My dad's living will has some rather generic information about what he would want done. Then there's the important stuff. It specifies that my stepmom is to make any decisions for him if he is unable to do so. It then specifies that I am to make the decisions if she is unavailable/unable to do so. If both of us are unavailable, my oldest brother gets to decide. In reality, any decisions would be family decisions, but in case of any conflict or disagreement, there is a legal piece of paper that clearly spells out who he wants having final say. Just assuming your spouse will be able to make decisions for you isn't very reliable. Although it's probably not the most common problem, remember Terri Schiavo had a husband the whole conflict was that the rest of her family disagreed and even though courts ultimately upheld the husband's right to decide on her behalf I'm sure the whole situation was pretty horrible for all. I don't know that having a living will naming her husband (assuming that's who she would have named) would actually have mattered in her case, but it couldn't have hurt. The more likely situation though is an accident that involves both spouses so the spouse is unavailable or incapable of making decisions. If you have one adult child, one parent, one sibling, etc down the line of legal next of kin in the order you'd like people making decisions for you, maybe you're ok, but if you have multiple people with equal rights under the law (or one in there somewhere who you wouldn't trust to be able to make the choices you'd prefer), it would probably be a good idea to decide ahead of time who gets the final say, who comes next, etc, make it legal in a living will, and let the family members know about it. Not only will that make sure you get the people you want making your health care decisions, it could make things easier on your family in a difficult time to have those decisions made ahead of time. Of course you can't predict what you want done in any imaginable situation, but you can predict who might be available and reliable to make those decisions on your behalf. I have no idea what's in their actual will. I'll probably be hobbling around a nursing home in a walker anyway by the time i might inherit anything (my parents were babies when they got married and had me, and my stepmom's a decade younger even than them), so I can't see why i should care.

I'm glad to have some feedback on being a 'mentor' (assuming we do take our relationship to a more serious place). I'd think/hope that being a mentor of sorts would probably be the most beneficial and less awkward route to take for his daughter, myself, and my boyfriend. Maybe serve as a...mediator/bridge between the two? I want her to respect me and see me as somewhat of an authoritative figure, but I also want her to know that she can come to me with teenage things or frustrations a girl wouldn't normal be able to tell her parents. When my boyfriend and I first discussed his daughter (a while ago), he seemed to assume that I would be a mentor for her and help calm him from being a ridiculously overprotective/clueless dad; and I agree, I think that is definitely a position I could fill if this were to work out. But we'll see, it'll take some time and serious thought & communication to see if this is where I want to go in life. @Amber, I wasn't really suggesting coupling counseling, but more of an easement/adjustment counseling. And only if the situation needed it. Counseling is not only a 'fix' for bad things, it's also a way to PREVENT bad things; and the only time I would consider counseling, is if my boyfriend and I thought there might be a potential issue with his daughter. And it wouldn't be counseling to 'fix' a bad thing, but rather to help all of us ease into a new life. I imagine (IF we do get married...way later on) his daughter would find at least a little discomfort in having a 27 year old suddenly as an 'authoritative' figure in her 14 year old life. Plus, 14 is a difficult age for girls anyway. So if the situation seemed to need it, I think counseling would be a very helpful way in easing into the transition, establishing my 'role' in their family, and helping her to see I'm not looking to be a new mom or overstep my boundaries. Counseling would allow her to tell me what she wants/looking for, what I want, and what my boyfriend wants. But again, this would only happen if we were to marry later on and foresee a potential tension. So I'm going to have to disagree with you on the pre-marriage counseling being a bad omen. @mkroopy, thank you for making me sane again! I'll admit I definitely fell into the doubt 'trap'. I am confident in my boyfriend's loyalty, but when several people suggest otherwise, I do begin to doubt slightly (also doesn't help that I'm a serial worrier about everything!) But you are correct, men (& women) can definitely be faithful and it's disheartening to see that so many people think otherwise. So, just for the sake of pacifying anyone else's concerns...there is a very low chance my boyfriend is cheating, and if he is, then I will eventually learn my lesson, but I can't go about my relationship distrusting him. He works Monday-Friday from 11am-7pm, goes to the gym/runs errands, and then gets home at 11 pm. The only time he would be able to 'cheat' would be on the weekends, which is when he has his daughter, so he wouldn't be able to. I think he's much too busy and occupied with his daughter and me, that even if he wanted to, there would rarely be a time for him to cheat.

I'm sorry, thirteen years old is TOO old to still be holding his dad's hand and laying his head on his shoulder. Ewwww. There are so many problems with this relationship. - he babies his THIRTEEN year old son - his son is jealous of you - he pays for everything for his son when he already gives BM child support - he pays for BM's expenses - thinks he abandoned his family - he did not abandon his family but because he feels this way BM will use this to her advantage to squeeze more money out of him - because he feels guilty he will probably let his son get away with bad behavior - pays all this CS and BM does not support her child It's funny that your BF says he gives BM all this money because he had no reason to have money for himself or save, yet he can barely afford to pay his half of the bills. There is always a reason to save. He is giving BM all his money to his own detriment. What will he do if something unexpected were to happen to himself - car repair, medical bill? What is he saving for retirement? You are right this relationship will hold you back. You're young, you're 23, you have your whole life ahead of you. The only problem is you have fallen in love with him so you can't see that this relationship will not work. My story - I dated a man for two years that had a 8 year old son. Because he felt guilty that he didn't see his son every day, he spoiled him. His son was spoiled and treated like a little adult. BF even let him sleep in the bed with him! I was like this kid is TOO big to still be sleeping with you. This kid was always walking on the furniture and jumping on things. I told BF his son was TOO big to be doing that, but BF was like what's the big deal? Those couches are old anyway. Don't you know one time BF and I were laying bed watching TV, and his kid JUMPS into the bed, and lands right on my shin! I screamed because this kid was heavy and it really hurt when he landed on my leg. I told BF that was the reason why he needed to stop this kid from jumping on things all the time. Needless to say, BF continued to be a guilty/lazy parent. He would not make his son mind. I have two daughters of my own, and I made them listen. I disciplined them when they needed it. BF never wanted to discipline his son because he "didn't want to ruin the limited amount of time" they had together. As a result, his son was rude, spoiled, and never did what he was told. In addition, he too, struggled fiancially to pay his bills because of CS. He was very eager for me and my daughters to move in with him. He kept saying how wonderful it would be to have someone to share the bills with. I realized he was more interested in me helping him pay his bills than in sharing a life together. Eventually I broke up with BF. It was hard at first, because I loved BF so much, but as time went on, it got better. I realized I would not have been happy. And that's what you have to think about. Are you really happy in this relationship with the way things are? Sure, when the son's not around, things are probably great, but the real test of a relationship is not when things are good, it's when things are bad. And what if dad decides to get more time with his son? That's what happened to me. I never in a million years thought my BF would get more time with his son. His BM depended on CS too much, or so we thought. Don't you know one day she tells BF she is too busy with work and school to handle the son and lets BF have him. So BF went from every other weekend to his son to having him 24/7. I knew I could not handle dealing with his son on a daily basis. Sure, he didn't have to pay CS anymore, but getting full custody brought on a whole another set of problems. I was not ready to deal with a kid that I did not raise, that did not want to listen to me and that I could not discipline the way he needed to be. The way I dealt with the situation is I ended it. I know that's not what you want to hear, but now that I am able to look back I realize it was the right decision.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" Not only is this true with kids, but when a parent is totally gone, the child can also fantasize about how wonderful the absent parent is. They can create the perfect parent in their mind if they want. I was 22 when I got together with my BF that had three kids. They were 1, 4 & 6. Their mom was on drugs and left and never came to see them but maybe once a year. I spent my 20's raising his kids without benefit of marriage and when it didn't work out, I was 29 and he wouldn't even let me talk to his kids anymore (unless I would come back to him). I had no legal rights. In a way, I spent my youthful years taking care of his kids while he worked on his career. (he went from a street deputy to detective Sergeant while I was with him, because my being there allowed him to work any shift and not worry about his kids) A house was purchased (in his name only) but I paid on it and helped with improvements but ended up walking away with nothing. (I sometimes think I was lucky to leave with my sanity intact) I get the impression that you think that you and he will have a wonderful little family, especially if the boy is calling you mom. I didn't think of that before gigglemonster said it, but if he is, I can certainly understand why BM would be jumping on you. I'm not saying she's right to, but I could understand that here's her little boy calling you mom and you are trying to make the family she was supposed to have with this 'prize' of a guy and not only that, but he's thinking the kid might forget about her. I'd be fighting mad too. My guess is that the mom is also fairly young, early 20's??? There's a lot of emotions and immaturity too that could be contributing to all the conflict. and I guarantee that she'd tell her little boy to stop calling you mom if he is. He is too young to understand why it's upsetting to anyone, he'd call you both mom if he loves you both... they don't know the difference or think about how the 'real' mom will feel. They are so innocent but that's being ruined by immature people that put him in the middle of all this conflict. I'm really sad for the little boy in this.