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OT: What The DF Have Been Up To

John Liu
6 years ago

Warning: totally OFF TOPIC and practically ZERO COOKING CONTENT.

Since I have been away for awhile, I wanted to bring you up to date on the DF (dear family) and myself. I'll do this in a couple of posts.

We'll start with DS. He's 18 y/o, in his last year of high school. Since you last saw him, he's grown a few inches and grown his hair long. I'm not in love with the long hair, but at his age I had an afro and dressed like an acid freak, so I have repressed my inner Archie Bunker and not said a word.

He has continued dancing, as much as 40 hours/week sometimes, and spent part of last summer in a dance intensive at UNCSA. This semester has been the worst of his life. He got strep throat in September, then got sick from the smoke that covered Portland during the forest fires this fall. Missed a lot of school, wasn't caught up when college applications started, then rehearsals for the fall show kicked in, and the day the show ended he got an emergency call-up to dance in the Nutcracker for our friend's ballet school (the hired Nutcracker dancer quit 48 hours before the first performance). He was tired but "saved the show". Now we have to get one big school assignment done (it's late but he can still salvage a "C") and two final college apps done, and he can enjoy the holidays!

Here are a couple videos of his dancing. Hope these links work.

This is a number called "Togetherness", video is two performances in December 2017. He is the male dancer at the beginning of the dance. https://youtu.be/gnrQmdb8xio

Here is a dance called "DNA", video is rehearsal in April 2017. This is the story of a tempestuous relationship. Sorry for the focus issues, my camcorder is old and cheap. https://youtu.be/F_LHJT_NNpo

See how much he's grown i just two years, since "Let Go", recorded April 2015. Also the story of a relationship. https://youtu.be/v3N4YaLlnl8

DS is grappling with whether to pursue a career in dance, or not. We're trying to keep his options open by applying to a few dance schools and a few non-dance schools. For "dance school", I mean a professional-level dance BFA program that is also part of a liberal arts university so he could possibly also get a degree in something else. By "non-dance school", I mean a school with a good architecture program - he thinks he might be interested in that - that also has some sort of dance program so he could possibly keep dancing on the side. At this point, he is leaning to "not" pursuing dance as a career.

Which leaves him feeling adrift and questioning himself, since he feels like he hasn't done anything but dance for seven years and now he doesn't know what he wants to do. So, lot of teen angst going on in my house, but I keep telling him you're not supposed to know what to do with your life at 18, for gosh sake. I certainly didn't.

Okay, later I'll post in this thread about DD.

Comments (28)

  • annie1992
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Oh my gosh, John, he's grown so much, it doesn't seem possible. I know dance is a demanding career and difficult to continue later in life, but I do hope he continues to at least dance a little, he's amazing.

    I had to smile at the thought of you with an afro. Elery says he had one too, so did my ex, I guess all the guys went and got perms!

    Annie

  • colleenoz
    6 years ago

    Growing up is so hard! My advice would be to suggest he keeps up his dancing at least going through college, because he can always take up more study in the future if that's what he finds is ultimately his first choice, but if he stops dancing and then finds that study isn't the way he wants to go, it will be hard to go back to dance.

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  • plllog
    6 years ago

    What Colleen says is very true. It's also true that if he quits dance before he's 20 he just might get away without as many physical issues in later years (just pointing out an upside). Dance for recreation only means sitting down if you have broken bones and torn joints. :)

    A lot of the kids in college I know come from places where you have to apply to your subject they way we do here for grad school. At 17. And you have to pass entrance tests in that subject. It's killer. Very bad for the late adolescent psyche. How wonderful that your DS is feeling the great swath of possibilities open to him, and that you're supportive of his muddle! American colleges are great places for testing and tasting and finding one's way.

  • lindac92
    6 years ago

    Hes' good!!
    You never see an architect quit his job to become a dancer....but you do see dancers quit to become an architect...or laywer or enterprenur.
    And there's also the social aspect of "art"...dancers, singers, serious musicians, actors and graphic artists have a very different vibe than those persuing an MBA. They spend lots and lots of time on their craft. Which group will he feel more a part of adn which group will he feel apart from?

  • sleevendog (5a NY 6aNYC NL CA)
    6 years ago

    What a talented healthy handsome son you have. Fortunately he is sharing his fears and uncertainties. Nothing more admirable than athletic discipline. Such a healthy start to an uncertain future.

    An acceptance dept. will never overlook an artistic athletic disciplined student. It is infectious and energizes an entire student body.


  • John Liu
    Original Author
    6 years ago

    He's more of an artist, designer, creative personality. Very good at visualizing and building things too.

    A performer, reasonable singer, strong stage presence. He is so good at comedic acting and musicals - in middle school, I think he was equally good in drama as in dance, but hasn't been able to do much theatre in high school due to the dance commitment, and "serious dance" programs don't extend to musical theatre.

    Athletic and was a promising fencer in grade/middle school but that also went by the wayside for dance, and he never had the time to do high school sports.

    Not as much of a reader or writer; he is thoughtful and has creative insights but doesn't devour books or write fluidly. He used to develop comic book concepts, and had some really interesting and unique ideas.

    Reasonable in math and science. He is very interested in science concepts but not at a level to be a scientist.

    If he pursues a dance career, it will be temporary. Of course all dance performance careers are short lived; I mean that when his dancing days are over I think he'd be more likely to reinvent himself as something else, than to going on to be a dance teacher or choreographer.

    If he does not pursue a dance career, then I'll encourage him to spend the first years of college broadly exploring different fields, to make up for the last seven years of almost complete focus on dance. Architecture is a field he's got some interest in; product design too; but I don't want him to feel pressured to pick a direction just to have picked something.





  • plllog
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Several years ago, a young woman I know took an architecture summer institute course at UCLA to decide if she really wanted to go that direction in college. It was intense, and I think it gave a good idea of what it was like to study architecture. She loved the course, and did well, and it helped her decide that wasn't where she wanted to go. It might be worth looking into if they still run it.

    If your son decides on a career in dance performance, he has plenty of time to figure out what's next. Often it's something that can't be seen from college. Broad exploration is great. Some underpinnings of math, science and general ed. will be useful no matter what direction he follows in the future. Just make sure he can read directions and write a cogent one page essay. I read scholarship application essays, and am blown away by how many applicants can't do that! I'm not talking quality, just base level ability to know what they want to say and say it.

  • dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”

    "Follow you passion"

    " live the life of your dreams."

    Those advises have destroyed life for many young folks.

    The reality is known to everyone. A professional dancer can't find work (may be a waiter, a cab driver). A professional dancer can't last long. It's a profession that age discrimination is fully acceptable.

    I enjoy the show "So You Think You Can Dance". I can see your son is exceptional. Still, if you are not well connected in the entertainment world or independently wealthy, as a parent, it may be better to advise him to take up dancing as a hobby. Dancing, indeed It is a very spiritually gratifying pursuit.

    I am waiting for other members here to trash me for being negative.

    So I apologize in advance, "So Sorry!"

    dcarch.

  • nancyjane_gardener
    6 years ago

    My daughter was a gymnast at an early age. There was a whole family who were amazing at gymnastics! A couple f the girls were actually Olympic hopefuls!

    They chose to take scholarships to UCLA and get their degrees, then became some of the best stunt doubles in Hollywood!

    They have enjoyed 20 years of good paying work doing something close to what they wanted and have a degree to fall back on! NT

  • eld6161
    6 years ago

    I enjoyed the videos and no doubt your son is talented. But.......

    "DS is grappling with whether to pursue a career in dance, or not." This says it all there. Is it no longer his passion? Is he worried that he is not good enough and worried about failing?

    Dcarch, you are being realistic. So few make it in the industry. But, each feels that maybe they will be THE one. And, maybe they will!

    Good luck in whatever your son decides, I'm sure he will be successful.

  • sheilajoyce_gw
    6 years ago

    My son thought he would like to check out performance. Enrolled at NYUs Tish School. The course work required him to take several types of dance classes, and these classes were in NYC and taught at dance studios by studio instructors for Tish credit. I have no idea if NYU has an architectural school, but here on the west coast, architecture can be an impacted program and require a high GPA from high school.

  • H B
    6 years ago

    pillog's suggestion is very good. Architecture is just as time consuming as dance, maybe more, and its very worthwhile to explore the field and see how a variety of architects spend their working time. Not all architects get to "drive the bus" -- many more fill in all the other work that has to be done. Industrial design might be of interest. Good luck!

  • PRO
    Anglophilia
    6 years ago

    Having a grandson who has just gone through the Early Decision college process, I think architecture school is totally unrealistic for your son at this time. Such schools are very difficult to get into, and require great strength in math and science. Any competitive school is going to be greatly turned off by a C in any subject.

    Have you thought about him doing a PG year at a boarding school in order to get his academics in order? I can promise you they will be more important than his artistic abilities unless he's conservatory caliber. Have you thought about hiring a college advisor? Applications (with essays) usually must be submitted by early Jan so you are working at a huge disadvantage. You're truly playing catch-up here. Unfortunately, today, many many students have a very good idea what they want to do and have been working toward this goal for sometime. It's a very different world from my my own children and when I went to college!

  • dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
    6 years ago

    "---- have no idea if NYU has an architectural school, ---"

    I don't think so.

    In NYC, try out Cooper Union. Used to be all scholarship, free for 5-year degreed architecture school

    dcarch

  • lindac92
    6 years ago

    A friend's son...who is also my friend, went to medical school and became a neurologist. Joined a prestigious practice....married another more successful neurologist....but couldn't shake his long time love of architecture. Took time off from his practice went back to school and became an architect. Spent 6 months in Italy delving into the architecture and art, and resumed practice.
    Everyone doesn't have that luxury....but the dichotomy of art and science is real. My friend was encouraged by his parents to study medicine ...you know the old "my son the doctor" thing.
    I think your son needs a gap year....and I think he needs to spend that year immersed in dance and the arts....acting, stagecraft etc. Without the distraction of school, he may discover his passion...or that it's not a passion.

  • wintercat_gw
    6 years ago

    I'll start by saying this young man is incredibly graceful, and one can see he has a wonderful sense of humour just from the way he moves.

    If I had a son who is "Not as much of a reader or writer... [and] doesn't devour books or write fluidly" I wouldn't urge him to pursue an academic career, especially if he is so creative.

    Frankly, the risks of advising a young person at such a turning point are so numeous and so great - he might end up frustrated for life because he did not pursue a dancing career, short lived thoug it may be, but he might also end up frustrated because he did pursue a dancing career. I'd just listen to him and let him make up his mind all by himself.

  • party_music50
    6 years ago

    I strongly encourage that all college age kids take a vocational/career aptitude test! It's not a test about what you know -- it's about your personality and how you approach things. I took one and the results strongly recommended a career I hadn't even considered... I went with it and love my job!

  • sally2_gw
    6 years ago

    Thank you for sharing the videos. It was fun to see him dance again. I remember seeing videos in the past. He's doing so well!

    I have an acquaintance that got a degree in fashion design, then decided it wasn't for her, and got her masters in landscape architecture. She's very successful in her landscape architecture career now. He doesn't have to study architecture for his BA. He could study dance, or almost any other subject, and still get a masters in architecture if it still interests him.

    Designing requires hours at a desk or a computer focusing on detail after detail. It requires precise measuring. It requires a tolerance for tedium, even though the ultimate goal, a building that's fabulous, is very rewarding. As active as DS is used to being, does he have the patience for sitting and focusing on detail after detail? Obviously he has the patience for that, as he practices dance moves over and over again, duh! But it's still more active than sitting at a computer or drawing table drawing little lines and circles, over and over and over again.

    That being said, as others have said, and I'm sure he knows, making a living as an artist is very difficult, and requires that he basically be an entrepreneur. You've met my daughter, years ago when you graciously hosted us for dinner. (I still remember that delicious paella!) Anyway, she still has to hustle with multiple jobs; teaching, accompanying, performances, and more teaching. This is the way it is with working in the arts. I would think dance would be an even more difficult art form to make a living at, and we're talking a very, very modest living, working as an artist. He should be prepared to teach as his bread and butter job. Does he like children?

  • dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
    6 years ago

    "I strongly encourage that all college age kids take a vocational/career aptitude test! It's not a test about what you know -- it's about your personality and how you approach things. I took one and the results strongly recommended a career I hadn't even considered... I went with it and love my job!"

    Excellent! Excellent suggestion!

    Something like Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory Test.

    A psychological help, like a GPS system to guide you to your destination, but you have no idea what is your destination.

    dcarch


  • Compumom
    6 years ago

    John, there's no doubt that your DS is incredibly talented, but like others here, i worry about dance as a career choice. As one who chose a career path suggested by my parents, but found that my heart and talent didn't lie in that field, it left me at loose ends. College is a good idea for anyone, it's a growth experience. I'm another who would suggest a gap year. Perhaps exploring a different focus might be enlightening. i'm not opposed to dance, but being in Los Angeles, where every other waiter or waitress is just doing it to make ends meet, I would worry about dance as a career, especially as he out grows his youthful good looks.

  • lindac92
    6 years ago

    There are more careers in dance than simply performing. I know one lady who was a mediocre performer who opened a dance school....the kind for 3 year olds and on up to 18 years old....and then another and another. She now owns a string, an her daughter runs them. The corporation also owns a costume rental business and a shop for making costumes, which are bought by the local playhouses and by individuals at Halloween. She has created quite an empire out of dance.

  • wintercat_gw
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    The apptitude test suggestion is excellent advice indeed. I took this test in my mid-thiries when I already was an experienced and well earning professional in the field I'd chosen, because I was going through a sort of early mid-career crisis. I wasn't impressed by the battery of tests when I did them, but later I changed my mind when I got the results. They gave me a list of 3 professions in descending order of suitability, and the first was ... precisely the profession I'd chosen all those years ago. Result: I stayed on in my profession. The mid-career crisis went away. I think even a belated test might be useful in preventing one from making career mistakes.

    Interestingly, the third profession choice on the list appeared to me preposterous to the point of a joke at the time I did the apptitude test, but lo and behold 20 years later I discovered they were right on the spot again. Due to unexpected circumstances I tried my hand - as a total amateur - in that particular occupation and was astonished to discover I must have been born to it.

    So, yes, such a test seems just the thing.

  • l pinkmountain
    6 years ago

    Set design. Best of both worlds.

  • dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Kenji López of the Food Lab, if he had taken the MMPT, he would not have wasted his 5 years of life and a ton of money to get through MIT's architectural program, then dropped out from being an architect..

    You can see from his Food Lab work, the guy has absolutely no sense of aesthetics.

    dcarch

  • sally2_gw
    6 years ago

    Set design is a great idea. I have a client that does that for a living. Really. We're in the Dallas area, and there are lots of local theaters, so he's able to make a good living doing set design and construction.

  • User
    6 years ago

    John, thanks for the update and sharing the videos. Your son is very talented. Really enjoyed watching the videos.

  • colleenoz
    6 years ago

    Not only that, but if she were ever to open her own restaurant, it would succeed. Many restaurants fail because the owner is a good chef but has poor business skills.

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