I had a somewhat similar situation years ago. My daughter ended up marrying the guy and they have 3 kids now. The situation isn't any better today than it was 8 years ago. My daughter did finish college, has a great job and is a wonderful mom. Like your daughter she was very careful with money early on, very responsible, but then whe this idiot came along she started doing things his way. He doesn't work at least half the time, doesn't help with the kids, she does EVERYTHING. They have no $ because he has destroyed their credit, depleted their bank accounts, etc. A part of me looks back and thinks should I have said more to her when this relationship started? Like you, I didn't want to go ballistic even though I knew the guy was a jerk, so I tried to wait it out and let her figure it out. She's a very smart girl so I figured it would work out in the end, but it didn't. I know she's miserable right now but I think she doesn't want to hear "I told you so" which I would never actually say or imply, but basically she doesn't want to look like a failure so she just keeps up the pretense. He also cheats on her. Like your daughter, she has lied about things too. She had a very good life growing up, but I've heard where she's said things about her childhood that are just plain lies. I think they do that to justify what they're doing now. Your daughter has to convince herself that she has a better life now, which is of course untrue but she has to believe that these people she's around are better than what she had otherwise she would be fighting a lot of guilt. I think you need to accept her choices for now, do your best to convince her to take birth control because that's not a mistake you can easily fix later and if drugs are in the picture, yeah you definitely want to prevent a pregnancy. Do not pay any of her bills. She can't have it both ways. You can't make choices, say you're old enough to do what you want and then expect mommy and daddy to support you. When the time comes to reach out to you and it will, she will be able to do that, phone or not. I'm sorry for all your pain, I know just how you feel.

She doesn't have to love you, but I would ABSO-FRICKING-LUTELY insist that she be civil to you. Tell him that his allowing her to do this crap is not showing you any respect ... abuse and insult by proxy. He's also not helping his daughter any by not having standards for her. He's letting her develop some self-destructive habits that will bite her in the butt in a year or two. One of my uncles married an older woman with 2 daughters. He was all of 22, and they were about 12 or 13 ... one of them sassed her mom and he corrected her. She said "you aren't our dad, you can't tell me what to do" so he picked her up, raised her to his 6'6" eye level, looked her straight in the eye and said "I am not your father, but your mother is now my WIFE, and I will not allow anyone to treat my WIFE with disrespect". Then he lowered her to the floor and walked out of the room.

I completely share your pain with having to be treated as if you and SD are the same person to your husband/her dad. In my own situation, the cynic in me started to feel like I was my BF's daughter as well...because when he would show affection to me he would turn around and show affection to her. It's as if he didn't want her to feel left out. But what he didn't realize was that he was leaving me out (or at least that is how I interpreted it). I have an 8 year old son and we are very close. But he knows that my relationship with my BF is drastically different from my relationship with him. I don't kiss my boyfriend and then turn around and kiss my son so that he doesn't feel left out. Most men cannot distinguish between the fine lines of these types of relationships. Just yesterday, she made a comment to her dad "Well, your girlfriend is going to get all glammed up for you. I want to get my nails done too." So he gave her $40 and we both went to the same salon and got our nails done. Before leaving, her dad pulled me aside and asked if I would get the french manicure because he really thinks it looks chic and classy. I told him absolutely. His daughter (like most teens do) always got designs, bright colors, etc. but when we got to the salon, she asked if she could get the french mani done. And nothing is wrong with that. It's just that it's annoying to us. We are letting her behaviour and his get the best of us. Is this because we feel like an outsider...like she will be around for the duration but he can drop us like a hot potato. Does this mean that you and I are insecure? Maybe. But what it shouldn't mean is anything at all having to do with their behaviour as questionable or incestuous. He has lived this part of his life with her as the only other FEMALE. So naturally, the lines are incredibly blurred for the both of them (my BF and his daughter) (your husband and his daughter) for whatever reasons there are (and most times dad only explains it as being over protective of his little girl). But what starts to happen innocently enough is that the two have a relationship that mimics the ones that grown ups have without the physical part but certainly flutters on the psychologically romantic overtures but moreso just a pretty normal relationship between one person and another. Like fixing breakfast for the other, going out to dinner, going out to the movies, talking about cars, talking about sports, sharing the bathroom, washing the laundry, going on vacations, etc. The reason that I believe the trend is not to call us "Step" anylonger, is that it means that we are stepping in, replacing, barging, changing things, pushing away. It will take time (the same goes for me) to see that their relationship isn't salacious and questionable but that it's the only way these kinds of dads know how to treat their daughters. It only becomes wrong when we start making it wrong, when we step in and try to change things and not let their relationship exist and grow and mature. Yes, it is a juggling act to turn our feelings on and off and to not let things like, getting the same presents or surface affection (like hugs and kisses on the cheek or forehead)annoy us. But that is all that it is...an annoyance to us. It doesn't mean that dad prefers his daughter over you and we certainly shouldn't be thinking of it that way or in any way at all. What it means is that the daughter hasn't grown out of this attention seeking and re-assurance stage with dad and also that no one (namely dad) has taught her or steered her in a direction that shows that she is still a priority for him but that he has other priorities as well which are just as important to him. He doesn't want to feel guilty and inasmuch as she wants to be the apple of his eye, he too wants to be her hero and someone that she looks up to. It's up to you to find your middle ground, pick your battles and make yourself understand that your relationship is as beautiful as you believe it to be...but don't live in a fantasy land. If you let them flourish they (especially the daughter) will come to appreciate you. At least this is what I'm trying to do in my own situation.

madeyna, the dresser is wonderful. Oceana has a thread in the gallery specifically for painted furniture; it's an "archives" of sorts. You should post it there too. Igloo and aunttomichael, those pictures make me want a jungle too! (wonders what DD and DH would think about a Jaguar in the unused middle bedroom...) Answers a question I had; when you come to a non-wall object (phone jack, vent, etc.) do you paint around it or just paint over it? There were no "fixtures" on the wall I did, so I wasn't sure what you'd do. Now I know, you'd just paint over it.