I feel for you. My Dh has very strong opinions too, but he doesn't get angry, he just keeps persisting as to get the person to admit their opinion is wrong and his is right.

There are some who know to stay clear of political discussions.

I think he should get involved in a local political group. Keep suggesting it!

This sounds like a problem that needs professional attention. Is he an intolerant person? It's not normal or reasonable to have trouble controlling anger and personal conduct because of having strong political opinions. Getting active with political groups sounds like the wrong thing to do if he can't keep himself from getting agitated when such topics come up.

Do you have access to counselling services or other advisors (even siblings or a best friend) who might be able to take him out of the moment. To talk with him about trying to get better in touch with his feelings and letting him see that his conduct is out-of bounds? And to learn how to deal with his feelings and keep the temperature lower when he senses views he doesn't agree with? Does he need stress relief for other reasons? Exercise, yoga, diet, all can help.

Good luck to both of you.

You need to video record him in these states of anger and rage. Then while he is in a calm mood tell him you have a little movie to show him. At the end ask him if this is truly worth the damage it is doing to his health, and your health, is this worth dying over? If you have kids and grandchildren ask if it's worth not being around for them. Often times seeing themselves in the rage state will make the best impact. I would definitely speak to his medical professionals about the intensity of his anger and rage because that's not normal reactions. Tell him the truth that you don't think you should have to put up with it and it makes you feel ill.

I think it is very sad that our political climate has become SO acrimonious. My hope is that at the end of this present "circus" the vast majority of he electorate will have seen the "circus" and decided that "their monkey isn't in the ring". "The Circus" has not brought out the best of our citizens.

I second the serious need for professional help. Confronting someone that cannot control their rage, with video recordings etc., is a quick way to trigger a physical assault. It does not matter how calm they are when you present it to them--if they are unable to control their rage, it is a very dangerous thing to do due to the likelihood of them exploding with their uncontrollable anger.

Has he always been like this, or is this a relatively new behavior? If it's new, it could be an early symptom of Alzheimers/Dementia.

give him a choice. tell him he can "yell" all he wants online and introduce him to hot topics kt, or tell him enough! I do understand though...I yell enough silently at the tv myself...

My mother alienated many of her friends, neighbors and family members with similar behavior as you describe. Living with someone with those tendencies can be arduous. She lost friends forever in 2008 at that election and the neighbors dont come by anymore. Suggesting he get involved, at least channels his 'enthusiasm' to an outlet with like minded people, but he may become even more convinced of his own opinions and more insufferable.

Maybe setting some boundaries that you will not entertain these discussions would be useful, as you are more than well aware of his opinions. I feel for you thay you must live with this for the rest of this long election cycle, and it's aftermath.

Its an election year! Normalcy goes out the window and gets replaced by whatever. Eventually, it goes away just like a bad winter and colds, but in the meanwhile, the endurance of we normals are tested. Did just say that? Are there any normals in an election year?

That kind of self-feeding anger can also be a "high" and be addictive, at least psychologically.

Believe it or not, something that can help is exercise. Not only is it hard to indulge in the behavior while exercising, the endorphins gained from the exercise can crowd out the desire for the ones from the rage. Working up a sweat is the best, or vigorous swimming, but even just going for a nice walk will help.

I feel your pain, because I have family members with radically different views from myself. If the discussion becomes political I steer it elsewhere or leave the room, which I realize is not always possible. I do agree 100% with what Sylvia said. Good luck.

My brother has very narrow political views, starting with those in power at the township level. My FIL has similar religious views. After the blessing is asked, both topics are banned at family dinners.

May I add a dimension to the thoughts evolving here? You could give him specific times to vent. If you participate in what he's doing and actually hear him with rapt attention, he may feel understood. And then make it off limits sometimes like mama goose. I agree with that.

How do I know? My son would get totally inside his head right when he'd lay down at night. He even got to the point he'd stress out when bed time was approaching. I'd had enough one night and thought, I'm going to nip this in the bud. "Dear? Is there anything you want to talk about? Did you do anything you're proud of today? If you could change one thing about today, what would it be? What was your absolute favorite part of your day?" Each night, the venting was less and less until he finally learned to get it done in better ways and at better times.

I know your husband isn't a child, but he is a person! I bet he needs to feel heard. None of us feel heard in politics right now. It's why everyone is shouting. We're ready for changes. Real, deep, meaningful changes.

ugh, politics. People in the US seem to have much more optimism than us here in Australia. We get rid of one govt, just to be replaced with another that is as bad or worse. It's a pretty closed shop here too regarding politics but I think in general, our population knows that no matter who is in power, not much changes, and things never seem to improve, just slowly progressively get worse. These days, I think politics tends to make us feel powerless, which is probably close to the truth. They aren't in it to serve the population, more so to serve themselves.

I get really frustrated with politics at times too, and do a bit of venting, DH brings me back down to earth by letting me know that there's not a whole lot I can do about it, and he's right. Not sure if it's the same in the US, but money and power are what often drives politics, not what is good or right for the people. I actually wish I lived in a country where you could still believe in the political system, that maybe one person or party is going to make positive change for the people. I seem to remember Obama came with so much hope and positivity, much of that seems to have waned now. Does politics ever deliver?

I totally agree with rob. Guided venting can be helpful, but many of us feel like we are not heard, and it is time for real change.

Many here are insulated from some of the more outrageous facets of politics, but for many others, their lives and the lives of their children have been ruined by political corruption.

Thank you for all of your well thought out replies. You've all given me much food for thought and a variety of different viewpoints than mine.

He absolutely needs to be heard and I love Rob's suggestion for allowing that for a specific period of time and listening with real attention. I probably can do that.

I do worry about Alzheimer disease, when his dad (also a rager) was diagnosed and had to be placed in a secured facility, the staff mentioned how elevated his raging discussions were. We couldn't tell because he had always been that way. We had always carefully skirted some topics and tried to change the subject when those topics came up. I knew his dad for almost 30 years and he was always that way too. Maybe it's a learned behavior or maybe even genetics.

I have never had opportunity to fear that he will cause me any bodily harm, he is just not like that. He isn't violent, he just yells and gets angry about politics and bad drivers. He has never touched me in anger.

I absolutely do know when to be afraid of bodily harm, but didn't learn that skill from my husband. I for my own reasons, feel afraid when confronted with someone that is yelling and angry. He didn't cause that flight or fight response in me.

Two grandsons have "unfriended" on Facebook because of politics!

I'm surprised at how many of you think this fellow's uncontrolled anger should be accommodated. That opportunities to vent are needed.

Not uncharacteristically, I have a very different view.

Sorry, but no one should get so worked up about any topic as to lose control of their own conduct. Acting uncontrollably and with anger is simply not an acceptable behavior in public or in private. Two-year-olds can have a tantrum but adults can't. Did you miss the part about his getting mad and yelling at "bad drivers"? That can lead to very unfortunate outcomes when road rage is displayed at the wrong time to the wrong people.

He doesn't need to be heard, he needs to be treated. Before he alienates himself from others and (potentially) causes harm to himself or others.

PK, I think this is a serious problem. I hope you're able to get help for him.

My sympathies. My DH has strong opinions and he has alienated some of his friends with them. He hasn't blown a vessel yet (thank goodness) but I wish he would give it a rest. I. Just. Don't. Get. It.

Why let this escalate? We at the KT aren't qualified to get to the bottom of what is seething inside your DH. You aren't either, nor is it your task in life to absorb his anger. Coping and avoidance merely feeds into his belief (and learned behavior from his father) that this is 'normal'.

Get your DH some help, starting with his MD for a physical *and* a referral to a good therapist. He may not agree to go straight to a therapist without 'doctor's orders'. You should inform the MD about the raging before he sees your DH.

If your DH won't stop raging or go for therapy, YOU GO.

My DH used to rage while watching football on TV. He stopped when I pointed out that when he did this the dog hid under the bed!

Anger is one of the stages of grief; getting 'stuck' there distracts a person from owning -- and resolving -- the hurt.

"Not uncharacteristically, I have a very different view."

If you find yourself 'being different' ALL the time, are you simply being oppositional? How likely is it that one person disagrees with a group of others about so much?

You are, of course, welcome to your views, whether they are real or simply meant to oppose.

BTW, venting is not synonymous with 'uncontrolled anger'.

"...I worry for his health. I don't want to hear it, he sounds like a fanatic and I can feel the anxiety pour off of him. He rants in person and rants online and once got into such a heated discussion with a friend that he literally blew a blood vessel in his eye."

Glad there is nothing to worry about, lucillle. His blood vessels were just performing a little controlled "venting", I guess.

My thoughts go out to you, dealing with this intractible situation, P K Ponder ... with the ponderous spouse.

Uncharacteristically ... on this occasion I have similar response to snidely's, in that it sounds as though this expression of anger and rage is somewhat unusual, plus so frequently expressed that it sounds close to being obsessive.

I think that some outside assistance in terms of learning and implementing more self-control is in order, but doubt whether such a suggestion will be accepted when coming from you, or likely anyone else close to him.

I like the suggestions that were made about about trying to approach the situation through your doctor ... and wonder whether s/he is fully aware of this aspect of your husband's behaviour ...and of the similarity to that of his father.

Good wishes as you seek to remediate this situation: sending good thoughts your way.

ole joyful.

PK, I feel bad for you and your DH. This is not good and it seems about more than being "crotchety". I like idea of recording him, (hidden camera), showing it to him during one of his calmer moments, and in your most heartfelt, humble tone, telling him how much it scares you for the both of you and get him to promise to visit dr. if he is an otherwise loving husband, he should react to your shaken, concerned state. And as somebody posted, if he doesn't go, YOU go. this may be hurting/affecting you more than you realize. Best wishes.

If you find yourself 'being different' ALL the time, are you simply being oppositional? How likely is it that one person disagrees with a group of others about so much?

You are, of course, welcome to your views, whether they are real or simply meant to oppose.

Lucille, thanks for your calm and well-stated comments.

No, I'm not being oppositional. I'm male (one of few here), I'm younger than the majority of participants, and there are several other demographical differences that others' comments highlight to me. And I'm a hybrid A-B personality, I'm not passive. I want to resolve ASAP problems or issues I face, I don't accept the status quo about anything.

These factors make it very likely that my reaction to a situation someone describes on this forum will often differ from that of others. I offer my views, when they differ, as another perspective or counterpoint to consider. To me, a litany of comments of agreement or concurrence to what someone else has said that are common here add little to a discussion.

PS - Thank you too to joyful guy.

a litany of comments of agreement or concurrence to what someone else has said that are common here add little to a discussion

Yes: high fives (or piling on) are pack behaviors that do not advance understanding. This web site has a very high amount of posts containing rubbish assertions, to which numbers of people will cling to like life boats - should anyone with better information happen to come along, bother to point out the fallacies.

Your description of your husband's behavior is alarming and I think making an appointment with his physician is in order. I honestly can't think of anyone I know who becomes so angry that it's uncontrollable.

I appreciate the fact that Snidely sees things in a different perspective. Even when I don't happen to agree with him his opinions are usually reasoned and well explained - there are times too when they are rather brusque and biting.

I hope you find a solution to your worry.

Maire

The anger isn't working for him or you so seeking outside assistance is probably called for.

You should tell him that for the good of your relationship he should think about leaving politics alone. If he can't help but get so worked up about it. Another possibility is he may just be using politics as an outlet to vent his frustration about other issues in his life. If you can get him completely away from politics for a few months you will be able to tell which one it is.

Last week he [apparently, since of course I cannot verify it was actually the husband] posted a comment on this thread, but it was deleted by the next morning. Maybe it would be better to let this topic go now.

years ago my BIL said politics and religion were the worst subjects to get into