So, your sister and her two children live with you and she pays you $150 a month?

I just want to make sure I've got this right before I allow my head to explode ;-o

This is ridiculous. She is taking advantage of you - financially as well as your time and energy. You raised HER kids for a year? You should be reimbursed for the same amount of child support she received. If conflict is difficult for you (same as me), what would happen if you buy less groceries? She can help by getting groceries herself - that's been taking MORE of your time.

It seems that every family has givers and takers. I would like to get her on the phone myself and tell her off. However, that would not be productive.

My advice: make a list of your concerns (for yourself.) Hold a meeting with your sister (no kids). Tell her you WILL NOT and CANNOT continue this arrangement. Keep things positive by using this sentence structure: When _______, I feel ____. It's hard to communicate like that but it will get easier with time. This sentence structure takes the "you do this, you do that" out of the equation. It prevents the person from becoming defensive after feeling blamed. Examples:

"When I buy groceries for a family of six on a very tight budget, I feel worried about the future and how I'm going to continue this."

"When I have no money in savings for the future and no emergency funds, I feel helpless and resentful."

"When I've spent a lot of extra energy and time raising kids for the past year, I feel exhausted and need help/understanding that the past year has put a toll on me. I know it's not good for my health and I need a break."

"When so many maintenance expenses come up and money is tight, I feel worried and resentful that I'm not getting help. Maintenance issues always come up when owning/renting a home. We all use this home."

If you can outline your feelings, it will help you stay on task while communicating. Hopefully, it will also help you identify the problems and how they are affecting you. Don't budge. Your asking total strangers for advice, in your heart you already know something is wrong. If I shared the exact same situation with you and it were me, what advice would you give? Take care of yourself or you won't have anything less - your relationships will suffer anyways. It's better to deal constructively now then after things get out of hand.

Sorry I'm so wordy.

Thanks for your responses. I am trying to address the issue without causing harm to the relationship. The suggestions for discussing the issue is great. When I discussed this issue with family (my mom and brother) they feel I should be more understanding of her situation. Others outside of the family feel it is a situation that should be addressed immediately with her taking responsibility as should. I'm trying to understand why my family is so adamant about giving her so much time.This, as well as avoiding confrontation, are the reasons I've tiptoed around the issue for so long. But I'm tired, which is why I've decided to see what others without personal connections to either of us think about this issue.

You've been a saint, truly. My advice would be to not solicit opinions from, nor listen to what you family has to say. They are not the ones raising, caring for and assuming the financial burden of 2 additional charges! Strike that, 3!

What do YOU think? If you think you're being taken advantage of, and you are, then let your sister know things will be changing, and that's it's NOT a discussion or negotiation. It's what needs to happen for things to continue on as they are.

No one, but no one is doing your sister any favors be letting her get away with being so selfish.

I don't envy your situation, but you seem like an amazing person for giving so much.

She's VERY lucky to have you. They all are ;-)

Um, why the He// don't you mother and brother say your sister should be more understanding of _your_ situation? She had been separated longer than you when she first sent her children to you (and why did she need to do that anyway, was getting her divorce a 24/7 job?). You are being taken royal advantage of, and need to put your foot down ASAP or it will get harder and harder.

Pretty good situation for your sister. Not only is her husband giving her child support, you are paying her child support and maintenance too. And your own children are also paying bills.

It's time she needs to kick in 50% of living expenses. I would not expect her to pay for repairs bills for things you own. However, I would expect her to pay half of all the utilities, rent or mortgage/taxes/insurance and grocery bill. Your children are your financial responsibility and should come first. College doesn't come free. Your sister needs to stop taking advantage of your generosity.

So, why isn't your brother helping? I agree with everyone else. You are being taken advantage of. Not only are you wearing yourself out, you are going to put yourself in a big financial bind.

Suggest to your sister it's time for her and her children to move out, now that she has a job. Otherwise, she needs to pay half of everything.

Talking with your sister doesn't have to be confrontational, just sit down over a cup of coffee and talk plainly. Sis, I'm struggling financially with all the extra people here. I think it is time to start contributing more towards the running of our home. Plain and simple, no drama.