

Just my $.02

Worty, sorry I didn't specify move into a home that you own. Of course it could be debatable depending on the survey.

Whew .. interesting how some people responded. I like to share even if a repeat of someone. Like sarahsocal we have moved alot. This is our 6th home and had other moves to including apartments. You always make do but I applaud you for thinking this through!

As this thread progressed you spoke of two properties. You threw remodel in the mix. It can be tough. How long will it take and how does everyone deal with that stress.. do you want to deal with all that?

But moving to your question

If you redo a kitchen.. a supplemental mini fridge is a really nice thing to have for drinks. I miss our old mud porch with all that storage for the coats and shoes.

We have always been on the same floor and in this home we had choices. In this house my 2 middle schoolers are in the sub basement bedroom which is larger than their old one and there is a full bath. They spend a lot of time in their room. It can get loud and they like the privacy (and so do we).

Good luck!

The average american moves 3 times.

Wow, this proves that when I tell DH I'm above average, I'm right! ;)

I've moved 8x in my adult life.

As stated, get what works for you now and for the next 10 years. Then worry about what's next.

(Edited because I forgot the rental I was in for the past 2 years)

Actually, the average American moves 11.4 times in their lifetime.

Oh shoot. Now I have to let DH know I'm below average? Nah!

When the kids were young,we were on the same floor even though the MB wasn't. We used the 2 smallest bedroom because of the en suite. We used the MB as a guest room,then. Our youngest was about 9 when we moved downstairs. Good luck!

Why is it out of line to say I can't comprehend something? I'm rude because disagree with the crowd? No. I just don't share the same viewpoint.

Mxk, it was your tone implying something was wrong with the OP because she has decided to to sell her house after having it built. Your word behemoth, and how you said it was rude.

H B said: Frankly for us I think one of the best things has been the location -- we don't spend huge amounts of time going from practices, to school, to music, to the grocery, etc. -- for our area we are pretty centrally located, and that's been great. School is close by, and now they are older but not driving yet -- it feels like I'm driving laps every day (and only 2 kids). Can't imagine if we lived on some of the farther reaches of our town. I can get to grocery, do the shopping, and be back - in 30 minutes.

True, true, true! It took me a lot of houses before I learned the golden rule of real estate.....location, location, location....really does mean something. We were always looking at features we could get on our budget, which usually meant living in the exurbs. (See, we all make mistakes).

I heard someone say live close to the high school. Our current house is a very walkable mile to the high school, and this has been amazing. Kids are at a high school for four years, can be involved in a lot of stuff, want to be more independent, and even when they start driving themselves to school....they are still learning to drive. Our last house was 5 miles of country driving from the high school. It terrified me thinking about my child driving that and I always knew we'd have to move before that happens.

Although the kids miss living in the country, and I miss the sound of a rooster in the morning. Trade-offs.

I’d stay in the 7000 sq ft house if finance is not an issue, there is always a way to work around. You could make a bedroom out of your huge master bathroom........if you post your floor plan on building a home, the pros there could help you. A 7000 sq ft home is great for a family with a lot of kids. And later on your kids will all have their own families, you’d need a big house for them to stay. Can you cancel the contract? :-) I see your future is to stay where you are.......

Not sure how your options compute - but if you are considering the MCM house na remodel then there must be something about it that is interesting to you.

If that's the case - find and architect and have him help you with your wants / needs to see what is possible in the remodel. Otherwise, you may simply reconstruct something that won't work for you either!

I'd also consider reworking your existing home - with that kind of space, I can't imagine that you can't get it to work with some creative architectural help.

We raised 3 kids will all our bedrooms on the 2nd floor, and each child had his or her own room. Worked well. Do NOT build your first floor MBR under the kids' bedrooms or bonus room unless you are deaf or prefer their music tastes and noise.

I thought MxK's question is valid, and straightforward. I don't sense any inadequate 'tone' the way the question was being asked.

In fact I thought it is quite odd with 7000 sqft size (not an inexpensive undertake), why the professionals such as builder/contractors/architect from the first build (assume there were professionals involved) did not help the OP to build a home that would take care of both short term and long term needs for the family.

It is even more strange after living in the house for 9 years, it seems the OP still could not identify the missing wants and needs based on their family's plan, and incorporate them in the next build. Sounds like she really needs to seek out help from competent professionals.

My thought is that the OP just wants a new house. Which is fine and that is their decision but without knowing what is wanted and already having the old house under contract I did wonder if the original post was just someone wanting to write down their thoughts. MxK and azmom comments echo my confusion.

There are many ways to fit a family of 5 in a 7000 sq ft home if she won’t have fiancé problems. Then she talked about a couple homes that were half size of her current home, I sensed that she is downsizing for other reasons too. Hope everything works out for her family.

We built our house when my kids were 5 and a newborn. I have the master on the main and 3 bedrooms and a bonus room upstairs. Maybe it’s just us, but my kids didn’t require a ton of middle of the night trips once they were out of infancy. A baby monitor was all I needed to stay connected. As the kids grew up the upstairs became their domain. They had the big bonus room for playing, a tv, and a great place to spread out for sleep overs. Now they are both grown and off to life and college. So we just shut down the upstairs and live on the main floor and basement(DH has his woodshop down there). Our house is about 3500sf.

I never understood the "when the kids get older, you will want to be away from them" mentality. It wasn't a problem for our family having all the bedrooms upstairs. We were there for our young kids when they needed us in the night, and when they were older, it didn't make a difference to me and my husband or my kids that we were all still sleeping upstairs. They are grown and on their own now. Our home is a 3k sq ft - 4 br, 3 bath Colonial farmhouse, 125+ years old. The house is big for my husband's and my needs but I have no desire to move at the moment. We use the rooms that we have always used. Kitchen, bathrooms, parlor, bedroom. We don't really use the den, dinning room, kid's bedroom. So there is no need to clean those everyday. So no real work cleaning the house then before. Actually it is less time spent doing that chore. The only thing I would suggest is having at least one bath on the second floor (we have 2) and having at least one with a bathtub. It doesn't matter if the tub is on the first or second floor. Just have one.

I have to agree with having or at least keeping one tub. Things happen in life where soaking a body part in necessary.

Lots to comment on, not enough time to do it justice, but again, thanks so much to everyone for your thoughts on my original question...which was primarily about how close you have liked your kids' bedrooms as they grow...with the context that we are selling a large home (really wish I would have just omitted the actual size, since that's been such an ultimately distracting touchpoint for some) we built because the bedroom layout doesn't work anymore. Of course there are ways to make it work, but because of layout, carving out an additional bedroom upstairs would ultimately change the front elevation of the house and/or require awkward access to the childrens' bathroom. There are three other bedrooms available, but they are in other parts of the house that don't work for a child, for me as a mom. Others would not have had this issue. Not insurmountable, but there are other reasons to move, not relevant to the question I asked about layout/features for a growing family, so it doesn't make sense to put another who-knows-how-much-$ into a house without a clear solution.

Yes, I can see how throwing out my two very different options for the next house seemed confusing. The MCM ranch would be such a creative, fun project, I was thinking about it as a fun next step and then maybe when we definitely needed another bathroom and/or a guest room, moving again. But honestly this process has been so emotional I am not interested in willingly heading toward another move when the kids are teens and the we need more space for everyday convenience.

The other option is still a major downsize (half the size of this house), but it is in an established neighborhood with lots of our friends, and the bedroom/bathroom layout would work for as long as we had kids at home, and then we'd only need to move if/when we decided we wanted a smaller house. Or as a previous poster said, when our adult children and their families come over and we realize we need more space in some places, not less!

In my area, the established neighborhoods tend to have smaller homes (built in 60s-80s) and the bigger homes are in newer neighborhoods with architecture I don't like. (Which is why we built our house.) And, I've realized living here that as pretty as it is, I really feel kind of lost in a big house. I don't like that when my kids call for me, they still can't tell where I am when I say "here!" When we vacation to little cabins or beachhouses or wherever I always like how close we are. When our floors were being refinished, we lived for three weeks in our 900 ft2 apartment above the garage, and it was fun and cozy. Except for the tiny kitchen, I didn't need more room! Despite all of this, so many people in our lives have said we'll regret being in a small house when the kids are teenagers, but like nancy louise said, it has confused me. Hence my original question....how close have you liked your bedrooms, etc.?

In any case, I naively didn't realize all kinds of aspects of my situation would be commented on. I included the background to give some context to the question, not to elicit feedback on whether my original floorpan was a good one, or whether my financial situation makes me unrelatable, or how ridiculous moving for my kids' ages/stages is, or whether I need competent professionals to help me plan my next build. Again, not building this time around, but thanks, and yes, I used excellent professionals who built a great house for a different family.

I'm focusing instead on all of your who shared your experiences in your homes raising your kids, and I so appreciate your opinions and examples. They are all really helpful, especially since there are so many ways to do this. Thanks again.

Hey! When my two children (currently 15 and 18-the 18 is off to college in the Fall, sniff!) were babies, we lived in a 4 bd, 2.5 bath, all br up house. It was fine! When they were 7 and 10, we custom built our dream house. While we were building, we rented a ranch that had all three bedrooms crammed together on the same side of the house. When the doors were open, I could see ds sleeping in his bed from my bed! It was a little too cozy, lol! We designed the custom home for the future...dh hates walking up stairs to go to bed, and frankly, at a certain price point in our area, buyers expect the master down. Kids were 8 and 11 when we moved in...no problems at all with them up and us down. We have a large playroom and 3 total bedrooms up there. My kids, especially dd, host A LOT of sleepovers. Dh would have been miserable had we stayed in our old house bc the kids can get loud, lol!! We take phones and electronics at bedtime, so no worries about them staying up on the devices. I just really like that our bedroom is quiet and private! I don’t think a family needs to be on top of each other to be close-knit. Best of luck with your decision! I’d take the colonial...the renovation sounds daunting to me, lol!

Just want to point it out both options are near golf courses, check out the chemical treatments for the golf course, the sprays can be landed in your yard, your pool. Is it safe for your kids?

FWIW of the two houses you mention I would definitely pick Option 2. I would have 2 objections to Option 1. First, I would not want a house that old. Just the concerns about asbestos with a major remodel would bother me (yes, it can be tested for but I would rather not deal with). We are under contract to buy a house. We cancelled our contract on a different house in part due to layout issues. The house had all the bedrooms on one side of the house and I realized I didn't really like that. We don't have kids at home but I knew my mother was likely moving in with us and I wanted more separation. Also, all the bathrooms were on the side with the bedrooms making it inconvenient on the kitchen/living side not to have a bathroom. Yes, we could have added one but it was a big project. And, that house was full of projects that needed to be done. We ended up with a house that had a better initial layout and had already had a lot of work done to it. Based on your situation I think you will be happier with the 2nd house. While 7000 SF might have been too large for you, I would be cautious though to be sure that 3500 was large enough. When we had kids at home at one time we had a house that was 4400 SF and had a pool house. Theoretically I could have used the pool house but I never did since I didn't ever really want to walk out there (we used it as a guest house). Think hard on how you will feel at night going to and from the pool house as your office. While you might not want 7000 SF you may find that 3500 won't give you enough space. Think about exactly how you want to use your space.

Katrina I completely missed the post where you were weighing between two options-after reading kats_meow's post I realized it and found it. As somebody who remodeled(much smaller) property from late 60-s-early 70's..you'll pay all the difference between prices of two homes now in remodel later. I don't know exactly your location-if you were where I live I'd say "more than that difference".

It might be worth to you if House 1 is special to you in some regard, is better location, etc.

But you will spend tons of money, time and energy, most likely before you'll even be able to move in.

I like House 2 having a what here'd be called a "casita" I guess..and being close to national forest..even though national forest comes with its own perks..)) (here'd be fires..)

In short if these are only two houses you're looking into..and nobody in the family has special concerns regarding stairs as of current..I'd choose house that doesn't require extensive remodel.

If say I move to such a house, and a new baby comes into equation..I keep newborns with me whether I have space or not, for first several months anyway. Then of course one looks into some hassle with stairs, for some time-but one can decide to move upstairs if needed..to use an additional room as a room set for such scenarios

Among most important things you can give to your kids, are time and energy. Or to put it in other words, time and energy are required to give them the rest of most important things. You know yourself and your circumstances..just take into account that remodel of a ranch built in early 70 s will take twice as money you think, twice a time you think, and energy..will depend on how much you've got. I love our house; we were exremely limited by location too; but I really miss my energy. Would come useful now.

Somebody said upthread -"It's hard to have a house that'll work for you forever" or along these lines. I agree. I'd rephrase it a bit even: "It's hard to have a life that'll work for you forever". You know that, I'm sure

your needs and circumstances might change even while you're remodeling. Happenned to me, to a degree.

(I moved more than average American. Then I'm not American..not by birth so makes sense. I moved a lot. I'm on my third "forever" home lol. Don't worry. More than you're already worried I mean. There are no forever homes..if there are they look nothing like a house..))

It might be you already chose, or found something else while this thread went on

In any case I wish you to find a house you love..and huge luck too!

Thanks so much for coming back on! I mentioned we move a lot. In all of that I realized things about how we live. We need a space for an office - sometimes that means carving out space in the master bedroom. We are ok with just one eating area and living area as long as it is big enough. I would encourage you to think about that small space you were in and see if part of that feeling can be recreated.

Whelp, we have option 2 is under contract, so I’m plowing ahead with due diligence! You’re all right, I realized as much “fun” as a big mcm renovation would be, I can hardly find time to go to the movies, let alone devote gobs of time to that. April said it best that time and energy are required to give kids the important things, and I’m afraid they’d play second fiddle to the house for too long. And, I’m feeling kind of exhausted already! :)

honestly I still don’t feel great about my bedroom on the main floor and the kids up. But it’s such a common floor plan it’s been hard to find another house with the other features we’re looking for this time around, and I’m holding onto nini’s Comment that a family doesn’t need to be on top of each other to be close knit. Such a helpful reminder!

Ive also loved the sleepover comments...gosh I remember those days from childhood and I bet I know why it was hard to get my mom to say yes....we were probably loud! All night! So maybe with kids up I can be the mom who says yes.

Meanwhile, the buyers of our house have already had their address changed even though we aren’t yet through contingencies (appraisal, loan) so I guess they’re feeling confident. It’s really weird to see their names come to MY mailbox! I think this is good emotional practice. And now they’re asking to buy furniture, which is probably ultimately really helpful since I have too much of it, but I just wish I had a hot minute to get my own ducks in a row!

Gosh, this is harder than I thought it would be. My husband and I keep looking at each other and wondering what the heck we are doing. Thanks for all of the support out there!

My niece is moving from a 12,000 sq.ft. home. Her kids just graduated from college and she ditched the worthless sponge husband. When we assess how much stuff she has accumulated, it's really not that much. Everything is so spread out.

It's my opinion, because this is an anonymous board, that the kids would have been better off growing up in a home that was less spacious. I think this particular house has created unrealistic expectations for the kids.

Congratulations on finding a new home. Everything else is just a detail. Just keep telling yourself and your family, we will bloom where we are planted.

Ah! Good luck with the new place - I am envious of your idea to use the pool house as an office!

Good luck with the new home! It's nice you have friends nearby there. I wouldn't like the buyers already changed their address to yours though, they haven't paid for it yet, they don't own your home. I'd write "not at this address" on their mails that showed up in your mailbox. There is no respect.....

Well, homechef59, looks like you were prescient about my needing to post my question in the Building forum. As we were working through due diligence on the house we put under contract, I noticed my husband seemed awfully taciturn..a little depressed really...and definitely not excited about the purchase. Turns out he really wants to build again. My friends say this is kind of like when a husband wants another baby but wife is satisfied with the kids they have..."YOU aren't the one having the baby!" He says I did such a great job the first time around he can't help but want another one. (I might be more persuaded if this was about another kid than another house!) I am flattered, sort of, but mostly overwhelmed. The other piece was that the inspection did reveal a lot of "deferred maintenance" issues that would really eat up our renovation budget. And since we are such perfectionists about our own level of maintenance, it really turned him off. And since the agents and others involved have said it was all really normal for an older home, we realized the only solution (aside from changing his expectations, hmmm) was a new build. So, off to the building forum I go. Thanks for all the stories and examples of family life...I'll be thinking of all of these as I chart the next path. And some of you who have mentioned the realities of building for aging have me inspired by the idea to do a very accessible house this time around. In my area, there are virtually no homes built for accessibility. So whether it's us growing older in place or a feature for a buyer, I am really focused on the whole concept. Meanwhile, I'm off to find us temporary housing....sigh!

You are going to be happier in the long run. It's a lot of work, but can be so worth it in the end. For anyone who has built their own home successfully, you become a little more demanding about what you will accept. Katrinavvh, I think this is what has happened to you and your husband. Your standards are higher than average.

Just be very insistent in the planning stages that you only get what you want. Everyone involved in the process wants to spend your money. You spend it how you want.

To get you started in the process, here is a link to a tool that can help you set those priorities and speak "architect". Bubble Diagrams

Go over to the Building Forum, explain what you are about to do and ask for links to threads that help with home design. There are six or seven that are often suggested. This way you will be fully prepared to get the process started without a lot of spinning your wheels.

I am really excited for you. I would love to build another home.

Homechef, thank you! I need to remember this and once I get into the fun of it all, I will be fine. But right now, ouch!! I will look up Bubble Diagrams and get posting over in building. Thank you! :)

I see a lot of affluenza in the future. Too much money and too much time available.

What is wrong with having too much money? Just because someone worked hard, got a education and sacrificed doesn't mean they shouldn't enjoy every penny they earned.

So many unkind comments on this thread. Affluenza, too much money, too much time?

Who can decide for another?

We built a custom 5500 sq. ft. home when I was 26 and my then husband was 29. We heard plenty of snarky comments at the time such as "did you rob a bank" or just plain outright "how did you afford this?" 20 years later I still live in the house, despite many changes in my personal life: I divorced my first husband (apparently the neighbors were incredulous at the time that I remained in the house, they thought I would move), had my son (who is now 13) and married my now 2nd husband. I still love this house and am very lucky that it still works for us. In 20 years I have completely remodeled this house and repurposed rooms when I needed to. However, we have one child. Perhaps that was what made it easier to make the home work for us? The layout is basically a traditional center hall colonial. My son's nursery became his bedroom. My office was changed to his playroom when he was younger and has now become my office again. My old exercise room has become my husband's man cave, etc. All of our bedrooms are upstairs (common in our area), I would not want to be on a different floor than my child even though we have a 2nd master suite downstairs. Katrina I am sorry that you can't make your current home work for you, but building is very exciting and I wish you the best of luck!