Help I have the same problem but it's EVERY weekend and it's MY house and MY bed. at first it was just saturday night but now his ex has taken to last minute asking my fiance to take his 8 year old daughter on friday night's. the first night she asked to sleep with us he got mad, he was still enjoying our cuddle time. i felt bad cause our relationship was so new i told him she was scared and it was ok. WHAT A MISTAKE! it hasn't stopped since, 3 months. he doesn't even try to put her in her own bed. if i do stay in the bed i usually end up on the couch. the other night i went to sleep in her bed but could not fall asleep. i thought screw this, that is my bed. they were both asleep but i pushed myself in next to him. i don't know what to make of it. i can't think she's afraid. it's a small house her room is literally 10 feet down the hall. we leave a light on in her room, the bathroom light on and both bedroom doors wide open. i've talked to him about this twice and my plan was to just go sleep somewhere else but now i'm thinking he can sleep with her in the little twin bed or if he can't be man enough to stand up to her and lets her come to our bed he can sleep in the middle so i can still be close to him. she does this whenever we are together. if we are sitting on the couch she insists on sitting between us. when we took her to the movies she let us know well in advance she was sitting in the middle. i hate to sound like a spoiled child. i just don't know what i am doing. i never dated a man with an ex wife let alone children so all this is new to me. he doesn't have these things to deal with as my children are grown. i think it is even harder for me because when my son was the same age i had moved in with a man and he was still dealing with his father's and my divorce. he would come to our bed almost every night. my boyfriend at the time would get very angry. i worked really hard to get my son to sleep in his bed through the night even as it broke my heart.of course i wanted to comfort him and make him feel safe. i feel like i am in a terrible position

She doesn't have to love you, but I would ABSO-FRICKING-LUTELY insist that she be civil to you. Tell him that his allowing her to do this crap is not showing you any respect ... abuse and insult by proxy. He's also not helping his daughter any by not having standards for her. He's letting her develop some self-destructive habits that will bite her in the butt in a year or two. One of my uncles married an older woman with 2 daughters. He was all of 22, and they were about 12 or 13 ... one of them sassed her mom and he corrected her. She said "you aren't our dad, you can't tell me what to do" so he picked her up, raised her to his 6'6" eye level, looked her straight in the eye and said "I am not your father, but your mother is now my WIFE, and I will not allow anyone to treat my WIFE with disrespect". Then he lowered her to the floor and walked out of the room.

I completely share your pain with having to be treated as if you and SD are the same person to your husband/her dad. In my own situation, the cynic in me started to feel like I was my BF's daughter as well...because when he would show affection to me he would turn around and show affection to her. It's as if he didn't want her to feel left out. But what he didn't realize was that he was leaving me out (or at least that is how I interpreted it). I have an 8 year old son and we are very close. But he knows that my relationship with my BF is drastically different from my relationship with him. I don't kiss my boyfriend and then turn around and kiss my son so that he doesn't feel left out. Most men cannot distinguish between the fine lines of these types of relationships. Just yesterday, she made a comment to her dad "Well, your girlfriend is going to get all glammed up for you. I want to get my nails done too." So he gave her $40 and we both went to the same salon and got our nails done. Before leaving, her dad pulled me aside and asked if I would get the french manicure because he really thinks it looks chic and classy. I told him absolutely. His daughter (like most teens do) always got designs, bright colors, etc. but when we got to the salon, she asked if she could get the french mani done. And nothing is wrong with that. It's just that it's annoying to us. We are letting her behaviour and his get the best of us. Is this because we feel like an outsider...like she will be around for the duration but he can drop us like a hot potato. Does this mean that you and I are insecure? Maybe. But what it shouldn't mean is anything at all having to do with their behaviour as questionable or incestuous. He has lived this part of his life with her as the only other FEMALE. So naturally, the lines are incredibly blurred for the both of them (my BF and his daughter) (your husband and his daughter) for whatever reasons there are (and most times dad only explains it as being over protective of his little girl). But what starts to happen innocently enough is that the two have a relationship that mimics the ones that grown ups have without the physical part but certainly flutters on the psychologically romantic overtures but moreso just a pretty normal relationship between one person and another. Like fixing breakfast for the other, going out to dinner, going out to the movies, talking about cars, talking about sports, sharing the bathroom, washing the laundry, going on vacations, etc. The reason that I believe the trend is not to call us "Step" anylonger, is that it means that we are stepping in, replacing, barging, changing things, pushing away. It will take time (the same goes for me) to see that their relationship isn't salacious and questionable but that it's the only way these kinds of dads know how to treat their daughters. It only becomes wrong when we start making it wrong, when we step in and try to change things and not let their relationship exist and grow and mature. Yes, it is a juggling act to turn our feelings on and off and to not let things like, getting the same presents or surface affection (like hugs and kisses on the cheek or forehead)annoy us. But that is all that it is...an annoyance to us. It doesn't mean that dad prefers his daughter over you and we certainly shouldn't be thinking of it that way or in any way at all. What it means is that the daughter hasn't grown out of this attention seeking and re-assurance stage with dad and also that no one (namely dad) has taught her or steered her in a direction that shows that she is still a priority for him but that he has other priorities as well which are just as important to him. He doesn't want to feel guilty and inasmuch as she wants to be the apple of his eye, he too wants to be her hero and someone that she looks up to. It's up to you to find your middle ground, pick your battles and make yourself understand that your relationship is as beautiful as you believe it to be...but don't live in a fantasy land. If you let them flourish they (especially the daughter) will come to appreciate you. At least this is what I'm trying to do in my own situation.

madeyna, the dresser is wonderful. Oceana has a thread in the gallery specifically for painted furniture; it's an "archives" of sorts. You should post it there too. Igloo and aunttomichael, those pictures make me want a jungle too! (wonders what DD and DH would think about a Jaguar in the unused middle bedroom...) Answers a question I had; when you come to a non-wall object (phone jack, vent, etc.) do you paint around it or just paint over it? There were no "fixtures" on the wall I did, so I wasn't sure what you'd do. Now I know, you'd just paint over it.