The family is already hooked into social services. They ARE receiving the help that they qualify for. They get custodial care 5 days a week, for seven hours each day. They COULD have sent him to a nursing home--but only one that would accept medicaid patients. Their private insurance would only cover...I think it was 90 days. That would have been easier for the family--but he'd have "turned his face to the wall." Thomas wrote his own advanced directives when he turned 18. The hospital had to get his permission to insert (install?) his stomach-port feeding tube. He has the option of having it removed...should he so desire. I don't think he'll go that route, unless he fails to improve. Susan--I'll get on that web-search right away. If you are willing to help...I'll keep you in mind as well. I don't think any of these modifications that Paige wants for her house are hurry-up-and-do-it-yesterday...but folks at church want to help--and keep asking her what they can do...so she's been putting together her "in a perfect world" list. I hope you have a FABULOUS time in Norway. Remember--whatever you buy--you have to get home! ;~) Florence,Deb,Sammy, Carla--Thanks for the kind words. Keep Thomas and family in your prayers/positive energy list. I've been over on That Home Site--there is a lighting forum! One of the memebers has offered to help me with a lighting plan once we have the blueprint for the room--he says we should know furniture and art placement before LP is designed. THAT is the sort of guidance I need(ed). I love y'all--you know that? I'll post updates as I get them. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I'm glad to have some feedback on being a 'mentor' (assuming we do take our relationship to a more serious place). I'd think/hope that being a mentor of sorts would probably be the most beneficial and less awkward route to take for his daughter, myself, and my boyfriend. Maybe serve as a...mediator/bridge between the two? I want her to respect me and see me as somewhat of an authoritative figure, but I also want her to know that she can come to me with teenage things or frustrations a girl wouldn't normal be able to tell her parents. When my boyfriend and I first discussed his daughter (a while ago), he seemed to assume that I would be a mentor for her and help calm him from being a ridiculously overprotective/clueless dad; and I agree, I think that is definitely a position I could fill if this were to work out. But we'll see, it'll take some time and serious thought & communication to see if this is where I want to go in life. @Amber, I wasn't really suggesting coupling counseling, but more of an easement/adjustment counseling. And only if the situation needed it. Counseling is not only a 'fix' for bad things, it's also a way to PREVENT bad things; and the only time I would consider counseling, is if my boyfriend and I thought there might be a potential issue with his daughter. And it wouldn't be counseling to 'fix' a bad thing, but rather to help all of us ease into a new life. I imagine (IF we do get married...way later on) his daughter would find at least a little discomfort in having a 27 year old suddenly as an 'authoritative' figure in her 14 year old life. Plus, 14 is a difficult age for girls anyway. So if the situation seemed to need it, I think counseling would be a very helpful way in easing into the transition, establishing my 'role' in their family, and helping her to see I'm not looking to be a new mom or overstep my boundaries. Counseling would allow her to tell me what she wants/looking for, what I want, and what my boyfriend wants. But again, this would only happen if we were to marry later on and foresee a potential tension. So I'm going to have to disagree with you on the pre-marriage counseling being a bad omen. @mkroopy, thank you for making me sane again! I'll admit I definitely fell into the doubt 'trap'. I am confident in my boyfriend's loyalty, but when several people suggest otherwise, I do begin to doubt slightly (also doesn't help that I'm a serial worrier about everything!) But you are correct, men (& women) can definitely be faithful and it's disheartening to see that so many people think otherwise. So, just for the sake of pacifying anyone else's concerns...there is a very low chance my boyfriend is cheating, and if he is, then I will eventually learn my lesson, but I can't go about my relationship distrusting him. He works Monday-Friday from 11am-7pm, goes to the gym/runs errands, and then gets home at 11 pm. The only time he would be able to 'cheat' would be on the weekends, which is when he has his daughter, so he wouldn't be able to. I think he's much too busy and occupied with his daughter and me, that even if he wanted to, there would rarely be a time for him to cheat.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" Not only is this true with kids, but when a parent is totally gone, the child can also fantasize about how wonderful the absent parent is. They can create the perfect parent in their mind if they want. I was 22 when I got together with my BF that had three kids. They were 1, 4 & 6. Their mom was on drugs and left and never came to see them but maybe once a year. I spent my 20's raising his kids without benefit of marriage and when it didn't work out, I was 29 and he wouldn't even let me talk to his kids anymore (unless I would come back to him). I had no legal rights. In a way, I spent my youthful years taking care of his kids while he worked on his career. (he went from a street deputy to detective Sergeant while I was with him, because my being there allowed him to work any shift and not worry about his kids) A house was purchased (in his name only) but I paid on it and helped with improvements but ended up walking away with nothing. (I sometimes think I was lucky to leave with my sanity intact) I get the impression that you think that you and he will have a wonderful little family, especially if the boy is calling you mom. I didn't think of that before gigglemonster said it, but if he is, I can certainly understand why BM would be jumping on you. I'm not saying she's right to, but I could understand that here's her little boy calling you mom and you are trying to make the family she was supposed to have with this 'prize' of a guy and not only that, but he's thinking the kid might forget about her. I'd be fighting mad too. My guess is that the mom is also fairly young, early 20's??? There's a lot of emotions and immaturity too that could be contributing to all the conflict. and I guarantee that she'd tell her little boy to stop calling you mom if he is. He is too young to understand why it's upsetting to anyone, he'd call you both mom if he loves you both... they don't know the difference or think about how the 'real' mom will feel. They are so innocent but that's being ruined by immature people that put him in the middle of all this conflict. I'm really sad for the little boy in this.

I am a stepmom to a beautiful 7 year old little girl and have been since she was 4 years old. I can literally count on my ten fingers the amount of times her biological mom has made visits since I have known her (more like on one hand). She moved out of state with her when she was four and kept her from my husband for almost a year until he took her to court about three times u tip he finally won sole custody of her and her was granted child support from bio mom. He was also to drive half way from New Mexico to Dallas Texas to have our little girl do OVER NIGHT visits once a month in Texas and two week visits over summer break. Like I said bio mom would constantly cancel visits saying she could not afford it even though we received absolutely no child support checks and when she did make visits she would often request for us to pick up the child early because she had plans with her boyfriend or she would state the child was out of control and she could not handle her. The last visit she had with my step daughter she kept her for a month and it was only supposed to be a two week visit. Also during that time my step daughter was sexually assaulted by step father and we took them to court and the mother called the child a liar and automatically took step fathers side. My husband and I have put her I counseling, pressed charges and done all that we can as loving parents. Charges were dropped due to lack of evidence and now mother is fighting to move child to Texas with her and husband (what a joke right). Keep in mind no child support has been paid and mother has not attempted contact in about a year and 5 months and before that would very rarely make phone calls. She was granted supervised visits which my daughter refuses to have and if she's forced she does not engage in contact AT ALL. She is terrified of these people but the system demands visits. Last time in court bio mom failed to appear because she put her husband as priority and said she could not make it and all visits were suspended. My step daughter is traumatized and terrified of these people. I wish she had a good bio mom but she doesn't and I have been the one to take This place without the official title. Is it hard? Heck yes you do all the work without the official title and have people constantly belittling you as just the "stepmom" but the title is earned not only because you give birth to a child it goes far beyond that. These children have real needs and it takes true responsibility to raise a child and meet their need and give them the love they deserve. I have experienced the feeling of not being recognized for all that I do as a step mom who has really taken on 100% responsibility but that's what being selfless is its doing these thing without expecting recognition from humans. When I married my husband I took on the responsibility of being a mommy whether full time or once a week. I love it and since we have had trouble having babies of our own I have truly been blessed with the opportunity to be a mommy before giving birth. God placed is in each others life and I cherish every moment. To all the step moms out there I know the feelings that go along with being a step parent but it's a huge role and God sees even when others don't. Keep being good mom mad and you shall be blessed. It's not the child's fault they deserve nothing but the best!!!