Freaking out

8 years ago

My partner and I are buying a house together and blending our families after 1.5yrs. Have two boys each. We move in in 2 weeks but last night he completely freaked out. My eldest son (14) has adhd and finds change very difficult and is struggling with jealousy towards his kids. My partner gave my son the biggest room with ensure as he needs space and is the eldest. However yesterday rung and said if his kids didn't have that room we weren't moving. They are sharing a smaller bedroom (their choice to share aged 10 and 7) but they are only there 2 nights one week and 5 the next week. I thought this was unfair as that bedroom was a carrot for my son and his jealousy will go through the roof If suddenly his room is given to the very people he sees as a threat!
Next my partner says he can't live with my Son as sometimes he gets angry and if he ever fights with his kids then ne and my two boys have to move out. He is a teenager with adhd so a given really!
He said if he ever directs his anger at his kids that will be it and he won't tolerate it. I'm very worried my life will be spent in edge in case my Son gets angry (which of course is normal and will happen). He also said he can't be jealous but in a blended family that always right and is a matter of time while everyone gets used to it?

He's dropped this on me when I have given notice on my rental property and HAVE to be out in 2 weeks whereas if we pull out of the sale, he just gets to live in his house still.

Im feeling very panicked and just wondered if anyone has moved in together and blended families? Did you both get cold feet and freat out like we seem to be? Did it work or was it hell?

He also stated that hes put most of the money down so he shouldnt lose out if it doesnt work out. I am putting inheritance in at a later date bit this now foesnt seem a partnership if he is threatening me like this.

Any help appreciated

Thanks

Featured Answer

sushipup1

8 years ago

Get out now. Honestly, it will be easier for you to find a new apartment than to get out after you move in with this creep. It will NOT get better. Get out while it's easy to do so.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

cooper8828
8 years ago
Speak with your landlord - maybe your unit has not been re-rented out yet.
Related Discussions
Freaking out - Exposure to Asbestos?
Q
Comments (120)
Seabornman, What was your experience, was it from an attic? Does it come granular and puffed? A question I have is the degree to which vermiculite is inherently dusty/friable, or is it like 9 inch floor squares, with asbestos locked into a matrix. I learned a couple years ago that some popcorn ceiling material was made with vermiculite. Because of that, I had to retest my ceilings, which did not come back hot. I would recommend to KZ for piece of mind, to speak with an Asbestos testing lab and either have them come out to collect a sample, and test it stringently.
...See More
Anybody worried/freaked out by the stock market?
Q
Comments (60)
The majority of people here support immigration-LEGAL immigration-where they are thoroughly vetted and they are not affiliated with criminal gangs, terrorist organizations, or other known threats to the rest of us. I wholeheartedly welcome such a system! However! The chaos of the past four years has been utterly bewildering. To suggest that the United States can financially sustain all this illegal immigration, with all its associated costs-defies total logic and you'd have to belong to an entirely different reality. I mean...really. Any common-sense person would know this. It’s so absurd to argue otherwise-I hate wasting my breath even explaining that. 47 won primarily on this issue.
...See More
I took my time, now I need to hurry up. Living room freak out…help!
Q
Comments (41)
Ask for the scotch guard treatment on all upholstered pieces. Regarding the ottoman -matching is more work than its worth instead go for an accent color and pull that color into the pillows or lap blankets, art , etc so it looks like part of the plan. Have fun with it You may even find accent chairs that go with the ottoman. Chairs & big men- the story of my life. The thing about men is the are very honest about their seating preferences -if it ain’t comfortable, they ain’t hanging around! I live in N. Alabama so forgive my southern. Look for chairs that are rated for “300 lb capacity”. They will hold up better, last longer and will be more comfortable for everyone and hopefully be really comfortable for you and baby. Regarding baby- get yourself a good upholstered recliner - even if you never thought the words Lazboy would be in your vocabulary or in your house, i slept many a night with a sick baby on my chest and the recline was my and my husbands saving grace.
...See More
Layout Freak Out!
Q
Comments (51)
We envisioned the island to have open countertop space for rolling out dough, lining up plates for serving, etc. To maximize countertop space, would it be reasonable to shift the sink to the side somewhat (still leaving space on the end) and going with an 18" version? Or will that be less functional? I mentioned having 18" to the right of the sink. I personally wouldn't go less than 15" so that once you take food out of the fridge, you can put it to the right of the sink before rinsing. I have an 18" square sink and it does what I need it to do which is rinse off stuff before prepping. As for space for rolling out dough? I do a lot of baking and I use my prep space for baking too. I just went downstairs and measured the actual length of the space. Guess what? It's 49" long except my prep space is along the perimeter so it's only 25.5" deep. You'll have a much wider space to work. You could even work along the short side of the island for rolling out dough which is 54"? Additionally as a secondary area for rolling out dough, you'll now have the counter to the right of the cleanup sink which is 60" long. (Remember you won't have those cabinets on top of the counter.) For those of you that have them, what do you like/dislike about your current setup? I love having the two sinks so we stay out of each other's way. I am getting up there in years and watched my Mom struggle in her later years so when I designed this kitchen, I put the cleanup sink on the island and the prep sink along the perimeter so I could just slide food over if I ever wind up with less mobility or other issues. So when I designed the kitchen, I put on the short L wall going right to left; the fridge, then a microwave drawer cabinet, then the trash, then the prep sink, then a corner drawer cabinet, and then 49" of prep space on the long arm of the L before the cooktop. (induction! I will never go back to gas!) However since I prep on the long arm of the L and the trash is on the short arm to the right of the prep sink, I am constantly having to turn around to put the stuff in the trash. It was my one goof in designing the kitchen. The trash should have been to the left of the sink.
...See More
colleenoz
8 years ago
What sushipup said. Most of the stories here are where a blended family started off with issues and time only made them worse, not better. It would have been better if your partner had talked out these issues before you started househunting but better late than never. He is being realistic in his admission that living with your ADHD son will put a strain on him, and personally I think good on him for admitting this instead of moving in and starting to yell at your son. He is also wise for recognising that your son, who you admit is jealous of your partner's sons, is likely to fight with them and that he doesn't want that happening.

I don't think your partner is a creep, but a man who has suddenly realised his decision to move in with you will impact (possibly poorly) on his own children and wants to protect them. But I do think this means this is not a relationship you should pursue.
jesshs
8 years ago
I think you need to run, not walk, away from moving in together. Dating and living apart until the kids are grown or get along may be an option, but you may be better served by severing all ties and just focusing on you and your kids during this season. Before you know it your kids will be out of the house and you will have time for dating and possible remarriage. If it is right before then, it will be right and you won't have to be forcing everything.
sushipup1
8 years ago
I should not have called him a 'creep'. Calmer words from the other posters, but I still mean it when I say that things will never get better. Best of luck.
bossyvossy
8 years ago
Just b/c he can't deal with a blended family doesn't make him a creep but for sure he's not committed or prepared to deal with it. The advice given here is sound: get out now!
tfitz1006
8 years ago
Go away and take care of your kids. He's doing you a favor by telling you he can't handle it. Your kids need you totally focused on them for these fleeting childhood years.
Anne
8 years ago
Being a blended family is not easy. I am in one and both our kids were young adults when we met. I know that if anyone couldn't accept my "kids" I wouldn't accept them. I got lucky or blessed. We have "adult" kids and they have sometimes lived with us. Do we have issues as far as the kids go...yes, but we both love each others kids as our own.

I would worry if your partner has not been able to commit. Maybe dating is the better idea.....JMO.

Freaking out

sushipup1

Comments (8)

cooper8828

Related Discussions

colleenoz

jesshs

sushipup1

bossyvossy

tfitz1006

Anne

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US