Our only overnight guests are our kids and their families/SO. Recently, we had so many at one time that we did not have enough towel racks to accommodate everyone's towels. So I too washed and folded a stack of towels and washcloths daily to make it work. I make up their beds with fresh sheets, and I wash them after they have gone. I like them to make plans to see other friends while they are here, and often our older grandson has an overnight with a friend from his old neighborhood.

I don't know if you set up the extra work for yourself with changing linens daily and cleaning their room daily, but that is not something I would ever do. We do like to know who will be with us for a meal and who won't so that meals can be sufficiently plentiful and planned. These guests sound demanding, and the kind of folks who would do better at a hotel.

Oh my family knows I’m not going to all that trouble. They know where everything is. They know to get what they want and do what they want and I’m not a maid. I let them borrow my car so they can come and go as they please and we just stay in touch through text. As I know they’re not here just to see me. If they want to be waited on there is a hotel nearby.

Elizabeth and Dawn are BOTH nicer than I am.

I'd have shown them the DOOR not to the laundry room!!!

These are the only guests I have had that behave this way. My children and grandchildren are happy with their rooms, help with the cooking, do their own wash and mostly we hang out together. Sometimes the grandchildren stay with us while the parents get to go out for dinner or something alone, which is a real treat for them. DH feels it's "no big deal" and my siblings just shrug it off. So yes, I will be the bad guy in this one.

....then DH can take over breakfast and laundry duties if/when these guests return. Oh, and hon, don't forget about the bra hanging-up thingy. ;)

Elizibeth, The next time these "guests" ask themselves to your house, I would have a list of motels ready to give them. No way would they stay in my house again!

I can't tell you how glad I am I have no overnight guests. My kids live a few miles away and my friends don't travel. But the order to change sheets once a day, WOW. I change my own once a week!! They were using you as a hotel. If I ever have an invite to visit, I will stay at a hotel. With holidays coming I guess many of you will have overnight guests. I'm an only child, husband too and we have no relatives anymore so thankfully this won't be a problem for me.

Out of curiosity, how were they related?

I wonder if they ever have house guests and would they treat them as they expect you to?

Nuts!

Elizabeth, unless I missed it, you didn't say how this family is related to you?

"you don't look sick to me" takes the cake. just wow

laundering sheets each day? changing towels each day? hell no

I do ask guests "do you want me to wash something?" and sometimes they'll ask me..I'll wash it and fold it for them, no problem

if they don't make their beds-I'll do my best not to make their beds:) since privacy invasion. but I'll make a very conscious effort. rooms turned upside down are hard for me to look at..but they're guests. space is theirs.

I will make breakfast. Every day. But each day will become less elaborate..:)

Lunch and dinner-I'll either get my DH's help/their help if they're into cooking..and will be joint meal..or we go out. Together.

(can get a bit annoying when a guest says at 8am "where are all your veggies!? I want a salad!!"

why dear you ate them all yesterday, it's not like i could magically grow new ones overnight

yes, I wait for people to come back home if they plan their own trip( happens with distant friends..with family and close friends we try do things together. we see each others not that often..trips are planned together, etc)..I'm anxious by nature, I want to know they're fine, and maybe have some supper and tea ready for them. So when it's midnight already it gets on my nerves. but: my own fault..and didn't happen often.

most guests are nice to have and fun to be with and try to help. I never heard about such an imposition before. To change sheets daily, laundry instruction..coming to stay at somebody who doesn' t feel well and saying " you don't look sick to me"? no..I've yet to see these fine examples of humans..

and it has been hinted that I am in the wrong.

I'm with the majority here in saying that they were out of line. I'd like to hear just what they said in their "hints".

Buy and send 'em a copy of The Good Houseguest; The Etiquette of Staying in Someone's Home, by James Havelock. And keep a couple of extra copies on hand for when the next bunch of visitors comes. These folks are obviously completely unaware that there ARE rules of etiquette that cover being a houseguest!!

As a host, I will ask if there are specific food requests/things to avoid/general allergies and do my best to accommodate them. I prepare a clean bedroom and bathroom for them to use. If laundry is needed, I show them how to use the machine or will do it for them. I will ask for their plans in advance just so I know there comings/goings but whatever they do is up to them. Note I don't have many guests and the ones I've had are gracious.

As a guest, I will maintain a clean area, make the bed, offer to assist/participate in housework and kitchen duties. I will treat my hosts to meals out and offer to include them in any plans we may have, if they are not already included. If we go somewhere without them, I let them know a general time of when we'll be home and we respect their hours. We will buy any food we want to eat for ourselves and contribute to meals made in house. My goal is to leave your house in the same or better condition it was when I was there.

My favorite story of me as a guest; I traveled to another state for work and a co-worker insisted I stay with her. She was a lovely hostess and we had a great time! When another travel opportunity came up, she again insisted I stay with her. On my last day of the second trip, she called me in the office and asked it I had slept on the floor and brought my own towels or maybe did not shower......No....I slept in the bed, showered, used her towels and everything. She said the bedroom and bath appeared as if nobody stayed there....and she'd never had a guest leave things looking exactly as they were! LOL!

They are my husband's sister and brother-in-law. When I had conversation about this with my siblings, they thought it was no big thing or..... so what, some people are just like that.

Well, if it's his sister, you might not get out of having them again, but............

1. Breakfast would be a choice of cold cereal, pop tarts, store bought cinnamon rolls, ect.

2. No dinners or lunches would be cooked. Hubby (or sister) would be sent for take out or pizza would be ordered in (served on paper plates). No calling to see if they are showing up either.

3. When sis asked about the sheets and/or towels, she would be directed to DH.

"Oh, Fred's taking care of all the laundry this week (month) (year)."

4. Go to bed and get up on your schedule.

The OP: "DH feels it's "no big deal" and my siblings just shrug it off."

I find it absolutely hilarious when the people who are not asked to (or offer to?) do any work find a situation like this is "no big deal."

No, you are right, your guests were bad, its just that nicole and chisue's worst ever guests were (somewhat) worse than your bad guests. We frequently have family or friends stay with us and if any of them behaved as badly as your guests did they would have been marched to their car and been told to get the h311 out.

Your guests seem to think they were staying in a b&b or a hotel, but even with that I think their demands and expectations were excessive. We have been doing Airbnb for about 9 months, and we wash and change the sheets and towels every time an Airbnb guest leaves, but never while they are there. Twice in that time guests have asked politely whether they could use the washer and dryer, since our place was merely one stop in the middle of a lengthy trip.

If your "guests" ask you about staying with you ever again I would simply so "no" and offer the names of local hotels for them to call.

I would have said very cheerfully, "Make yourself at home and use the washing machine whenever you like, no need to ask, just go ahead and wash whenever you get ready. Hang your bra wherever works for you, we won't care." If she said they were going to be out all day and no time, then I'd just say, "Oh, we won't mind if you want to use the washing machine late at night. We'd sleep right through it."

We've had houseguests who are family, houseguests who are friends, houseguests who are friends of friends, house guests who are relatives of friends. I love having most houseguests, even the ones I didn't know before they got here. It's almost always a good experience. The joy I get from having my fun guests far outweighs the inconvenience of the bad.

When I'm having overnight guests I put clean sheets on the bed, put clean towels out and show them where the coffee is, tell them to help themselves to whatever is in the refrigerator or the pantry, and that's about it. I've been known to put clean sheets out for them to make their own bed or beds. If someone *special* is coming I might do extra, have their favorite shampoo on hand or put flowers in their room or something, but only if I have time and feel like it.

If someone wanted clean sheets a day or two into their visit I'd assume they soiled their sheets and direct them to the washing machine, assuming they'd want some privacy.

When I have guests I have breakfast things on hand but I rarely make breakfast for anybody anytime. It would be make your own breakfast at my house.

I only wash clothes for exhausted guests, like exhausted grad students, exhausted college students just home from finals, exhausted travelers back from backpacking or someplace with no laundry facilities. Exhausted guests who need sleep. Anyone else is welcome to use the washing machine to wash their own.

I do need to know if houseguests are going to be there for dinner and would text them if I needed to. Most of my guests are marvelous and would never impose but occasionally I have someone here who is a little insensitive. In that case I tell that guest no problem, I'll just assume they're going to do their own thing for dinner and I won't plan on making any dinner for them here. No way would I wait up for anyone unless I wanted to.

As far as you being in the wrong or being the bad guy: I have learned over the years that in some cases (some of my inlaws) I am always going to be the bad guy in the situation no matter what I do. In that case I just need to answer to my own conscience and earn the approval of the woman I see in the mirror every day. I do enough to know I tried to do the right thing but not so much that I feel like a martyr. The people who love you and whose opinion really matters will understand, and who really cares about the rest? So sorry you had such an unpleasant houseguest.

Elizabeth -- if your husband's sister and brother-in-law contact you again about staying at your house, you could simply say, "The current rate is $150 per night for the room. If you need maid service, that will be an extra $35 per night. Extra towels are $15 each. Meals are not included. If you would prefer, I could recommend a couple of nice hotels in the area."

What awful houseguests! I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. I am late tuning in to this thread. Looks like we’re all thinking pretty much the same on this one! Seriously, daily linens change and laundry?!

My DH has a cousin who lives in Florida. I guess when they first moved there they got a lot of northern visitors. They now have rules. No more than two nights, one breakfast, one lunch, one dinner. LOL

Just in case your SIL and BIL wish to come back I would say "perhaps you would be more comfortable in a hotel/motel. I don't change sheets, or do laundry, and I'm not into cooking that much anymore. Give them the one breakfast, one lunch one dinner speech with a little chuckle. If they can be bold, so can you. As Ann Landers always said, you can't be someone's doormat unless you let them.

Oh boy! In-laws. I don't suppose you could visit their home and show them how to be good guests? Would it be lost on her? I'd be embarrassed to think a relation of mine would visit someone I knew and display this 'entitled' attitude. Is she the baby of the family? Does she have live-in help -- other than at your home?

Before we bought our 1BR 2Bath condo on Maui, DH and I sometimes rented a larger than needed place in Hawaii -- because it was all that was available, or to have two bathrooms. We've invited different friends to share these lodgings, as our guests, for four or five nights. They took care of their own bedroom, bathroom, laundry, any special foods, and shared chores like taking out the garbage, doing dishes,grocery shopping, whatever. We shared some time together at 'home', dining out, sight seeing, etc. and were on our own other times. They stripped beds before leaving.

I think we have not yet mentioned that Elizabeth's relatives stayed Much Too Long! Remember the adage about fish and houseguests stinking after three days?

what else I do

I prepare the room (and additional rooms if needed). Towels. If they stay for more than a couple of days-flowers will be in a room, if not there already. Water bottles for night. Everything in the house explained(I usually start showing the place with where toilets are. lol). Everything will be clean. If we had a late night-I'd be up by the time they get up it will be spotless. If they are several (three? four? five?)-I'll sneak out in the bath when not occupied and clean it for the next..user. lol. Well of course most people try to clean themselves but they re also in a hurry to let other people use the place, So mirror will be wiped, counters will be dry, trash will be emptied. They'll get their own bin for toiletries and stuff and make up removal napkins, and will be shown where medicines are.

I will break down at some point if it's more than two-three day visit, and say "Listen, I need to rest for a couple of hours..will you be cool? can I bring you something?"

They're usually cool.

They'll try to invite us for meals..well no, we max will split it. Otherwise, our area, our treat. They'll try to bring gifts and be as nice and considerate as they can.

Older people can get more tired, need more catering. Obviously young kids ..again, another set of expectations. Anybody with dietary issue-well, we're just the right house for you LOL.

So I'm used to very nice guests I think. Overall. And I try to be the best guest ever myself when I'm a guest.

So yes, reading about such inconsiderate people is upsetting. I'm truly mad for you. I can remember maybe one occasion as bad as this? And we hosted a lot..sometimes for months in a row..and most people went out of their way to help not impose

Well all that was to say..

at some point -when I found myself older, more tired, and more afraid of the next visit LOL..I bought this book

https://www.amazon.com/Art-Visit-Being-Perfect-Becoming/dp/0762443952

and I found it really calming..and useful..but most of all-calming..))

so I recommend it. It's like a lullaby for the nerves..and it reminds us gently of things that stressed people forget..explains age differences and needs..suggests how to handle family fights, and kids' quarrels..lots of tips, really..but the best is how it's written.

this one, you shouldn't return. keep it)) it's a valeriana root-sort-of-a-book..))

"Is she the baby of the family?"

What exactly is THAT supposed to imply about us babies of the family?!?!??!!

Wow! I can't believe how selfish some people are?

My in-laws had a daily housekeeper and cook, and even with all that help, I never left without stripping the beds and tidying up the mess we made. I couldn't imagine being such a bad houseguest!

Wow!!! Elizabeth, that is so nervie I would have never imagined. I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt, because of the experiences I’ve had. My jaw dropped too, especially when I read how they asked for a bed change and brought you a basket of clothes along with laundry instructions!!! Holy Moly. Knowing that now, I wouldn’t be willing to have them back either. I would respond with a decline and just say that the last time they were here, it was obvious their needs require a hotel with room services.

I also find it sad that your DH & Siblings are not seeing your side of this. I wonder what their perspective would be if they were the one to be handed a basket of dirty laundry and a request for clean sheets on the bed.

Holy cow. How brazen and rude. And bizarre. Now that I know more of the story and how you came to be doing their bidding, I'm even more flabbergasted. I may have done just what you did, though - I'm not very fast with a snappy comeback, so probably would have just done the laundry and everything else to keep the peace.

Yes, I have been keeping the peace and resenting it all along. Next time they visit, I am going to spend time with my own sister and let DH "enjoy" his sister. My sister and I are overdue for a trip to Mackinac Island. I think a week at the Grand Hotel should soothe me just fine.

Elizabeth, perhaps make that TWO weeks for what you have endured! DH owes you big time! What appalling people!

I grew up in a time that people didn't take vacations unless they were rich; they went to visit their relatives once a year. My mother took me to Arkansas to visit her family for a month each summer. Mother stayed at her parent's home; I went from aunt to aunt for various lengths of time. We NEVER expected "maid service", but we did expect to be fed. Of course, my mother HELPED shop for and prepare those meals. And she didi our laundry. We were "family", not house guests.

I have two couples who regularly come for a night or two and I have stayed in their ones, with one couple innumerable times over the years. They have also hosted my children as well. They are very welcoming people. My mother brought me up knowing how to be a good guest - clean the bathroom after using it, make my bed every day and ask if they would like me to strip the bed upon departure, help with meals and just generally be considerate. My friends had similar parents.

I do have a cousin and his wife who occasionally ask to stay with me on their way east to visit their son. I've said yes a few times; recently, the answer has been no as they are very picky eaters and I don't cook for anyone picky, nor do they offer to eat out of take me out with them. He's tight as a tick and they're both pretty boring. The "no vacancy" sign is out for them.

My son visits once a year of so. It annoys me that he does not make his bed, and the guest room is right at the end of the hall one must go down to get to the library, where I spend most of my day. I've taken to just closing his door. He was brought up better than that - I think it's an act of rebellion, and at age 47, my thought is "Seriously?"

I do find that clearly stating the "house rules" - meals that will be served, where the washer/dryer are, what to do with used bedding and towels - should be stated right up front. I do give a key to my guests if they will need it - one couple was in town for his assistant's wedding and would be going to various events. I knew this ahead of time and was delighted to get to see them. Often, my couple friends take me out to dinner. I always announce what is available for breakfast - if I have no interest in fixing eggs, I'll say granola and English muffins. If they ask about eggs, I tell them they're welcome to fix them themselves.

NO ONE needs to be a rug for boorish guests, and they should never again be invited back!!!!

Good plan. Here when someone has a nerve we say they have “front” and when they’re _really_ nervy they have “more front than Mark Foy’s”, which was once the largest department store in Sydney. Your guests had even that beat. I am simply gobsmacked at the concept of handing you a basket of laundry with washing instructions. I would have handed it back with the question, “So, what did your last slave die of?”

We stay once or twice a year with DD who lives on the other side of the country. (TBH I’d rather stay in a hotel so I don’t have to worry about my snoring, but she would be hurt.). I do my own laundry and often hers as well. Wash the dishes. Vacuum. Mending. Feed the cat if she’s late home. I would never expect my hostess to act as a servant to me. I don’t even expect the hotel staff I’m _paying_ to do that.

When DD was a baby, we had a large circle of friends who would get together in one location or another for an annual convention. Often people would stay at other people’s homes as no one had much money then. When we were the guests I would often cook dinner for the whole gang. When the convention was in our town, we were approached by someone to stay with us. He had stayed with us previously and turned out to be the guest from hell. He was so bad that when he missed his flight home and it looked like he might have to pay for another ticket (which he said he couldn’t afford), we seriously considered paying for it just to get him out of the house.

Anyway, he asked if he could stay again, and we said, sounding regretful, Oh, we couldn’t have guests as DD was only 5 weeks old and might cry and keep him up all night. He found another sucker. Then we heard that a couple of guys we really liked were looking for a place to stay. We invited them, telling the truth- DD sleeps like a log, you won’t even know she’s here! They were great guests, even brought their own folding beach loungers and sleeping bags to sleep on/in.

These guests were beyond the pale - here's my laundry, here's how I want it done? Are you a host or a maid? Geez. If they want that kind of service, that's what a hotel is for. (And an expensive hotel at that.)

In general, though, I like to try to establish what the parameters are for the visit in advance. We have a lot of friends who live internationally so we act as a base of operations, and they go and visit elsewhere from us - so those folks we often do a few things with them (usually something at the start and end of the visit, just a day or two each) but in general it's just everyone doing their own thing most of the time, because that's what they want and need.

When my brother comes to visit from a couple states over, he's actually coming TO visit with us, so that's much more involved - but he also doesn't stay nearly as long, so it's not an imposition. If he came for weeks at a time like some of our international visitors, that'd be far too much. (Usually the international folks have their stuff in the guest room for weeks, but they aren't here the entire time. They pack light and fly to visit other people for a few days, etc.)

I also don't really wait on people hand and foot. Our laundry area is in the basement, and the house is old so the stairs are a bit steep, so sometimes we do offer to do the laundry for someone (like when the guest is older or not as able bodied) but in general we try to make sure they know where everything is and that they should help themselves.

I am willing to specially shop or add things to our grocery list as long as it isn't excessive, and for longer stay guests we make sure to take them on a grocery shopping trip sometime soon after they arrive so they can pick up anything they want to pick up themselves. (Coming from abroad people often don't know brands or product availability necessarily.)

I also make sure we're well stocked with breakfast items, and that it's all arranged where they can easily find things (I leave more things out than I normally would, for example, so they don't have to go poking through cabinets for sugar, tea, whatever.) I'm not a morning person and I make that clear right up front so they know not to worry about fixing themselves something if they're up early.

I can't believe your "guests" expected this! I visit a friend of mine in another state and she always remarks about the fact that I just make myself at home. I make my own breakfast and don't expect anything other than their company. I don't want to put any pressure on her to feel as though she has to cater to me or entertain me.

If I had to do all that, it would be the last time they come to my house.

How disrespectful! Have they visited before?

To answer the question, what do you do for houseguests, the answer is it depends.

First, for most of my married life I have lived in a house that was too small to accommodate my family plus houseguests (it was too small for my family in fact.) That meant I would put people up in a local B&B when they would come to visit.

Then we would plan what the days would be like according to their needs- sightseeing, of just visiting, meeting up with other people. Lunch and dinner would be at my house or a restaurant. My husband's step-mother, whom I adore, is our most frequent guest- has been since the day we were married.

We now have a guest cottage. It has not been used yet. I don't think my m.o. will change much. I would probably have breakfast items available in the cottage, lunch and dinner with us in the house or at a restaurant. Laundry services would not be provided- you are free to use my machines.

I've never heard of such a thing. What horrible behavior. Don't ever let these bozos take advantage of you again.

I don't get much company here in Huntsville but when I lived in the Lowcountry of S. Carolina, a prime tourist location and vacation destination, I stayed busy. I loved it!

My mother was the worst houseguest, without a doubt. Wasn't interested in doing anything, going anywhere once ensconced on her throne. I let myself be victimized once, but after that I showed her how to use the remote and the microwave.....she changed her mind and decided to join us for our outings.

She did stop all visiting after that and my Dad came alone, loving every minute.

Wow.

I love having houseguests, whether relatives or friends. But your in-laws, no way. That would be a one-time visit, and never again. If they came in the future, I'd tell them where the nearest rat trap motel is (which is the nearest one at 20 minutes away; anything decent would be yet another half hour out). At any rate, since I do like having well behaved house guests, I have made sure to build my guest room for convenience.

If they need sheets changed, I have an extra set. They can do it themselves. I wouldn't be doing their laundry, either -- okay, I can see throwing a few of their items in with mine, or letting them do laundry themselves. Sometimes folks are doing some extensive travelling -- I've done that myself, so I understand that. (There may be limits on that... Dad's girlfriend lives on a farm with a 150+year old farmhouse, and a geriatric septic system -- my ex-SIL insisted on washing the towels and sheets she was using, and those of her two daughters, every single day -- she -- the ex-SIL -- volunteered to do this herself, but the septic system was balking. Who really NEEDS to have towels and sheets washed every SINGLE day?). I will do the sheets and towels when they leave.

I do plan on cooking for my house guests, although if they stay several nights we will 1) go out once or twice and 2) they've always volunteered to help out with a dish or several, or even a whole meal, cooking. It's actually a lot of fun cooking together in a good kitchen!!! We all tend to clean up after meals together, too. Or, at least by the next morning!

I go out of my way to make sure there's food available for whatever dietary restrictions a guest may have. If they bring specialty food, they usually ask if I want some.

When I visit my brother out in Illinois, I almost always make my own breakfast... and offer to make breakfast for everyone. I also always insist on treating the family out for dinner at a local restaurant.

If they decide to take a side trip to some attraction or another that I can't go to (either because it's not something I have interest in, or because I have a prior time commitment, or because they are also in the area combining their visit with a business trip of their own), that's fine. But do plan on spending some time WITH me -- to date, they have! And DO let me know your availability for meals. I don't like making too much or too little to eat, and getting impatient waiting... To me, that's just downright rude. Indeed, those guests of yours were all sorts of just downright rude all over.

On their last day, I prefer guests simply strip the bed. Usually guests tend to leave early morning, and I may have errands I want to go towards, so I'd rather them not set the laundry machine to run while no one is in the house. I'll get to it when I get to it!

Elizabeth, I suggest that if your DH has his sister and her family back, that HE take on the role of hotel maid, if he doesn't see a problem with this. YOU aren't doing it again!

I am so pleased to see we are all in 100 percent agreement on this issue. ( is this a first ? :-) ) I thank you all for your wonderful advice.

Like Lynn's advice...

I would be extremely upset if someone continuously asked me to be a maid and have room service practically for them. Particularly in my own home.

If I'm in a relationship I would like support from my partner. When that doesn't happen it seems to make everything pretty much worse.

I'm guessing your husband is usually supportive of you. So I would try to have him see it my way.

I would sit my DH down and calmly reiterate my frustration with having to deal with his sister and brother-in-law. I would remind him that I felt as if I were being treated like a servant not like family. And to me that was a very big deal.

Then I would state exactly how I will be handing it next time to him should they come again. I would stick to my guns. There is no reason other than your allowing it for this treatment to ever happen again.

You might never get your partner and siblings to see it your way. you simply have to act consistently as if your way matters regardless of what they say. If you're not used to that it takes practice. : /.

In order to remind myself I don't have to take in another person's opinion of me I use the phrase either in my head or aloud. 'Thank you for sharing' .

Your in-laws were RUDE and entitled and they would never be invited/welcomed again. Not because I am that offended but because I don't want to have to be equally rude and say HELL NO, which is the only reasonable response to such behavior. Better to just never ever be available again. I think my #1 pet peeve are people who are RUDE in their expectations and the only way to deal with them is to be rude back. So often we don't rise to the proper response in the name of playing nice. It is just not ok for them to back us into those corners!!!

I think your idea of leaving the next time they want to come, is brilliant. Let your husband deal with his spoiled rotten sister and her husband.

I love it when friends come to stay with us and keep to our routine. I don't like being used as a motel because we have a barking dog who is doing her job by barking but if they're coming in at 11 or 12 o'clock at night, it wakes up the whole house and upsets everything and it makes me feel used.

When my husband's niece came to visit along with her husband, because he is highly allergic to cats, we rented them a cabin to stay in. My husband had been bugging her to come and visit, so he thought it was only fair that we paid for their cabin. We spent all of our time with them at the cabin or out and about on the river and it was wonderful. I didn't resent the money spent at all because it was so much easier than having people at the house. Fortunately they live far enough away that that won't be an issue again anytime soon but it was a real nice option to have and they are lovely people.

I would have been livid if I had been treated the way you were by your sister-in-law and her husband. I can't believe that your husband thinks it's OK for someone to treat you like a servant, even if it is his own sister.

Tackykat said, "I find it absolutely hilarious when the people who are not asked to (or offer to?) do any work find a situation like this is "no big deal."

Yes, this. So easy when you are not the one doing it!

Elizabeth, did you discuss how you feel with your DH? My DH only has one sister left. No way would it be okay for me to skip out if she were visiting.

How would you react to this one? Above mention, SIL wanted to come up for dinner. I was tired and didn't want her to. When we had one of our heart to heart talks to clear the air, she brought up this incident. I said that I was tired that day. She said, "We're all tired and you had to cook dinner anyway." I was floored.

DH was unhappy with the visit because his sister and BIL spent no time with us. So he gets the part about feeling used. I am more resentful about the maid service end of this.

Oh good. At least he agrees that the visit did not go as expected.

Lesson learned, never ever do anything unless you can do it from the heart. Some people enjoy spoiling their guests, or they like to be the one in control of anything in their homes. But, for whatever the reason, no one should do anything that will make them resentful

amylou -- As a Spoiled Only Child and Baby By Default, I am allowed to observe that he baby in a family is sometimes catered to like a Little Princess (or Prince). I'm searching for the origins of this behavior.

Elizabeth -- You haven't been dismissive of this woman at some earlier time, have you? This isn't some nasty 'payback'?

I wouldn't say I was dismissive. She is a rather cold person....we've never been close.

Elizabeth, so sorry you were treated that way. I would be livid....so I think you are handling the situation well and keeping your cool. I don't think I would have.

This thread should go into the KT record book......everyone in 100% agreement.

An only child can observe how the baby of a multi child family is catered to? Yeah. Okay. No matter the birth order,an ADULT should know better than to behave like that horrid woman did. Spoken by the baby of 6 who has done her own laundry, cooked family meals, and made her own money since before the age of ten.

Catered to. Not even in my dreams.

Elizabeth, you are a saint. Or you have been. When i still lived at home, I was appalled at the way my adult siblings behaved as "guests". They would leave their kids toys EVERYWHERE ,expect my mother to WANT to watch their kids at every moment(which she pretty much did want, but it wore her out) and they would leave the rooms they stayed in a mess. I was living there and wasn't so comfortable. She acted like it wasn't a big deal,but I could tell she was annoyed. My SILs ,although they are lovely people overall,are very high maintance and one is very petulant,so she never brought it up.(neither of them are only children OR babies of their family btw) And my BILs,bless their hearts, are pretty much clueless and let my sisters lead the way as far as guest etiquette. But they still never expected my mother to do their laundry, even though she LOVES doing laundry. (Shout out to Mama Pinky,you're not alone!)

Seriously,don't do it again. If for some reason,you give in and let them stay again,do nothing. If she hands you a basket of laundry,take it to your laundry room and leave it there. If she brings it up,say that you didn't have time to do it,and that you didn't have time to change their sheets either. Never have time to do it,since they cheerfully asked you to do it "when you have time."Eventually, she will have to do it herself or wear dirty underwear.