Thank you, Hareball. I love the idea of a big trip- it's nice to have something to look forward to. I hope you are enjoying your 30s!

dedtired, I also live on the Main Line. My husband and I moved here over 30 years ago from NYC, where I grew up. I had a very negative view of suburbia until I actually lived here, and gradually came to love it. It's beautiful, I've made many good friends, learned to garden, and we're only a short Amtrak ride away from New York, which I visit often. Plus Philadelphia has become a really fun and vibrant city. But I do hear you about living in one place for such a long time.

Oh yes. DH and I downsized and moved to town, selling a large elaborate home and 100+ acres. We live on the golf course and I can sit inside my screened porch and look at the well-manicured scenery that I don't have to take care of!

I wasn't born in this town, and I have shared before about how my family moved over and over again when I was growing up. But my late mother grew up here, I have relatives here, and I have put down roots. It's a blessing to be able to do that.

We first looked at our current home in 1994 when trying to decide whether to remodel or move from our then home. We loved this place; 3 acres lakefront, serene, park like setting, but couldn't afford it. We ended up remodeling. Flash forward 10 years. My wife drives home and notices a For Sale sign on "the Van Hooks home". Two weeks later we own it! We love it here and consider ourselves very fortunate.

I think I'm broadly a "neighbor" of Rita's as a fellow resident of the SF Bay area. We've been up here over 40 years. I've been to and in many cases traveled around a fair bit in 40 states (at last count) and haven't found anywhere more to my liking than the urban coastal parts of my home state, for the reasons Rita mentions and more.

"Home is home" is a common feeling for most people no matter where home is. Though I have lived abroad and am currently 350 miles from where I grew up, I have no plans to leave where I am. I'd miss friends and familiar surroundings if we were to move but a return to the coastal part of SoCal, where I was born and raised, might be something I could consider. I still enjoy visiting down there and we do so often. Out of the question for me would be a move to anywhere where the weather isn't as consistent and gentle year-round as here.

Hareball and Rita- I am up to join your trip! Let's backpack through Europe.

Do I feel lucky to live where I live? ALL the time. I've lived in lots of places, but this is home.

Oh I am very lucky. Dear husband and I retired and downsized to a comfy, older home in a comfy, older neighborhood in a small college town in Virginia. While I enjoy visiting other areas, the Blue Ridge mountains feel like "home" and I see them every day.

The US is experiencing some political ups/downs and while there's always room for improvement, I believe we remain a great country with many good decades ahead. So I'm very lucky my great/grandparents left the Old Country for the new world.

And, I've been blessed to live in this *time*, for two reasons. First, modern medicine and modern comforts are luxuries that weren't conceivable even to the highest kings or richest families a century ago. Second -- biological diversity. Meaning, we are doing so much damage to mother nature that we can't reverse. So I'm lucky to have seen so many species of birds, butterflies, animals, trees, flowers that are on their way out because they cannot survive without sufficient wild habitat. Sorry to end on that downer, but I just don't think our great-grandchildren are going to thank us for the choices we've made.

I'm happy that I have rent control in this high rent city. I wouldn't be here otherwise. I despise what this city has become, but I'm not going anywhere at this age.

DH and I often talk about where we would move if one of us outlives the other, and we haven't come up with an alternative yet.. We stay in our 3300 square feet house now because it is paid off and we can accommodate visits from all the kids and their families at the same time, mostly the holidays. I like the climate here in coastal southern California, but I don't know where I would go if I moved. My sister and her DH are 40 minutes north. My older son and DIL are 95 minutes north. One son lives on the other coast, and DD and her family live in the Dallas area. We like the climate, the neighborhood, and the amenities here.

Thinking of moving when I retire. Not sure if I will or not, though. My kids are leaving the state of KY soon and I have no other family here. I've been looking around on the internet. Considering going back out West. I do miss the wide open spaces.

YES, except for Chicago's inability to curb gun violence, Illinois' inability to get finances in order & pay bills, and POTUS, who I am embarrassed represents our country.

Remember in the early '80's, someone asking me if Chicago was really "gangsters, guns, and political corruption like in the days of Al Capone." Sadly, too much truth in that observation.

Yes, I feel very lucky to live where I live! Lovely neighborhood with good neighbors, half an hour from Fort Worth and 45 minutes from Dallas. The farthest grandkids are only a few hours away.

I had this post come up again on my Facebook feed from a memory of 4 years ago. I love it.

My ancestors on both sides came to PA from Germany in the early 1700s, so I don't know any better. I live an hour away from the town I was born , an hour away from the town I was raised ,and 45 minutes from the college I attended. I was always looking for an old farmhouse to put the antiques I collected but my kids wouldn't let me leave the school district. I found the house by accident and it's in the middle of a small town and sits on 1/2 wooded acre. Best of both world since I can walk to my doctor's, Aldi's, movies. I have fifteen grocery stores within a ten-minute ride. Doctors, dentist, hospitals are all very close. Geographically I can be at the Jersey shore in three hours, Philly in two, NYC in three and DC and Baltimore less than two. Best of all my son lives a mile away, daughter three miles.

Hey, Bookwoman, we're neighbors. How fun.

dedtired, we're in Haverford (and before that, Wynnewood) - how about you, if you don't mind saying?

sabbath7 & Rita yes!! I'd love to go to Europe :D

My 30's are ok but they should have come with a warning haha

Yes I do feel lucky! The house is in a great location! But I do miss my previous house, neighbors, heck, the whole last neighborhood!

I also feel very lucky where I live. Other times, I feel the cons and get aggravated, but it passes. Same human thing everyone is telling you. Yoga, running, choose your activity/s for centeredness, but it creeps up on us all (save for the few true monks among us!) Traveling kids/tramps (depending where you live, I don't mean drifter) call it itchy feet, bc that's how we answer it, but everyone gets that combo of discomfort and desire for childlike curiosity to replace it. It depends how you answer, right?

On thing I would add, maybe as a solution to the down-ness, consider back when you were growing and building and starting your gardens and making it home when you first moved in, even for years after, when it was so exciting. Maybe what you need is a new project, a new group of friends nearby like a community garden to start anew, or anything like that. Humans have a long history of agriculture and home, but also of nomadism and of thriving in a little chaos. Sometimes we need change of some kind, but it doesn't have to be a move if you know consciously it's a great place worth loving and living in.

I definitely want what you have too!

Bookwoman, I live right next to you in the town that starts with G. Bet we have crossed paths!

I grew up in Alaska-from age 6 weeks until I retired at 55, with a 4 year stint in Peru. I always felt incredibly lucky to live in Alaska, and still consider it home. There is no place quite like it--the beauty and "wildness" of it. If asked where I'm from, I always say "I'm from Alaska, but we live in Idaho right now"!

BUT-Alaska is not an easy place to retire as the cost of living is scary high. We retired to Idaho, and we do like it here. The lower cost of living has enabled us to travel the world the past 5 years. We miss our son and our friends terribly, though. So for us it's a trade off for sure.

Yes, we feel very lucky to live where we do. It's a place that people from all over the world want to come visit.

Most who do come, feel lucky if they can spend a full week here, once or maybe twice in their lives.

We've lived here for over 45 yrs. I like to say I came West and my DH came East, so we met halfway, LOL. Sometimes we discuss living elsewhere on the West Coast, but much as we enjoy visiting other places along the coast, we don't like anywhere as much as the region where we live now.

We plan on eventually selling our SFH and moving into a senior living facility, probably within the next 5 yrs. Have to start making visits and see which ones we like best. A lot of new ones are opening up (finally!).

Golfergrrl, are you happy in your own world/activities/work despite the city becoming something you hate? If not, what is it that makes you choose an economic advantage in an overpriced market over your happiness? - I'm honestly curious

I appreciate all the great responses, exactly what I was hoping for.

I don't know what I would change about my home....maybe a bit larger, even though I struggle to keep it clean now, so that wouldn't necessarily be a good thing, lol. Definitely lighter & brighter, it's a log home that we built ourselves (literally) and it's very dark & cozy even though we have tons of huge windows and an open floor plan, some days I love it & some days I wish we had finished the inside with sheetrock & painted. I wish we had skylights put in. It's very wooded around our home too, so yes, it's dark but everyone that comes here for the first time exclaims how gorgeous it is.....

So, that's the point of my question - why do I need to see things through others eyes for the first time to be reminded how beautiful my home is? Why aren't I just content with what I have.

Is it really just human nature or do I need some time away to do a little soul searching?

I dream of driving away, all by myself and renting an Oceanside cottage for a month & not telling anyone where I am. Obviously, I can't do that to my family, it would be very selfish & hateful to worry them like that....but still....I wish I could

What about taking a month by the beach and telling them you're going, but not where, or make it clear you need to have your existential mini crisis alone? (Your kids are grown right? The fam might understand the need for a personal reflection and relaxation time).

Or go the other way with it, peace corps type of month of volunteering somewhere way worse, to trigger that gratefulness more deeply.

Also, it seems more light is your main concern. Maybe you do need more light. You could prune/cut back the trees right above your house and add a skylight. Or the ones next to the eastern morning windows for a brighter morning? (All else fails, you could add decorative mirrors in your yard to increase sun directed at your main room you use in the daytime). .. personally I have one of those daylight lamps for morning and afternoon when it's shaded in my south facing basement rooms where I live. Made a huge difference in my contentment.

Lisa- I think all women and maybe men dream of that sometimes in their lives. Don't feel bad, I find it refreshing to hear a person be honest and I appreciate you for it!

Btw, I use this one. It charges and unplugs, so I also use it when I need more light working on projects or taking pictures of eBay sell items, anywhere I need it. It has 3 settings all super useful for self lighting at different times. (I swear I'm not an ad person, just love to share solutions).

I love the tree's around my home though....we are "nestled" in. Finances won't allow for skylights, not for a while anyway. I had one of those therapy lamps for a while, borrowed from a friend to see if it would help with my depression, I honestly didn't benefit from it. Yes, my only DD is an adult but no, DH would NOT understand. He is very sensitive & would take it as an insult. He would worry that our marriage is in trouble & it's not. He is a very good hubby & I love him very much. He just wouldn't understand & I can't hurt him like that.

Lisa, you could be describing my house. Mine is an old farmhouse, not made of logs, but the end result is the same: dark hemlock plank walls, wood beams, lots of trees outside, a tendency to be dimly lit. And people who invariably gush over its charm when seeing it for the first time. The good thing is I'm aware of its charm too. And at this point in my life, where Lyme disease has made me so sensitive to light that I'm practically living like a bat, I appreciate the lack of bright light--and the coolness.

Is it possible an issue other than your house--or encompassing your house but rooted below it--is the actual source of your discontent? Something to think about.

Red Willow - thank you! I may have to try that one. The one I had borrowed was almost $200 I think....and it was big & ugly

Alisande - I am sure it's likely part of the problem....just wondering what the other part is...YKWIM?

I also hate cutting trees and get upset when others do. Though I know, objectively, sometimes a branch must come down so the tree doesn't later, when it's done for that reasoning, or as a compromise with Tree. I didn't mean to come off as a tree killer!

Adding light in *some* way does make a difference for most people, if you want to give it a shot.

He sounds sweet, maybe take him with you to the beach then? I'm sure there's a solution that supports all three of you, your partnership and both of you individually.

....and that lamp is small and nice looking :)

You can experiment with your life too! :) Try changing 1 thing for 1 month. See how you feel, change it back to normal for 1 month. Wasn't it? Keep going, 1 month of change, back to 1 month of normal/control, until you narrow down your discomfort. Sometimes we don't think about the bothersome thing, sometimes we think about it all the time. The first thing you change might be it, or not. You'll never know until you try (cliche, I know)

My old farmhouse is dark too. It's not log inside or out...white horse hair plaster walls and white clapboard outside . It does have 40 windows but it's the trees in full leaf which make it dark. With my bedroom blinds shut tight every day in the hot weather to keep the sun from heating it, I need a light on to see where I'm going in the middle of the day. Skylights won't work since I have a full-size attic. BUT...I adore trees and bushes and people comment my yard looks like a secret garden with the two koi ponds and beehives. It's something you don't expect in the middle of a town off a busy street. It's 15 -20 degrees cooler in my yard, so I'll have to put up with the darkness but I get where you're coming from.

We have a shady house too. I actually like it, it's SO Hot that I find the shade to be a refreshing refuge from the heat. Our basement is dark and too cold or too hot depending on the season, but it doesn't bother me for some crazy reason. I love the darkness and coldness during the summer after I have been out working in the yard. Our heating and air system is just off and keeps the basement about 10 degrees cooler than the main floor in the summer and 10 degrees warmer in the winter.

OK, wait a minute. This isn't about how happy we are (where we live).

Lisa, you sound depressed. You should not have to try to convince yourself that you are happy just because you are not entirely deprived, living in a tent in a war-torn land.

It's *possible* that the where (dark house) is some of your problem, but this sounds very different. It sounds like you are tiptoeing into addressing problem(s) that are keeping you from being happy. When we're unhappy it is often because we are afraid to look at why.

Can you find a therapist who will help you dig down to find Lisa and empower her? *Something* is keeping you down -- could be partly chemistry in your body, but it's usually something more. Consider a guided expedition to Find Lisa's Self. Only she knows what Lisa needs to feel authentically happy. It's almost impossible to do this without a guide. I think it's more worth the cost than moving or a beach vacation, dragging Unhappy Lisa with you.

Yes! I've traveled to 3rd world countries....if I had been born in one of those...no hope...no way out....

This really is the land of opportunity! I'm also grateful to have my health. Something else that's out of my control.

I feel very blessed to live where I do. After DH passed away, I built this handicapped accessible home in a town of 3,000 of the nicest people I could find and neighbors who are caring and kind.

I am an hour away from both DDs and families...and across the street from DS and his wife...and 25 minutes from my brothers and their wives.....so I feel "back home" and safe here.

Life is what you make it and home is where your love is. My peace comes from my God and viewing my little lake....it is so calming and always changing with ducks, geese, blue herons, etc....and I get to enjoy the beautiful Kansas sunsets from the comfort of my recliner!

Nope. We moved so that the missus would not have to deal with winter in Illinois anymore. Now on the gulf coast of Florida. It is too hot, too often.

I hope that you can find your happy place.

What is it with homes built under trees and a lack of windows? I have that same thing going on, it's dark in here. Campaigning for new tinted skylights since turning a whole wall into glass isn't in the budget :-)

If anyone is struggling with depressed feelings, I highly recommend David Burns's book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Burns is a psychiatrist. His book was originally published in the 70s. His website is www.feelinggood.com. Burns is a proponent of your feelings come from your thinking (Cognitive Therapy) - sometimes you just have to learn to see the thinking that is damaging your feelings and it can take some effort to find the thinking that underlies the feelings- but worth the effort. Here is a TEDx talk he gave https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1T5uMeYv9Q.

Burns is a great speaker and writer. The subjects he address affect us all to one degree or another.

As for Sabbath and Hareball- I cannot get the trip out of my mind. Maybe we could figure this out over the course of this year. Feel free to DM any time.

I love where we live. We live in a small rural area in Indiana. We have lived here 48 years. We only live 15 miles from the city and 5 miles from a small town. It is peaceful and we have great neighbors. Our neighborhood has changed over the years. We were all about the same age and many have passed away. I do know if something were to happen to my husband I would move to town. Way too much work to keep things up here.

I live in what is considered the roughest are of the city. Sometimes I would love to move to a nicer area, but I have a yard! A real yard. Not a patch of grass and a garage with a house attached to it. Sometimes I would love all new cupboards in my kitchen (I hate my cupboards...) and new flooring (original hardwood from the late 50's but it really REALLY needs to be sanded and revarnished)...

BUT: I am happy that I have a house to live in. Not a cardboard box.

I am happy I have bills to pay. Not a cup to beg for money

Happy to have a job. Not collecting unemployment.

Happy to have been able to have children.

Happy to have one grandchild who I must say is the most awesome little guy on the planet and I'll duke it out until the end to prove it. :)

I would love a house closer to the mountains with a few acres of land and no neighbours in site, peace and quiet. But am proud that I have been able to own my own home (18 months away from paying it off!!!) as well as everything inside of it.

I live in a poor area, and I work in another area that's about as bad as this one with 90% of the immigrants from that area coming from the Middle East and Asia. I don't know if I've met a Syrian refugee yet, but I am so grateful I've never had to run from a war. My parents lived through one and the stories they told were terrible. I don't have a lot, but what I do have is cherished.

Yes, I feel lucky. We have a nice home we had built 10 years ago and it still seems new to me. It is in a good area. We use our last home here as a rental.

Rita and Hareball- I want to see Italy, Budapest and Prague don't they sound so exotic! Where do you guys want to go? We should do it! We should do it and write a book about never having met until we all landed in Europe!

I wouldn't say I feel lucky to live where we live. This is where we ended up. :-)

My father was career Army so we moved every two to two-and-one-half years (usually every two). Different states, and different countries. Lots of different schools (three different schools in the 5th grade!).

Although my father had attended college for two years when he enlisted in the Army, he started college all over again when he retired a little over 20 years later. That involved two more moves, and then when he accepted one of many different job offers, my family ended up in Southern California.

My husband's father was born in Germany, but when he came to the USA with his parents (at the age of 3), they settled in New York. Hubs' mother was born in New York, and that's where Hubs and 3 of his 4 brothers were born. The family moved to Southern California when Hubs was six years old.

Hubs and I met when I was working as a paralegal for an attorney and Hubs came into the office for a meeting with my boss. Hubs is an attorney and he and my boss were working as co-counsel on a case. Eventually Hubs accepted a position with the State, and we moved a couple of times because of his job. In December 1987 we were transferred to Sacramento (where I, too, began working for the State), and in September 1990 we moved into this house (purchased while it was in the framing stage in the Spring of 1990). We are in an unincorporated area of Sacramento County. We have easy access to Lake Tahoe, the San Francisco Bay Area, the Napa/Sonoma Wine Country, and, depending on traffic, we can be in Southern California in 6 or 7 hours.

I retired after 24 years with the State, and Hubs retired after 30 years with the State. We both collect a nice monthly pension from the California Public Employees' Retirement System (CALPers), as well as monthly retirement benefits from Social Security. Much as we would love to move out of California (because California has one of the highest personal income tax rates), we don't have an overwhelming desire to move to any other state -- they all have their good and bad points -- and moving is just a pain in the patoot.

The one thing that would get us to move out of our current house would be to move into a single-story house. I have some mobility issues caused by a long-ago car accident (I was a passenger and, no, Hubs was not the driver), and it is no longer easy for me to "bound up and down the stairs."

We have a large yard, and a year-round creek runs behind two of the 5 sides of our property so we don't have houses right behind us (you can't build within 60' of the creek), and we do get plenty of light in the house with the windows and two large skylights (we have a total of 31 windows, unless I missed one while counting them as I mentally scanned our house). Hubs has even turned one bay of the 3-car garage into a yoga & Pilates studio (and there are two windows in the garage which I didn't include in the house-windows count).

So, we're content with where we live, but as I said at the beginning, we're not lucky because this just happens to be where we ended up.

Mmmm, Lindsey from your description, you look mighty lucky to me!

Yes, and no. I don't think I will ever feel that my city is "home" even though I've lived here for 33 years, longer than anywhere else. But it's that kind of place - I'm still "new" here.

However, my DD and two grandsons live 2 miles up the road - the boys can bike to my house now that they're teens. I would NEVER give up that!

My house? Far from my "dream house" but over the years, I've made it a home I love. I love the individual rooms - how they are decorated and what they are And their size. I hate that there is little waste space - no gracious entry hall - very small - and narrow back hall. I LOVE waste space! I can do nothing about this.

Over the years, we have taken a small suburban lot and made it into a lovely, gracious garden that brings me great pleasure. I can no longer work in it but I can point and direct others!

My neighborhood is very convenient to everything but I wish it were a bit friendlier. Oh well...

No, I would not move.

Eld6161 -- Yes, I am mighty lucky to have fallen in love with and married a man who loves me completely in spite of my faults and idiosyncrasies. He will defend and protect me to the death. He was fully in support of me when I moved my brother in with us so that I could be his caregiver when he converted from being "just" HIV+ to having full-blown AIDS. He was right there with me as I was hugging my brother as he died.

But lucky to live where we do? No. Well, yeah, we were lucky to get the particular lot that we wanted, but as far as where we are? No. That was simply a matter of needing to live close to where Hubs would be working when the State said his office was going to be relocating. For the first 16 months of our marriage (May 1986 through Sept 1987) Hubs' work location was approximately 225 miles from our home. We rented an apartment for him to live in during the week and every Friday night he'd leave the office, and drive the 225 miles to spend the weekend with me. Sunday nights he would drive back to the apartment. Some weekends I would drive there to spend the weekend with him. He also made the drive for every holiday. We decided it wouldn't be reasonable for me to give up my business (I was an independent fee appraiser) because the real estate market had gone crazy in LA and Orange Counties, and I was making around $10,000 to $12,000 per month (remember, this was 1986-1987). I did walk-through inspections no more than 3 days per week (this also involved driving by the comparable sales to take photos from the street), then the other days were when I would do the analysis and write up the forms. Then in September 1987 Hubs was named Regional Attorney for one of his agency's two designated regions. There was an increase in pay, and all of the other attorneys in that region reported to him. BUT, the office for that region was even further away from our home -- it was now about 350 miles from his workplace (and new apartment that we rented) to our home. Yep, every weekend and every holiday we were together. In 1987 the State was going to relocate most of his office to Sacramento, which would mean he'd be 450 miles from our home. No way was I going to have him (or me!) making that drive twice a week. So, the State paid the costs to sell our house, and paid the moving expenses to move me and everything we owned up here. We bought a townhouse in Citrus Heights (no time for us to really scope out the entire area to decide where we wanted to live as well as find a house that we both liked), and our move-in was mid-December. BUT, the State kept putting off the relocation of the office. The distance between us was now about 175 miles, and because I wasn't working, I went to him most weekends. We had three cats at the time, and 4 nights was as long as we wanted to "abandon" them at a time. Still never missed a weekend or a holiday. Then in February 1992 Hubs accepted a Sacramento position at another State agency. We've lived together ever since. :-) In May 1990 we put a deposit down on our current home (which is not in Citrus Heights) which was in the framing stage of construction at the time, and we moved in at the end of September 1990.

So, I'm lucky to be living full-time with my husband, but as far as where we are -- I still say it isn't luck - it's just where we ended up.

Not "lucky" since most choose where they want to live subject to financial constraints. And with the traveling I've done, there's not a lot of other places I'd rather live. I could certainly find things I'd prefer, but all in all I'm fortunate to be able to afford to live where I am. There's advantages and disadvantages to living most anywhere.